Bad writing

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:29 pm

SAN FRANCISCO -- A 47-year-old Wisconsin man has won an annual contest that salutes bad writing.

Jim Gleeson, of Madison, beat out thousands of other prose manglers who entered San Jose State University's 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

He won with this convoluted opening sentence to a nonexistent novel:

"Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee."

Gleeson said that his secret was to take two different thoughts and put them together by any means necessary.

For his awkward syntax, imminent disaster and bathroom humor, Gleeson wins $250.

This sounds like something Derron and Risa might want to enter.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:10 pm

I'm a bore. Bad writing is different from frustrating writing. 'Bad' writing is memorable. The guy above wrote a deliciously good joke. It's nearly british. It's all about the punchline. You keep reading to see what the fuck is going to happen next.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:19 pm

Risa wrote:I'm a bore.

say no more...

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:32 pm

Until BCO enters this thing, a permanent * should be in place.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:35 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Until BCO enters this thing, a permanent * should be in place.

Anyone have a link to those stories he posted?

What the heck, it's been long enough he should probably take another pile-on for displaying such utterly horrific examples of stupidity.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 4:22 pm

Nice BCO call-out thread. Best of luck getting him to respond, though...

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:57 pm

Dog wrote:
Risa wrote:I'm a bore.

say no more...

I always thought that was spelled with a "Wh"

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:08 pm

Mister Bushice wrote:
Dog wrote:
Risa wrote:I'm a bore.

say no more...
I always thought that was spelled with a "Wh"

no racks yet!!!!???
you all are slipping

socal · Post by **socal** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:19 pm

Risa wrote:You keep reading to see what the fuck is going to happen next.

Yet we keep scrolling. Irony thy name is Risa.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:05 am

socal wrote:
Risa wrote:You keep reading to see what the fuck is going to happen next.
Yet we keep scrolling.

I just piss on my screen.

It doesn't fix the problem, but it helps a little.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:13 am

quacker backer wrote:
Mister Bushice wrote:
Dog wrote:
say no more...
I always thought that was spelled with a "Wh"
no racks yet!!!!???
you all are slipping

It's not because folks are slipping, it's because Bushice is an idiot.
Do I look like a whore to you? It's just not funny.

cinderella_undercover wrote:
I just piss on my screen.

It doesn't fix the problem, but it helps a little.

You got one of those Chyna/Del Rio clits? Rock on, girl. Can you also write your name when aiming your piss slit? That would be bitchin'. And for the dudes, when screwing a chick who's clitorally endowed, is it like getting a blowjob at the same time? or mega clits don't massage like tongue tips?

Anybody been there?

Adelpiero · Post by **Adelpiero** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:26 am

i was

robbed

bullshit

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:33 am

Risa wrote:Do I look like a whore to you?

Well, not one that I'd ever patronize. Maybe jtr could weigh in on this one.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:38 am

If a singles convention was to ever offer a buffet line of Twinkies and an internet connnection, that would be destiny in the making right thar.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:59 am

Risa wrote:

cinderella_undercover wrote:
I just piss on my screen.

It doesn't fix the problem, but it helps a little.
You got one of those Chyna/Del Rio clits? Rock on, girl. Can you also write your name when aiming your piss slit? That would be bitchin'. And for the dudes, when screwing a chick who's clitorally endowed, is it like getting a blowjob at the same time? or mega clits don't massage like tongue tips?

Anybody been there?

Can I answer for all of us?

Also, if my answer meets your standards.....will you share some of your orange soda with me?

Sure am thirsty.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:51 am

Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote:Do I look like a whore to you?
Well, not one that I'd ever patronize.

You insult me, by quibbling over details. Is every woman a whore, in your world?

cinderella_undercover wrote:
Risa wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:
I just piss on my screen.

It doesn't fix the problem, but it helps a little.
You got one of those Chyna/Del Rio clits? Rock on, girl. Can you also write your name when aiming your piss slit? That would be bitchin'. And for the dudes, when screwing a chick who's clitorally endowed, is it like getting a blowjob at the same time? or mega clits don't massage like tongue tips?

