Parents reminiscin' about their childhood

[RumpleForeskin]

I took a trip up to my mom's and step pop's land this weekend to help them out with some stuff and also take in a little R n' R. Saturday night after a lot of work in the morning and then some play in the afternoon and then a nice BBQ Ribs and Brisket dinner, the family is sittin' around the fire sharing various tales of their childhood. Fortunately, my two uncles on my mother's side decided to come up for the weekend too and then the stories commenced after the alcohol was flowin'. This one story my mother told sparked my thinking of what makes a true tard...

One day, my mother, 10 years old, was playing jacks on the front porch. Sitting there bouncing a rubber ball onto the ground and trying to pick up the jack and catch the ball before it bounced again, she heard off into the distance a faint sound. Well, she shrugged off the strange noise and continued playing on the front porch, but shortly after she heard it again. This time she stood up and walked out from under the porch to get a better make on the faint noise. The sound came again and this time it was less faint and she heard a voice, but it sounded like it was underwater or something. She started to walk toward the voice which was coming from the backyard and as she crept closer she could make out what the voice was saying. It sounded like someone was saying, "Help me." As she approached the solid wood gate she heard it again, "Help me". She reached up on top of the fence and pulled herself up to see what was over the fence and to her surprise, she saw that her little brother (6 years old) had hung himself on the swing set with a noose. She immediately swung the gate open and untangled the homemade noose that my uncle had created and tied to the swing set. After my uncle stopped looking like a member of Blue Man Group, my mother waited for him to change back into his original color after turning into six other shades of dark blue to light blue. Then, when the coloring was back to normal, the coughing only lasted another 2 or 3 minutes.
She then asked the question that any one of us would ask if we saw our younger sibling hanging from a swing set,

"Larry, why the heck did you hang yourself?!?!"

Being that this was 1960, Western TV shows (Magnificent Seven, Gunsmoke, Wild Wild West, Bonanza, etc.) were VERY popular...

My uncle, who was still panting and grabbing his neck in pain, replied, "You know all those Westerns where the bad guy gets hung?"
My mother then replies "Uh, yeah..."
My uncle then says, "I thought to myself, 'I can get out of a hanging...EASY'. Still grabbing his neck and shaking his head he continued, "You can't get out of a hangin'! Its impossible! I wouldn't try it if I were you."
My mother - "Don't worry. I won't."

Fucking incredible.

[Some Damn Retard]

I see stupid runs in the family.

[Goober McTuber]

This one story my mother told sparked my thinking of what makes a true tard...

Uh, yeah, that would be when she fucked your father.

[PSUFAN]

Darwin really dropped the ball on you guys. Sucks to see that, after all the work you did to help him out.

[PSUFAN]

I remember my childhood. My mom nailed me into a shoebox with some lighter fluid, a zippo, and an Eldridge Cleaver anthology from Rent to Own. But, I kept hope alive and lived to banana-seat my lumpy ass out of there safe and sound to carry on the tradition.

SLAM!
LOCK

sin, Furrah Love, Lincoln-Larimer, Pittsburgh, PA