America's Drunkest Cities

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:08 pm

Sorry, didn’t see Oswego in the rankings. Maybe next year. A couple of blocks from Camp Randall last year, I did see a three-story high beer bong. Yes, we have D1 sports, big concerts, art galleries, cheese factories and Packers games to roadie to, but we don’t do those things instead of drinking, we do them in conjunction with drinking. Nothing says “culture” like passing a flask whilst gazing at a Monet.

BTW, UW has always attracted a significant number of students from New York and New Jersey, they certainly did while I was in school. Those east coasters could never measure up to the drinking prowess of rural Wisconsin kids. And the Madison townies are in a class by themselves. Come on, Brian, aren’t you the guy who sucks down frou-frou drinks while watching the Super Bowl?

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:17 pm

Goober McIrie wrote:Nothing says “culture” like passing a crackpipe whilst gazing at a meth freak pounding my OL.

Fixed for credibility.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:41 pm

Now exactly how did I suddenly get equated with Irie? I’ve never smoked crack, never been into meth and never done a three-way. Fuck off, socal, don’t you have a teenage daughter to bathe?

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:49 pm

east coast charger fan in 5...4...3...

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:51 pm

It's all about the word "gazing". All uses of the word must be associated with an Irie reset, it's in the by-laws.

On the topic of the thread ...

I've been to Oswego, I'd be a drunkin fool 24/7 if I went to school there, I'd kill myself if I had to live there..

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:55 pm

What TWIS said...

And, well, what you said.

Goober McTuber wrote:Nothing says “culture” like passing a flask whilst gazing at a Monet.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:34 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Sorry, didn’t see Oswego in the rankings. Maybe next year.

I doubt it. Students at Oswego are too busy DRINKING to fill out a fucking survey.

A couple of blocks from Camp Randall last year, I did see a three-story high beer bong. Yes, we have D1 sports, big concerts, art galleries, cheese factories and Packers games to roadie to, but we don’t do those things instead of drinking, we do them in conjunction with drinking. Nothing says “culture” like passing a flask whilst gazing at a Monet.

Yea, but nothing says intoxication like gazing at your own vomit after finishing the Bridge Street Run.

BTW, UW has always attracted a significant number of students from New York and New Jersey, they certainly did while I was in school. Those east coasters could never measure up to the drinking prowess of rural Wisconsin kids. And the Madison townies are in a class by themselves. Come on, Brian, aren’t you the guy who sucks down frou-frou drinks while watching the Super Bowl?

I don't know about you, but I'm 40 years old. My days of drinking, smoking or snorting anything that didn't move are behind me. That's why I don't live in Oswego. Now talk to me 20 years ago and I would have given those farm boys a run for it.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:41 pm

BSmack wrote:My days of drinking, smoking or snorting anything that didn't move are behind me.

Quitter.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:43 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
BSmack wrote:My days of drinking, smoking or snorting anything that didn't move are behind me.
Quitter.

My liver sends its condolances to your liver.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:45 pm

Dude -- don't make me crack a beer before 9AM (in the morning) just to spite you.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:47 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Dude -- don't make me crack a beer before 9AM (in the morning) just to spite you.

Oh you did NOT just go there!

Why not knock back the whole sixer? :wink:

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:20 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Dude -- don't make me crack a beer before 9AM (in the morning) just to spite you.

You wait till 9:00 AM? What the fuck do you pour on your Cheerios? Milk?!?

Edit to add: socal, sorry I wasn’t cognizant of the fact that “gazing” was a loaded word here, thanks for the heads up. I’ll try to be more careful in the future. Maybe “gazing” needs to be added to the word filter.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 5:05 pm

An aside:

I know of a tavern in Northern Wisconsin whose specialty cocktail was a Long Island tea served in a giant schooner glass. I think the record among my crowd was six.

As we left the place, the bartender gave us "drinks for the road." Try that in Oswego, NY.

I have a vague recollection of one guy off-roading and chasing deer through the piney woods in his Saab Turbo.

Me, I assisted some yahoo who was convinced his 4 X 4 could make it through a field covered with about three feet of snow. It sank and was stuck fast. My "assistance" consisted of standing there laughing while he tried to dig out his truck with an old board.

The evening ended with about eight guys sitting in an aluminum canoe, rocketing down a steep embankment to the frozen lake far below. When we bottomed out, the canoe kind of twisted and bent in half, much to the dismay of the guy who owned it.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 5:10 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:An aside:

I know of a tavern in Northern Wisconsin whose specialty cocktail was a Long Island tea served in a giant schooner glass. I think the record among my crowd was six.

