When Zoos Become Jungles...A Christmas Story

[LTS TRN 2]

I was hungry, so..yeah, I went to the cafe...

[LTS TRN 2]

[quote="LTS TRN 2"]Sure, you thought it a nice idea, to take your obnoxious mother-in-law to the S.F. Zoo on Christmas Day. The kids would be genuinely interested in the animals (since you never take them normally) and so you'd have an excuse to not talk to the controlling bitter bitch who somehow produced the sweet and supportive woman who became your wife. So you pack up the kids--and yet somehow she seems to be organizing and assuming a greater authority over them than you--and drive the few miles out to the coast--in a politeness so forced even the kids notice. But it seems okay, the weather is clear and sunny, and the old zoo has enjoyed some interesting developments--the monkey house, the giraffe grotto. Oh, it's a very old-fashioned zoo, designed in the '30's..just look at how old the Lion House looks...like something out of a movie. And so it's getting dark and time to leave...the kids want a snack, and the bitch wants to tell you something. The cafe is centrally located in the middle of the zoo, right by the big cat building...and there's a few folks left..it's getting cold...and as the kids are lined up at the counter, she leans to you and says in a tone which is clearly prepared, one of saying some carefully considered message..."Mary and the kids are coming to Tampa to live with me for a while...I thought I should tell you before Mary did, because she's going to tonight...we've already decided, and we really think it's best...the schools and church life, and now that Fred's dead, I have a lot more time and energy, and I want to be with my grandchildren..." And just as this COMPLETELY surprising news is being carefully admitted to your bearing and demeanor (keep cool)...you look up...and as in a dream you see a tremendous 600-lb Siberian tiger entering the cafe...and with an astonishingly silent intensity the world's largest cat springs upon your mother-in-law and rips her throat out in a blood spraying flash and snarl. You dive to the side, grabbing a lightweight green plastic chair and hold it out feebly, shaking...three more full grown tigers enter the cafe and start attacking anything that moves...sudden shrieking follows the initial stunned air-sucked silence of sheer disbelief...the kids apparently ran out the other side...police are on the scene very quickly--and are shooting the lead tiger as it gnaws off the top of your (former?) mother-in-law's head...the other three giant cats flee into the dark...ON THE LOOSE! (right now)...and as you find the kids and drive home to drop them off before going to the hospital, you wonder if you should tell your wife of her mother's pre-announcement...or just pretend it never happened...ignore it..after all...she's fucking dead!

[Rich Fader]

...and LT2 shows proof of why it was such a tragedy he wasn't the one who got Montecored.

Outstanding.

[Mikey]

RACK you for catching the other three cats and getting them back in their cage before anybody else realized they were out.

[smackaholic]

Watching GMA and the anouncer chick asks "what's it mean, when tiger's attack folks?"

What a stupid bitch.

Maybe it has something to do with it being a fukking tiger, you dumb cunt.

I know you are paid to run your hole non stop, but, try to think of something intelligent.

[Felix]

Maybe it has something to do with it being a fukking tiger, you dumb cunt.

apparently not....some are speculating the Tiger was PROVOKED...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,318365,00.html

[Smackie Chan]

I blame Israel.

[OCmike]

Who goes to the zoo on Christmas in San Francisco? Jews, homos or both. So basically, a gay jew got mauled by a tiger.

No big loss. One less sinner for me to burn on armegeddon day. - Jesus

[LTS TRN 2]

Alright, an update on a truly weird tale...(better, it turns out, than my own whimsical fantasy)..

It seems the victim, a seventeen-year-old Brazilian kid, was the young member of the group. His older pals that day were the Dahliwal brothers, ages 23 and 19. These characters, it turns out, are two of the slimiest dirtballs anyone familiar with them has ever seen. They are SO vile and out of control it's amazing they're not in jail---CHECK THAT...the elder is due in court for assault on a police officer, an incident a few months ago where he was basically "wilding." Their neighbors describe them as nasty criminals who blast music and peel rubber in their car at all hours in the suburban cul-de- sac neighborhood of San Jose. They were "extremely belligerent" to the police after the attack (the 911 calls are reporting THEM as being "all 800"). Here's what really happened: The three arrived rather late to Zoo--after lying on the c-phone to the victim's father about his whereabouts--and had only an hour or so before closing (5:00pm). They had a snack in the cafe (witnesses said they were loud and rude) and then walked about the Zoo grounds. They RETURNED to the tiger grotto just as it was getting totally dark, right at closing. And then they proceeded to taunt the big kitty. In this case "taunting" included yelling, waving, and when that had no effect the leader, the court-bound eldest, climbed over the perfunctory three-foot-high railing and crept to the edge of the moat. Now, the design of this ridiculous structure was commissioned as part of the WPA during the Depression. It really looks old fashioned--like something from the middle-ages--with its (empty) moat surrounding a fake jungle clearing. Anyway the wall of the moat is only TWELVE FEET SIX INCHES high. And feeding time (since the SAME tiger ate a zookeeper's arm last year during the "public" feeding session) was now just after closing time. So...here's this fucked-up punk right at the edge of the wall, taunting..and the big hungry cat EASILY jumped right up and over the front fucking wall!!! And while the story should have a happy ending right here, one can never underestimate the sheer duplicity of a natural born slimeball. As the Kitty was saying Hello to the elder brother, the younger basically pushed the kid into the tiger's snarling wrath, and the cat switched its focus to him. The brothers ran off, three-hundred yards or so back to the cafe, leaving the kid to die--which he did. The cat then followed them to the cafe--after about TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!--arriving just as the brothers were complaining and carrying on--not sympathetically, but belligerently--causing the staff to regard their astonishing claim as bullshit and call the police on THEM (one of the 911 calls did say..."well, one does have a nasty cut on his neck"). The tiger then came straight into the cafe and resumed his attack!! (oh, for a video!) The cops were there in seconds, having been called several minutes before. They shot the great noble beast, and the rest is in the hands of the attorneys. And what a lawsuit it will be.

