So, I have a date with an asseater this weekend...

[Mike Backer]

So after work yesterday, I go out with my boss and his girlfriend who is from Dallas, to watch the NBA Finals. Boss's girlfriend brings her friend along who is just a tad on the wild side. Chick is 5'7", a buck thirty, decent body, smokers voice, jet black hair, double D fun bags, Italian chick who just happens to be a fuck monster. Oh yeah, and she just got out of rehab. For heroin. Yeah, she doesn't fuck around.

So as I get into conversation with her, I know that she is a pure fuck monster, so who am I to discriminate? I can overlook a slight heroin habit just to experience her riding me like the little fuck tart that she is. Oh yeah, and she is brutally honest too.

So she is going on and on about her addictions, and I feel bad because I and sipping from a huge fucking beer right in front of her. So I ask her how her recovery is going, and she goes "I've been sober for 127 days" and, no shit, she looks me dead in the eye, snatches my beer out of my hand, and takes a huge swig. So, naturally, I decide to go fishing and steer the conversation towards sex to see if I get a nibble. 3 beers later she is telling me is down with anal. Then she stuns me with this little nugget: when she lived in Dallas, she fucked Mark Cuban on a regular basis, and on special occasions, she would ... errrr...um...ahem..."toss his salad."

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

To make a long story short, I have a date with her this weekend. Safe to say I am bringing a dozen Trojan Magnums and the Hidden Valley Ranch.

And no, I will not, under ANY circumstances, be kissing her...

Rack me.

[Atomic Punk]

I strongly suggest you fuck her as many times as you can get it up before she leaves. She sounds like a liar, so you might as well take advantage of her.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, and Fuck her. That's what I recommend.

[Van]

Bullshit.

You'll be kissing her...and washing her floors...and renewing her bus pass for her...

...and, make no mistake, you'll be tossing her salad as well; apricots, walnuts and other choice effluvium. Whatever. You're in.

She's going to own you.

With that one little anal sobriquet she laid on you she's already managed to purchase you; she just hasn't gone by the dealership yet to pick you up, ride you home and lock you in her garage.

Come this time next month you're going to be so well acquainted with her funk that you're going to look like Super Mario with Hep C.

'Bode you?

[poptart]

Chick is 5'7", a buck thirty, decent body, smokers voice, jet black hair, double D fun bags, Italian chick who just happens to be a fuck monster. Oh yeah, and she just got out of rehab. For heroin. Yeah, she doesn't fuck around.

Trouble with a capital C, Mike.

Sounds like a good match for our Dinsdale though.

[Jack]

1. tossing salad -

the act of placing your tongue in a male or females ass, and probing all around the circumferance of the asshole, while aiding the person in masturbation

I was going to toss Sporty's salad but as I went down he had a dingleberry, so I stopped.


2. tossing salad -

Having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with syrup or jelly; syrup is generally preferred. This is usually done as initiation for someone that wants to score some drugs in jail, or by sexually depraved people.

-"Have you seen the new boy in cell block D? I'ma make him my bitch; he'll be tossing salads by the end of the week!"
-"Mary is a freak in bed; last night she tossed my salad!"


3. tossing salad -

To lick deep into ones asshole

I was tossing her salad so hard that I was able to tell what she ate for lunch...*chili*


4. tossing salad -

almost like a rim-job. It is having a male or female lick around the asshole.

Man yesterday I tossed this gurls salad and now I have a shit taste in my mouth!


5. tossing salad -

licking the corn hole

Bitch! You better toss my salad before I have to smack yo ass.


6. tossing salad -

the art of eating shit hole

Gosh, I sure do like to toss salad (eat shit hole).


7. tossing salad -

Eating asshole. Basically, tossing the salad

Julie likes to toss caesar salad with italian dressing


***********************************

I am glad that my girlfriend (errh wife) is not a freak like yours...

Because THAT is NASTY!!!

[ElvisMonster]

Ummm, let me get this right. This weekend you're going to bang an I.V. drug user that likes anal sex?

Ah what the hell, T-cells are probably overrated anyway. Have fun. And just think, you didn't even have to sping for the airfare to Haiti!

[Dinsdale]

I can't remember the last time I browsed the topics on Page 1, and had a titile scream out "READ ME FIRST!!!!" like this one.

RACL Mike Backer. I was laughing before I even opened it.

Sounds like a good match for our Dinsdale though.

Pretty sure I've already had her, bro. Or at least her sister.


And Mike -- don't let these guys bring you down...freaks fucking rule. Despite how funny EM is -- they still rule.

One and done, brother...one and done.

[Goober McTuber]

freaks fucking rule

Party at Dins’ house.

[Terry in Crapchester]

One and done, brother...one and done.