As we left the place, the bartender gave us "drinks for the road." Try that in Oswego, NY.

Plenty of rural taverns take care of their people like that. Not saying it is the norm, but if you get in good at any decent bar, they'll bend rules for you. No need to do that in a college town as everybody is going to an after hours party anyway.

So is Dins through with his six pack?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 5:18 pm

Uncle Fester wrote: I have a vague recollection of one guy off-roading and chasing deer through the piney woods in his Saab Turbo.

I HATE it when that happens.

Me, I assisted some yahoo who was convinced his 4 X 4 could make it through a field covered with about three feet of snow. It sank and was stuck fast. My "assistance" consisted of standing there laughing while he tried to dig out his truck with an old board.

I had a similar experience, except it was in a Subura, and instead of it being "some yahoo," it was a chick I just met. And instead of using and "old board" for asistance, I laid the wood to her for "assistance." But other than that, it was the same deal.

The evening ended with about eight guys sitting in an aluminum canoe

Similar, except my evening ended with a man in the boat.

Booze rulez.

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:25 pm

My city has 350 licensed premises within a square mile. And I can think of a dozen British cities that could definately outstrip most, if not all, of your lot.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:27 pm

Nishlord wrote:My city has 350 licensed premises within a square mile. And I can think of a dozen British cities that could definately outstrip most, if not all, of your lot.

DO NOT underestimate rural America in this regard, Nish.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:29 pm

Nishlord wrote:My city has 350 licensed premises within a square mile. And I can think of a dozen British cities that could definately outstrip most, if not all, of your lot.

We’re talking about drinking, not gay male prostitution.

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:35 pm

I was talking to the grown-ups, not the spastics.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:35 pm

And it makes sense that Milwakee drinks the most, since its residents are also #1 in being the least physically fit in the nation.

They need to be drunk to fuck thier nasty asses.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:42 pm

Nishlord wrote:I was talking to the grown-ups, not the spastics.

You really need some new material.

Like my clever use of the gay male prostitution angle.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:09 pm

Wait a minute, Brian, is this the college you’re talking about? Oh yeah, it looks like they do fill out surveys, BTW.

Alcohol Misuse is on the Decline at Oswego State

Binge drinking–defined as four or more drinks in one sitting for a woman, five or more for a man–wanes as Oswego students begin to change attitudes and behaviors.

Oswego State students don’t binge drink as much as they used to. A spring 1999 campus survey revealed a reduction of 15 percent in binge drinking over the past four years.

Helping students develop life skills to make good decisions about alcohol is the job of Assistant Dean of Students Kimberly Bowman, coordinator of the LifeStyles Center Alcohol and Other Drugs Education program. She says that while some students choose not to drink at all, others come to Oswego with the idea that alcohol consumption–even abuse–is part of the college experience.

"We are challenging some of those preconceived notions," says Bowman. "If we can challenge attitudes, we will change behaviors."

One misperception held by students is that "everybody is doing it," that the college years are a natural time for high-
risk living. In fact, most students are opting for low-risk behaviors and are urging their peers to do the same.

A 1997 Alcohol and Drug Survey showed that 71 percent of Oswego State students refused an offer of alcohol or other drugs; 63 percent of students have not driven under the influence of alcohol, and 60 percent disapprove of friends who have five or more drinks in a sitting.

NATIONAL AWARD

For the fourth consecutive year Oswego State has been recognized as one of ten universities in the country for outstanding comprehensive programming throughout the academic year on Collegiate Alcohol Awareness. Such programming highlights Oswego’s continuing effort to teach decision making skills for students of any age and to convey the message that underage drinking is a high risk behavior that yields negative consequences.

Yeah, these guys are going to drink us under the table.

Meanwhile, the Madison city council mulls over a bill that would outlaw nightly drink specials at campus area taverns.

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:13 pm

Nishlord wrote:My city has 350 licensed premises within a square mile. And I can think of a dozen British cities that could definately outstrip most, if not all, of your lot.

Yeah, Nish, but in most places in America, actually buying drinks after 11PM is not just a pleasant fantasy. BODE us.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:21 pm

Goober,

A spring 1999 campus survey?

A 1997 Alcohol and Drug Survey?

I guess timely news is one thing Wisconsin DOESN'T lead the nation in?

silvurna · Post by **silvurna** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:23 pm

BSmack wrote:
the_ouskull wrote:That list is bullsh*t. It needs to include small-towns...

Like Oklahoma City.

the_ouskull
No shit. Oswego, NY would drink Milwaukee under the table. The city has a population of 20k and it supports at least 80 bars that I can barely remember. Never mind the house parties.

