Ask Dan Vogel

[PSUFAN]

Dear Dan,

I'm concerned that allowing my cats to go outside is an unfair burden on the neighborhood bird community. They catch and kill and disfigure at least one bird a week. Do you think it's OK to let them do this? I don't want to harm their quality of life...but there are the lives of my cats to consider, also.

TGIF,
Concerned in Pittsburgh

[Sirfindafold]

shit thread alert.

[Mikey]

I'm concerned about letting my pet coyotes outside as they tend to decimate the neighborhood cat (and small children) population and spoil their quality of life as well.

[atomicdad]

Dear Dan,

My dog had a small tumor on the side of her leg for about 18 months. When it was about the size of golfball I took her to the vet to get checked it checked out. $350 dollars later they told me it was non-cancerous but it may continue to grow and for $3500 they would remove it. I thought "Fuck That", she's 15 year old. Well now a year later the vet was right, it continued to grow:



It's now about the size of an 11" softball with oozing open sores that wont heal. Being the cheap bastard that I am I don't want to pay the $50 bucks at the animal shelter to have her euthanized. I've already tried Wag's approach by taking off her collar and leaving the back gate open, but she just goes and lounges in the front yard. Which do you think would work better, a few whacks with a 28 oz Louisville Slugger or a flat head shovel? How deep down should I dig a hole in my back yard?

[ChargerMike]

Dear Dan,

My dog had a small tumor on the side of her leg for about 18 months. When it was about the size of golfball I took her to the vet to get checked it checked out. $350 dollars later they told me it was non-cancerous but it may continue to grow and for $3500 they would remove it. I thought "Fuck That", she's 15 year old. Well now a year later the vet was right, it continued to grow:



It's now about the size of an 11" softball with oozing open sores that wont heal. Being the cheap bastard that I am I don't want to pay the $50 bucks at the animal shelter to have her euthanized. I've already tried Wag's approach by taking off her collar and leaving the back gate open, but she just goes and lounges in the front yard. Which do you think would work better, a few whacks with a 28 oz Louisville Slugger or a flat head shovel? How deep down should I dig a hole in my back yard?

...hey Dan, I think I can help you out here. Back in the day we use to castrate bulls by putting a rubber band type thingy around their nut sack. After a period of time the sucker would just fall off, bingo a docile bull. If that doesn't get the job done try the piano wire technique the Japs used to torture captive soldiers.

[Charles De Mar]

?

Your Vet is a a Goober Mctuber style fuckheaded tard.

Thats likely a malignant tumor, FFS. Put that dog down.

Dear Dan,

How do you get the Piss smell out of your clothing?

sincerely,
Dinsdale Bidet

[Goober McTuber]

Dear Dan,

Could you please use your considerable pull with PSUFAN to get him to change sirfindafold’s tag from “Eternal Scobode” to “shit thread alert”? TIA.

[Charles De Mar]

Dear Dan,

Could you please use your considerable pull with PSUFAN to get him to change sirfindafold’s tag from “Eternal Scobode” to “shit thread alert”? TIA.

Scrotum
Definition:
The scrotum is the sac (pouch) that contains the testes, blood vessels, and part of the spermatic cord. It is located behind the penis.

Dear Dan;

Why does Goober Mctuber emulate a scrotum everytime he logs on?

[atomicdad]

Back in the day we use to castrate bulls by putting our mouth around their nut sack. After a few bites the sucker would just fall off

FTFY

[ChargerMike]

Back in the day we use to castrate bulls by putting our mouth around their nut sack. After a few bites the sucker would just fall off

FTFY

...take care of that pooch Dan :)

[atomicdad]

Yea, I've been looking into putting her down, but she still has a little hop in her step considering how old she is, i'm sure you can relate.

[Dan Vogel]

There are too many questions to try to answer as I don't have that much time now. Jsc810 I put my four new bow ties in the dresser drawer. They'll stay there for the time being. I'm looking around for some creative neckties though. JUst for fun and a change of pace.

atomicdad not to scold you but you didn't do right by your dog. Doesn't your consciece already tell you that? Look at the lump on the leg. Think if you got old and you had a growth that way and your children decided not to treat you because you were old and they didn't want to pay money for you. It's a pretty sad scenario isn't it? Like I've taught my own children about pets they are a responsibility and a blessing to you. If you don't want the responsibility and blessing they you just don't get the pet. Tony learned a lesson when he was very young. He left his guiniea pig out in the sun on a hot day while he went to a neighbors house to play. The pig had heat stroke an died right there. You have to take care of your animals or else just make the right decision and not get one.

Of course you should have had the tumor removed despite the cost. That's a no brainer.

