Jesus as interpreted by Muslims and Jews

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:43 pm

Muslims:

"Muslims respect and revere Jesus (peace be upon Him) , and await his Second Coming. They consider him one of the greatest of God's Messengers to mankind. A Muslim never refers to him simply as 'Jesus' (peace be upon Him) , but always adds the phrase 'upon him be peace'.

....and....

Jews:

"according to the Talmud, was that "he was sentenced to be cast into a cauldron of boiling semen".34 The name 'Yeshu', by taking its root letters as the initial letters of other words, is explained as meaning Yimmah SHmô Vezichrô, "may his name and all memory of him be obliterated".

Muslims = "Jesus was a swell guy".

Jews = "Jesus is taking a sperm bath in hell. Let us never speak his name."

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:45 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:47 pm

Wanna bet?

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:50 pm

More nice things about Jesus from "The Chosen People"...

Jesus: "Committed bestiality," "corrupted the people," is "turned into hell." (Sanhedrin 105a)

Bucmonkey · Post by **Bucmonkey** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:02 am

Mel Gibson?

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:05 am

Bucmonkey wrote:Mel Gibson?

Christ!
Mel is Jesus?

Who woulda figured?

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:24 am

Jews: wanna saw my foreskin off

Muslims: wanna saw my head off

Lesser of two evils, I'll take the Jews.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:33 am

poptart wrote:Jews: wanna saw my foreskin off

Muslims: wanna saw my head off

Lesser of two evils, I'll take the Jews.

WWJD

Who Would Jesus Decapitate?

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:35 am

Jews use toilet paper.

Jews win.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:37 am

Martyred wrote:
poptart wrote:Jews: wanna saw my foreskin off

Muslims: wanna saw my head off

Lesser of two evils, I'll take the Jews.
WWJD

Who Would Jesus Decapitate?

No No No...................

Dude was decapitated at the end of Braveheart.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:45 am

" On the eve of Passover Jesus was hanged. For forty days before the execution took place, a herald went forth and cried, "He is going forth to be stoned because he has practiced sorcery and enticed Israel to apostasy. Anyone who can say anything in his favor let him come forward and plead on his behalf." But since nothing was brought forward in his favor, he was hanged on the eve of Passover. Ulla retorted: Do you suppose he was one for whom a defense could be made? Was he not a mesith (enticer), concerning whom Scripture says, "Neither shall thou spare nor shall thou conceal him?" With Jesus, however, it was different, for he was connected with the government. (Sanhedrin 43a)"

This text, long censored in editions of the Talmud, is concerned primarily with due process in capital crimes. Standard process requires that punishment be delayed for forty days in order to allow extenuating evidence to be presented. However, in extreme cases, such as seducing Israel into apostasy, this requirement is waived. The case of Jesus, according to the Talmud, constituted an exception to this rule. Although one who enticed Israel into apostasy is considered an extreme case, the Jews at the time waited forty days because of the close ties of Jesus to the Roman authorities. However, once the forty days elapsed without the presentation of favorable or extenuating comment about him, they proceeded to kill him on the eve of Passover.

Go ahead. Deny it.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:48 am

Go ahead. Deny it.

OK............

Denied.............

next?

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:52 am

Your arguments sound a whole lot like the exact same arguments used to justify antisemitism in Europe and America.

Why not cut to the chase and just call them 'Christ Killers?"

C'mon, you know that's exactly what you're going for here...

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:54 am

Next up: Marty digs up the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" and tries to use it to prove the international Jewish conspiracy...

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu Jul 20, 2006 1:10 am

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:Next up: Marty digs up the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" and tries to use it to prove the international Jewish conspiracy...

I can post it for you. Let me dig through my E: drive...

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 1:16 am

Boy, Marty brought the BIG reel and rod with him today - The Jewhater2000 with the kosher lure kit.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu Jul 20, 2006 1:57 am

Mister Bushice wrote:- The Jewhater2000 with the kosher lure kit.

I'm using the Ultra-Kike Spinner with an 8lb. line.
Get ready with the net, Bushice...

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 2:07 am

Martyred wrote:I'm using the Ultra-Kike Spinner with an 8lb. line.
Get ready with the net, Bushice...

What, you trolling?

:shocker:

Joey Moss · Post by **Joey Moss** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 2:33 am

While we're talking about people who may or may not have actually existed. How do muslims and jews feel about King Arthur?

See You Next Wednesday · Thu Jul 20, 2006 2:57 pm

We all know what a stand-up religon Christianity has been throughout the ages.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:33 pm

mvscal wrote:
Martyred wrote:"according to the Talmud, was that "he was sentenced to be cast into a cauldron of boiling semen".
Bet he'd like that. I told you guys he was a fag.

Never realized you were that much of an attention whore.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:55 pm

I think you're just looking to engage. I.E. Troll, troll, ..... you're being silly or as you always say "thilly".

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:59 pm

aren't the arabs the ones who cuts the clits off their daughters? sick fucks.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:01 pm

Martyred:

Let me guess. You were coming off a big night of losses at a discount casino in Reno. You headed for a strip club, which featured the comedic stylings of Shecky or Jackie or Something Von Goldstein and the guy ribbed you for your Cost Cutters haircut and J.C. Penny wardrobe. You left the club in a foul mood and headed for the all-night White Castle to blow the last of the $6.98 you had left.

Whilst stuffing mini-hamburgers down your throat, some guy came up to your table, gave you a knowing look, and said "I know what you're going through, man, here read this pamphlet."

Normally, you wouldn't consider reading literature from the Aryan Brotherhood, but something about your losses at the nickle slots, the rumbling in your gut from the onion rings, and the comment Shecky made to you when you tried to heckle him ("If I want to hear from an asshole I'll fart!") all combined to boil in your head.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Terry in Crapchester · Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:21 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:Martyred:

Let me guess. You were coming off a big night of losses at a discount casino in Reno.

More likely Niagara Falls, given where he lives.

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:28 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote:aren't the arabs the ones who cuts the clits off their daughters? sick fucks.

Toss in the fundamental lack of the grasp of Charmin, White Cloud, etc. that causes them to dedicate one specific hand to the job of...errr....."unclogging the drain."

Then toss in their warped adolescent mentality with regard to women - having to cover women head to toe because the men seemingly haven't matured enough individually or as a culture to deal with the sight of women's bodies without going into uncontrollable lust...which the men, of course, blame entirely on the women. Yeah, it's the women's fault that the guys are idiotically misogynistic

Then toss in the fact that Middle Eastern Muslims have lovingly embraced their cultural and technological backwardness and displays of barbarity. Nothing says "culturally advanced and superior" in the 21st century quite like beheadings, stonings, suicide bombings, refusal to grant religious freedom or freedom of expression, the tendency to fire bullets in the air while making decidedly simian noises to celebrate...

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:51 pm

Discount night in Niagara Falls? Gimme a Chipotle Steak, everything except cukes.

Q, West Coast Style · Post by **Q, West Coast Style** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 6:22 pm

I think what we can take from this thread is that problems arise when adults can't agree on which fairy tales to believe and which super heros to worship.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 10:44 pm

Tom In VA wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Martyred wrote:"according to the Talmud, was that "he was sentenced to be cast into a cauldron of boiling semen".
Bet he'd like that. I told you guys he was a fag.

Never realized you were that much of an attention whore.

You're not very observant, are you?

T1B

Jesus as interpreted by Muslims and Jews

Jesus as interpreted by Muslims and Jews

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