The wine douche thread.

[smackaholic]

I decided this shithole needs a wine thread, after discussing wines and fine foods with our resident snobs, 88 and mikey.

It will also be yet another way that queer land can show his idiocy.

Maybe there already is a wine thread, but 88 is too fukking cheap to pay for the search feature, so fukk it.

I will start with the bottle I just picked up, Rex-Goliath Pinot Noir.

1.5l bottle, 12 bucks.

I usually get something the OL will not bitch about, which means sweet stuff like Reisling and Moscato. These are pretty much grape juice which I am sure even the midget could like. But I figured I would try something a little drier, so I grabbed this.

I kinda like it. Sorta kinda dry, but still has some fruit taste to it. One of the reviews I read said this stuff is nails to cook with. I could see it. Think I'll have another glass then find a recipe to pour it into.

I will give it 4 out of 5 stars for taste and 3.5 of 5 on the midget disapproval scale. If it was drier, it would have made 4.

[smackaholic]

Went over to the cooking forum saw the old wine thread. Hasn't been touched in 5 years.

This fukking dump has too many forums.

Anyway to move it over here where it might get some run? I could then shitcan this thread.

[atmdad]

I braved the grocery store yesterday afternoon with my mask and gloves and picked up a bottle of Mogen David 20/20. Pretty fresh, capped in March. Drank it with dinner, a fine bowl of spaghetti with Ragu sauce. I prefer the original version, if I want to spice it up I can always add some salt when I am heating it up.

The wine was quite sweet and smooth going down but packed strong alcohol after taste. It was almost as if they mixed up grape juice concentrate with Everclear or something. Powered through the bowl of pasta and still had about 2/3 of the bottle left so i just tipped it up and chugged it down.

After tossing the dishes in the sink I settled into my lazy boy and flipped on the TV to watch Hannity. After about 20 minutes I felt some rumbling in my stomach. It kept churning harder for about 5 minutes until it was time to erupt. I made it out to my balcony and spewed of the edge of my 2nd story apartment, directly onto the walkway leading to the entrance of the building. It was a pile of magenta colored spaghetti splattered on the concrete. Just then this millennial bitch who lives down the hall came walking up with her piece of shit little dog. She started yelling at me to come down to clean it up and I dropped a couple of F' bombs on her and she was yelling back but did not notice her dog was lapping up the spaghetti all over the walkway. I yelled back, you dumokunt, looks like that worthless rodent you call a dog is taking care of. She looked down, screamed, picked up her dog and called me an asshole as she stormed into the building. I just laughed.

With my belly feeling better I settled back into my lazy boy and rubbed one off while watching Laura Ingram's monologue then proceeded to pass out.

[smackaholic]

That was out-fukking-standing!!!


Way better than some faggot going on about "nose" or undertones or whateverthefukk!!!

[Innocent Bystander]

I braved the grocery store yesterday afternoon with my mask and gloves and picked up a bottle of Mogen David 20/20. Pretty fresh, capped in March. Drank it with dinner, a fine bowl of spaghetti with Ragu sauce. I prefer the original version, if I want to spice it up I can always add some salt when I am heating it up.

The wine was quite sweet and smooth going down but packed strong alcohol after taste. It was almost as if they mixed up grape juice concentrate with Everclear or something. Powered through the bowl of pasta and still had about 2/3 of the bottle left so i just tipped it up and chugged it down.

After tossing the dishes in the sink I settled into my lazy boy and flipped on the TV to watch Hannity. After about 20 minutes I felt some rumbling in my stomach. It kept churning harder for about 5 minutes until it was time to erupt. I made it out to my balcony and spewed of the edge of my 2nd story apartment, directly onto the walkway leading to the entrance of the building. It was a pile of magenta colored spaghetti splattered on the concrete. Just then this millennial bitch who lives down the hall came walking up with her piece of shit little dog. She started yelling at me to come down to clean it up and I dropped a couple of F' bombs on her and she was yelling back but did not notice her dog was lapping up the spaghetti all over the walkway. I yelled back, you dumokunt, looks like that worthless rodent you call a dog is taking care of. She looked down, screamed, picked up her dog and called me an asshole as she stormed into the building. I just laughed.

