Potlucks at work

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:41 pm

I freaking hate these things. You end up with people who'd be better off bringing pre-packaged Jello Snackers as their "dish" actually trying to cook things like mexican rice or pasta salad. Neither of those are particularly difficult, but when a middle-aged person is still struggling with the difference between a tsp and a tbsp, they'd be doing everyone a favor by backing away from the stove.

Some chick made mole` and all the hens had been clucking for days in advance, "Christina's bringing mole`...Christina's bringing mole`...", as if this lone event validated the need to have the potluck in the first place.

So as I approached the table full of under and over-cooked entrees and side dishes, and spotted the mole`. I opened up the lid on the food heater gimmick and...OH MY GOD!! What the fuck?! Jesus...It smelled like someone took a dump on hot asphalt in August, let all of the water steam out of the turd over the course of a couple of days, then reconstituted it in some sort of crockpot fecal stew and expected you to lob it on some rice and thank them for it. So, since I know that several Mexican food dishes smell like dog turds, I tried a bit of it and it was alright. I'd give it a 6.5.

Rootbeer · Post by **Rootbeer** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:57 pm

I laughed out loud. Excellent twist, Mike. Rack it.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:02 pm

We have a set of cows here in the office who try to get some kind of potluck for every fucking event. Now, the food is usually good, but seriously, they are always trying to come up with some sort of reason to fill their faces.

Of course, they all eat their brownies and chips and queso then drink Diet Coke and walk the halls for 5 minutes before winded, only to pick up an extra 2 or 3 brownies on their way back to their stall.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:03 pm

One of my favorite dishes is halushki. Every spring and summer in Western PA there are festivals and fairs in the towns along the rivers. The old Hunky ladies get their crockpots going and sell you a bowl of haluski that'll staple to your rips for a buck or so.

I was pining for some haluski a few weeks ago at work. One of the ladies there said she'd make me some and bring it in.

So, she brings it in the next day. I open it up while she's watching...and it looked like she shaved a head of raw cabbage, dusted it with pepper, and poured skim milk onto the mess. I'm sure my disappointment was transparent. No butter, no onions, no meat stock...WTF?

Another bitch brought in some bread pudding one time that was awesome, though.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:47 pm

When I bought my wood smoker online a few months ago I was supposed to get a free table top kettle-type CharBroil bbq as a bonus. When the boxes came it turns out that they actually sent me two bonus bbq's, which was nice, but I don't really have a need for two of them. So, I brought one into work and announced that henceforth we would be having Friday lunchtime bbq's at the picnic tables outside our building.

The bosses pitched in for a large bag of charcoal, a big pkg of Hebrew National jumbos and a pkg of frozen ground sirloin burgers for the first incarnation. Everybody brought chips, salad, fruit, salsa, sodas, condiments, etc (no cooked stuff) and we had a damned good time. That was about 4 weeks ago and we didn't do it again until last week. We had frozen the leftover meat and had enough for a second go around.

I'm hoping to make this a bi-weekly event during nice weather. The plan is for everybody to bring something to grill and something else. No need for home-cooked pot-luck stuff when you're grilling.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:53 pm

Mikey wrote:No need for home-cooked pot-luck stuff when you're grilling.

I dunno...when I get really good and grilled, potlucks are usually a hoot. I still avoid the crabcakes, though.

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:54 pm

Just buy a jar of marshmallow Fluff and a bunch of gummy bears. Mix 'em together, place them in a disposable serving dish with some shredded coconut on top. Tell people at work that it's what YOUR family called "ambrosia salad."

Usually, after the second time I bring it to a potluck, someone takes me aside and says I don't have to worry about a dish to pass...

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:05 pm

Reser's Potato Salad, baby!

velocet · Post by **velocet** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:07 pm

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:Just buy a jar of marshmallow Fluff and a bunch of gummy bears. Mix 'em together, place them in a disposable serving dish with some shredded coconut on top. Tell people at work that it's what YOUR family called "ambrosia salad."

Usually, after the second time I bring it to a potluck, someone takes me aside and says I don't have to worry about a dish to pass...

So concerning the whole cheating thing with respect to your students we're talking strictly "do as I say, not as I do" here, right?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:11 pm

Mikey wrote:That was about 4 weeks ago

This didn't happen to coincide with the "stomach flu" outbreak, per chance?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:16 pm

I'm that guy that just brings a two liter of Coke.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:17 pm

There's a lot to be said for the dude who shows up to a party sporting a grip of coke.

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:24 pm

Dinsdale wrote:There's a lot to be said for the dude who shows up to a party sporting a grip of coke.

Yeah, but two liters? Better have the portable defibrillator standing by...

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:26 pm

Dinsdale wrote:There's a lot to be said for the dude who shows up to a party sporting a grip of coke.

No, I don't share the good stuff with the dorks here.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:27 pm

Two litres ain't shit...if you know that little trick with the baking soda.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:30 pm

office potlucks are a good place to pick up old lady ass. with that in mind, I just bring clothespins to hold back the flab rolls.