Anybody been there?
Can I answer for all of us?

If 'all of us' have seen your clit, then yes.

How many are 'us'?

Also, if my answer meets your standards.....

My standards are difficult: as long as your clit is a gift of genes
and not of a knife and super-glue, you'll pass.

will you share some of your orange soda with me?

My orchard is plum. I was hoping to press your own ruby red slices.

Sure am thirsty.

You should learn to squirt.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:57 am

Ummmm, is it too late to ask for the "blue pill"?

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:06 am

cinderella_undercover wrote:Ummmm, is it too late to ask for the "blue pill"?

You shouldn't need Viagra. Just spread your legs and flip your bean and think of Dog.

There might be some tutorials still up at Trolltrain, if you're nervous... or are thinking of backing out. What do you have for 'us' tonight, Cin?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:22 am

Risa wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:Ummmm, is it too late to ask for the "blue pill"?
You shouldn't need Viagra. Just spread your legs and flip your bean and think of Dog.

There might be some tutorials still up at Trolltrain, if you're nervous... or are thinking of backing out. What do you have for 'us' tonight, Cin?

I feel as if an "alien suit" has fallen from space and encroached itself upon me.

It's black, it's unusual, and it brings out the worst in what little personality I have.

Qbert · Post by **Qbert** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:28 am

Please Cin!!!!!

PuhLEASE ADDDDDDDdddddd....to what you want to do to your l'il nubbin tehnite Honey.....

i'll be in your keyboard Dreams FOR SURE.....

hit <ctrl><alt><delete> at the SAME TIME....and it'll be RAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaappppTure......

i'll be doing the SAME....THRASHING AWAY at my <ctrl><alt><delete>.......

if you don't likeeee....hit dah "x".....

puhLEASE...hit the "x"!

i so LOVE It when peeeps hit the "x" ON ME!!!!

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:31 am

Qbert wrote:hit <ctrl><alt><delete> at the SAME TIME....

I'm not ashamed to say, I fell for that about.....12 years ago.

Okay, well....I'm a little ashamed.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:44 am

cinderella_undercover wrote:
Risa wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:Ummmm, is it too late to ask for the "blue pill"?
You shouldn't need Viagra. Just spread your legs and flip your bean and think of Dog.

There might be some tutorials still up at Trolltrain, if you're nervous... or are thinking of backing out. What do you have for 'us' tonight, Cin?
I feel as if an "alien suit" has fallen from space and encroached itself upon me.

It's black, it's unusual, and it brings out the worst in what little personality I have.

You don't get to start shit, and then feel it's you who's been encroached upon, Cin.

Well, you can... but that's bush league.

Qbert · Post by **Qbert** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:45 am

cinderella_undercover wrote:
Qbert wrote:hit <ctrl><alt><delete> at the SAME TIME....
I'm not ashamed to say, I fell for that about.....12 years ago.

Okay, well....I'm a little ashamed.

sux to be 40....eh?????? i don't like it either.

my post wasn't meant for you "directly".....it was meant to be from your "CRUSH".....

must've had a MAGIC Thumb incident from ovah here.....

may you and Risa continue your Dance.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:55 am

Risa wrote:
You don't get to start shit, and then feel it's you who's been encroached upon, Cin.

Well, you can... but that's bush league.

These wouldn't happen to be the same bushes from which you dwell, would they?

I'm just taking comfort in the fact that you've kept your replies fairly short. I don't possess the attention span it takes to read more than a few of your "nonsensical ramblings" at a time.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:00 am

Qbert wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:
Qbert wrote:hit <ctrl><alt><delete> at the SAME TIME....
I'm not ashamed to say, I fell for that about.....12 years ago.

Okay, well....I'm a little ashamed.
sux to be 40....eh?????? i don't like it either.

I'll let you know in another 6 years.

Qbert wrote:may you and Risa continue your Dance.[/i]

I shoulda wore my "steel toe" boots.