With my belly feeling better I settled back into my lazy boy and rubbed one off while watching Laura Ingram's monologue then proceeded to pass out.

Post of the year.

[The Big Pickle]

I've been on a wine kick for about a year now because HARD LIQUOR is too much for my body now.
If I drink hard liquor I can't get out of bed for two or three days...

I've found that I can drink wine without the adverse effects of grain alcohol.

Anyhoo...I'm not a snub...but I won't buy a bottle of wine less than $20....
that's my general rule and I will occasional try something cheaper, but
there is nothing worse than buying a bottle of wine and hating it!
Don't buy CHEAP wine!!!!

For the red wines, i'm told told that FRANCE has the best reds..
Italy has the best Pinot Grigo
Germany has the best sweet whites

American Wine is getting better and better and better all the time....but you have to remember they have
been making Wine in Europe for a thousands years and only decades in California.

Malbecs are made from tough grapes that grow in tough climates...Malbec gives me a headache...I don't drink malbec anymore.

Personally, I like the pinot noirs because they are less bold and smoother...they don't have the bite of a cabernet.

Lastly...White Zin is faggot wine...Wine snobs hate it because it uses the RED Zinfandel grape...but just the leftover
skin of the grape after the whole Zinfandel grape was used to make Zinfandel. So White Zinfandel is only the skin of the grape.

If you want a Blush wine...drink the Rose.

Lastly...Don't drink more than one bottle at a time....I make the mistake of opening the second bottle and then practically blackout
and post on this message board. I woke up only to find things I don't ever remember posting....the second bottle is called "REGRET".

[The Whistle Is Screaming]

Josh Reserve Cab Sav, under $17.

Will drink it tonight for our Passover seder.

[Derron]

Everybody has an MD 20/20 story.

Buddy and I drank a bottle and a half on the way to some drag races at PIR many years ago. Got to the parking lot, we sat there and smoked a joint, walked in and not even 15 minutes later my head is spinning and I am leaning over some guard rail hurling like some college frat boy. Woke up later in the back seat of my car in somebody's driveway three towns away.

[The Big Pickle]

Everybody has an MD 20/20 story.

By "everybody" you mean ghetto blacks and White Trailer Trash. Right?

[Mikey]

Everybody has an MD 20/20 story.

Buddy and I drank a bottle and a half on the way to some drag races at PIR many years ago. Got to the parking lot, we sat there and smoked a joint, walked in and not even 15 minutes later my head is spinning and I am leaning over some guard rail hurling like some college frat boy. Woke up later in the back seat of my car in somebody's driveway three towns away.

Never did the MD 20/20 thing.

Southern Comfort on the other hand...

[Innocent Bystander]

I've been on a wine kick for about a year now because HARD LIQUOR is too much for my body now.
If I drink hard liquor I can't get out of bed for two or three days...

Flush it all out.

Lastly...White Zin is faggot wine...Wine snobs hate it because it uses the RED Zinfandel grape...

But how does it taste?

I woke up only to find things I don't ever remember posting....the second bottle is called "REGRET".

There are two yous. Which you do you want to be?

[atmdad]

My uncle called me, and said, "A tenant called, Dude, you need to clean your mess up". He owns the building and lets me stay there for free if I keep up on all the maintenance and shit handy man duties in the unit.

I slap on my work attire - coveralls and rubber boots, kind of got the look going like that guy Tim on the Moonshiners show on discovery channel. I like that show but can't figger how they are not all in jail, shit they are brewing up illegal shine every week, don't the police watch that show? Anyways I digress.

