I would like to volunteer my services as a judge in the SO.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:34 pm

I pretty much read most of the boards, and I'm like totally unbiased and fair. I have the time to dedicate to the job, and would be honored if chosen. Plus, I kinda already told my mom that I was selected for this and she baked me a cake.

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:55 pm

Will contestants be penalized for any Prince song parodies? :D

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:59 pm

Papa Willie wrote:You're a dick licking pussy. Go fuck a pod full of cancer.

Whoaaaaa .............. slow down there, big shooter. The actual contest doesn't start until February. I'd hate to see you go wastin' the good stuff before it even starts.

KC Scott · Post by **KC Scott** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:10 pm

ST:
Please construct a post of more than 50 but less than 200 words on why you'd make an adequate judge of the smack off.
Your application will be submitted to the review committee for consideration

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:15 am

SaladTosser wrote:I pretty much read most of the boards, and I'm like totally unbiased and fair.

SaladTosser
Post subject: Just dropping by to say hi to
Posted: 08 Jan 2008 04:39 pm

dinsdale and the 3 other people here who are worth a shit. Oh, and the reindeer.

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:02 am

ST wrote:I would like to volunteer my services as a judge in the SO

Perhaps you're ill-informed?

You'll be judging a smackoff, not a suckoff.

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:34 am

If Ronnie vs. WW, KCPaul or J.ack isn't involved, we may as well all go home, ST.

'sayin.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:45 pm

poptart wrote:You'll be judging a smackoff, not a suckoff.

In your case, there's a difference?

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:05 pm

SaladTosser wrote:
poptart wrote:You'll be judging a smackoff, not a suckoff.
In your case, there's a difference?

Sorry, ST - If you've missed poppy's good stuff in here, then that's a pretty darn good argument for giving you a pass.

Don't take it personal, though...feel free to stop by more often, to read, post, or whatever floats your boat.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:59 pm

Sheesh. I'm a poptart fan, idiot. I was just being silly.

I'm not going to take this lying down. Fucking bullshit.

KC Scott · Post by **KC Scott** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:32 pm

SaladTosser wrote:Sheesh. I'm a poptart fan, idiot. I was just being silly.

I'm not going to take this lying down. Fucking bullshit.

Or you could consider just follow directions:

KC Scott wrote:ST:
Please construct a post of more than 50 but less than 200 words on why you'd make an adequate judge of the smack off.
Your application will be submitted to the review committee for consideration

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:31 pm

I owe SaladTosser for being my friend on the internet, so I will compose the essay for him.

Why I think SaladTosser would be an excellent SO judge.

-- By Tom In VA

SaladTosser is cool. SaladTosser likes Prince, which means he likes good, funky, sexy music -- this is only one reason why SaladTosser is cool. SaladTosser is trustworthy, this also makes him cool. I know if I told SaladTosser that I find Amy Winehouse sexy, in a nasty, perverted, way and he won't laugh -- now that is cool.

SaladTosser has an open mind. Having an open mind is integral to assessing the quality of smack that would occur during a contest such as the SmackOff. Don't you think it takes an open mind to insert a Dickie Thon pog, or any pog for that matter, into one's anus ? I think so, and I think you should think so too when considering Mr. Tosser for an honor such as the judgeship of the Smackoff. That same act, 'PogGate' as it were, also displays Mr. Tosser's selflessness. Focused solely on the entertainment of his bros and sisses on Internet Message Forum Smack Board Sports Talk Pog Defacement websites. Unselfish and focused on entertainment, these are attributes that a SmackOff judge should have.

His tranparency in his Match.com relationship and his LeftHand.com relationship and baring all for the boards to see should also show that Mr. Tosser manifests a sense of humility and forthrightness. Full disclosure and willing to expose the inner workings of his mind and hands, all mean that he will be fair and balanced in his adjudication of SmackOff entries.

His ability to run smack, when needed, shows that he is able to recognize smack from normal standard message board chaffe. This will be key as one scrutinizes the SmackOff posts submitted.

In conclusion, Mr. Tosser has offered to lend a hand. His resume, if nothing else, shows an ability to do just that. He brings abilities of "slight of hand" -- The Disappearing Pog -- , a "heavy hand" and an "even hand" -- his tales of self love, potentially "both hands" -- his enzyte experience, and when called upon he can provide the "iron fist":

So take this opportunity and do yourself and this board a favor. Put SaladTosser in a long, loose-fitting, flowing robe of a judge and be assured in his abilities to carry out those duties both in and under that robe.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:57 pm

Papa Willie wrote:I can probably go ahead and tell you that mvscal and Dins are the favorites to meet in the Super Bowl.

How's that? Are there no other entrants?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:59 pm

Papa Willie wrote:I can probably go ahead and tell you that mvscal and Dins are the favorites to meet in the Super Bowl.

Ya'know...

I've made a decision.

You people need to deal with the Bushice problem before I enter any such contest.

He really is one of the major reasons why many of the expatriates won't post here.

So let me know how that works out. I'll occasionally be in a couple of the sports forums when you folks deal with the problem. I'm not sure I've ever seen one person hold so much negative sway over the "readability factor."

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:14 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
BSmack wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:I can probably go ahead and tell you that mvscal and Dins are the favorites to meet in the Super Bowl.
How's that? Are there no other entrants?

I'd just say that those two are probably at the top of the "smack game" right now.

Kind of negates your claim of being unbiased a bit.

But as "pure smack" goes, I'd have to agree with you.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:15 pm

Buncha fucking brain dead ingrates up in this bitch. Rack Tom for the ST endorsement post.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:24 pm

Like I said, it's in a "gettin nasty" kind of way. The fantasy would be to think of the pictures I posted as "before", and the ones you posted as "after" her one night in BangCock.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:41 pm

mvscal wrote:I guess I'm not as cool as Salad Tosser.

No way man, you're way cool. Just cause you would laugh at me for imagining Winehouse doing strange yet wonderful things to my penis, doesn't make YOU uncool. If you're going to laugh and say "Ha, I wouldn't fuck her with Dinsdale's dick", I might say "Whoa man, that's uncool". But I wouldn't think you, as a dude and a poster, was all of a sudden "uncool".

Cool ?

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:42 pm

Tom,
You better triple wrap & spray it down with some industrial disinfectant. You may even want to use a stunt dick, just to be perfectly safe.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:43 pm

Who the fuck is Amy Winehouse and when will she finally OD?

Tom,

That chick that served us beer in Old Town Alexandria was hotter than that. WTF are you thinking?

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:48 pm

See, TWIS, that's exactly why SaladTosser could be a judge. He'd recommend that PLUS more, perhaps an entire scuba outfit or HAZMAT suit.

Not only would he understand kinky, he'd be able to guide one into the world of how to do kinky safely.

BSmack,

You are correct. I'm thinking, obviously with the darker, kinkier side of my brain. She was pretty, but it was Crystal City, not Old Town.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:49 pm

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:Tom,
You better triple wrap & spray it down with some industrial disinfectant. You may even want to use a stunt dick, just to be perfectly safe.

Stunt-Cock!!

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:53 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:
The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:Tom,
You better triple wrap & spray it down with some industrial disinfectant. You may even want to use a stunt dick, just to be perfectly safe.
Stunt-Cock!!

Jay ? Could that be a "Kids In The Hall" reset ? Rack the post either way, but CUBE it, if it is.

Y'all, this is why SaladTosser should be a judge. Do you see what he's done with one simple post volunteering ? He's united us all and brought out true agape and philial love among the troops here and THE FUNNAY.

VOTE FOR CHANGE -- Vote SaladTosser

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:59 pm

Tom In VA wrote: Jay ? Could that be a "Kids In The Hall" reset ? Rack the post either way, but CUBE it, if it is.

Nope, we were looking for "Orgasmo."

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:00 pm

Let’s see, we have the opportunity to enlist as a judge a guy who posted a thread on TOT about how much he enjoyed watching a fellow-soldier jacking off and ejaculating in less than 10 seconds?

What are we waiting for?

Sincerely,

http://bubbaworld.com/2007/01/01/the-ma ... ing-judge/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:11 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Let’s see, we have the opportunity to enlist as a judge a guy who posted a thread on TOT about how much he enjoyed watching a fellow-soldier jacking off and ejaculating in less than 10 seconds?

Good pull Goobs.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:11 pm

this is why SaladTosser should be a judge. Do you see what he's done with one simple post volunteering ? He's united us all and brought out true agape and philial love among the troops here and THE FUNNAY.

Folks who bring THE FUNNAY should p-a-r-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-e in the smackoff. Light coming on yet?

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:22 pm

PSUFAN wrote:
this is why SaladTosser should be a judge. Do you see what he's done with one simple post volunteering ? He's united us all and brought out true agape and philial love among the troops here and THE FUNNAY.
Folks who bring THE FUNNAY should p-a-r-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-e in the smackoff. Light coming on yet?

Being a judge IS participating in the smackoff. Judges always provided a bit of their own smack and FUNNAY while providing critique to the posts being judged from what I remember. ST's style seems more suited to that, and could be viewed throughout the judging, as opposed to running up against a Dinsdale or perhaps even you -- and being DQ'd.

Based upon mvscal's pictures of Winehouse, I'd hope the light stay off until she leave the room.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:23 pm

PSUFAN wrote:Folks who bring THE FUNNAY should p-a-r-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-e in the smackoff.

The ability to bring teh funnay does not necessarily translate into the ability to run smack ('sup Python?). Not sayin' that ST falls into this category, since I know he can bring it. Also, if all the comedians participate, that leaves the judging to those who don't know shit about humor ('sup TiC?). Let's face it - there will be those who enter who have no business in a smackoff, and there will those who don't enter who would be among the favorites if they did. Not much can be done about that, but at the very least, we should have judges with the ability to recognize and adequately grade smack so there is little dispute over the outcome of the judging. With that in mind, I wholeheartedly endorse ST as a judge, 'specially if that means he'll drop by more often.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:24 pm

Tom, holy moly, your endorsement has left me speechless, man. Thanks.

Oh, and for the record, I would fuck that 8 ways til Sunday. That thing is a solid 5.8 on my 1-10. Condom? Nope. Ass eating? Plenty, and mostly hers. She even has that long, flowing hair that would totally whip around as I railed her from behind. Y'all call her trash .......... I call her .................. Heaven.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:26 pm

Tom In VA wrote:You are correct. I'm thinking, obviously with the darker, kinkier side of my brain. She was pretty, but it was Crystal City, not Old Town.

I don't know, I was really drunk at the time.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:27 pm

Smackie Chan wrote:With that in mind, I wholeheartedly endorse ST as a judge, 'specially if that means he'll drop by more often.

Wow, thanks, Smackie. I honestly had no idea you e-cared. Thanks, seriously.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:29 pm

SaladTosser wrote:
Smackie Chan wrote:With that in mind, I wholeheartedly endorse ST as a judge, 'specially if that means he'll drop by more often.
Wow, thanks, Smackie. I honestly had no idea you e-cared. Thanks, seriously.

Actually, I don't care. I was just tryin' to shed my reputation as a drive-by sniper.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:32 pm

Judges always provided a bit of their own smack and FUNNAY while providing critique to the posts being judged from what I remember. ST's style seems more suited to that, and could be viewed throughout the judging

From what I remember, judge comments are excerpted (anonymously) on the threads once they are closed. We're looking to have just one judge per board, seeing as this is open up to a lot of boards.

I'm not saying that ST would be a bad choice, just that perhaps there are better choices for T1B. We want someone who's been reading posts here (or on any of the boards) often, not someone who drops by once in a while. Does ST post at Mag7 or TT or TSB? Who's to say that he wouldn't be a better judge choice on behalf of one of those forums?

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:36 pm

Ummmm, I totally knew that. Reversed?

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:38 pm

Repelled

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:41 pm

It's your party. He volunteered, I decided to have some fun and post why I think he'd be a good judge. In the end, however you choose judges for this key matchup you're architecting is how YOU and the powers that be choose judges. I'm sure he'll live and I doubt I'll be waking up with cold sweats if the "WE" opts to not have him as a judge. If the "WE" chooses to have an election of sorts and he's on the ballot, he's one that gets my vote.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:44 pm

uh, werd.

Amy Winehouse used to look a little bit better...somehow, she appears to have dropped 50 pounds somewhere along the line. looks like ST's been using her too hard.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:45 pm

He had Amy Winehouse ?

See, now he's like UBER-Cool. He should be a judge.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:48 pm

I think he was just trying to save her from Rack Fu's clutches.