T1B

Slap

In honor of this historic event, I have embarked on a jerk fast which began at the start of the conclave, May 7th. I will remain jerk (and ejaculation) free until I see the white smoke.

My balls are already feeling slightly swollen.

C'mon white smoke!

Slap

FiatLux wrote: ↑Thu Mar 20, 2025 5:17 pmLooking forward to #14 Montana vs. #3 Wisconsin in about 15 minutes.

Looking forward to beating off to UCLA cheerleaders tonight.

UCLA vs. Utah State.

Slap

Happy Beat Off Day, Y'all. 3.14 times today.

One is in the books (this morning). 2.14 yet to cum.

Slap

Panspermia is the hypothesis that life spread throughout the universe from other planets. The word comes from the Greek words pan meaning "all" and sperma meaning, "seed." Can you imagine Slap's ejaculate seedling life on Titan or some shit and a billion years later a humanoid r...

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HighHard1 wrote:Sex On the Moon

I would really like to beat off on the moon. It would be very fascinating to see how a hot nut reacts when it is blown from the surface of the moon.

Slap

I've jacked off in 27 states, including Washington.

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Roux wrote:Wife is not happy with me.

She probably thinks you aggravated yourself on purpose because there is a hottie nurse that you desperately want to get back in to the hospital to see. That's the way women think.

Slap

Contraception Begins at Erection

Based on my very substantial amount of life experience, I can safely assert that everything begins at erection.

Everything.

Slap

The women's final was the worse ever. Completely unjerkable. Dog face vs. saggy tits couldn't work for me.

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If the people who stormed the Capitol were black and brown, but otherwise did the exact same thing, then trumpers would be wondering why widespread lethal force was not used. I think they should have done that to defend the Capitol and those inside. It would be awesome to see hooligans get mowed do...

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The hat was really not jerkable at all. It is extremely rare to find a 60+ year old woman you can squeeze one out to, but there are a few exceptional circumstances that can allow for it. One circumstance is if the old woman is wearing a hat. But not just any hat. It has to be one of those hats of a ...

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I gain an erection when I hear Pam Bondi speak.

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I beat off to Anita Bryant a good half-a-dozen times.

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Flags will be flown at half staff for a period of 30 days at all federal buildings, grounds and naval vessels throughout the country and its territories. My "flag" will be flying at full staff on New Year's Eve. It will be my customary jerk session in synchronicity with the Times Square b...

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It appears you raised your little princess with the inspiring lie, "You can be anything and do anything!" While true in theory and a nice thing to say to a little kid, the lie ignores an awful lot of reality that may arrive rudely since you didn't prepare her for it. For example, most gir...

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mvscal wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2024 1:23 am
Slap wrote: ↑Thu Dec 12, 2024 11:09 pmJust wanted to share.
I see. That's great, but, in the future, resist the urge to share. Nobody cares.

Your opinions on this are not valued, jack wipe.

Slap

Many years ago I had a dishwasher problem, so I called our home shield company to have someone come out and fix the problem. The worker came into our house and my daughter, age 13 at that time, was doing homework in the living room. The guy walked past her and asked her what she was studying. She to...

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About 15 years ago I was contracted to do a job for a week, Monday through Friday. I was assigned to update and upgrade the electrical system at a hotel. When I arrived on Monday morning, I found out that just the week prior, the duct work and heating and cooling systems had been upgraded. The work ...

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Biggie wrote: ↑Tue Oct 15, 2024 12:21 am Your last post was 45 days ago - a warning against using ice buckets in hotel rooms because they are repurposed jizz receptacles. What’s going on buddy

It's just a coincidence.

Slap

His name was Henry. He was known as "Hank" for short. The day of his demise was more than 20 years ago. I remember feeling very weird when I heard some of the details. Hank was in his 70s, and his wife had died many years prior. One day he checked into a hotel. He checked in but he didn't ...

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Bobby42 wrote:Don’t use the ice bucket at all.

True.

Hotel room spank-offs use this item as their jizz bucket.

A friend told me.

Slap

When I see someone with a neck tattoo, I know that person has given up on life. I usually try to go to another room to get away from such an individual. In an odd way, I am thankful these quitters decorate themselves this way. The societal misfits and dregs openly identify themselves, and we did not...

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I like to beat off to Asian female golfers.

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pron wrote: ↑Fri Aug 20, 2021 4:45 pm
Softball Bat wrote: ↑Fri Aug 20, 2021 2:55 pm my read on her is that she is a bit light on top.

Yeah, they're better when they are a bit heavier on top.

I burped out a load to this to start my weekend.

Slap

Post her answer. Ok, here is my text to her and her reply: People who are not vaccinated are walking petri dishes, and are enabling the virus to mutate and evolve. Question: are people who are fully vaccinated likewise walking petri dishes? Yes* *bacteria on Petri dishes need the right conditions t...

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What about the chicks? I like how Wimbledon enforces the virgin white dress code for these whores. When that Ashleigh Barty chick won match point she went to a prolonged squat and you could see her pantied crotch. I imagined that was our wedding night and she was assuming the position to bring me g...

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Mikey wrote: ↑Mon Jul 05, 2021 11:20 pm
Softball Bat wrote: ↑Mon Jul 05, 2021 9:25 am 1. A movie about your life is being made. What actor (or actress) should play you?

2. Name 7 states you have not been to.

3. Shaken or stirred?

4. What was the worst day of your college life?

5. What would you order for your last meal?
5. Pussy

Excellent selection.

Slap

I bet the Cos already has some tail lined up.

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Jeffrey Toobin It was wonderful to see him back on television. It is inspirational to know that even a public jackoff can have a seat at the table. This is why people hate "the media," CNN and cable news. You're telling me there aren't millions of highly qualified lawyers in the US who ha...

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Softball Bat wrote:Jeffrey Toobin

It was wonderful to see him back on television. It is inspirational to know that even a public jackoff can have a seat at the table.

Slap

That guy has had a lot of sperm hammered into his ass.

Slap

I spanked it off to daughter Judy a few times.

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If it is too much for her to meet with the media they should work out a creative solution for the young lady. After the first round she could go to a back room and fellate the head tennis writer from the NY Times. After round two she could do the same for the dude from the BBC. And so on. I'm good a...

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Softball Bat wrote:As the plane continued its flight, Haak further engaged in inappropriate conduct in the cockpit, as the first officer continued to perform her duties as an assigned aircrew member

What "duties" did the female co-pilot perform?

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Roach wrote: ↑Wed May 26, 2021 1:30 pmI think women rule the world and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn’t allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.

It sounds like something written by a man whose balls have been clipped.

Slap

One of my sons lived in San Francisco for college, and I paid him well under $40k/year for living expenses. He was not living like a king, but he was not "living in poverty." My other son lived in Los Angeles after high school, and worked at a job that paid him less than $40k/year. Like h...

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smackaholic wrote:But can we agree that picking any post Terry Kath love ballad from Chicago makes you a fag?

Men who listen to Chicago are as queer as the day is long.

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smackaholic wrote:Pretty sure I could kick a goose's ass

I'd like to see a few of the board members get worked over by a goose.

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Mikey wrote: ↑Fri May 14, 2021 7:59 pm

That looks like a giant vagina.

Slap

I spilled some loads to her.

Her name alone usually gave me wood.

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