Man Rules

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:51 pm

We all have seen those commericals with Burt Reynolds, HHH, Jerome Bettis, That dude that chewed his arm off because it was either trapped under Rosanne or a rock, etc, etc. Anyway...they really got me thinking....this place could come up with better Man Rules then they do...

Here is one to start us out...

1. If there are three or more urinals in a row and they are all empty always use one on the end..never the one in the middle.

have at it

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:52 pm

aren't you the guy who glass-dicks everyone, at every possible opportunity?

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 5:53 pm

2. If you and your buddies are at the bar and you are the only one who hasnt ponied up for a round of shots, suck it up and bust out the wallet.

TenTallBen · Post by **TenTallBen** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:06 pm

PSUFAN wrote:aren't you the guy who glass-dicks everyone, at every possible opportunity?

Oh, the irony...

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:09 pm

3. If you've bought into the Man Rules commercials, somehow thinking that they are witty or clever, just like Corporate America wants you to...

you're a fucking douchebag.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:39 pm

Keep the Faith, Dins. Maybe this thread will turn into a Whitey wagon bounce house, too.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:17 pm

TenTallBen wrote:
PSUFAN wrote:aren't you the guy who glass-dicks everyone, at every possible opportunity?
Oh, the irony...

got a link to that, TreeSplinterSpineBen?

Tiberious · Post by **Tiberious** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:52 pm

isn't call "Man Law"?

just sayin'....

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:56 pm

Mister Bushice wrote:Keep the Faith, Dins. Maybe this thread will turn into a Whitey wagon bounce house, too.

Hey Whitey! I know this guy who says that Budwieser is pisswater minus the taste.

Trollfessor · Post by **Trollfessor** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 8:09 pm

This thread is turning out nicely.

WolverineSteve · Post by **WolverineSteve** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:29 pm

Beers made with spices, berries, or other skirtlike flavors should only be consumed by queers, females, or Euros.

Terry in Crapchester · Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:32 pm

Never use a public restroom at the same time as another man in your company.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:36 pm

Cicero wrote:2. If you and your buddies are at the bar and you are the only one who hasnt ponied up for a round of shots, suck it up and bust out the wallet.

If you are a man, don't do rounds of shots.

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:04 pm

I'm sorry but taking shots are for fags??? What are you a 2 beer queer?

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:11 pm

Bizzarofelice wrote:
Cicero wrote:2. If you and your buddies are at the bar and you are the only one who hasnt ponied up for a round of shots, suck it up and bust out the wallet.
If you are a man, don't do rounds of shots.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:23 pm

Cicero wrote:I'm sorry but taking shots are for fags??? What are you a 2 beer queer?

Beam and Beam or Beam and ice or beer.

shots are for tards

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:32 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Never use a public restroom at the same time as another man in your company.

Damn straight! My cubicle is near the restroom...it's got one urinal and two stalls. If I see another guy heading there at the same time I am, I turn right around and sit back down until they're done. And nothing is worse than people who like to talk to another person or talk on the phone while in the act of draining the lizard or dropping the kids off at the pool. Save that crap for another time...the bathroom is supposed to be a brief sanctuary from the office.

Terry in Crapchester · Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:37 pm

Shoalzie wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:Never use a public restroom at the same time as another man in your company.

Damn straight! My cubicle is near the restroom...it's got one urinal and two stalls. If I see another guy heading there at the same time I am, I turn right around and sit back down until they're done. And nothing is worse than people who like to talk to another person or talk on the phone while in the act of draining the lizard or dropping the kids off at the pool. Save that crap for another time...the bathroom is supposed to be a brief sanctuary from the office.

Actually, I was thinking of it as more of a social rule, but it works at the office as well.

Btw, not my call but it seems to me that you've worn that sig long enough. Or do you have to keep it for the duration of the Stanley Cup playoffs?

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:39 pm

Beers made with spices, berries, or other skirtlike flavors should only be consumed by queers, females, or Euros

right on target !!!
what the hell is up with beer that tastes like
blueberries or whatever ??

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:44 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Btw, not my call but it seems to me that you've worn that sig long enough. Or do you have to keep it for the duration of the Stanley Cup playoffs?

I made the bet with Cicatrix during the Wings-Oilers series...I was supposed to wear it until the Oilers were eliminated. Just my luck, they decide be this year's Cinderella.

lk_pick1 · Post by **lk_pick1** » Fri Jun 16, 2006 1:27 am

I'm not a man, but I have one.

If there are at least two and a half solid chugs left in the bottle, and its slightly warm, DRINK IT. Do not pour it in the grass or down the sink.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Fri Jun 16, 2006 2:00 am

lk_pick1 wrote:I'm not a man, but I have one.

If there are at least two and a half solid chugs left in the bottle, and its slightly warm, DRINK IT. Do not pour it in the grass or down the sink.

This is a common display amongst the Bud/Miller/Coors crowd. They're untrue to their admitted pride in what they drink, as I notice them pouring out (or abandoning) the warm, ass-end of their pisswater. Goes to show even those who call themselves fans of this crap can't even handle it.

Can't say I blame em.

4 king guy · Post by **4 king guy** » Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:53 am

I stole this from some e-mail I got... years before the Budweiser commercials...

**************************************************
MAN RULES

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… And it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

28: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”

We hope this clears up any confusion.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Jun 16, 2006 4:09 am

lk_pick1 wrote:I'm not a man, but I have one.

Finding out that you piss standing up is not a surprise.