She keeps stepping on my feet with her hooves.

Qbert · Post by **Qbert** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:44 am

So, RiverDance would not be on the Horizon?

i sense a Sincerly, Eeeyore....coming soon....

You<---bust'Ballz!!!!

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:05 am

I sense a "Risa-thon" post coming.

It's been about 80 minutes since her last effort. (I'm a little concerned)

Maybe if I lather myself in mud, she won't see me?

(either that, or she'll think I'm a family member)

Crap! BAD idea.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 12:23 pm

Risa wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote:Do I look like a whore to you?
Well, not one that I'd ever patronize.
You insult me, by quibbling over details. Is every woman a whore, in your world?

No, I insult you by calling you fat, boring, unattractive, etc. And no, every woman is not a whore, in my world.

Some are tedious cunts.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:08 pm

You insult me, by quibbling over details. Saying 'not one that I'd ever patronize' is a quibble. It's like that old 'joke' about establishing a price. It doesn't matter what the price is, a ho is a ho... and price doesn't make things 'better'.

You should have just said, 'No.

You're too fat, boring, unattractive, etc to be a whore'.

A cunt is still a cock sheath. Why didn't you call me a dick? Why are women just semen receptacles, to you?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:38 pm

Risa wrote: Why are women just semen receptacles, to you?

They aren’t, you tedious cunt. You certainly never would be.

I thought you were leaving?

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:41 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote: Why are women just semen receptacles, to you?
They aren’t, you tedious cunt. You certainly never would be.

I thought you were leaving?

They are, to you; and I most certainly am, to you.

You've measured my worth by my pussy. It doesn't
matter whether you want it or you don't (that's a detail
quibble); what matters is that is your measurement of
a woman's worth.

How would you feel, to be measured by your dick?

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:11 pm

mvscal wrote:
Risa wrote: How would you feel, to be measured by your dick?
Large and in charge....well, in charge anyway.

Mexicans are thick dicked, not long dicked.
(peanut gallery: boo! you stereotyping bitch!)

and you're a redhead. are you freckled?

And a man still shouldn't be measured by his dick's worth.
Goober, you're a sexist. Your sexism is so ingrained, you
don't know any better. But you can.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:09 pm

Risa wrote:Mexicans are thick dicked, not long dicked.

Martin Lawrence once said: "I'm a thick-dicked mutha fucka. I may not choke you, but you gonna get a mouthful."

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:12 pm

Risa wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote: Why are women just semen receptacles, to you?
They aren’t, you tedious cunt. You certainly never would be.

I thought you were leaving?
They are, to you; and I most certainly am, to you.

You've measured my worth by my pussy. It doesn't
matter whether you want it or you don't (that's a detail
quibble); what matters is that is your measurement of
a woman's worth.

You’re totally wrong on this. I’ve measured your worthlessness by your uncontrollable need to make multiple message boards completely unreadable. To me, you have no worth.

Risa wrote:How would you feel, to be measured by your dick?

Trust me, I'd measure up just fine.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:55 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote:How would you feel, to be measured by your dick?
Trust me, I'd measure up just fine.

Link?!

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:36 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Risa wrote:How would you feel, to be measured by your dick?
Trust me, I'd measure up just fine.
Link?!

Well, it’s certainly not a pattie. Yeah, like a link of kielbasa.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:54 pm

What the fuck is this, Breakfast of Champions?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:55 pm

PSUFAN wrote:What the fuck is this, Breakfast of Champions?

Snack of 2nd placers.

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:34 pm

PSUFAN wrote:What the fuck is this, Breakfast of Champions?

Never read it. Wiki'd it. That's some fucked up shit. Not as fucked up as Candy, but still fucked up.

Goober, she asked you for a link to your claims.
Time to man up and 'put 'em on the glass', in the parlance.
I personally promise I won't laugh, point or snicker.

I agree with her: let's see your goods, Goob.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Aug 02, 2007 1:49 pm

I’d like to help you out here, Risa, but I’m afraid I’d make IRIE cry.