I went ballroom dancing last night

[RadioFan]

No, faggots, not because I watch that bullshit show on ABC, but because my gf asked me along. She also insisted that I wear a costume.

Quick backstory: She joined this deal from some coworkers, who were all excited about it and such, then she signed up and had one private lesson from a fag (in her words), but more on that later.

She had gone dancing -- twice, mind you, in the last week -- without me, so it was a no-brainer.

Of course, she finally asks me last night (Sunday night), assuming I wouldn't want to go, knowing that I hate that show on ABC. Yes, tards, she told me she was going ballroom dancing with some girls at work, and I trust her.

OK, back to the story: She calls me last night and asks me and I said, "Sure, I'll go."

Who doesn't like to dance?

Then she goes on to tell me that it's a "Halloween Dance" and that I will need a costume. And she adds "don't worry, there's a LOT of female instructors who will ask you to dance." "In fact," she repeated, "You'll probably be dancing every dance."

"FUCK," I'm saying to myself, "now I have to get up an hour early, buy dog and cat food and get a costume for her and I (this was her aim, of course). And we were out of dog and cat food, but I digress ...

So I get up at 8:30 Monday morning, run to three stores, get costumes for her and I, and dog and cat food, then get into work on time ... deal with the yob ... get out around 7, and meet her at home around 7:30, after I've fed my two cats and played counselor to my two labs, who have been out all day. And fed the dogs.

I was dracula, she was a cat. I put makeup on for the first time since I was 12, when I was "Ace" in KISS. This time, I did a damn good job, too, not having put makeup on, in nearly 30 years. But then again, I was supposed to look dead. She was done getting ready by the time I was putting the blood stains on the edges of my lips.

So we get there (late, of course). She was right, at first. The chicks who worked there were all over themselves, wanting to "teach" me to dance, every time a song started.

But the first gal who asked me ... holy fuck -- here I was, in full makeup, with a dark suit, dracula, and I was fucking repulsed by this butch. She reminded me of my sister, with about 150 extra pounds.

"Well, you just do boxes," she said. "Right, right, left, and then reversed."

Holy fuck, was that horrid.

That dance was about as fun as chewing nails.

About this time, my makeup-laid, War-Whitened face was really starting to itch.

I was NOT having a good time. Later, I saw that chick dancing several dances with another fat chick, dressed in a prison guard uniform (mvscal would've have major wood).

Meanwhile, my gf, and her co-worker, whom I'll call "Dixie" were chatting and such. I got done with my "dance," and both of them said, "Hey you want something to drink?"

Me: "Nope." Stupid, but little did I know.

Just about then, another one of my gf's and Dixie's friends showed up. About this time, you all should know what I'm talking about: Dixie has a totally hot body, but a totally sloping face. Her face is sort of like "Ewww," when you first meet her. But, it's an "Ahhh, YES, now that's what I'm talkin' bout," when you're drunk kinda deal: Not bad, but not exactly hot, either. Sort of like what UCant's perfect username would be, any given weekend.

Dixie is forward beyond belief (more on that later). She was dressed in a "devil" costume, black body suit with a red cape and horns. She filled out the black part mighty fine, my friends. The friend that showed up was named Saber (sp), American Indian woman ... fat thighs, fat hips, fat butt, but amazing tits. And real, too, as I later learned, no kids. Yes, mvscal, there are Native American women out there who have been fucked, and who actually don't have kids!

But I digress ... I thought this night was going to be an excercise in boring. 'sup Tards?

No, my friends, not at all. Right after the "costume contest," which I did not enter, there was another dance, and the hottie behind the desk, named "Michelle," asked me to dance, to a swing.

Needless to say, I have a private lesson with that insecure bitch on Thursday, along with my gf's lesson with the faggot, Kasey, or something ...

But I digress ... about this time, everybody was pretty tipsy, and my gf suggested we all go get something to eat. Dixie said, "Why don't we just get some beers and drink them on my porch?"

So we all bwwaahaa'd a bit, and headed out to the nearby Shell station, bought some beer and got to her house.

Then it began. Oh, if you all only had a clue, to be among three drunk, horny women, one of whom had allowed me to be in the circle.

Dixie couldn't decide who she wanted to be with, the guy in prison who was about to get out ... in March ... or some other guy who is working with her. Yet, she was excited, given that her current fling is an ex-cop who was going to be at her place, and that she could "get some," before her co-worker or ex-con finds out. A total trip, this woman.

And Saber? She was taking lessons from these chicks about buying a "B.O.Y." so, as they said, she "could give head."

Bwaaahhh

Holy fuck, it was fun.

Happy Halloween, motherfuckers! :wink:







P.S. Hey pop? My gf wants to go to Cloud Nine (a strip club here in Tulsa) with Dixie, because Dixie paid a buck and had her tit sucked by a hot stripper, plus my gf and Dixie have made out before. I was asked to pimp them on Sunday, but I have to work. They still probably will go, however. I wish I could.

[poptart]

Why are you telling me .... ?
I'm not your priest.

I went to a ballroom dance event about 9 months ago.
Purely as a spectator.
Have a relative who's been heavily into it for a long time.

I don't know if all the men were fags, but I do know that the more fag mannerisms they executed the higher the judges scored them.
A lot of the women dancers looked verrah good as they worked it out on the floor.
Saw a few up close.
Most looked better the further away from me they were.

