Best music post ever

[BSmack]

I saw this a long time ago on another board. Great stuff written in the character of that legendary music critic Pol Pot.

I was cruising around in my customized '69 US Army jeep with the human skull headlights yesterday, making sure that my seamtresses were securely handcuffed to their sewing machines at the Nike factory. Productivity's been slipping lately and labor costs have started to eat into the company's glorious revolutionary 2000% percent profit margin on the "Air Sweatshops". Anyway, after a long morning of beating 14 year olds with an extenstion cord, I was looking forward to bumping some phat beats in my fly hoopty with the 20" rims.

As the Altec co-axles struggled to handle the 500 watts of power buzzing through the system, I heard the familiar, sinister rumble of a droning Emin/D bass line. "SHIT YESSSSSSS!!!" I hollered as I cranked up the sub-woofer, "STRANGEHOLD!!!" I closed my eyes and prepared to sing along with The Nuge's opus of sheer fucking genius, then something awful happened. Instead of the familiar voice of my crossbow-toting comrade singing "You know the day that you left me/You put me in my grave/I got you in stranglehold, baby/You best get outta the way", I heard this:
...a man with a face, red
like the rose of a thornbush
like all the colours of a royal flush
...peeling off those dollar bills
slapping 'em down

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!! Instead of the Nuge's familiar penatonic speed riffs, I heard some tinny slide guitar. At this point, I had slammed head on into a water buffalo so I sat listening to the rest of the song as the steam rose from the radiator.

It turns out that some whiney mick was singing about dropping bombs on women and children in mud huts. And he was saying it like it was a BAD THING! If the Nuge wanted to change the lyrics to "Stranglehold" to be about bombing third world villages, it would be an uplifting, rocking, celebration! RUN CHARLIE! HERE'S SOME NAPALM FOR YOUR ASS! That's what the Nuge would want.

You know, it's offensive enough when someone steals a artist's riff, but to take it and turn it into something diametricaly opposed to what the artist believes in? What if someone took a Ramones tune and changed the words so that it was against shock-treatment? What if they took an Indigo Girls hook and sang about how they hated eating pussy? You see my point. I only hope that the Nuge never hears this travesty. It would break his heart. I guess, it could be worse, though. That band could've ruined "Helter Skelter".