Went out and ran a hose from the hot water faucet for the communal washing machine. There was still a fair amount a spaghetti around the sides, kind of looked like when worms come up and beach themselves on the sidewalk after a good rain. So there I am minding my own business hosing down the walkway and pulverizing the noodles into the lawn and I hear, "Arrrggghhhh, You Asshole." I look up and it is little Ms. MB. I guess she got a little splatter with hot grass and mud on her designer yoga pants, "Didn't you see me coming up the walk?".
"No, didn't you see me hosing down the fucking walk?". She walked by and muttered, "ASSHOLE."

A few minutes later she came back down asking if I was done yet, she wanted to do a load of laundry. "Yeah, just about wrapped up." Ehhh, little twat, I went around the corner and sat down and had a smoke and a beer. 15 minutes later I go to the laundry room to reswap the hoses, and she is standing there with a laundry basket, "I've been waiting!"

"Uh, sorry, I was looking for that stick you lost, but I believe I know now where you can find it."

Swapped the hoses, but only turned the hot back on to maybe about 1/8 of the pressure, "There you go, good as new." Dumb slunt, she is not going to figure out why the wash load is going to take 3x as long. A few hours later I went and turned it up all the way.

[Kierland]

Troll, Liar, Assface?

I can't decide.

[The Big Pickle]

I wish I could have hung out with Schmick when I was living in Orange Co....

Schmick is AWESOME!!!

One drink for skinny bitches
One drink for FAT kunts!

bahjahwhwhahahahahhaa

[smackaholic]

Just realized that there are quite a few here that might want to try Rex-G as it is named after an enormous balck cock.

[smackaholic]

The Boone's farm line was pretty much suburban ripple.

[atmdad]

Troll, Liar, Assface?

Pretty astute self-assessment there shorty.

[Innocent Bystander]

Just realized that there are quite a few here that might want to try Rex-G as it is named after an enormous balck cock.

What exactly does lush and velvety mean, in a wine? Is it good, or is it good?

[Kierland]

Troll, Liar, Assface?

Pretty astute self-assessment there shorty.

IKYABWAI.
Outstanding.

[Carson]

This made me worship the porcelain goddess my freshman year.

[atmdad]

Troll, Liar, Assface?

I can't decide.

You doubt the veracity of the tales I told?

[Kierland]

IKYABWAI not workin' for ya this time?

Now you want to ask stupid questions?
I called you a troll or a liar or an asshole. I just don't know which.

[atmdad]

So i'm just chillin at the apartment yesterday afternoon, pretty much nothing pressing to work on around the building and my buddy called asking if I wanted to go out and cruise around on his boat. "Dude, I thought the harbors and shit where shut down?",
"Yea they are Darryl, but old man Jackson is on duty as the harbor master today, he is letting people slip in and out."

I said sure, seeings how i'm bored as shit with this shelter in place, "I will be at the harbor in half and hour." Jumped in my pickem up truck, and stopped at the gas station to grab a six pack of Corona. Funny thing, I was a bud-light guy up until a few weeks ago. Bought some as a joke for some buddies when this Wuflu started to make some noise. It's actually pretty good stuff, those guys can actually do something besides make good food. Anyways, only 6 pack since we were going out on a boat and all.

Met my buddy at the harbor, "Where is the gear?"

"Ahh, I forgot to renew my license, and sure as shit ain't going to be able to get one today."

"A three hour tour then."

After awhile were out about a mile, just cruising and bullshitting, tipping back a cold beer then out of no where this yellowtail comes jumping up into the boat. It was flopping all over, banging into the rails, knocked over my buddies beer, and just generally making a racket. WTF, where did this come from, these things shouldn't be this far north this time of the year. We got it after it slipped it around a bit and held it up to the markings on the rail, it's a keeper, just barely. I said to my buddie, "you know, if we get in trouble for being out here it will be worse if we have a fish and no current licenses."
So we tossed it back, hopefully it will grow up to be a decent ahi steak someday.

[The Big Pickle]

Asians would have eaten that tuna raw on the boat and returned only the bones to the sea.

I know...one of my army buddies was from Tacoma WA.......Asians eat em right there where they catch em...and leave the bones.

[smackaholic]

Dry heaves are the suck.

