Homemade KY Warming Liquid

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:50 am

Hold on a sec...

Okay, now that I've got that out of my system...

I'm not sure what K-Y uses to make the lube warm, but I'm pretty sure it's not pepper-based.

You're a mensa, you know that, don't you?

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:52 am

Weren't you a Boy Scout, dog?

I'm assuming by now you have a case of that shit (The warming KY, not the homemade improv) stowed away somewhere -- discretely hidden, yet easily accessible.

RACK the story.

Btw, in case the wife gets really adventurous ...

No heating action, but that stuff makes KY seem like sandpaper. 'sayin.

kcdave · Post by **kcdave** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:32 am

OK, thats the funniest fucking thing I have read on a message board in years!

Gunslinger · Post by **Gunslinger** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:47 am

Next time just use IcyHot.

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:32 am

What? Why not a thin layer of Thera-Gesic?

:D

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:43 am

THAT is funny.
Rack your dumb pseudo-holistic ass.

Stick to microwaved baby oil.

or honey...

mmm

or chocolate syrup...

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:27 am

88 funny story. Have you thought of adding distilled water and a tiny amt of glycerin together?

4 king guy · Post by **4 king guy** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:41 am

THAT IS FUNNY!!

and RACK your dumb fucking horny ass!!

I never heard of South African Peri-Peri powder before!!

I'm gonna stay away from that SHIT!!

but I had to look it up.... here are some exerpts..

Peri Peri

"I've used 'em all", said one convert, "and let me tell you... Perks Peri-Peri is like lightning in a bottle".

"It starts on the tip of your tongue, then heats up your whole mouth, warms the extremities, and, finally, explodes in your brain and your whole body tingles", said another.

Then there was the friend who remarked, with some humor, "it's so damn good, I don't care if it shortens my life!"

What they're talking about is the "flame from Africa", Perks Peri-Peri, a wonderfully hot and spicy marinade and basting sauce making its way onto the American market.

88, why don't you pass that story on to the company, maybe you and the MRS. can get a commercial!!

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:46 pm

88 wrote:So, have any of you bastards try the authentic "KY Warming Liquid"? I'll probably never know what it is like. I'm interested in your impressions. And take my advice and don't go with a Peri-Peri/Olive Oil substitute. Not good. Not good at all.

The Kama Sutra product line is your friend.

all of those products work as advertised,
are not tested on animals, are not toxic,
are made with all natural ingredients (I think),
most are edible, and again -- they do work
as advertised.

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/kama-sutr ... y-dust.htm
(since the hyperlink above doesn't work for the products)

You can thank me by starting out with the oil of love
and honey dust. She sure as hell will.

XXXL · Post by **XXXL** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:30 am

I will Google for Peri Peri, time to try the goods...

chowd103 · Post by **chowd103** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:35 am

Holy shit!-

About 20 seconds into the event, my tongue bursts into fucking flames. It wasn't subtle. I suspect there was smoke. It was a goddamn 5-alarm blaze. I backed off, and said: "I'm going to go get some water."

The wife was still all good, but wiggling a bit. I dash into the bathroom and start washing my mouth out with cold water. I even tried wiping my tongue off with a hand towel. No fucking relief. I'm blazing.

As I turn to run to the kitchen to get some ice, the wife appears with her eyes looking like this: :o

88- hilarious story. Visuals...man.
Funniest fucking thing I've read on these boards in quite some time.

Archive!

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:08 pm

RACK it!

Well written, good read.

Although if I'm critiquing, I'd have to say that when using the literary technique known as "foreshadowing," you might want to be a little more subtle than:

88 wrote:I look around the kitchen and my eyes become fixed on a packet of South African Peri-Peri powder

I just about wrote the ending at that point. But I read and enjoyed until the end.