I think that one applies in more ways than one here.

I'm with Van, Poptart and EM on this -- I just don't think this is a very good idea (sin, Marcus).

[Dinsdale]

I just don't think this is a very good idea

Well then, let me just scrap my weekend plans.

Sin,
Mike Backer's Dick

(I'll bet Mike Backer never thought he'd see an open letter on the internet from his penis)


Now that I'm getting old, I look back on my life on an occasion. And you know which times stand out the most? You'd think it would be some fond memories of a happy childhood, or maybe some precious moments spent with that special someone, or watching young relatives mature into adults...


You'd think that would be the case...but mostly, I remember getting all wasted and nailing chicks in the bathroom at parties and shit like that.

It's a conscious decision -- do you want to be a picture of stability, with the suburban house, white picket fence, and 2.4 children...


or, do you want to get all freaking nutso and bang tail with your buzz on, left and right?

I'm not advocating either position -- it is up to each individual to decide which path is right for them.

Of course, they write bestsellers and movies, and revel in tales of daring-do about the members of one of those groups, while members of the other group pay to watch those movies and read those books, while saying "gosh, that fellow really did lead one wild, fun life."

S'all's I'm sayin'.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I only calling bullshit because I doubt any strung out jizz bucket who goes shit snaking is going to lose her inhibitions on the third beer.

Either she has no inhibitions and has "fire away" stitched on the ass of her sweats with a matching bib with a dick on it, or she would need at least twelve beers, three lines, some turpintine, a needle and a belt just to get comfortable to talk about her cave dwelling adventures.

Depends on the size of the beers.

The bar I frequent...3 beers = 96 oz. That's enough to get any 130 pound woman (remember, she's STILL a woman) drunk, or at least "ready to talk".

[JCT]

I doubt any strung out jizz bucket who goes shit snaking is going to lose her inhibitions on the third beer.

Because we all know that H junkies are known for their self control.

[Dinsdale]

...for a brief period of time maybe. The crash is inevitable and ugly.

Been going strong over 20 years now...but then again, my disaster of a life was already pretty ugly, so maybe the gravitational pull isn't quite as strong on me.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I see you workin', R-Jack, but enjoying dick in the ass really doesn't elevate your tolerance for alcohol...at least I don't believe science views it that way.

I understand she used to be an alky, but being sober for 100 some days will really throw that whole tolerance thing back a few notches.

[Dinsdale]

enjoying dick in the ass really doesn't elevate your tolerance for alcohol...

Otherwise, it would take like 400 beers for Cicero to catch a buzz.



Did I take a big enough cut at that BP?

[PSUFAN]

the Hidden Valley Ranch

disgustingly rackable.

[Dinsdale]

How's the liver?

Coming along quite nicely, thanks for asking.


I'll find out a lot more later this afternoon. I believe I have a hot date with my golf bag, who has been known to share a beer or two with me over the years.

[Rich Fader]

Little dude standing on the table: "Who run Bartertown?"

[Uncle Fester]

Big dude on the right is doing Dr. Detroit's "LMAO."

[OCmike]

Then she stuns me with this little nugget: when she lived in Dallas, she fucked Mark Cuban on a regular basis, and on special occasions, she would ... errrr...um...ahem..."toss his salad."

"...little nugget..." and "toss his salad" should never be used in the same sentence.

[PSUFAN]

Although, likely appropriate.

[Goober McTuber]

Little dude standing on the table: "Who run Bartertown?"

lk_pick at the far left of the photo. Nice hat.

[Rich Fader]

The little guy is in fact the same actor who fifty-some years later played Master in Thunderdome.

WAR Angelo Rossitto...R.I.P.

"Lift embargo."

[Tom In VA]

I doubt any strung out jizz bucket who goes shit snaking is going to lose her inhibitions on the third beer.

Because we all know that H junkies are known for their self control.

Laughed and chuckled throughout the entire thread and then came this one and I lost it.




Mega Racks to all esp. JCT and OCMike

[Dinsdale]

I'm still laughing too hard at the thread title to do much more RACKing.


I can't even read it to myself without busting up.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Now that I'm getting old, I look back on my life on an occasion. And you know which times stand out the most? You'd think it would be some fond memories of a happy childhood, or maybe some precious moments spent with that special someone, or watching young relatives mature into adults...


You'd think that would be the case...but mostly, I remember getting all wasted and nailing chicks in the bathroom at parties and shit like that.

Of course, that's partly because you, to use your own words "stayed in the game" longer than most. I was single until I was 33 (wonder if there's any significance to the fact that I got married at the same age Jesus died), and I'm 41 now. That's about the perfect balance, imho -- I stayed in the game long enough to accumulate some Dinsian memories, and I've now been out of it long enough to appreciate life on the other side, although not long enough to have forgotten the memories.

