Top this, U&L.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:44 pm

A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said.

Ronald Kuch was arrested after police searched the area of Midland and Carter roads Friday for a man who ran away from a Bay County Animal Control officer. The entire incident was within view of a nearby day care center.

At his arraignment on Monday, Kuch demanded a preliminary examination in Bay County District Court. District Judge Craig Alston ordered him to remain jailed in lieu of $500,000 bond pending a hearing on the evidence Nov. 6.

Kuch is charged with crimes against nature and assaulting a law enforcement officer.

Troopers said a woman from the day care center called for animal control because there was a dead dog near the property that had been hit by a car several days earlier.

Before officers could arrive, the man showed up and began engaging in sexual acts with the dog, police said. The animal control officer also reported seeing Kuch involved in the sex act and as he approached him, Kuch shoved him away and ran off.

State troopers searched the area and found the man hiding in the attic of a nearby house.

Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days.

The official charge of crimes against nature carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison. If the person is a repeat offender, the maximum is life in prison.

http://www.mlive.com/news/bctimes/index ... xml&coll=4

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:53 pm

So that's where the yellow matter custard came from.

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:59 pm

*applause*

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 12:00 am

"Play dead. Good dog."

--War Wagon

Rip City

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 12:28 am

Mikey wrote:So that's where the yellow matter custard came from.

rack.

any ideas on the crabalocker fishwife?

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 12:49 am

RIP Fido.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:46 am

Red rocket, er...dead rocket

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:17 am

When I first met you, I knew I loved you.
Now that one + one is two, I don't wanna
cum inside of you. Now I kiss your lips,
now I mount your hips. Now I read
your mind, your slimey hind--Sublime!
I'm feeling the peeling, mind reeling.
I race unto the plague. I'll bring you
a big coat of butter--to slick your
dead dick way. I'm in love with a
dead dog...
Paw in fist we stalk through the
rutabaga garden. We've been to the clinic,
we know our love is clean. We walk to-
gether, but fill up seperately. We share
a cheese ball. We just do it all. The
butter so bitter, the shitter. Well it
gapes vacantly. The higher the litter,
the shitter, has justly righted three...
(The Death of Pookie)
You begin to bore me, with your breath
like rubber. You scream "Don't stop",
I hope you don't pop. I'm in love, with
a shove, meaty glove.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:35 am

Mister Bushice wrote:
Mikey wrote:So that's where the yellow matter custard came from.
rack.

any ideas on the crabalocker fishwife?

Ho ho ho he he he ha ha ha

(I am the eggman...at least I was on TOT, and the walrus, too)

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:54 am

Maximizing man's best friend.....

Max......

Trampis · Post by **Trampis** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:56 am

Maybe he was just helping his girlfriends dog off the road....please let there be drugs and/or intoxication involved

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:58 am

Rack Mikey and Luther!!

I would never have thought that someone could turn f*cking a dead dog into a joke!!
Nevermind that 2 of you did the near impossible!!

RACK SICK HUMOR!!

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:07 pm

Anyone seen DrDetroit? Maybe the dogcatcher misrepresented his intentions?

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:43 pm

Mikey wrote:So that's where the yellow matter custard came from.

Outstanding!

Rack it!

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:51 pm

Michigan trumps the U&L on sick animal sex acts.

At least the dude in Washington fucked a dog that was alive, if unwilling...

At least there was no cock block involved in the Michigan case...

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:26 pm

Gee, that happens everywhere(unfortunately), and isn't a U&L thing, even as badly as you wished that was the case?

:shocker:

After skimming the story, I was quite disappointed when I saw I was beaten to the Whitey joke. How's about:

Hey, everybody needs some lovin' every once in a while.

Sin,
Lunchboxenthal

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:48 pm

...paging Translationtroll...

Rip City

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:54 pm

e wrote:i remember a story from down in texas where someone shot his dog in the ass with a garden hose. this dog was having none of it, turned around, bit through dude's tubesock and tore up his knee.

bode: dog

anyone have a link to that story?

Whatever, dude. That story just keeps growing with time.

My memory says it wasn't a garden hose, but a Super-Soaker.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:00 pm

And speaking of matters U&L -- props to Luther for being able to post this morning. Freaking electricity hasn't stayed on for more than about 5 minutes on this side of the U&L Capital.

Speaking of the U&L...it's my understanding that the other U&L city is hosting a Monday Night Football game this evening.

It is also my understanding that my phone just rang, and I was informed that there was a game ticket, a hotel room, a fancy dinner, and a train ticket with my name all over it...free of charge, of course.(The train between Portland and Seattle on gamedays is an absolute party/drunk/fuckfest...so they charge way too much for it...I think we're taking the train, anyway...all's I knows is I don't have to drive).

Because I'm super-epic like that.

So, I guess I better get to drinking before Noon rolls around. And considering who I'm going with, the probability of us ending up on the big screen is around 100%. So, if you're watching the game tonight, keep an eye open for a devastatingly handsome dude who is being drug out of the stadium at gunpoint, with a joint still in his mouth...that will be me.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:43 pm

Dinsdale wrote:And speaking of matters U&L...

...if you're watching the game tonight, keep an eye open for a devastatingly handsome dude who is being drug out of the stadium at gunpoint, with a joint still in his mouth...that will be me.

