mvscal: Did you write this?

[GOSD]

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.
Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.
Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."
I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.
Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!
What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?
Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?
It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife—even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.
Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But, believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.
I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?
I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures—like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

[Van]

Any ol' time now you Deciders want to ban this cock obsessed spammer, please, knock yourselves out...

[GOSD]

Any ol' time now you Deciders want to ban this cock obsessed spammer, please, knock yourselves out...

What's wrong Van? Want to go around with me about how I run 5 miles a day 4-5 times a week. Weigh 200lbs at 6'1. The same way you do with that imaginary character m2? Or lets argue about a mountain.

[GOSD]

Make that a big cock shaped mountain!

[Van]

COCK SPAM!

[PSUFAN]

Any ol' time now you Deciders want to ban this cock obsessed spammer, please, knock yourselves out...

What's wrong Van? Want to go around with me about how I run 5 miles a day 4-5 times a week. Weigh 200lbs at 6'1.

You respond to smack by offering your vitals? Kid Gashville can't wait to meet you.

[GOSD]

I think I liked that diatribe better the first time I read it........................when it was used on VALVENIS.

....and it was a played out reset from The Onion long before that.

Rarely do you get to see such obsession and such uncreative laziness in the same post. Thanks Wiggerclown.

You actually want me to put in as much effort as you put into your "Dear Penthouse" letters you type up to these boards at least once a month? I'm not exactly sure why you are wanting to type up your sex stories to a bunch of guys to beat off to, but that's your perogative. If by "latina curves", you really meant "fat asian buffet", then it's understood. Will my newspaper be a nickel Pip?

[smackaholic]

Any ol' time now you Deciders want to ban this cock obsessed spammer, please, knock yourselves out...

I 2rd this motion. I mean, I get that a board does indeed need it's tards and all, but, such a tedious one trick pony as this doucebag is too much.

Please OTST.

[LTS TRN 2]

Okay, sure it's straight from The Onion...but still ANSWER THE QUESTION. It's a valid question given the history of babs' twisted and repressed character disorder. I mean look at senator Widestance...a real straight-shootin' hardline conservative a-hole hypocrite moron who is absolutely convinced his lying is real--or that this is how he really feels--or is believing his own lies....he's really confused. And babs is not so different. So...he's probably a closet perv as well. Makes sense, no?

[Terry in Crapchester]

Any ol' time now you Deciders want to ban this cock obsessed spammer, please, knock yourselves out...

I 2rd this motion. I mean, I get that a board does indeed need it's tards and all, but, such a tedious one trick pony as this doucebag is too much.

Please OTST.

I don't pay the bills for this sordid clambake, but if I did, I'd think it's about time to create one of those automatic overwrite functions for the phrase "black cock." Maybe something along the lines of "I love" or "I can't get enough" immediately prior to that phrase. Just thinking aloud here.

The recent obsession with black cock on a board ostensibly dominated by heterosexual white men is more than just a tad disturbing. Just sayin'.

[LTS TRN 2]

Perhaps he felt there weren't enough "Sodomites" for his needs in the Holy Land?..

Babs Vacation To Israel Canceled Due To History Of Israel

South Compton, Ca—With only three weeks to go before embarking on a much-anticipated vacation to Israel, 54-year-old unemployed local racist, Babs (aka "mscval") made the difficult decision to cancel his trip yesterday, citing unfavorable exchange rates and the entirety of the Jewish nation's 60-year existence. "I'd been looking forward to this for months, but hotel prices started going up, things got kind of crazy at work, and also Israel's whole history is basically a decades-long horror show of ethnic violence, harsh reprisals, and geopolitical madness." Babs said. "The Negev Desert is supposed to be amazing, but on the other hand, ever since its founding in 1948, Israel has been spinning downward in a chaotic spiral of fear, hatred, and death. So it's a tough call.Babs added that he hopes the Arab and Jewish peoples will be able to put aside a century of bloodshed before his travel voucher expires in June.

[fix]

I don't pay the bills for this sordid clambake, but if I did, I'd think it's about time to create one of those automatic overwrite functions for the phrase "black cock." Maybe something along the lines of "I love" or "I can't get enough" immediately prior to that phrase. Just thinking aloud here.

At a minimum, how about a different title
Surely the minds here can think of something more appropriate than Elwood. :)

Good idea.

[Cuda]

[I don't pay the bills for this sordid clambake, but if I did, I'd think it's about time to create one of those automatic overwrite functions for the phrase "black cock." Maybe something along the lines of "I love" or "I can't get enough" immediately prior to that phrase. .

How about I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, I WANT TO CHEW ON MISS CONDUCT'S MEAT CURTAINS, imo?