[Dinsdale]

It was just before dawn
One miserable morning in black forty four.
When the forward commander
Was told to sit tight
When he asked that his men be withdrawn.
And the generals gave thanks
As the other ranks held back
The enemy tanks for a while.
And the anzio bridgehead
Was held for the price
Of a few hundred ordinary lives.

And old king george
Sent mother a note
When he heard that father was gone.
It was, I recall,
In the form of a scroll,
With gold leaf and all.
And I found it one day
In a drawer of old photographs, hidden away.
And my eyes still grow damp to remember
His majesty signed
With his own rubber stamp.

It was dark all around.
There was frost in the ground
When the tigers broke free.
And no one survived
From the royal fusiliers company c.
They were all left behind,
Most of them dead,
The rest of them dying.
And thats how the high command
Took my daddy from me.

[Felix]

So...here's this fucked-up punk right at the edge of the wall, taunting..and the big hungry cat EASILY jumped right up and over the front fucking wall!!! the younger basically pushed the kid into the tiger's snarling wrath, and the cat switched its focus to him. The brothers ran off, three-hundred yards or so back to the cafe, leaving the kid to die--which he did. The cat then followed them to the cafe

Tatiana...

payback is a bitch....

[Rich Fader]

lyrics of "When The Tigers Broke Free"

Heh. RACK the Floyd reset.

[socal]

[Mister Bushice]

Alright, an update on a truly weird tale...(better, it turns out, than my own whimsical fantasy)..

It seems the victim, a seventeen-year-old Brazilian kid,.......They shot the great noble beast, and the rest is in the hands of the attorneys. And what a lawsuit it will be.

And you know all this - how?

The Asian monkey cage has a great view of the Tiger pen?

[LTS TRN 2]

Those that know, know that they know....those that don't know, don't know they don't know.

This blues trope (an American echo of the insight of Plato's "cave") speaks really of Christers, etc., and has nothing to do with the incident at hand. Update: the slimefuck brothers had this outting planned...and they hadn't come to take family pics and watch the (insane) rhino furiously pacing. THEY CAME WITH MEAT with which to taunt the big cats. When the elder hopped the three-foot fence to advance to the rim of the ludicrous moat, he had MEAT that he was tossing...and like a flash!

As for the lawsuit(s), oh, fuck Jesus in a jail-cell, this is NOT going to court. But.........the fingers are long in the City...and, trust me, these guys won't get away with it.

[War Wagon]

Ya' know, I rarely click on a Nick Frisco authored topic, much less actually read one of his interminable screeds, but this was pretty fucking funny and worth reading. RACK!able, even.

And RACK that Cat, btw.

Alright, an update on a truly weird tale...(better, it turns out, than my own whimsical fantasy)..

It seems the victim, a seventeen-year-old Brazilian kid, was the young member of the group. His older pals that day were the Dahliwal brothers, ages 23 and 19. These characters, it turns out, are two of the slimiest dirtballs anyone familiar with them has ever seen. They are SO vile and out of control it's amazing they're not in jail---CHECK THAT...the elder is due in court for assault on a police officer, an incident a few months ago where he was basically "wilding." Their neighbors describe them as nasty criminals who blast music and peel rubber in their car at all hours in the suburban cul-de- sac neighborhood of San Jose. They were "extremely belligerent" to the police after the attack (the 911 calls are reporting THEM as being "all 800"). Here's what really happened: The three arrived rather late to Zoo--after lying on the c-phone to the victim's father about his whereabouts--and had only an hour or so before closing (5:00pm). They had a snack in the cafe (witnesses said they were loud and rude) and then walked about the Zoo grounds. They RETURNED to the tiger grotto just as it was getting totally dark, right at closing. And then they proceeded to taunt the big kitty. In this case "taunting" included yelling, waving, and when that had no effect the leader, the court-bound eldest, climbed over the perfunctory three-foot-high railing and crept to the edge of the moat. Now, the design of this ridiculous structure was commissioned as part of the WPA during the Depression. It really looks old fashioned--like something from the middle-ages--with its (empty) moat surrounding a fake jungle clearing. Anyway the wall of the moat is only TWELVE FEET SIX INCHES high. And feeding time (since the SAME tiger ate a zookeeper's arm last year during the "public" feeding session) was now just after closing time. So...here's this fucked-up punk right at the edge of the wall, taunting..and the big hungry cat EASILY jumped right up and over the front fucking wall!!! And while the story should have a happy ending right here, one can never underestimate the sheer duplicity of a natural born slimeball. As the Kitty was saying Hello to the elder brother, the younger basically pushed the kid into the tiger's snarling wrath, and the cat switched its focus to him. The brothers ran off, three-hundred yards or so back to the cafe, leaving the kid to die--which he did. The cat then followed them to the cafe--after about TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!--arriving just as the brothers were complaining and carrying on--not sympathetically, but belligerently--causing the staff to regard their astonishing claim as bullshit and call the police on THEM (one of the 911 calls did say..."well, one does have a nasty cut on his neck"). The tiger then came straight into the cafe and resumed his attack!! (oh, for a video!) The cops were there in seconds, having been called several minutes before. They shot the great noble beast, and the rest is in the hands of the attorneys. And what a lawsuit it will be.

