This morning a talking star floated into my window and informed me of the grave danger facing Princess Toadstool by your hands. You kidnapped her and plan on doing something diabolical.
Take her.
I don't want her.
She's yours.
That bitch and her schemes would serve the world better as something stuck under your massive boot. Remember that time she and Bowser had some plot to con me into leaping over lava and mushrooms and shit all just to get me to the dry cleaners to get her scarf? I'm through with that shit.
Look at her. I bet she's chained in your dungeon all weepy waiting for me to save her. Well I hate to tell ya but I'm not the one. You people play too many goddamned games.
In summary, eat a scaly dick.
Love,
Mario