Oh, and just a PSA, while we're on the subject -- just because she looks cute when she brushes her teeth and has that "rabies" thing going on with the foam around her mouth, it is still a VERY BAD idea to let her blow you with any remnants of toothpaste in her mouth...or so I've HEARD.

Headhunter · Post by **Headhunter** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:33 pm

Rack it up, 88.

just another note to add to Dins' toothpaste suggestion.

Whoever suggested that Altoids in your mouth while munching rug will give her some "extra sensation" must have been chowing at the Y on something with about as much sensitivity as mvscal at a naacp fund raiser.

Ole HH was not such a popular fellow that night. One minute, I'm king of the nightime world. The next minute she's fighting the dog for real estate with which to drag her cooze across the carpet. Ok, not literally, but I would have had about as much chance getting back in that night if I had sprayed her gash with some Ronsol and gone Hendrix coaxing the flames to grow higher.

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:39 pm

This place is educational. Who knew?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:43 pm

Nice to see a solid entry for "huge post of the week" early on a monday morn-btw.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:54 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Nice to see a solid entry for "huge post of the week" early on a monday morn-btw.

To bad it's not the usualm, huh?

There's a pretty good blast in here as well...

http://www.theoneboard.com/board/viewto ... c&start=25

Rack this thread, btw.

Need some video of this sequence ...

She starts splashing water on the gooch and screaming. At some point, she grabbed the towel that I wiped my tongue on and apparently transferred some Peri-Peri from my tongue to her eyes. Good lord.

ElvisMonster · Post by **ElvisMonster** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:05 pm

Rack it!

Reminded me of the...

Dear KY People,

Rack your excellent product! So me and Mrs. Skilla are chilling on the sofa a couple of weeks ago watching something on the USA Network, when this "KY Warming Liquid" commercial comes on...

...stuff that Meds and Canibus used to do.

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:24 pm

ElvisMonster wrote:Rack it!

Reminded me of the...

Dear KY People,

Rack your excellent product! So me and Mrs. Skilla are chilling on the sofa a couple of weeks ago watching something on the USA Network, when this "KY Warming Liquid" commercial comes on...

...stuff that Meds and Canibus used to do.

I miss that stuff too
:cry:

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:34 pm

Thats funniest thing I've read in a while! You should submit that story to literotica just for kicks.

hardcrow · Post by **hardcrow** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:16 pm

Solid 88, had to log in just to rack you....

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:37 pm

D-

... and that is being generous.

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:44 pm

Moving Sale wrote:5'-4"
... and that is being generous.

FTFY.

Run along now.

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:20 pm

Jsc810 wrote:
Moving Sale wrote:D-

... and that is being generous.
WTF? :?

OK, link me up to a better post of yours ever.

FTFY

Moorese · Post by **Moorese** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:01 am

Rack it, Double 8.

Gunslinger wrote:Next time just use IcyHot.

I've doused my junk with everything from Icy Hot, Ben Gay, Nyquil cough syrup, squeezable margarine, Noxema, Tom of Maine's Peppermint Shaving Cream, and Extra Strength Tiger Balm before dropping anchor in some skank's puckered shit factory. Hell, I've even unloaded a can of cooking spray on my raging slab to kickstart the anal punishment. To date, however, my favorite is

But 88, you don't eat the shit, you sick bastard, you pack the shit.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:33 am

Jsc810 wrote:
Moving Sale wrote:D-

... and that is being generous.
WTF? :?

OK, link me up to a better post of yours this week.

My bad. I didn't know I was 'posta grade on a curve.

Solid C

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:03 am

Rack the 88 story, and rack your friend in the peace corps.

M2 · Post by M2 » Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:17 am

Eighty 8, has a mind of his own...

Thanks

m2

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 7:46 pm

just re-read this and just have to Rack it again!

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:14 pm

Damn, missed that somehow last week.

RACK 88, funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Also, RACK "Joy Buzzer"

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:59 pm

Archive! :)

T1B

Homemade KY Warming Liquid

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