One night, in the middle of them, I somehow had enough brain cells still firing to realize the problem was the dry part, so I found the closest sink and drank water as quickly as I could.

Of course, it came right back up. So I just kept chugging water.

After a few cycles, you are essentially puking up pure clean water. And it ain't so bad. Way better than having your stomach tie itself into a knot.

Ever since then, I always made sure that irresponsible drinking had a good supply of cold water handy. Fortunately, I haven't had to resort to it in some time.

[Mikey]

One fine afternoon back in college days, had me some (a lot) of lime vodka then chased by several

followed by the 6 hours of dry heaves, sweats, wishing death and a talks with god, you know.

Still have trouble with certain lime flavors.

I have that problem with Seven and Seven (Seagram's Seven and Seven-Up). Haven't been able to even approach that mixture since I was about 17.

[Kierland]

Dry heaves are the suck.

One night, in the middle of them, I somehow had enough brain cells still firing to realize the problem was the dry part, so I found the closest sink and drank water as quickly as I could.

Of course, it came right back up. So I just kept chugging water.

After a few cycles, you are essentially puking up pure clean water. And it ain't so bad. Way better than having your stomach tie itself into a knot.

Ever since then, I always made sure that irresponsible drinking had a good supply of cold water handy. Fortunately, I haven't had to resort to it in some time.

Let me guess, you were around 47yo at the time.

[smackaholic]

Dry heaves are the suck.

One night, in the middle of them, I somehow had enough brain cells still firing to realize the problem was the dry part, so I found the closest sink and drank water as quickly as I could.

Of course, it came right back up. So I just kept chugging water.

After a few cycles, you are essentially puking up pure clean water. And it ain't so bad. Way better than having your stomach tie itself into a knot.

Ever since then, I always made sure that irresponsible drinking had a good supply of cold water handy. Fortunately, I haven't had to resort to it in some time.

Let me guess, you were around 47yo at the time.

More like 22.

[Left Seater]

One fine afternoon back in college days, had me some (a lot) of lime vodka then chased by several

followed by the 6 hours of dry heaves, sweats, wishing death and a talks with god, you know.

Still have trouble with certain lime flavors.

I have that problem with Seven and Seven (Seagram's Seven and Seven-Up). Haven't been able to even approach that mixture since I was about 17.

I think we all have this same story with xyz liquor.

What In\dont get is the people that say, “My body just rejects abc liquor.” Instead of saying anytime I think about drinking abc, it just takes me back to that time when...

[Dinsdale]

Not a big fan of Pinot Noir, myself. But the true wine snob on this board, Dinsdale, probably has access to better stuff than I can get with regularity and might have a different opinion on the subject.

You're painting with a broad brush. And yes, I live in "The Burgundy of the Western Hemisphere," and couldn't even begin to count the pinots I've had.

I doubt there's a varietal that has as much difference between vineyards/clones/techniques than pinot. And those "light, dainty, delicate" ones... I'll pass. Dark, heavy mouthfeel... I'm in.

A certain winery I'm associated with made one in 2015 (?... I helped bottle it, I should remember) that put hair on your chest -- delicious.

[Dinsdale]

For the red wines, i'm told told that FRANCE has the best reds..

Debatable.

Italy has the best Pinot Grigo

Since the same grape is called pinot gris just about everywhere outside of Italy, that's not unreasonable.

American Wine is getting better and better and better all the time....but you have to remember they have
been making Wine in Europe for a thousands years and only decades in California.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment_of_Paris_(wine)

They've been making wine on a large scale in California for about a century and a half. You wouldn't want anything to do with any wine made before the 20th Century. And many, many of the modern advancements in biochemistry came from the USA.

Malbecs are made from tough grapes that grow in tough climates...

Malbec is Bordeaux. Same as cab sauv and cab blanc.

Malbec gives me a headache...I don't drink malbec anymore.

Probably my favorite.

White Zin is faggot wine...Wine snobs hate it because it uses the RED Zinfandel grape.

You got one thing right. Then you followed it up with...

