My semi-annual drive by post in order to RACK

[Jay in Phoenix]

you're posting quality is back to your usual standards, I see

As is yours, egregious and moronic.

Kind of like your little Smackbat sandbox of suckage.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

you're posting quality is back to your usual standards, I see

So these are the comedic gems Whitey is splitting his sides to?

Cuda? Funnier than Fester? Give me a fecking break, ASSHOLE!

[Jay in Phoenix]

He'll be by to RACK coods

Right after he's done reading Cathy.

It might take him a while though. He also has to pour over Blondie, Wizard of Id and Hagar.

That's a full days read for him.

[War Wagon]

I'm not getting much love here.

Pearls before Swine.

[War Wagon]

Yes.

My self-steam has been severely damaged by some real meanies on a message board.

I may need counseling to get thru this.

Go ahead, lay it on thick.... I've got this free referral thingy at work I've never used

[PSUFAN]

Give me a fecking break, ASSHOLE!

FECK!!! ARSE!!

[War Wagon]

That's a full days read for him.

Actually, I seldom get around to the comic section in the local fishwrap. Maybe once or twice a week. Who needs the funny pages when I've got T1B?

As for what I do read everyday w/o fail cover to cover...

Sports
National News
Local News

In addition to magazine subsriptions to Time, SI, and Readers Digest.

So Jay, I'd wager that I stay just as informed as you do, if not more so.

[Jay in Phoenix]

Actually, I seldom get around to the comic section in the local fishwrap. Maybe once or twice a week. Who needs the funny pages when I've got T1B?

As for what I do read everyday w/o fail cover to cover...

Sports
National News
Local News

In addition to magazine subsriptions to Time, SI, and Readers Digest.

So Jay, I'd wager that I stay just as informed as you do, if not more so.

Hey Wags, it's all in good fun, you know that.

As to being more informed...? Well, yeah, when it comes to bowling and beer and UFO's, you 'da man.

Allegedly.

[Louis Cyphre]

Other than the one already mentioned in this thread, I don't recall reading any "gay stories" here or at ToT or any other board I've posted on. Perhaps you're confusing me with one of your cybering buddies from http://www.asslesschaps.com or any of the other butt-pirate boards you frequent.

I, for the record, would like to state that all chaps are assless. If they weren't, they would be called leather pants.

Thank you.

[General Peters]

Rack the fukk out of ST

[Ana Ng]

Is there a thread on this board where Wags DOESN'T get verbally bukkake'd?


Link?

[War Wagon]

STFU and speak only when spoken to, gutter snipe.

[Ana Ng]

I'm envisioning you using your "big boy" fingers whilst typing that.

It's almost sweet.

[War Wagon]

The sailors said Angie, you're a fine girl, what a good wife you would be. But my life, my love, and my lady... is the sea.

[RadioFan]

The Bud Light is strong, with this one.

[PSUFAN]

Rack the fukk out of ST

I will, if he ever shows up. The guy who started this thread is a pretty paltry substitute

[XXXL]

Didn't you win the GP poster of the year, a couple of years ago?

Rock n' roll if you diad...

[Goober McTuber]

Didn't you win the GP poster of the year

Also known as the “King of the Retards Award”.

[General Peters]

Didn't you win the GP poster of the year, a couple of years ago?

Rock n' roll if you diad...

Fukken yep! ST won 2003 Poster of the year. That was a compilation of his posts at thetrolls.com which is no longer functioning.

here is how the system works. It keeps track of every post that you make, and each word in that post. It takes a weekly sum, and, calculates the following formula for each person to generate a total number of quality points:
A(# of total posts) divided by B(# of total responses to your posts) = C

C is now multiplied by the sum of D (which is the total amount of boobs posted divided by 2, MULTIPLIED by the number of hottie posted IN RESPONSE to your post)

This total, which we will call E, is now divided by the sum of the number of "Bwhahahaha!"'s and "WAR (anything relating to your post on a positive manner)." This total we will call F.

