Yard duties

[Jerkovich]

But I did happen to notice the very fine, and I'll assume very soft layer of backhair. When I saw it, I thought "BOOYAH!

OH, FUCK YEAH!!!! SCHWING!!!

YUMMIE!

Finally, Dim is speachless

[Luther]

~Back on topic~

I go out to Costco with Mrs. Luth earlier today. My duties are to push the cart, and grab what she points at. Since it is springtime, all the good yard shit is out on display.

We didn't buy it, but the boss really liked those solar lights shaped to look like regular large river rocks. You guys see them? I think you get 4 rocks/small boulders, plus the solar charging unit for around $28. Anybody have those solar rocks? What kind of light projection do you get off of them?

I had to grab the 100' length deal of hose. The old one looked like hell, wouldn't curl like a good DQ turd, and leaked like a White House confidante.

Grabbed the rectangle jug of "PREEN"...good for the confined flower sections for weeding and feeding.

I also was forced to grab the huge jug of some Bug Killer. It had the built in sprayer, and it was supposed to kill any and everything that ever dreamed of invading your home. Carpenter Ants...Dead. How about those pesky fire ant things that erupt from the wood spacers between the large sections of concrete you have for your driveway? Dead. Basically, anything that moves around your home, 'cept kids etc, is DEAD.

I bought the steaks. I was hoping to get the NY Strips, but my Zocar would have went on strike so I opted for the cheaper sirloins. The typical Costco pak...about 4 lbs of beef flesh, and when you cut it up at home you will have dinner for about 11 years or so.

She made me grab the bag of Jasmine rice, which we use regularly. You guys should do this...I copied the routine from "Du's Restaurant." The restaurant is Korean, ...maybe Japanese...I'd have to ask Poptart. Anyway, it is one of those Bento types...Teriyaki BBQ'd chicken thighs...over rice, and a salad with killer dressing. I bought the dressing from the place, so I'm good to go. I BBQ the boneless/skinless thighs after I had marinated them for about another 11 years...Chop them up when done, and lay them on top of the rice. ...Probably my favorite meal next to steak.

Had to grab the basic Costco Laundry supplies...55 gallon drum of Laundry Softner, and a drum of clothes bleach for colors.

I needed a couple of AA batteries, so I grabbed the pack that contained 1, 248 batteries. I'm good to go.

You guys have a Costco nearby? Is that black rubber bladder that holds 10,000 gallons of Heinz Ketchup really a good buy?

Rip City

[Derron]

but the boss really liked those solar lights shaped to look like regular large river rocks. You guys see them? I think you get 4 rocks/small boulders, plus the solar charging unit for around $28. Anybody have those solar rocks? What kind of light projection do you get off of them?

We just finished a pond for this couple (Intel weenies). Second day he brings the same box out. Thinks its the fucking bomb.

The guys take them out , laugh at them and then put them in as directed by the Intel weenie, as directed to him by his old lady.

Dude calls my offic telephone at 9 o clock at night, and says these lights are no brighter than a fucking lit match, and the rocks don't match the rocks we put in / around the pond. No shit ??

Save your money Luther, and don't cheap out. You have to have actual electrial voltage to generate accent light, and that requires 110 to low voltage transformer and the expenditure of more than $ 28 fucking dollars.

Of course it the old lady wants them , you have no choice but to buy and install them. The flare off your stogie will be brighter if you drag real hard on it.

Preen is a premergent herbicid that controls weeds as they pop from the ground. Nothing feed about it. Its just good old fashioned Ronstar, labeled and package so the common homeowner can over apply it, and then blame the pollution on the farmers.

So I am getting a colesterol breakfast sandwich at Mickey D's this morning. I roll down the window to pay the mexican bitch, and wham,, the over powering smell of cholrine hits me in the face. Makes my fucking eyes water. I get my heart attack helper, and I see this dude spraying a solution of chlorine and water on the fucking curbs, and parking lot cracks. Probably 60% chlorine or better.