Your buddy's joint?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:50 pm

Yeah, well...

I know you are, but what am I?

But hey, I guess somebody is driving to the game, and what a nice day for it.

The Wet Side of the U&L is absolutely getting hammered by a storm right now. Nothing like a long car journey during a fat storm, with every single place in bewteen here and there under flood warning.

But when I get there, the forecast is calling for "heavy rain," and wind gust over 25MPH(I'm guessing way more than that, based on what I've seen of this storm from further south).

I recommend Monday Night Football tonight. Should be a hoot. Bet the under.

Contrary to popular belief, Seattle rarely has severe weather. Cathing a game in a bigazz storm is awesome.(I guess it's the leftovers from some typhoon, or some such shit).

Did I mention it's raining and gusting like a beeeeyotch, and is supposed to get worse?

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:52 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
e wrote:i remember a story from down in texas where someone shot his dog in the ass with a garden hose. this dog was having none of it, turned around, bit through dude's tubesock and tore up his knee.

bode: dog

anyone have a link to that story?

Whatever, dude. That story just keeps growing with time.

My memory says it wasn't a garden hose, but a Super-Soaker.

Rack!

@Rack! Luther too

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:21 pm

And in three short years, it'll be a chihuahua and a Jess' Date.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:24 pm

Fuck...it's but midday here, and I'm prodigiously pounding beer. See, if I don't show up for my ride drunk, I have a hunch some jackass/benefactor will want me to drive...we've played this game before.

Because driving 180 miles through a monsoon sounds like a party.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:59 pm

Dinsdale wrote:(The train between Portland and Seattle on gamedays is an absolute party/drunk/fuckfest...so they charge way too much for it...I think we're taking the train, anyway...all's I knows is I don't have to drive).

Rack that....on one trip many moons ago we were rolling dice in the aisle and some nijjer porter said we had to stop. Now this was on the way BACK from a Seahawks game at the Cuntdome, so we were

1. Very drunk
2. Pretty high
3. Rather loud
4. Gambling like a mother fucker
5. Not wanting to take any shit from a nijjer porter.

Now we thought the train was just stopping in Centralia for some reason or another... and it was to kick our asses off into the waiting hands of the Cowlitz County Sheriff.

Had to call our boss to come get us so we could have a crew the next day.

I will take the under that one of those bridges washes out tonight and Amtrack plungesinto the black water.

Rack 5 inches of rain in the last 4 days, and 1.25 inches since 6 am today.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 7:55 pm

So Dinsdale, I didn’t see anyone with an eye patch and a pancake on his head last night being dragged from the stadium. I saw a bunch of girly-men in silver and black who should have been.

And nice to see that Derron is not only the one fucker on this board that can give Cicero and Whitey Wagon a run for their money in the Stupid Sweepstakes, he’s also a self-avowed racist.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 7:58 pm

We haven't heard from Dinsdale today to re-cap the trip.

My guess is he soiled his mattress and called in sick.

Rip City

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 8:14 pm

Luther wrote:We haven't heard from Dinsdale today to re-cap the trip.

My guess is he soiled his mattress and called in sick.

Rip City

So Luth, how is that different than any other day for Dins?

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 8:32 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:So Dinsdale, I didn’t see anyone with an eye patch and a pancake on his head last night being dragged from the stadium. I saw a bunch of girly-men in silver and black who should have been.

And nice to see that Derron is not only the one fucker on this board that can give Cicero and Whitey Wagon a run for their money in the Stupid Sweepstakes, he’s also a self-avowed racist.

You maybe did not see the shot of the dude with that full shoulders up alien mask on ?? I say that was Dins..and I am a racist son of a bitch. Thank you for recognizing it simpleton.

The game sucked... one of the worst MNF games I have seen. Seattle should have dominated the Raiders. Outside of that blast to the dudes package ( How Raider like) it sucked.

Your next orginal thought will be your first Goobles ManCock.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:20 pm

Derron wrote: Your next orginal thought will be your first Goobles ManCock.

Holy shit. That's some really fresh smack you got there, Cletus.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:41 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Bet the under.

Once again, genius prognosticating on my part.

Crazy thing happened -- about, oh say, 20 miles or so from Seattle, it just up and quit raining hard. Didn't rain hard the entire time I was there...or at least the parts I remember.

Probably didn't look like much on TV, but that was a fun game. Crowd was WAY fired up, and way drunk, for the night game.

And I'll bet you might not have caught the very bestest moment of the game...unless it snuck in. There was this really really hot chick sitting behind me(actually, there was all kinds of hotties in the section I was "sitting" in...although neither my or anyone esle's ass touched a seat the entire game, start to finish)...but the superhottie waited patiently, and timed it perfectly -- right when they turned on the TV cameras to a do crowd shot, she busted out a sign with an arrow on it, pointing down at herself, which in big bold letter announced that

"Tony Kornheiser Knocked Me Up"

Totally freaking awesome. Security showed up very shortly thereafter to have a little chat about it.

Some Raiderfans took on some flying objects after the cheap nad-shot. That was prett sweet -- Raiderfan few...drunken Chickensfan many....not good matchup.

Budweiser sucks much ass-btw. And having 20 of them sucks 20 times as much ass. But hey, at $7 a whack, it's a bargain.