Agreed...The place is wall-to-wall bibbers. Sorryexcuse didn't make the list. Imagine my shame.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:47 pm

Brian,

You indicated your that familiarity with Oswego came from your “salad (tossing) days”. I’m guessing that goes back prior to 1999 or 1997. Are you suggesting that they made all of this “progress” towards stopping binge drinking in the late 90’s, but that’s all gone to hell since?

SCOREBOARD

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:20 pm

In all fairness to Brian, Oswego students lead the nation in making decorative macrame and decoupage drink coasters:

"Each Shirley Temple will be consumed with refinement and polite restraint by our fine young ladies and gentlemen," said university president Leonard Pynth Garnell. "Let jocularity fill the land!" said Garnell before tripping and falling into a pile of laundry.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the record, I had to look up the spelling of the word, "macrame."

Faithfully Submitted,
-U. Fester

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:34 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:In all fairness to Brian, Oswego students lead the nation in making decorative macrame and decoupage drink coasters:

"Each Shirley Temple will be consumed with refinement and polite restraint by our fine young ladies and gentlemen," said university president Leonard Pynth Garnell. "Let jocularity fill the land!" said Garnell before tripping and falling into a pile of laundry.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the record, I had to look up the spelling of the word, "macrame."

Faithfully Submitted,
-U. Fester

For the record, I don't even know what a decoupage drink coaster IS. But I'm damn sure that it is fruity as hell.

Louis Cyphre · Post by **Louis Cyphre** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:42 pm

Dinsdale wrote:And it makes sense that Milwakee drinks the most, since its residents are also #1 in being the least physically fit in the nation.

They need to be drunk to fuck thier nasty asses.

This Link would prove otherwise.

Not only is Milwaukee the #1 drunkest city, but it is also in the top five of the fittest cities.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:46 pm

Louis Cyphre wrote:
This Link would prove otherwise.

Not only is Milwaukee the #1 drunkest city, but it is also in the top five of the fittest cities.

Be careful with that "prove" word -- you DO realize that Men's Fitness doesn't actually survey or measure anyone in those horseshit rankings, right?

One of their main criteria for their rankings is the number of doughnut shops per capita. Yeah, insert your own :rolleyes:.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:50 pm

Louis Cyphre wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:And it makes sense that Milwakee drinks the most, since its residents are also #1 in being the least physically fit in the nation.

They need to be drunk to fuck thier nasty asses.
This Link would prove otherwise.

Not only is Milwaukee the #1 drunkest city, but it is also in the top five of the fittest cities.

Yet the 2002 list had the Cheeseheads in Milwakee ranked as the 22nd FATTEST city.

I guess I should rack them for the crash diet?

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:59 pm

Bsmack wrote: For the record, I don't even know what a decoupage drink coaster IS.

I think it involves dipping something into something else, possibly fiberglass or maybe molten magma.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:02 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:I think it involves dipping something into something else

Raydah James would be so proud.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:09 pm

It's possible that "decoupage" is the technique James uses to get the hair all spikey.

My craft knowledge is based more around things like model rockets, woodburning sets, and lighting ants on fire with a magnifying glass.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:10 pm

Uncle Fester wrote: My craft knowledge is based more around things like model rockets, woodburning sets, and lighting ants on fire with a magnifying glass.

I can make a bong out of a wide variety of household objects.

Louis Cyphre · Post by **Louis Cyphre** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:32 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Louis Cyphre wrote:
This Link would prove otherwise.

Not only is Milwaukee the #1 drunkest city, but it is also in the top five of the fittest cities.

Be careful with that "prove" word -- you DO realize that Men's Fitness doesn't actually survey or measure anyone in those horseshit rankings, right?

One of their main criteria for their rankings is the number of doughnut shops per capita. Yeah, insert your own :rolleyes:.

Men's Fitness did factor in Overweight/Sedentary in their rankings, whatever that is worth. And I know most survey/rankings like fittest/fattest or drunkest cities are pretty much bullshit. But they do make for interesting BBS fodder. The real reason why I think Milwaukee has been moving up in the fitness ranking is through attrition. More and more of the fat asses are dying of heart attacks.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:35 pm

Louis Cyphre wrote:pretty much bullshit. But they do make for interesting BBS fodder.

Dude...what the fuck?

How am I supposed to insult your intelligence when you post shit like this?

Way to be a buzzkill, Louis.

Louis Cyphre · Post by **Louis Cyphre** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:39 pm

Sorry, Dins. I had no idea your buzz from that six pack had wore off.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:45 pm

You're forgiven. Just try to avoid common sense and solid points in the future, OK?