I ask him what the fuck hes doing spraying chlorine where it will run off in the storm sewer. He says its the only thing that will control the moss, etc. I tell him thanks for killing more fish in the river you fuck stick. Get a fucking clue.

A simple phone call to the local hazardous waste people with a complaint about the overpowering smell of chlorine at a local restuarant during business hours, took care of his shit. Fucking asshole.

[jtr]

hey luther when i searched your name on photobucket this was first photo that came up

[Derron]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Are you on drugs or just very fucking stupid ??

[Luther]

It didn't take long for me to get pissed. I actually tossed my Homelite gas powered weed whacker to the ground. It wasn't the fact that it hadn't been started in a year...so I used a little gas dryer additive, primed the bulb deal and began to do the 10,020 pulls to get it to half run. Squeeze the trigger and the thing cuts out and stops.

Finally it is running. I've got this after market trimmer head that will hold that orange square shaped plastic cord or whatever you call it stuff. I get going and within a minute both orange cords are either gone or broke down to the nubbin. I repeat this process about a dozen times and now I'm getting pissed.

I take the trimmer head down to the lawnmower shop close by and I show the guy what is going on. He tells me that more than likely the cord I was using was old and brittle. So I buy another spool of it and it costs $25. I get back home and it still is doing the same fucking thing. So I kind of snap and toss the homelite down amongst the weeds and dirt. It is lunchtime and I need a beer.

So Derron, wtf is up with my weed whacker? I can see where this will probably go...do I buy a similar new trimmer head and maybe that will stop the cord loss/breakage...buy a new but cheapie one. I dunno...I really only have to whack the weeds once a year, because when I'm done then I do the caseron thing and I don't see them again until the following spring. I think I'll just buy one of those pink bitch whackers with the long orange power cord since I obviously can't handle the big leagues of gas powered whackers.

Just another sign of getting too old.

Nice sandwich, JTR. Not as good as as the one TWIS has in his avatar.

[Derron]

wtf is up with my weed whacker?

Homelite.

Piece of shit...makes even a bad homeowner timmer. Homelite, MuCulloch, Green machine all pieces of crap.

Try Stihl, Echo or Red Max. Pay more, but you won't have to put up with the bullshit.


Line loss is from hmm... hitting the cement / concrete too much with it.

[Derron]

For all that 2 cycle stuff the best thing you can do is go to the motorcycle shop and get a jar of the best synthetic 2 cycle oil you can buy. The kind the 20/30's run in those quads and shit.

My kid uses it and I pinched it out of his truck one day and filled my chain saw up and it ran like a top. Started 2 nd pull, no more fouled plugs. It mixes at 50:1, so we run it in all the off road gas stuff, 2 cycle or not.

It is a hell of a lot cleaner than that shit Chevron, Texaco and others put out.

[Wolfman]

Luther--you should live here where it is a constant
battle to keep the jungle from growing in your yard !
re: weed whackers---
I had a Homelite gas job and after a period of
hassle--shit canned it--went and got an electric
--yes it is a pain using a mile of extension cord
and the birck edging eats up the shitty plastic
stuff like mad--but it gets the job done w/o
smelly fumes and pulling on a starter cord
a million times !!
My Sears Crafstman lawn mower needs 6X primes
and one pull and works like a charm !

[Jerkovich]

I actually tossed my Homelite gas powered weed whacker to the ground.

NO SHIT?

Buy one of these and you won't have another problem again...ever. What a fucking cheap skate.




Stihl 4Mix is the baddest grass muncher around.

[tough love]

Aside from the reg yard duties and a couple new projects; this year I took on the added duty of keeping a local ditch culvert clear of the handy work of some damn beavers.

I clear it in the morn, make sure it is clear in the eve, and return the next morn to just a trickle of water making it's way through.
Can't really fault the buggers for what they do, seeing that we do the same thing to them when we improve our surrouinding to suit our betterment.

