Not a creature was stirring, not even AP's ho
The panties were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Y2K soon would be there
womanimal was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of mangina danced in her head;
And T1B with its plunger, and .net with its spam
Had just settled in for AP's rectal exam
When out from the shout box arose such a clatter
AP sprang from his air mattress to see what was the matter
Away to the monitor he flew like a flash
Tore open a Keystone and scratched at his gash
The light of the screen dressing the room
Gave the lustre of mid-day to a place full of gloom
When, what to AP's wandering eye should appear
But rejection PMs from C_U, and eight tiny reindeer
A band of the heartless, so biting and quick
Still licking their chops from the blood of kevnic
More rapid than eagles they came and they came
And he drank, and he quivered, and shouted their names
"FUCK Dasher! And Dancer! And Prancer and Vixen!
Screw boxers and briefs - I'M AT MY WITS END!
To the top of the mirror! to the top of the wall!
With Kodak in hand, I'll splooge on it all!"
And then, out the window, he saw on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each bloody hoof.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
In from the porch came Jack with a bound
He was dressed like a mason, from his head to his gut
And his clothes were all tarnished with shame and upchuck
A case of Bud he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a bum, like Gary Busey on crack
His eyes-how they redened! His posture, how clumsy!
His presence wreaked of failure, like his boy D. Rumsy!
AP's face lit-up by the sight of the mason
He ran to him as if chased by a job application
The fisted-end of a Budweiser, Jack held tight in his teeth,
This excited AP like a cowboy named Heath
Jack had a gumpy face and a big round belly,
Perfect for AP's head, with which to rest while watching the telly
He was wide-eyed and drunk, and absent of fear
Took another swig, and readied for reindeer
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let AP know he had nothing to dread
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Tossed AP some lace and said, "here, for your late night jerk"
Beer after beer, he sucked and he sucked
The 'deer loomed closer - he said "we're totally fucked"
They sprang to the pick-up, AP riding shotgun
Y2K seething in pain from a hoof to the noggin'
But AP exclaimed, as they drove out of sight
"Fuck you all! These panties feel RIGHT!"