..but just the leftover
skin of the grape after the whole Zinfandel grape was used to make Zinfandel. So White Zinfandel is only the skin of the grape.

It's kind of like that. Only the Exact. Fucking. Opposite.

All grape juice looks pretty much the same -- kinda piss-yellow. The pigments of grapes are entirely in the skin. A "white" wine is made from grape juice. A "red" wine is made from whole berries.

Case in point:

You pimp pinot "grigio" (it's fucking Pinot Gris, unless it came from Italy). Here's what it looks like:



Why isn't the wine red? Because the skins are kinda nasty, so the juice is pressed off, so it comes out white (although some douches do whole-berry ferments, and call it "orange wine"... I would HIGHLY recommend against drinking it). Although I've made some nice jelly out of gris.

Zin is a red grape, if it's pressed and the squeezins' are fermented, it's "white zin" -- because that's what it is. How many atmospheres one cranks the press up to dictates how much red pigment gets squished out of the skins.

If you want a Blush wine...drink the Rose.

"Rose' " is about the most generic wine term ever (besides "hints of black currant" -- which is in every fucking wine review, and right around 0.0000% of those people have ever eaten a black currant). Rose' can be just about anything the winery wants it to be (usually leftover crap).

So, in short -- you're still... you, aka "a fucking moron."

[Dinsdale]

And Mikey -- the sweet, sweet deal Costco has on a 92-point cab for under $20 didn't make it as far as your neck of the woods... or so I know hear.

[Dinsdale]

And RACK the dude going ass-to-mouth on his dad.

Just taking batting practice up in here.

[Innocent Bystander]

What's orange wine taste like; and why would it suck if you prefer dark, heavy mouthful pinots which put hair on your chest?

[Innocent Bystander]

And RACK the dude going ass-to-mouth on his dad.

Just taking batting practice up in here.

I thought he meant he's getting raped with no vaseline by alimony and child support.

[Dinsdale]

What's orange wine taste like

Ass.

and why would it suck if you prefer dark, heavy mouthful pinots which put hair on your chest?

Because the skins of white grapes (and the mutant known as pinot gris) are generally extremely tannic -- too much tannin give a chalky mouthfeel, and often a bitter taste.

Put it this way -- I've yet to taste one that wasn't asslike in nature. But the uneducated, hippy-dippy wannabe winemakers will keep trying it.

[Dinsdale]

I thought he meant he's getting raped with no vaseline by alimony and child support.

I figured it meant he had a kid who attended Texas A&M, but who knows.

Or his kids treat him like an ATM. Or... whatever. I'll go with he engages in oral after anal with his father or his child(ren).

[Mikey]

Malbec is Bordeaux. Same as cab sauv and cab blanc.

...and Merlot, Cab Franc and Petit Vertot; and all Bordeaux wines (at least the ones from Bordeaux) are blended.

"Left Bank" of the Gironde is typically dominated by Cabernet Sauvignon, Right Bank by Merlot.

Burgundy is Pinot Noir and Chardonnay.

Rhone is Grenache, Syrah, Mourvedre (the ubiquitous GSM), Counoise, Terret Noir, and about 20 other varietals. Also the location of the famous Châteauneuf-du-Pape AOC.

Like Dins, I appreciate a good robust Pinot, but can't get behind some of the watery crap that's out there. From what I understand it's probably the most difficult varietal to get right in terms of both growing and vinification. Oregon produces some of the best in the USA.

Lately I've been getting into Syrah (a lot of really good ones coming from the Central Coast area) and Rhone style blends. A lot of room for creativity when combining so many different varietals.

[Kierland]

I have a bottle of Sine Qua Non “late blossom” Syrah a client gave me. Supposed to be good, it would be wasted on me.

[Mikey]

I have a bottle of Sine Qua Non “late blossom” Syrah a client gave me. Supposed to be good, it would be wasted on me.

I’m actually on their wait list but don’t expect to see an allocation in my lifetime. Even if I did I probably wouldn’t be able to afford it.