Another knife in my back and a blowtorch on my cock...

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:34 am

Nice fuggen way to get blasted out of sleep again, with yet another kidney stone attack. I guess I should pretty much count on these things coming to visit me every year or so, two years tops.

Just got released from the ER.

Morphine is my dearest friend.

Fuck, and we were JUST talking about this here a day or so ago too...

According to my wife at one point I was completely delirious, to the point that I was alternately pawing at the nurse's boops and playing defensive back and batting away footballs out of the air.

She said I was talking shit and laughing as I was knocking down football passes. She said both she and the nurse thought it "cute and charming", the way I kept going for the nurse's boobs.

I'm starting to think that maybe I oughtta try getting drunk just once.

Fuck you people and your non burnin' cock heads.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:37 am

I've had 2 episodes, one when I was 20 and the next when I was 25. The doc said I might have them the rest of my life. 30 now and I'm due.

I feel for ya man...but I hope I never feel one again. I still have my first stone right here next to me in my office now. DAMN those things hurt.

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:37 am

I think 88's wife can relate van
viewtopic.php?t=14818

Cicatrix · Post by **Cicatrix** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:37 am

I burnt some of the hair off my forearm grillin' ribs this evening if it makes you feel better.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:51 am

Cicatrix wrote:I burnt some of the hair off my forearm grillin' ribs this evening if it makes you feel better.

What kind of BBQ sauce did you use on your ribs?

Cicatrix · Post by **Cicatrix** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:30 am

No sauce. Spice encrusted. Rubbed with a homemade spice mix and smoked for 3 hours. Sprayed every 30 minutes or so with apple cider. First time I tried them this way and I will definitely do it again.

Then I proceeded to attempt to empty my smoker box and had the bottom fall off and empty the still smoldering hickory chips into my right sandal. I have some nice burns and blisters there now.

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 5:05 am

Never had one (thank God and G0D) but my dad had one about twenty years ago when he and Mom and I were on vacation in Maui. Didn't look like a whole lot of fun.

My advice to you is to put one thin layer of Thera-Gesic on your junk. It probably won't actually get rid of the pain on the inside of Lil' Van, but it might take your mind off that pain and put it on the pain on the outside...

...okay, just kidding. Obviously, I hope. Just take the drugs and rest as best you can. T&P.

Kansas City Kid · Post by **Kansas City Kid** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 5:47 am

A case of the gleats.

RACK "DEADWOOD."

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:12 am

Van wrote:Nice fuggen way to get blasted out of sleep again, with yet another kidney stone attack. I guess I should pretty much count on these things coming to visit me every year or so, two years tops.

You know, most of us stopped eating small stones when we were like 4 or 5, if we ate them at all. Did you ever think some habits might be worth breaking?

Fuck you people and your non burnin' cock heads.

If it makes you feel any better I ate asparagus tonight and it made my piss stink something awful.

Serioussly though I wouldn't wish solid-object-passing-through-piss-channel problem on anyone.

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:10 am

Kidney stones, one of the most painful of the urologic disorders, are not a product of modern life. Scientists have found evidence of kidney stones in a 7,000-year-old Egyptian mummy.(*)

(*)- to make Dinsdale happy... I am letting you know I googled that!! It is not something that just popped out of the head of my penis!

http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/ ... nesadults/

That Photo is a joke. He did not really have a Kidney Stone that large. Kidney Stones are NO JOKE!!

Van, Good Luck getting the knife out of your back and the blowtorch off your cock... (That has got to be PAINFUL!!!)

Terry in Crapchester · Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:21 am

Had one of those two years ago. My first time ever, so I didn't know what it was. Stayed up all night, thinking at first that it was a bad case of indigestion, but realizing by early morning that it was something else (at first I thought appendicitis). When I started throwing up the next morning, I knew I had to get to the hospital.

I was so tired that by the time the pain pills kicked in, I actually started to fall asleep on the CAT-scan machine. As anyone knows who has ever had one of those done, they aren't the most comfortable things in the world, but I was so tired that it didn't matter.

Because the kidney stone was so big, it wouldn't descend to the point where I could pass it, so I had to have the damn thing blasted later. That resulted in constipation for a day, another fun thing to experience.

Hope I don't ever go through that again, but I'm not betting on it.

socal · Post by **socal** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:09 pm

Those ankle-biters seem to be stretching the field.

