CHAPTER 1: ALONG THE EDGE OF A STRAIGHT RAZOR
Houston. Shit! I'm still only in Houston. Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the Hurricane. When I was home after my first trip to the beach, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my finacee, until I said 'yes' to a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond for designer wood paneling for the windows. When I was here, I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the water. I'm here a week now. I'm waiting for a wave - getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. And every minute Rita waits offshore, she gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter. I miss my wave runner.
Dear Diary,
Its bad enough that the news reporters keep harping about this storm, now I've got the Palestinian calling me every minute leaving messages. I swear to God she must have that cell phone in her hand every single second she isn't on a mat and praying to Mecca.
God I miss watching her ass as she prayed.
Anyhoo, I've decided to grow out a beard during this whole ordeal. I've gone three days without shaving and I think I feel some growth. Eventually I hope to grow enough to have a pencil-thin goatee. Imagine the entire world wondering who that amazing motherfucker riding the storm is... the camera closes in to show his face and the man has well-groomed facial hair.
PrimeX... OUT!
My hurricane blog
Moderator: Jesus H Christ
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ElvisMonster
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patsy stone
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Re: My hurricane blog
Prime wrote: I swear to God she must have that cell phone in her hand every single second she isn't on a mat and praying to Mecca.
LOL
I'm not Muslim, bitch!
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Headhuntah
Don't laugh.
This is nothing to laugh about.
I've already blocked Rita's IP so she won't be getting in my house anytime soon. If she does show up, I've totally wytched a picture of the hurricane with Gallagher and sledge-o-matic looming over it. If it knocks on my door, I shall rob it of dignity with my comical pictures.
This is nothing to laugh about.
I've already blocked Rita's IP so she won't be getting in my house anytime soon. If she does show up, I've totally wytched a picture of the hurricane with Gallagher and sledge-o-matic looming over it. If it knocks on my door, I shall rob it of dignity with my comical pictures.
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Prime
Re: My hurricane blog
Yeah. Yeah. I miss you, too.Patsy Stone wrote:I'm not Muslim, bitch!
Remember the end of Point Break where Swayze had to go out on the biggest, baddest wave he could find... and died. That's kind of romantic. If I had his gall and the pants he wore in Roadhouse I would be too cool for school.
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Bevo's Gay Groomer
Mmmm. I likes me some dicktargeted X-Terra boy rolling up on the beach, mooning about his impending doom, while his bitch with the hot ass rings him non-stop and pleads with him to run away. I'd SO know it was a guyl like ME he was thinking about as the storm surge took him from us. I'm going to go all SmithsFan and assume the position and think about that.
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Prime
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Prime
Is Rita God's way of gleeking on us?
I know that God is big. I also know that God is great and God is good and we should thank Him for our food. I'm just saying that God might have been gleeking on us with Katrina, but His aim was off and He gleeked on Nawlins. When God gleeks, its got to be big and its got to be gross. He's gleeking again and aiming for Texas.
Is He telling us something?
I know that God is big. I also know that God is great and God is good and we should thank Him for our food. I'm just saying that God might have been gleeking on us with Katrina, but His aim was off and He gleeked on Nawlins. When God gleeks, its got to be big and its got to be gross. He's gleeking again and aiming for Texas.
Is He telling us something?
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Prime
I wonder how long I can tread water.
If this storm hits and does some major damage, its not like Texas has a sewer system. The entire town would flood if some drunk was passed out in the gutter blocking water from flowing into the river.
Not only should I wonder about treading water, but if the water is diseased and I have an open sore from nicking myself while shaving my entire body, I might get a disease. I might have to clench my bottomhole tight to keep water from going up there.
So currently I'm on my couch watching CNN and listening to the wind whistle by while doing mankegels with my butthole. Check ya later.
If this storm hits and does some major damage, its not like Texas has a sewer system. The entire town would flood if some drunk was passed out in the gutter blocking water from flowing into the river.
Not only should I wonder about treading water, but if the water is diseased and I have an open sore from nicking myself while shaving my entire body, I might get a disease. I might have to clench my bottomhole tight to keep water from going up there.
So currently I'm on my couch watching CNN and listening to the wind whistle by while doing mankegels with my butthole. Check ya later.
Holy fucking hell. Rack!Prime wrote:I wonder how long I can tread water.
If this storm hits and does some major damage, its not like Texas has a sewer system. The entire town would flood if some drunk was passed out in the gutter blocking water from flowing into the river.
Not only should I wonder about treading water, but if the water is diseased and I have an open sore from nicking myself while shaving my entire body, I might get a disease. I might have to clench my bottomhole tight to keep water from going up there.
So currently I'm on my couch watching CNN and listening to the wind whistle by while doing mankegels with my butthole. Check ya later.
I love my journal!!
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Dinsdale's Roommate
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Bacefelice
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Prime
DAY 2: BRING IT ON
I'm at the parent's house now. Further inland and the walls are a little more stable than my adobe hut. I'm posting from a computer that isn't loaded with goat porn so that's strange. My father (BobX) kept walking in with dumb excuses to make sure I'm not looking at goat porn. Late at night when they fell asleep, I checked the cookies but didn't find any goat porn.
The parents took me in because they were prepared and I wasn't. My mom (DorisX) is a Costco/Sam's junkie so we have enough food and beverages to last a month. Sure, its mostly Beefaroni in the family-size can and cans of Fresca, but we'll get by if need be. There are plenty of candles in the house but I hope we don't have to use them. The mixture of "Pumpkin Spice," "Potpurri" and "Lavender" scents would be too much.
Mom doesn't want to hear anything about the hurricane or see anything about the hurricane, so she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I pulled my Chappelle's Show DVD out of the baggage and popped it in. DorisX was finally offended enough to walk out of the room when Wayne Brady dropped "Don't make me have to hit a bitch."
I slept on my Return of the Jedi sheets last night. The picture of Leia all decked out in a bikini for Jabba reminded me of the early days of diddling myself. I got a nostalgia jerk session in before sleep.
Mom (DorisX) made a Tater Tot and Bagel Bite casserole for lunch today. She thinks its great that I'm back at the old place. After placing the casserole before me, she sat at the table and watched me eat. I guess I should visit more often.
Peace out.
I'm at the parent's house now. Further inland and the walls are a little more stable than my adobe hut. I'm posting from a computer that isn't loaded with goat porn so that's strange. My father (BobX) kept walking in with dumb excuses to make sure I'm not looking at goat porn. Late at night when they fell asleep, I checked the cookies but didn't find any goat porn.
The parents took me in because they were prepared and I wasn't. My mom (DorisX) is a Costco/Sam's junkie so we have enough food and beverages to last a month. Sure, its mostly Beefaroni in the family-size can and cans of Fresca, but we'll get by if need be. There are plenty of candles in the house but I hope we don't have to use them. The mixture of "Pumpkin Spice," "Potpurri" and "Lavender" scents would be too much.
Mom doesn't want to hear anything about the hurricane or see anything about the hurricane, so she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I pulled my Chappelle's Show DVD out of the baggage and popped it in. DorisX was finally offended enough to walk out of the room when Wayne Brady dropped "Don't make me have to hit a bitch."
I slept on my Return of the Jedi sheets last night. The picture of Leia all decked out in a bikini for Jabba reminded me of the early days of diddling myself. I got a nostalgia jerk session in before sleep.
Mom (DorisX) made a Tater Tot and Bagel Bite casserole for lunch today. She thinks its great that I'm back at the old place. After placing the casserole before me, she sat at the table and watched me eat. I guess I should visit more often.
Peace out.
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Bitchen Flabsteaks
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uncle smegma
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Let's Go! Van