Anywho; with the bounty at $40 per beav, i'm hoping the neighborhood kids get the job done before I run outta steam undoing the handywork of those ingenious little marvels.

[chowd103]

I went out and bought those square-headed bastards and drove in about 15 of em in before I got fed up with them falling from my drill.

Oh, dear.

Do you REALLY think that a phillips is less likely to fall off a bit than a square drive?

Really?

Of course, if I knew you were coordination-challenged, I would have also recommended that you pony up the few extra bucks for the doohickey-thingy that magnetizes tools...not that you can't do the same thing with like say....a refridgerator magnet, but they sell a doodad to magnetize tools for people who are too feeble to be able to keep a square drive on the bit.



Freaking rookies......

Dude, I didn't srip a single screw during this project. Tourque set high.
Do you even see how much of a faggot you appear by not being able to send home ordinary phillip-heads into pressure treated wood without stripping a bunch, you limp wristed tard?

[Husker4ever]

Just use phillips headed screws. That way you don't have to run down to Ace to buy square headed bit everytime you need to tighten or make a repair. Everyone's got about 20 phillips bits laying around.

[ADAM]

The lawn grew like the rain forest while I was gone for 3 weeks, so now I'll have to just take my Jacques Penne riding lawnmower named Bob out for a spin. So I go out beneath the deck and the battery is dead. No problemo, I grab my battery charger and hook it up. The grass is still too wet to mow, so I head on down to Ace Hardware for some more goodies.

I grab the Ace Hardware version of the Weed and Feed with one of those $9 mail in rebates. I hate doing all that mail in shit, but I grab the coupon and throw the bag in the cart. I just hope I get the rebate check before I die.

Fresh gas in the cans, and a brand new jug of Round-up and I'm ready to start. Since I put in that new yard drainage system last year, I had to really stay on top of the weeds so they don't plug the damn thing up. I've got a big yard...but this is the first time I've ever used a full jug (32 oz) of Roundup.

Once the weeds are dead then I'll weed wack them...then order up about 5 yards of topsoil. Once all that is moved around I might order some rock as I get tired of seeing my bark dust blowing away in the winter winds.

As for the graduation gala, I anticipate Mrs. Luth will buy a bunch of flower plantings, a few more Tiki Torches, and probably ask me what we should provide for grub. If I had my old gas Weber, then it would be no problem, but last year we bought one of those charcoal briquette Webers that has the gas starter. Charcoal just doesn't last over the course of an afternoon.

I wish Fester was my neighbor as I'm sure he has one of those dirt moving mini-machines like they have around the golf course. Maybe hire Van and Bushice to play some guitar and sing some springtime songs...then cap the evening with Mr. Dinsdale. I would have everyone gather around the maple tree in the backyard, and just let Dins go and recant some Oregon stories of alcohol, drugs, sex, vandalism and maybe even a few tidbits about micro-brain surgery and surely about Fusion princples.

But right now, Mrs. Luth is a little disgusted with my suggestion that we just hold the gig down at Clackamette Park where there are plenty of picnic tables and trash cans.

I have about 6 weeks to pull this off. If I don't BBQ, would you suggest I just order up a bunch of ribs etc. from Buster's ? Oh, and I don't want ElvisMonster, DMike or whatever showing up and bothering a bunch of 18 year old girls.

I still have my Glock.

Rip City

Life just doesn't get any better than this eh Rip.......... :wink:

[Jerkovich]

Side note to AP's coment about Dinsey being right about the deck screws.

I went out and bought those square-headed bastards and drove in about 15 of em in before I got fed up with them falling from my drill.

Finished my walkway yesterday.

Thanks for the heads up, but you & AP can take those fuckers and whip 'em at eachother.

I guess it's all a matter of preference.

Dins owes me dinner.

No, he owes you a few boxes of Deckmate screws -w- Evercoat. Those bad boy will go down without a hitch and never----ever rust. Just make sure you use the anti-torque at around 6-7 setting, depending on how wet the wood is.