Prime Time!
.
.
.

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:26 pm

That sucks Van. My dad has had 4 of them but none in the past 15 years. The doctor gave him a strick list of things that he could not eat in order to prevent it from happening again. The old man loves his iced tea and peanuts but he gave them up b/c he said it is the male equivalent of a female having a baby. My aunt has had two of them. I pray that I never have to go through that.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:45 pm

Van wrote:at one point I was completely delirious

Birth?

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:48 pm

I just remember pissing blood for 2 days after it went from the kidney to the bladder. And the 2 hours it took to go from the kidney to the bladder was the longest two hours of my life.

On the second stone, it took about 1 and half hours. The stone was much smaller, but it still hurt like hell.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:04 pm

mvscal wrote:Are there any physical malfunctions you have not experienced?

Hangover?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:09 pm

Smackie Chan wrote:
mvscal wrote:Are there any physical malfunctions you have not experienced?
Hangover?

I AM NOT ON DRUGS!!!!!

I don't even know what that means, but I couldn't find a pic of a psychotic invertibrate with a pancake on its head

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:16 pm

mvscal wrote:Shrubber's pics are all over the net.

And if someone wytched one with a pancake on his head, it would be a real hoot.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:18 pm

Oh -- and for the record...

I lied when I said I wasn't on drugs.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:41 pm

Day Two...

I feel like Stuttering John, what with all the fits and starts when I attempt do my thing in the bathroom.

~note to self~

Susan sure does loves watchimg me pee into a strainer. Always has to be there to watch, peeking around my shoulder, even. I know she's no 49ers fan, so I'm beginning to wonder, especially after yesterday, when she kept wanting me to whip it out and do it in front of my semi hot Hawaiian-Scottish doc (Kalani O'Shea?? Sweet!) with the wicked slanted blue eyes.

I'm beginning to suspect she has ulterior motives, motives that have nothing to do with some heretofore undisclosed passion for gold mining...

The phantorino · Post by **The phantorino** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:52 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:I still have my first stone right here next to me in my office now.

Shit, I make do with a picture of the wife and kids

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:59 pm

The phantorino wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:I still have my first stone right here next to me in my office now.
Shit, I make do with a picture of the wife and kids

I was in my home office when I typed that.

The phantorino · Post by **The phantorino** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:04 pm

Cicero wrote: The doctor gave him a strick list of things .

Interesting...
strick· audio (strk) KEY

NOUN:

1. An instrument used to level off grain or other material in a measure.
2. A foundry tool used to shape a mold in sand or loam.
3. A tool for sharpening scythes.

And this list helped how, exactly?

The phantorino · Post by **The phantorino** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:06 pm

I was in my home office when I typed that.[/quote]

Of course - I wasn't thinking. Is it a paperweight?

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:14 pm

Van wrote: Just got released from the ER.

Morphine is my dearest friend.

Smart people with KS problems keep good drugs* on hand thus avoiding the need to waste time and $ going to the ER.

Just sayin'.

*Dilaudid D-I-L-A-U-D-I-D Dilaudid. Morphine is for pussies.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:17 pm

Nah. Gotta have the instant knock out blast of the IV, and then the flushing fluid blast treatment.

Also, on the off chance that the stone is big enough to blast apart, well, our Ronco Home MRI, X-Ray and Ultra Sound machines pretty much suck ass compared to the ones they have at the hospital...

It only costs me $100 to go to the ER, regardless of how long I'm there or what they end up perpetrating upon my person. $100? Not many rooms that'll even get a sniff of providing that sorta relief will go for anywhere near $100...

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:27 pm

I'm not a Dr. but I can tell you that I got that plan straight from one. All those things you list can be dealt with* without an ER visit thus saving you $ and giving you the option to medicate faster thus saving yourself a lot of pain. Food for thought.

*and 80% of the time are not even needed.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:32 pm

Van wrote:It only costs me $100 to go to the ER, regardless of how long I'm there or what they end up perpetrating upon my person. $100? Not many rooms that'll even get a sniff of providing that sorta relief will go for anywhere near $100...

Guess you added that. Rack your IC I guess. Go ahead and waste your time and somebody elses $ and then whine about how bad you feel on a MB I guess. Gawd you are a conratrian sound cunt sometimes.*

*Make that all the time.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:18 pm

Irie810 wrote:Post op gave me a sigmoidectomy. I knew it was over with the sound of a delicious "pop".