Not to be sappy, but if you ever have a kid, in all honesty it'll change your entire perspective on this. Keep in mind, this comes from someone who, not so long ago, never could have seen himself married or with children. Today, though, I have a 7-year-old boy with a near-genius IQ who, unfortunately, suffers from ADHD, and a soon to be one-year-old girl, both of whom desire nothing in the world more than quality time with dad. And it's all good. Soon enough, they'll hate me and think I'm the biggest idiot in the world.

It's a conscious decision -- do you want to be a picture of stability, with the suburban house, white picket fence, and 2.4 children...


or, do you want to get all freaking nutso and bang tail with your buzz on, left and right?

I'm not advocating either position -- it is up to each individual to decide which path is right for them.

Of course, they write bestsellers and movies, and revel in tales of daring-do about the members of one of those groups, while members of the other group pay to watch those movies and read those books, while saying "gosh, that fellow really did lead one wild, fun life."

S'all's I'm sayin'.

Yeah, that's one way of being remembered. But it's not the only one. Having kids and raising them the proper way will get the trick done as well, most of the time anyway. Chances are that your kids will still be around after you've taken your dirt nap.

As for living "one wild, fun life," no doubt Hunter Thompson did that, for awhile anyway. And no doubt that someone will eventually turn his life into a movie -- and probably sooner rather than later. But I wouldn't want to check out the same way he did.

Mike Backer will probably have one wild, fun weekend, at least. But nothing screams out "HIV+" quite like a heroin addict (and here, I'm guessing IV drug usage -- speculation admittedly, but reasonable nonetheless) who's into anal sex. In all honesty, Mike Backer would probably have better odds if he were to ask Ron Jeremy to hook him up with one of his "colleagues." But it's his life, and it's not up to me to judge it.

'S'all's I'm sayin'.

[Dinsdale]

if you ever have a kid, in all honesty it'll change your entire perspective on this.

No shit, bud. Couldn't agree more.

Once you impregnate a woman, you have to give her a fake phone number, and can't go back for a second helping.


Changes everything.

[Goober McTuber]

I was single until I was 33 (wonder if there's any significance to the fact that I got married at the same age Jesus died)

All part of God’s master plan.

[Terry in Crapchester]

I was single until I was 33 (wonder if there's any significance to the fact that I got married at the same age Jesus died)

All part of God’s master plan.

It was a joke.

[Goober McTuber]

Rack me.

Maybe you should have that stitched on your own personal AIDS quilt square.

Whatever gave you this idea?


I've never had my salad tossed. I wouldn't enjoy it. I wouldn't be comfortable thinking of the proximity of my nutsack to someone who could perform such a disgusting act. If they'll lap up your beef stew, they're certainly not inhibited from chewing your nuts.

Oh bullshit. You'd let let your mom do that to you in a heartbeat.

[Goober McTuber]

I was single until I was 33 (wonder if there's any significance to the fact that I got married at the same age Jesus died)

All part of God’s master plan.

It was a joke.

I blame Mgo for this. He's the one that suggested you try "humor".

[Terry in Crapchester]

Gotta rack 88 for that.

[JCT]

Backer justs want to proxy toss Mark Cuban's salad.


and a big RizzzACK to 88!

[Mike Backer]

I would also like to add that in preparation for this weekend's festivities, I am about to run the Norelco thru my ass cabbage.

Probably go with the Johnny Unitas cut.

[JCT]

Eat a big lunch at a Roberto's.

[Goober McTuber]

A self-confessed asseater might want to think twice about engaging a partner who once glossed themself as Branman. And these lyrics needed minimal editing:

She'll only come out at night
The lean and hungry type
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before
Watching and waiting
She's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door
So many have paid to see
What you think you're getting for free
The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the taste of a little smack
Money's the matter
If you're in it for love she ain't gonna taste your crack

Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's an asseater
Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's an asseater

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what she can do
She's deadly man, and she could really rip your ass apart
Mind over matter
The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart

Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's an asseater

[Cicatrix]

You'll be kissing her...and washing her floors...and renewing her bus pass for her...

...and, make no mistake, you'll be tossing her salad as well; apricots, walnuts and other choice effluvium. Whatever. You're in.

No one RACKED Van for this?

For shame.

[PSUFAN]

goober always cracks the fucking record. bwaaahahaha

[Cicatrix]

A Euro reset of the Bootie Lover song is tres appropriate for this.

[Van]

A Euro reset of the Bootie Lover song is tres appropriate for this.

Nothing beats having a Long Timer who gets it lending some proper historical perspective to these proceedings.