Quite a few of the Miami players will feel right at home.BERARDINO: Bowl trip to Boise more like a punishment
Published November 24, 2006
MIAMI · Talk about your unwanted parting gifts. This has to rank right up there with holiday fruitcake and the proverbial year's supply of Turtle Wax.
How does New Year's in Boise sound to you?
That appears to be the Hurricanes' punishment, er, reward for upsetting No. 18 Boston College on Thanksgiving night at a half-empty Orange Bowl. The final score on Senior Night was 17-14, not that it really mattered.
It almost certainly didn't matter for Larry Coker, who, fairly or not, probably sees his six-year reign as Miami's coach end in the coming days.
This may have been the 22nd anniversary of the Hail Flutie play, but there was no Hail Larry play in the UM playbook Thursday night. Not that one play could have saved his job anyway.
That would have required a shocking blowout of, say, 50 or more points, with players carrying him off the field at halftime and after the final gun ... and even then it was probably way too late.
As it was, Coker posed for a photo with his seniors and calmly walked off to the well wishes and hugs of numerous players and support staff. He seemed to be saying goodbye.
"As soon as we leave here, I'm going out that back door," he joked when asked about his year-end review with school officials. "They won't be able to find me."
Come to think of it, that sort of makes Coker the lucky one. Not only does he get a buyout in the $3 million range -- a pretty nice sendoff for the classy 58-year-old -- he gets to avoid a bowl week in Boise (aka the City of Trees).
In a college football landscape littered with a ridiculous 32 bowl games, Miami's 6-6 record likely puts it in the MPC Computers Bowl on Dec. 31. That means a trip to Bronco Stadium, home of Boise State's famous "Smurf turf," which is so blue it actually makes fake grass cool.
It also means excruciating bowl-sponsored field trips to such places as the Old Idaho Penitentiary, the Idaho Farm and Ranch Museum and (no lie) the Bogus Basin Ski Resort.
Only a combination of shocking weekend upsets by Florida State (over Florida) and Virginia (over Virginia Tech) could get the 'Canes off the hook. Atlantic Coast Conference rules (and basic greed) essentially prohibit UM from rejecting a bowl invitation, which is too bad.
If you care about the "U," you can't possibly want this nightmare season to continue, can you?
That only means another five and a half weeks to rehash the brawl with FIU, to mourn the death of Bryan Pata, to sift through the ashes of Coker's rapid flameout.
Look for defensive coordinator Randy Shannon to lead the 'Canes through bowl preparations, but even that won't feel right. The early line has Shannon getting little more than a courtesy interview.
So as the wooing of Greg Schiano, Barry Alvarez and maybe even a surprise candidate or two drags through the coming weeks, Shannon will play the loyal soldier.
He'll be the one trying to keep UM from its first seven-loss season in 29 years while entertaining recruits and tap dancing around their main question: "Hey, coach, who's in charge here?"
And yet he has to know he'll only get the job if several others either A) reject UM's overtures or B) start channeling Borat Sagdiyev during the formal interview.
At least Shannon -- (Wah-wah-WEE-wah!) -- will have a front-row seat for those daily tours of Greater Boise.
Did you know, for instance, that the "Old Pen," as it's called, dates to 1870 and is described on its official Web site as a "castle-like fortress" that provides "a view of prison life in the West"?
Certainly will not be the other white stuff known as cocaine.No? I'll bet you also didn't know the Idaho Capitol is a small-scale replica of our nation's Capitol in Washington, D.C. Or that the World Center for Birds of Prey boasts roughly 200 falcons and condors "used for reproduction."
And how about that Zoo Boise, huh? It's currently rocking exhibits that include penguins, ocelots, zebras and a red panda.
So in the same week, UM should get to play on a blue field and see a red bear. Oh, and the 'Canes should see plenty of white stuff as well while in the Bogus Basin.
It's called snow.
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