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:30 pm

Moving Sale wrote:I'm not a Dr. but I can tell you that I got that plan straight from one. All those things you list can be dealt with* without an ER visit thus saving you $ and giving you the option to medicate faster thus saving yourself a lot of pain. Food for thought.

*and 80% of the time are not even needed.

It's that other 20% though...

Also, since you say "all those things you list can be dealt with without an ER visit", okay, where can one get MRIs, X-Rays and Ultra Sounds done without an ER visit, and for less than $100, right then, right now, right when you're in the middle of an attack?

Gawd you are a conratrian sound cunt sometimes.*

:-)

Sounds like you're partaking of your stash even as you type...

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:37 pm

Van wrote:Nah. Gotta have the instant knock out blast of the IV

Then bust the time-release pills into 3 or 4 pieces before you eat them...duh.

Geez, I'm not a pill-freak(but I know some), and even I knew that.

Plus, I'm not 100% sure on this one(do your own research, since I assume you have internet access), but I believe you can grind up Dilaudid and snort it..."instant knock out blast." (Some pharmies will absorb through mucous membranes, some won't...I believe Dilaudid does.)

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 12:09 am

Yeeeash.

Thanks, but nah, you guys party a bit too professionally for me.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 12:30 am

You're ingesting the same shit.

What difference does it make?

Face it -- you're doing drugs. Call it whatever you like, the bottom line is the same.

Anyhoo...hit the doc up for Oxycontin...that shit goes for HUGE cayshe on the black market...HUGE. The pharmecutical companies went yard with that one...about the most addictive drug known to mankind, and they dispense it like candy...RACK our bought-and-paid-for Congress!

Heaven forbid anyone should toss a couple of poppy seeds in their yard, and be able to completely bypass that crooked industry when they need pain relif...because that system didn't work for thousands of years, or anything like that.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 1:28 am

Oxycontin is some bad ass juju. I've taken it before and sure, it took the pain away when I got my new knee. But over time, bad thoughts start entering your noggin' and pretty soon I threw the shit in the terlit. Went and got a bottle of some extra strength something...

Mrs Luth works in the ER at Emanuel and she can tell you story after story of fucked up people being wheeled in with basic OC overdoses. Years ago after I had an 8 hr. total reconstruction of my right knee, they gave me Dilaudid. Now that stuff is so wicked...The Doc was kidding around when he gave me the bottle of D when I left the hospital, "Now don't be selling the stuff on the street, Luth."

I'd break the pill in half...Swallow it down, and I could literally feel parts of me being absoluting turning into putty. You only take the big D when the pain is UNFUCKING UNREAL. After about four days I was back on the kids candy of regular pain killers.

As a matter of fact, don't you remember back at TOT when I had gone into having the replacement (Spring of '04 I think) ? It took me weeks to even tolerate sitting at a computer on Oxies. I hate that shit.

Rip City

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 5:43 pm

Dinsdale wrote: Plus, I'm not 100% sure on this one(do your own research, since I assume you have internet access), but I believe you can grind up Dilaudid and snort it..."instant knock out blast." (Some pharmies will absorb through mucous membranes, some won't...I believe Dilaudid does.)

Not sure about snorting it but one could 'rig it up' themselves.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 5:46 pm

Dinsdale wrote:You're ingesting the same shit.

What difference does it make?

Face it -- you're doing drugs. Call it whatever you like, the bottom line is the same.

You are kidding right? IV Dilaudid is the same as taking a pill? Snorting it is the same as taking a pill? Again, please tell me you are kidding.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 6:01 pm

Another knife in my back

hmm...

a blowtorch on my cock...

hmm...

Shrub and IRIE are trollsharing? What's next?

I was bigger, you ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 6:44 pm

TVO, after talking to my wife last night it turns out that yes indeedy, I was given a horse sized dose of Dilaudid along with the morphine IV and it was only after they loaded me up with the Dilaudid that I started batting away the footballs thrown in my general vicinity...

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 7:28 pm

See! Dilaudid is the shit. Keep a couple on hand if you ever travel or are away from an ER for any reason. You will thank me later.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 8:07 pm

Sounds like they'd be Big Fun on a roadie, were someone to take them for, ummm, recreational purposes...

T1B