Don't listen to the experts .

Just us rookies with experience.


fucking know-it-alls

Dumb shit doesn't know how to screw....or screw.

Dude, I didn't srip a single screw during this project. Tourque set high.
Do you even see how much of a faggot you appear by not being able to send home ordinary phillip-heads into pressure treated wood without stripping a bunch, you limp wristed tard?

You hit the head on the screw, WEW.

[Luther]

I have this Honda mini tiller. It is a 4 stroke and it is nice that I don't have to mix the oil and the gas. But this year, the throttle and linkage decide that they are going to fuck with me, just like my communist homelite weed trimmer.

Miraciously, I was able to get it to run with my half assed repair job. I took off the plastic air breather housing, and de-gunked the linkage where it attaches to the carb, or at least I think it is a carb. After about a dozen squirts of Gunk, I got it to move freely...but the throttle lever doesn't really "return" correctly...so I have to pull it a tad to release the gas. But it works...

I tilled up the wife's flower section in the back yard. She added three of those windmill palms, and they actually look good. The soil is nicely tilled and I told her, "Well hon, now our neighbors 3 cats will have a nice place to shit." I hate cats..I really hate my neighbors cats, because they know not to shit in their own yard, so they go to mine. With the right combination of whiskey and pain meds, plus a .22 and I could be our cul-de-sac's next Carl Spackler.

I talked to my old poker buddy and he's loaning me his beater pickup tomorrow. I think it must be about a '68 Ford P/U...he laughed and said it gets about 6 MPG. Great, it will probably cost 3 bucks just to drive from his house to mine. Anyway, I'm heading out to the landscaping place Tuesday, and will probably load up with some river rock... Let me give you one piece of advice...never, and I mean NEVER let your wife talk you out of selling your Ford truck. The day I sold mine, I needed to haul something. It was the biggest mistake I've made in the last few years. A man has to have a truck to haul shit in. Even if you don't haul shit, you can just go leave your house and just sit in the thing and your balls are always bigger. To have big assed balls you need a truck. The fucking Oldsmobubble that I drive is basically gax. That is why my balls are light and soft.

I weed whacked so much the other day that my right arm/hand are sore and they shake like Tarddowen's hand while gripping a revolver late at night.

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Rip City

p.s. Mace, what do you serve with hog nuts?

[ADAM]

I hear tell a tale of Hot sauce Luth.

With lots of NA Beer....


Best to break the cherries in easy..........

[ADAM]

mvscal...Last of the Messican great apes!

[tough love]

Luther Wrote:
I really hate my neighbors cats, because they know not to shit in their own yard, so they go to mine. With the right combination of whiskey and pain meds, plus a .22 and I could be our cul-de-sac's next Carl Spackler.

If it's no big thing, get your hands on some Zoo Poo (dryed out tiger/lion/big cat crap) and sprinkle it about your flower beds.
Cat will piss off immediately after getting a whiff of the stuff.
Something to do with them not wanting to be eaten.

[Derron]

whacked so much the other day that my right arm/hand are sore

This is an out of context quote, but funny anyway.

For the cat shitting problem, I fully endorse the .22 magnum or HR 17 cartridge. My neighbors feral cats try to cross my field to kill song birds, fuckers never make it half way across. I have a flip down rifle rest on the window sill in my kids room upstairs. Oh and before you guys say I am harming him, he's 20 and whacks more cats than I ever thought of.

So far this year Derron:2, feral cats :0.

And rack my hangover from a firemans wake. A friends dad died, 31 years in the department, his kid has 25. Firemens funeral, last roll call, last general tone,....make even a hard core guy cry like a baby. Then we proceded to get drunk on Coors and Crown Royal.

[Atomic Punk]

I have this Honda mini tiller. It is a 4 stroke and it is nice that I don't have to mix the oil and the gas. But this year, the throttle and linkage decide that they are going to fuck with me, just like my communist homelite weed trimmer.

