About a month ago there was a furious pounding on the front door of the Jamie Morris residence one Saturday night at about 3am. Awoken from his slumber, Mr. Morris opened the door to find a drunken, former U of M Athletic Department marketing intern begging him for sexual favors. Much to his surprise, as he thought said intern had relocated permanently to Chicago, he no doubt must have exclaimed, "Bitch, I told you 'never at my house'!" At which point the young lady became enraged and started shouting to Morris' soon-to-be completely awake wife upstairs, "He doesn't love you. He's been fucking me for three years!" After much commotion Morris got the drunken intern out of his house and returned to bed. His wife, now very confused and alarmed about the situation began questioning Morris about the identity of the girl, even questioning if it was a former marketing intern by the name of Becky (known publicly as the Little Caesars Hot 'N' Ready girl). Morris at first denied the allegations, but after repeated questioning relented to his wife that the drunken girl was indeed a former intern from Morris' office. One assumes Morris spent the remainder of a sleepless night on the couch.
Fast forward a mere two days later, Morris is in a meeting in his office with a fellow Athletic Dept employee. An unidentified man enters the office and asks if Morris if he is indeed Jamie Morris and that Morris needs to sign off on a parcel the man is delivering. The second Athletic Dept employee unaware of Morris' recent marital strife, asks jokingly, "What are those, divorce papers?" Morris, before opening the package replies, "No man, people ask me to autograph things all the time." Well, he spoke too soon.
The lesson to be learned from Mr. Morris' predicament? The paraphrase Paul, "If you're going to have an affair, make sure it's not with a psycho bitch who's going to come to your house at 3am."
Wise words.
perhaps this should've gone in the smacking yr own thread?
Moderators: 88BuckeyeGrad, Left Seater, buckeye_in_sc
perhaps this should've gone in the smacking yr own thread?
story from a friend about "michigan football legend" jamie morris:
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the_ouskull
- Vince's Heisman Celebration
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the_ouskull
- Vince's Heisman Celebration
- Posts: 2467
- Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 3:38 pm
- Location: Norman, OK
Actually, yes. They're members of the species, "lowus selfesteemus." They populate college, and college-aged bars. You can spot them by their coat, as well as what they are drinking. If it's fruity, trendy, or pretentious, they may be of the specics. (The coat or the drink...)
They're well-known for falling prey to the following traps:
"I'll call you."
"All girls swallow."
"Of course I'm single. I wear the ring to keep girls from hitting on me."
"Let me buy you another drink."
etc...
If you encounter one of these in the wild, your best ploy should be to isolate it before you attack it. Their strength comes from numbers, and other members of their species will protect individual members like a mother f'ing hen. They will attempt, also like hens, to perform what is known as the "cockblock," keeping you from getting a chance to mount your prey. Remember to use the above lines to keep their guard down as, given time to put up their defenses, you'll find they're quite formidible.
On occasion, even the most demure of lowus self-esteemus can morph into psychous bitchus on short notice, so leaving as soon as you consummate is highly recommended. It's the best preventative meausre currently on record. Happy hunting.
the_ouskull
They're well-known for falling prey to the following traps:
"I'll call you."
"All girls swallow."
"Of course I'm single. I wear the ring to keep girls from hitting on me."
"Let me buy you another drink."
etc...
If you encounter one of these in the wild, your best ploy should be to isolate it before you attack it. Their strength comes from numbers, and other members of their species will protect individual members like a mother f'ing hen. They will attempt, also like hens, to perform what is known as the "cockblock," keeping you from getting a chance to mount your prey. Remember to use the above lines to keep their guard down as, given time to put up their defenses, you'll find they're quite formidible.
On occasion, even the most demure of lowus self-esteemus can morph into psychous bitchus on short notice, so leaving as soon as you consummate is highly recommended. It's the best preventative meausre currently on record. Happy hunting.
the_ouskull
Congrats, Wags. Good win.
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peter dragon
- 2006 Pickem Champion
- Posts: 1562
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- Location: aKrOn/Oh
- Contact:
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WolverineSteve
- 2012 CFB Bowl Jeopardy Champ
- Posts: 3754
- Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2005 5:13 pm
- Location: The D
Ohio's future looks bright.
http://www.10tv.com/?story=sites/10tv/c ... 92309.html
Check out the video.
http://www.10tv.com/?story=sites/10tv/c ... 92309.html
Check out the video.
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football."
-John Heisman
"Any street urchin can shout applause in victory, but it takes character to stand fast in defeat. One is noise --- the other, loyalty." Fielding Yost
Go Blue!
-John Heisman
"Any street urchin can shout applause in victory, but it takes character to stand fast in defeat. One is noise --- the other, loyalty." Fielding Yost
Go Blue!
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King Crimson
- Eternal Scobode
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i'm voting that peter dragon re-size his avatar.
i'm tired of it on the CFB and CBB board.
i'm tired of it on the CFB and CBB board.
""On a lonely planet spinning its way toward damnation amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar!"
"
"
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peter dragon
- 2006 Pickem Champion
- Posts: 1562
- Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2005 4:36 am
- Location: aKrOn/Oh
- Contact:
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King Crimson
- Eternal Scobode
- Posts: 8978
- Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2005 5:44 pm
- Location: La Choza, Tacos al Pastor
well, you didn't have to do that. it was stretching the screen out....
""On a lonely planet spinning its way toward damnation amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar!"
"
"