Office matrons are looking for two things when they potluck: young dick, and folks who are dumb enough to gobble up their messes and tell them how fucking delicious they are.

I usually try to corner the first 265 lb hog I can, knock her out with my haluski farts, and go to work on her mountainous pelvic region. If I can't eat a pound of buttery cabbage, beat out a half pound of sperm onto the wrinkly chest of a secretary, and pump out a few foot-pounds of oily, sulphuric methane, then it ain't really a potluck from where I'm sitting.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:34 pm

I just
bring a
30 pak
of "beast"
!! ! !!!
everyone thinks
it's sparkling water
and no
one
gets drunk
from it,
so whose
the wisener?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:43 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Two litres ain't shit...if you know that little trick with the baking soda.

That reminds me of a time back in the old days. I worked part-time at my favorite neighborhood watering hole. We were known to set up lines on the cig machine, the bar, wherever was handy, and a number of us shared when we were holding.

One guy in particular (let’s call him Ray, since that was his name) always was there to scarf up a free rail, but never seemed to have any to share.

So one afternoon we decided to set him up. Took a small pile of salt and ground it down nice and fine. Waited till Ray showed up, and then offered him a nice fat line. He hoovered that fucker right up, grimaced a little, then pronounced, “It’s got a bit of a bite, but it’s pretty damn good”.

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:47 pm

velocet wrote:So concerning the whole cheating thing with respect to your students we're talking strictly "do as I say, not as I do" here, right?

Nope.

I actually DID turn in an assignment.....the "ambrosia."

Besides, potlucks are a form of frigging peer pressure. I don't feel that I should be forced into making co-workers food, nor should I have to eat THEIR concoctions. Unfortunately, the touchy-feely "we're a big family" idjits at my workplace can't get the idea that I have no urge to turn my place of employment into frigging church campout.

When I participate in a genuine, non-coerced, potluck (like at church), I go whole-hog and make a 15-lb tray of baked ziti, complete with two pounds of ground beef, two pounds of Italian sausage, and three kinds of cheese. I also bring a few loaves of Italian bread...none of that French shit.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:52 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Took a small pile of salt and ground it down nice and fine. Waited till Ray showed up, and then offered him a nice fat line. He hoovered that fucker right up, grimaced a little, then pronounced, “It’s got a bit of a bite, but it’s pretty damn good”.

Hey, that trick is fresh!

Sin,
Roach

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:03 pm

PSUFAN wrote:One of my favorite dishes is halushki. Every spring and summer in Western PA there are festivals and fairs in the towns along the rivers. The old Hunky ladies get their crockpots going and sell you a bowl of haluski that'll staple to your rips for a buck or so.

I was pining for some haluski a few weeks ago at work. One of the ladies there said she'd make me some and bring it in.

So, she brings it in the next day. I open it up while she's watching...and it looked like she shaved a head of raw cabbage, dusted it with pepper, and poured skim milk onto the mess. I'm sure my disappointment was transparent. No butter, no onions, no meat stock...WTF?

Another bitch brought in some bread pudding one time that was awesome, though.

Props on the halushki. Me, being 1/2 slovak, I've had my fair share of halushki, pierogies, and gnocci. My Grandma could make all of those like a mofo. Hell, her kitchen was perfectly suited for it. Typical grandma kitchen... house in downtrodden Uniontown, old time stove, no mixers, fluorescent light or two above the cooking area... it had all the makings of a slovak kitchen. Every last bit of slovak food that came out of it was as authentic as her kitchen. Rack her. Well, except for the puska bread. Authentic as could be, but sucked ass.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:17 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Took a small pile of salt and ground it down nice and fine. Waited till Ray showed up, and then offered him a nice fat line. He hoovered that fucker right up, grimaced a little, then pronounced, “It’s got a bit of a bite, but it’s pretty damn good”.

Hey, that trick is fresh!

Sin,
Roach

It really was fresh when we did it. You were probably in second grade at the time.

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:21 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Took a small pile of salt and ground it down nice and fine. Waited till Ray showed up, and then offered him a nice fat line. He hoovered that fucker right up, grimaced a little, then pronounced, “It’s got a bit of a bite, but it’s pretty damn good”.

Hey, that trick is fresh!

Sin,
Roach

It really was fresh when we did it. You were probably in second grade at the time.

Just think of the laughter that would have been had if you put one of those whoopie cushions on his seat too.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:29 pm

Wrong, Kendra. Whoopie cushions were fresh when Wolfie was a young man. I’m not that old.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:32 pm

Goober McTuber wrote: It really was fresh when we did it. You were probably in second grade at the time.

Dude...with the crowd that I ran with, I think that trick was fresh in second grade.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:35 pm

Well, that early start would go a long ways towards explaining the present condition of your brain-lump.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:43 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Well, that early start would go a long ways towards explaining the present condition of your brain-lump.

Actually, I never used hard drugs until my 18th birthday...then, it was alllll over.