[Goober McTuber]

Tony learned a lesson when he was very young. He left his guiniea pig out in the sun on a hot day while he went to a neighbors house to play. The pig had heat stroke an died right there.

More likely that little pig choked to death on mvscal's dick.

[smackaholic]

Dear Dan,

My dog had a small tumor on the side of her leg for about 18 months. When it was about the size of golfball I took her to the vet to get checked it checked out. $350 dollars later they told me it was non-cancerous but it may continue to grow and for $3500 they would remove it. I thought "Fuck That", she's 15 year old. Well now a year later the vet was right, it continued to grow:



It's now about the size of an 11" softball with oozing open sores that wont heal. Being the cheap bastard that I am I don't want to pay the $50 bucks at the animal shelter to have her euthanized. I've already tried Wag's approach by taking off her collar and leaving the back gate open, but she just goes and lounges in the front yard. Which do you think would work better, a few whacks with a 28 oz Louisville Slugger or a flat head shovel? How deep down should I dig a hole in my back yard?

go with the louisville. 2 feet ought to be plenty.

[ChargerMike]

Yea, I've been looking into putting her down, but she still has a little hop in her step considering how old she is, i'm sure you can relate.

...whadda ya mean, I don't have any hop left in my step..

[pron]

Dan I saw this article today about cuddle parties. At first I thought that was code for something else, but

A Cuddle Party may look like a pajama party for grown-ups. It's fun but there are rules. The number one rule, pajamas stay on the whole time. This is a non-sexual event.

So now I wonder, why would a man go to a cuddle party if there's no sex involved? :?

[smackaholic]

todd,

First wrap the cat tightly in a ball with duck tape.

Inflate to atleast 30 psi.

This method regularly results in 40 yards or better with 5 second hangtimes. And I have been able to nail 50 yd FGs.

Short hairs generally fly better than longhairs. Must be an aerodynamic thing.

[PSUFAN]

Look - I read your post and tried out that method on one of my cats, but I became enraged at the poor results, and just fell into a general savage and oddly lustful beating of that cat. I didn't want it to end that way.

Dan, how do I bridle my rage and lust when I am performing a cat punt? My wife is starting to wonder about the small graves that keep appearing in the backyard.

Please respond rapidly, I don't want to be long unguided on this journey.

[Goober McTuber]

Dear Dan,

Do you think that the earthquake in China is a signal from God that he’s fed up with their heathen ways? 8,600 dead. Holy shit, that’s like 0.00065 % of their population.

[smackaholic]

I'm driving home tonight and as usual, the thrill junkie suicidal squirrels are out in force seeing how close they can come to running underneath a goodyear. Normally I slow down a bit and occasionally even jump on the brakes to keep from sending them to that big oak tree in the sky prematurely.

But not tonight. As I look at each and every one of those fukks I am reminded of Dan's words. About how the world will be worse off with each splatter.

What a fukking crock. The world has about eleventy bazillion squirrels. I think there is atleast half that many in yard alone.

So there was no slowing tonight. Fukk that. That precious kinetic energy costs about 3.89 a gallon at the moment. Hitting the brakes wastes it. So slowing for squirrels adds to global warming. And we know you are down with the AGW cause, right danny?

Well, there are a few little baby squirrels out there somewhere in a nest tonight and they're wondering where mommy is.

Know where she is dan? She's on the side of ellington road mostly, unless the crows have already ate here. There might even be a few bits of her stuck in my front left tire. She almost made it across dan. Almost. On any other night, she would have as I tapped my brakes.

She would be home now feeding her babies. But she's not. She's fukking dead, dan.

And it's your fault.

[Mister Bushice]

Dan, you're really an asshole, you know that? See what you made happen?

I just went out into the garden, and I found a grasshopper eating up on the leaves of one of my eggplants, so I grabbed it and crushed its head. crush crush crush.




You are NEXT, Danny boy.

[smackaholic]

Dan, Does mvscal ever hook you up with a reach around?

I kinda doubt it. He seems like a self centered one way cocksucker. You'd think he could atleast throw you one for your Bday or valentines day or something.

[Dan Vogel]

I guess this was a fun exercise for a lot of you. I hope you released all of your anxiety. If you want to drive me away then do what you think you need to do. I still see that there are some good people on this board and I'll keep posting things and enjoying the chat with those people. The rest of the strange crowd can stay out of my posts or threads. Moderators why not step in and keep these people in check? You can see by now who is who.

[PSUFAN]

At this point, may I palm my ballsack?

[PSUFAN]

Dan, can you please avoid eating asparagus? I'm tired of the stench rising from your pants when I ring the doorbell.

--mvscal