The computer then will take the total number of responses to any NON-thread-starting posts of yours and add it to the average responses-per-thread-you-started. This total is known as G. Added to G will be the square root of the TOTAL number of responses to EVERY post you put up that week. THIS particular total, after being multiplied by 1.45, is known as H.

This is where is gets tricky and this is where we thank modern technology. The system adds "F" to (number of responses to ANY of your posts by a 500+ poster DIVIDED by the tard-to-mod response ratio. This number will be called J

J is then added to H, and is this total, L, remains the integer by which M (total "Fuck you's" plus Any Sirfindafold "get fukked"'s and "you're a fukken jerkoff"'s and Morten Andersen references to "big fat fukken rat cock"'s) is subtracted, but only after that total of f-bombs is divided by 1.67. *as the one who created this accurate ranking system, I reserve the right to police any intentional spamming f-bombs (posting "F YOU" 600 times) and factoring them out of the equation.
This total is now added to F, and this total becomes K.

The computer takes the total grammatical ratings points (L) and multipies by 0.33. This total, M, will be added to the sum of K and and J.
This total becomes your number of quality points on the week, which determines your rankings.
Tie breakers within the top ten will be broken with:
1) Sum of "C"
2) Sum of "E"
3) your total career posts (this is where veteran status helps)
4) I hold a cracker in each hand with the name of the poster on each cracker. Whichever one my pet otter Oswald eats first will be eliminated, and the other wins the tie-breaker.
Note: it has never come to this.
5) in the event that Oswald doesn't eat either cracker, I will flip a coin UNLESS the tie-breaker is for the number one spot. In this case, I will e-mail both of your motherfukkers and ask for a 2,000 word essay on the topic (probably related to Smackchat, sports, or Rush) of my choice. I will then grade your papers on content, grammar, and insight, and the highest grade will win. And yes, it is a 10-point scale.
6. If this ends in a tie (ex. an 84 on both papers), I will then think of a tit size and have you guess which tit size I'm thinking off. The person who comes closest will be # 1 poster of the week.
7. If both people guess the exact same tit size that I am thinking of (this is conducted via e-mail), I will have you pic-wytch some Winnie Cooper porn (soft or hard, your choice, and then give that a rating from 0-100. The person with the highest score wins #1 poster of the damn week.
8. If somehow this ends in a tie, I will have both of you FedEx a six-pack of the finest imports you can think of. Fed Ex that six pack to my crib (I'll give you the address via e-mail), and I will do an extensive taste test to determine the total rating for it. (0-100 scale). Finally, we will be able to determine the # 1 poster of the week.


Thanks for reading and good luck on your posts this week. I'll list the top ten on Friday.
Out.
-GAP

oh yeah....

9. But if the imported beer taste test ends in a tie, it will come down me meeting both of you at a playground TBA where I will referee you two playing a game of one on one soccer. Two periods, 10 minutes each. No overtimes.

10. If that winds up a tie, I will drive the both of you to the mountains of the Shenendoah Valley near C-Ville. There we will have a hike, and you will be given a map and one lunchbox for a lunch break. Whoever finishes the hike first wins #1 poster of the week.


OUT.


one more thing....


11. If this hike ends in a tie, I will take you to a rock-climbing expedition. When you get to the top, you must jump down and plummet your way to the bottom. Whoever escapes this rock climb with the fewest broken bones and scratches will win the #1 poster of the week. The judging of injuries from this will be determined by me.
If it is indecisive and you both have hardly any scratches (or basically the same amount), looks like we got another damn tie. We move on to tie-breaker number 12

12. As you recover, I will go jack off behind a secluded cluster of trees. When I am done, I will come back and ask you which celebrity or model I was thinking of as I whacked off. THe person closest wins (i.e. if I was thinking of Rene Russo and one of you says "The Mom on Growing Pains" and the other says "Pricella Presley," the one who said "Pricella Presley" will win, because she's a brunette and looks closest like Rene Russo.

However, if you both respond with "Rene Russo," put on your earmuffs and camo gear. We're going skeet shooting.

13. Ten clay discs will be fired into the air for each person, and there will be 5 rounds. THe person with the most TOTAL hits will win. If you get the same amount of hits, then FUKK! We got another tie

14. At this point I will stand at home plate at a baseball field with a stopwatch and have you both run around the bases. When you touch each base, you'll yell "Boobs!" Whoever rounds the bases in the quickest time will be the #1 poster of the fukkin week. And my stopwatch goes up to 100ths of a second, so this should end it.

15. But if it doesn't and you both tie on that RIGHT DOWN to the final 100th of a second, we go to the 15th fukkin tie-breaker. No, NOT a coin flip just yet. I will take you outside the crib of Tommie the Banker that night and have you each fire one round of ten grade A extra large eggs at the top right window of his crib. Ye who has the most hits on that window wins. If it's a tie,

16. A quick game of tic-tac-toe in the dirt. Since 50% of those end in a damn tie, we'll probably be going on to tie-breaker #17

17. A game of musical chairs between the both of you pole-smokers, with my choice of music. If by the time I lift the needle from the THompson Twins record, you both sit in the final chair at the same time and split the son of a bitch, we'll go to another tie-breaker. Note: one of you MIGHT want to throw this tie-breaker.

18. I will ask you to bring me your hottest female relative (even if it's your mother) and I'll pay them 100 dollars each for a three-way. Whichever relative is the best, you'll win. If it's just too damn close to call, we'll have to go to another tie-breaker

19. this is where we will try to end this fukking thing, and this is where is might get a bit fukked up. I will dress up in my Civil War suit plus a hockey mask and have you both hog-tied, fully clothed, and on your knees, with the red ball strapped to your mouth ala Pulp Fiction I will paddle your asses at the same time with a bigass oar, and after 60 seconds I'll remove the red ball. Whoever screams "Mercy!" or "Stop!" will be eliminated. If you say "thank you sir, may I have another?," you win. If you both say that, then I continue to paddle your asses. If this continues on for 5 minutes with nobody saying "Mercy," we will go to #20

20. Coin flip.

Never question the damn rankings, bitch.

[poptart]

bwaaa hahaha

RACK the General!

[War Wagon]

At this point I will stand at home plate at a baseball field with a stopwatch and have you both run around the bases. When you touch each base, you'll yell "Boobs!" Whoever rounds the bases in the quickest time will be the #1 poster of the fukkin week. And my stopwatch goes up to 100ths of a second, so this should end it.

There's no better way to decide anything.

2nd 'tarts Rack.

One of the better reads in quite some time.

[SaladTosser]

RACK the noble general. Fucking beautiful.

[Dinsdale]

Someone stole a password...

[Screw_Michigan]

Nice C&P from a spreadsheet. Go fuck yourself, tard.

I will referee you two playing a game of one on one soccer. Two periods, 10 minutes each. No overtimes.

Typical C-Ville faggot.

[PSUFAN]

There finally was a rainbow.

[Ana Ng]

RACK the noble general. Fucking beautiful.

I've heard stories.

Absolutely brilliant.

[General Peters]

Nice C&P from a spreadsheet.

I penned the system, friend.

I will referee you two playing a game of one on one soccer. Two periods, 10 minutes each. No overtimes.

Typical C-Ville faggot.

A bit envious of UVA playing for the ACC Championship tomorrow? me and some amigos will be tailgaiting it with some icy cold froth dogs and I'll be wearing my jeans and white dress shirt and UVA tie.

Fukken A.

[RadioFan]

Nice C&P from a spreadsheet.

I penned the system, friend.

I will referee you two playing a game of one on one soccer. Two periods, 10 minutes each. No overtimes.

Typical C-Ville faggot.

A bit envious of UVA playing for the ACC Championship tomorrow? me and some amigos will be tailgaiting it with some icy cold froth dogs and I'll be wearing my jeans and white dress shirt and UVA tie.

Fukken A.

Try quitting while you're ahead.

The ACC is nothing to brag about and UVA sucks. Not to mention Virginia is playing, err, losing next week.

I'm here to help.

[RadioFan]

Absolutely brilliant.

Indeed.

A bit envious of UVA playing for the ACC Championship tomorrow?