I weed whacked so much the other day that my right arm/hand are sore and they shake like Tarddowen's hand while gripping a revolver late at night.

I may have missed out on the dimensions of your yard since the thread was shat upon after a few posts... how big is your land/acreage?

[Derron]

dryed out tiger/lion/big cat crap) and sprinkle it about your flower beds.
Cat will piss off immediately after getting a whiff of the stuff.

Head down to Sportsmans Warehouse in Clackamas and browse the scent section. They got every kind of animal piss in a bottle you could imagine.

Pick out coyote, bobcat, or if they have it, wolf piss. Put that around a few places and the cats stay clear.

Just don't use the deer or elk in estrus piss, because you may be bending over doing yard work and some deer or elk might want to fuck you.

The fucking racoons, skunks used to come around my place all the time. The neighbot has 2 wolf malamute cross that hang at our place too. They piss all over the place, and none of those vermin come around anymore.

[Luther]

I value some of the great ideas...just don't know how much many of them would work.

"Can I get a couple bags of Zoo Doo, please?" if I asked politely at the Portland Zoo. I have a sneaky suspicion that I'd get one of those looks like JTR gets when he's asking for middle school attendance figures. :)...relax Jess, ...hahaha

Now what is the logic, REALLY, if I somehow score some hefty Zoo Doo in comparison to some 5 pound cat who might shit a few tootsie rolls this summer from next door? If I land some Leopard poop, or some mountain lion shit, is that really going to work? What do I do...spread 10 pounds of some foreign wild animal poop to counter maybe a half pound of domestic cat shit in my lovely, soft, soil? Are you shitting me? Bwahahaha

Right now, by body is sore. The lower muscles of back are ready to call no joy. And I haven't even begun the caravan of river rock. Oh sure, I could call up the rock factory and ask for 50 yards to be delivered, ...but as of right now, I need the spacing. I need the time to do a yard of rock, then to shovel it into a wheelbarrow, or my semi-gay hard plastic trailer that I have in the backyard. It has a drop feature...plus a pull out trailer gate...but the sad thing is that it is a bitch to navigate, and worst of all, it will compact soil like a hundred Shaq's exercizing in your yard.

I'm like you, mang. I'm just trying to get it done. Trying to please the wife. Trying to survive the communist insurgencies of trimmer cloggings, tiller shits and such...I'm just trying to get along.

I remember Wolfman extolling the greatness of Milwaukies Best...Beast Light. I think I bought a case of 30 for less than 9 bucks. My ass is en fuego, and even those baby powder wipes don't ease the taint pain. I figure Big O has somehow learned to tolerate the acid burn from cheap beer, to relegating himself to soft chairs and such. Good for you, O. I bet you have one or two of those air cushioned toilet seats too...Nothing like pressing your fat ass onto some naughahyde, where the escaping sounds make you quiver as to whether it is the terlit seat or your pacemaker, blowing the O ring of life.

Rip City

[War Wagon]

No need to go with the Zoo Doo, Luth.

Here's an old family lesson taught by my farm bretheren from way back.

Simply light off one firecracker in the area that you don't want violated each evening around dusk.

Critters will not enter an area in which they smell gunpowder.

End of story.

[Luther]

Alrighty, Wags...I may give that a try.

Rip City

[War Wagon]

Uncle Leo used to do that to keep coyotes from venturing too close to his chicken coop. I've found that it works equally as well at keeping feral cats from shitting in the flower bed.

[tough love]

Luther
Most Zoo's sell the stuff to the public as a manure.
The trick is to get the crap that comes from their Big Cats.

Wags trick sounds pretty good.
Make it fun, throw the crackers at the cats.

[PSUFAN]

When Luth types about toilets and shitting, he's really typing Missives to Kevnic.

In 50 years literature freaks will be reprinting their correspondence and tweeking over the merits of their cadence...but for now, in the trenches, I'll just steer away from Beast Lite.