Fruity men, fruitier judges, bag-worthy 'hotties' .... and a mild B.O. stench in the air.
Next time I'm requested to attend I'll make sick.


Happy Halloween, RF.

[Trampis]

P.S. Hey pop? My gf wants to go to Cloud Nine (a strip club here in Tulsa) with Dixie, because Dixie paid a buck and had her tit sucked by a hot stripper, plus my gf and Dixie have made out before. I was asked to pimp them on Sunday, but I have to work. They still probably will go, however. I wish I could.

Society just cant wait till you guys have children

[Ucant#-463,721]

Wow, tell me if I read this right, RF...

You're 42 years old, not married, wear make-up, ballroom dance, work the 7/11 counter on Sundays to make ends meet, have a... "g/f"... who regularly messes around with some skank who fucks convicts and pays to have her titties slobbered on by coke whores? And to top it all off, you're stuck in Fuckwater, OK?


No need to smack you... life has dealt you 2/7 off-suit, my friend. But I digress....

[Invictus]

Wow, tell me if I read this right, RF...

You're 42 years old, not married, wear make-up, ballroom dance, work the 7/11 counter on Sundays to make ends meet, have a... "g/f"... who regularly messes around with some skank who fucks convicts and pays to have her titties slobbered on by coke whores? And to top it all off, you're stuck in Fuckwater, OK?


No need to smack you... life has dealt you 2/7 off-suit, my friend. But I digress....

THAT!

[Ucant#-463,721]

^
I laughed. Well done.




That shirt is in dire need of some ironing.

[Uncle Fester]

Then it began...

I just had an Irie flashback.

[Dinsdale]

Radiofan got to play Dinsdale-for-a-day?

I'm sure it was epic.

[Cuda]

. She also insisted that I wear a costume.

Frilly, lace French Maid outfit?

Or was it your usual well-worn leather pants with the ass cut out?

[Nishlord]

Hey Cuda, don't smack on RF for getting to rub his groin against something living and female, as opposed to the corner of your sofa.

I did an article for a magazine about Swing Dancing, and I'm taking it up when I'm 60. The room was fannied up ta RAS, and they'd only dance with the blokes who knew how to - ie, the old bastards who were dressed up like Andre 3000.

[Cuda]

Believe me, Nish, if RF gets anywhere near my sofa, I'll burn it

[Nishlord]

How flammable is semen and pizza residue, though?

[Dinsdale]

Jim in Fall River was pretty flaming, anyway.

[The phantorino]

I thought this night was going to be an excercise in boring

Much like the story. Your 42, and still giggling at 'girly secret'? Puhlease

c-

[A.C. Crut]

Men should act like men.

Surprised you weren't crushed by a ginormous falling beer can.

[Mister Bushice]

N

But I digress ... I thought this night was going to be an excercise in boring. 'sup Tards?

No, my friends, not at all. Right after the "costume contest," which I did not enter, there was another dance,

ooooh.

and the hottie behind the desk, named "Michelle," asked me to dance, to a swing.

this does get better.

Needless to say, I have a private lesson with that insecure bitch on Thursday, along with my gf's lesson with the faggot, Kasey, or something ...

this is getting awesomer.

But I digress ... about this time, everybody was pretty tipsy, and my gf suggested we all go get something to eat. Dixie said, "Why don't we just get some beers and drink them on my porch?"

So we all bwwaahaa'd a bit, and headed out to the nearby Shell station, bought some beer and got to her house.

Any time now.....

Then it began.

Here it comes.....

Oh, if you all only had a clue, to be among three drunk, horny women, one of whom had allowed me to be in the circle.

and two who have previously been described as ugly and/or fat, but that's no matter. Go on.

Dixie couldn't decide who she wanted to be with, the guy in prison who was about to get out ... in March ... or some other guy who is working with her. Yet, she was excited, given that her current fling is an ex-cop who was going to be at her place, and that she could "get some," before her co-worker or ex-con finds out. A total trip, this woman.

And Saber? She was taking lessons from these chicks about buying a "B.O.Y." so, as they said, she "could give head."

Bwaaahhh

Holy fuck, it was fun.

That's it?

No four way?

no chicken licking?

Just some sexual innuendo and mini mart beer?

Holy fuck, was that horrid. That was about as fun as chewing nails.

I am NOT having a good time.

You'd better take Sunday off and make up for this.

[RadioFan]

Bushie,

It was Halloween, dude, and for a brief, fleeting couple of hours, I was Dins.

Dude, don't mess with it, ever.

And for all you and I know, I may very well be at some strip club on Sunday, after work.

Btw, pop?

Why are you telling me .... ?
I'm not your priest.

That's OK, pop, I'll probably "confess" in here later, about what really happens, after I see my gf's titty being sucked by another girl, and being totally turned on by it.

And you'll still log on, won't you?

[poptart]

Diego, Dungslinger, and LTS FAG 2 post here and I still log on, right .... ?

[PSUFAN]

I was asked to pimp them on Sunday, but I have to work.

Wait...isn't this a Sublime song?

The friend that showed up was named Saber (sp), American Indian woman ... fat thighs, fat hips, fat butt, but amazing tits.

Go for the Basket, not the Bag: