FEDERAL WAY, Wash. -- Two local women claim they've been sexually assaulted by ghosts.
According to a police report, the two women told officers a paranormal person has been placing sensors on their bodies and having intercourse with them at their apartment in the 28600 block of 25th Place South.
One of the women said the assault began when she lived in Kent and followed them to Federal Way. The second woman said her encounters began recently.
The maintenance man in charge of the apartment complex said the women keep calling him saying the ghosts are raping them on weekend nights. He finally told them to call police.
It's an odd case for cops, but it's right up Ross Allison's alley. He's a ghost hunter.
"Cases like this don't pop up that often," he said.
With the emergence of the Sci-fi channel's hit show "Ghost Hunters," paranormal popularity is soaring. And Allison says as the number of ghost shows grows, so do spirit sightings.
"And so they start to label every little interesting thing happening in their home as paranormal when it might just be a house creaking," he said.
Candid questions help ghost hunters sort the eerie from the unstable.
"A lot of times you'll find it might be medications that they're taking or something psychological," Allison said.
The ghost hunter took a walk through the apartment complex where the women say a spirit has haunted them for two years. He said he would need a psychic to check for the presence of a ghost.
Police declined comment on the unusual report other than to say they do not have any investigative leads.
And the women themselves - well, they weren't anywhere to be found, just like the ghost.
Brings up some interesting food for thought...
First, if it is in fact possible to fuck from beyond the grave, some of you with children might want to reconsider your encouraging Toddowen to off himself... just something to ponder.
Crazy supernatural shit though. Got a spirit wandering around Purgatory looking for a place to park his raging eternal hard-on. I wonder if maybe he was using Levitra at the time of his demise, and he was the poor sap who inspired that whole "If erection persists for more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention" deal?
Alls I knows, is I'm heading to Federal Way. If them bitches make the regional headlines after getting poked by a dead guy, I'm thinking a heavy dose of the Dinscock would get tales of my prowess plastered all over CNN and shit.
Dang... why can't some dead bitch sneak into my room at night, fuck me, then leave without talking? That would be sweet. I suppose if you wanted to tell her what a good little dirty whore she was, you'd have to keep a Ouija board on the nightstand, but other than that it sounds pretty ideal.
Can you catch herpes from ghosts? The Human Invisibledeficiency Virus? Do ghost crabs itch as bad?
Hell, with my luck, I'd end up with some ancestor of Mt Rumplewife, back from the grave to engage in that special brand of Rumple seismic-eroticism.
On second thought, no seance for me tonight.