[Mister Bushice]

Those that know, know that they know....those that don't know, don't know they don't know.

This blues trope (an American echo of the insight of Plato's "cave") speaks really of Christers, etc., and has nothing to do with the incident at hand. Update: the slimefuck brothers had this outting planned...and they hadn't come to take family pics and watch the (insane) rhino furiously pacing. THEY CAME WITH MEAT with which to taunt the big cats. When the elder hopped the three-foot fence to advance to the rim of the ludicrous moat, he had MEAT that he was tossing...and like a flash!

As for the lawsuit(s), oh, fuck Jesus in a jail-cell, this is NOT going to court. But.........the fingers are long in the City...and, trust me, these guys won't get away with it.

Once again - you know all of this shit how exactly?

[Goober McTuber]

Those that know, know that they know....those that don't know, don't know they don't know.

This blues trope (an American echo of the insight of Plato's "cave") speaks really of Christers, etc., and has nothing to do with the incident at hand. Update: the slimefuck brothers had this outting planned...and they hadn't come to take family pics and watch the (insane) rhino furiously pacing. THEY CAME WITH MEAT with which to taunt the big cats. When the elder hopped the three-foot fence to advance to the rim of the ludicrous moat, he had MEAT that he was tossing...and like a flash!

As for the lawsuit(s), oh, fuck Jesus in a jail-cell, this is NOT going to court. But.........the fingers are long in the City...and, trust me, these guys won't get away with it.

Once again - you know all of this shit how exactly?

I could guess why he knows “the fingers are long in the City.”

[Smackie Chan]

Those that know, know that they know

Once again - you know all of this shit how exactly?

Jeez, Bushy...he clearly explained it. He knows that he knows; that's how he knows. How much more proof do you need?

[LTS TRN 2]

Believe it or not, this wild tale goes a lot deeper.

Okay, first is the absurdly inefficient and inexplicable policy of San Francisco contracting its Zoo. Many cities, like S.F., contract out their garbage pick-up and disposal service, but few give over total control of their zoo to a private company. But S.F. has done this for over thirty years, and the results have been mixed at best. The scandals and fuck-ups of the past few years include: a sheep in the children's petting zoo was raped by a human, a new rare African antelope promptly attacking and killing the other two antelopes in its pen (rammed and broke their legs, horrified kids), a popular hippo being incorrectly moved--died, two elephants dying unnecessarily, and the same tiger chewed off a zookeepers forearm (screaming kids, etc) last year.
So...when the police were called (for a pair of "800" hooligans), they were denied access to the suddenly sealed zoo gates. A power stand off ensued, with the zoo officials refusing to open the gate, actually assuring the cops that yes, there's a tiger loose, and yes, he's attacking two men in the cafe at that moment, but we are trained to handle this and we're working on it. Well, the cops, after about ten minutes, finally forced their way through and proceeded to the cafe where they shot the cat (over forty times). So...now we have a royal shit-fit when the actual dead kid is promptly found. The cops are absolutely steamed--at war--with the zoo officials, and the subsequent crawling investigation, controlled now exclusively by the cops, is aiming to stick it to the zoo adimistration. Never mind that yesterday the victim's father said the brothers were bullshiting about having called him with condolences after leaving the hospital (nothing but small cuts and scratches, btw), and that they're not cooperating at all with the police. There were witnesses. There is evidence. Sides are carefully being taken, and many factors considered. The cops know the brothers are complete scumbags--they know! But the real score to settle is with the zoo.

[War Wagon]

a sheep in the children's petting zoo was raped by a human

Mace never told me that he frequented the zoo, but was strictly a barnyard type.

[Jack]

Perhaps, this is not just a Christmas Story...
Celebrate New Year’s Day, free, at the zoo

[BSmack]

Some video of a tiger attack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbbVxkMRqXA

It's not pretty.

[Mister Bushice]

When was that video leaked?

[Smackie Chan]

...AND WE LET EM OFF THE HOOK!!!

Poor's Light