When is this year's Smackoff??

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Wed May 13, 2009 7:56 pm

That was very entertaining and brutal at times to watch. MGO, I'm sure you'll get right on this....

Sirfindafold · Post by **Sirfindafold** » Wed May 13, 2009 8:08 pm

who gives a fuck?

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Wed May 13, 2009 8:15 pm

Sirfindafold wrote:who gives a fuck?

Conserve all your witty retorts for the smack-off, hot stuff. I take it you'll be entering, right?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 12:48 am

I've got no Smackoffs on my radar right now, sorry.

And Kid Gashville still needs time to get over the last one, apparently.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 1:16 am

Katy, I give you my solemn promise that if there's another Smack-Off...I won't enter that one either.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Thu May 14, 2009 1:51 am

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I've got no Smackoffs on my radar right now, sorry.

And Kid Gashville still needs time to get over the last one, apparently.

Damn. I was hoping to throw my hat in the arena.

Until then, I guess there's still the PET off.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Thu May 14, 2009 1:52 am

Van wrote:Katy, I give you my solemn promise that if there's another Smack-Off...I won't enter that one either.

:(

This makes me a little sad, Van. You lay down some pretty good smack.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu May 14, 2009 1:53 am

Anyone can throw some pretty good smack when they're beating around TVO for a living.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:08 am

Katy, it's too contrived of a medium, at least for me. I need something to sink my teeth into; some sort of subject.

Look at the last Smack-Off. We had guys who'd never even heard of each other, trying to kill each other. It was all "feeling each other out" stuff, plus a bunch of generic smack and people basically saying, "You say something first, and then I'll counter punch, k?"

I much preferred it back when everyone had long histories with each other.

Even then, though, it still wasn't my thing. I write. That's pretty much it. Sure, I'll burp up the occasional pic and caption it, but for the most part I write. That's what I do. That'll never win a Smack-Off. Wytching seems to be the key component to currying favor in any Smack-Off, and sometimes it doesn't even matter how juvenile and/or pedestrian the wytching is...

...and I don't wytch. I'd have no chance.

It's just not a format that ever interested me. I'd do much better with something along the lines of a contest where the contestants each have to tackle a given subject.

Even there, I know what would happen. The topic would be something like, "Use homosmack to kill Kid Nashville," or "How fat are midwesterners?" and I'd fall asleep at my 'puter.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:09 am

Screw_Michigan wrote:Anyone can throw some pretty good smack when they're beating around TVO for a living.

What, we're never allowed any easy fun here? Does everything here have to always be splitting atoms?

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:46 am

Best personal off-the-board "Smack Off" winner I've ever seen was by some parent(s) naming the tardling kid "Roland."

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:49 am

No one asked you what the fuck you think, unless I missed someone asking about transient living or wiping geriatric asses.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu May 14, 2009 2:54 am

The next Smackoff starts when Shine says it does. Seriously - it can happen whenever he wants it to.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:24 am

AP, about your signature--you do realize that was sarcasm because that picture wasn't mine, right?

God, you're fucking stupid.

Bennish · Post by **Bennish** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:26 am

Stupid AND gay.

This dude is just buttfucked in the mouth any way you look at it.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 2:55 pm

Van wrote:I much preferred it back when everyone had long histories with each other.

The boards were so young then, nobody really had "long histories" with each other. Some of us here today have been posting together for 10+ years, so if anything, that reasoning should apply to the time we're in right now now.

I remember in my first Smackoff I met up with ML@Coyote; good writer and funny as hell. We didn't know shit about each other, just smacked on a whim, but kept that going for pages.

Smackoffs receive less participation these days simply because they aren't as fresh and exciting as they once were to a lot of people. That's all it is. It has nothing to do with the "ready, set, go!" format, as that has always been the format, and has never been an issue for the better smackers out there. The cream always rose from the crop, and they never let that stop them from posting funny stuff. In fact, it was always that attitude that separated the haves from the have-nots.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:59 pm

One thing we need next time it rolls around is a better caliber of judges. I hereby nominate...

Van
Katy
Radio Fan
Diogenes.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:59 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:The cream always rose from the crop

For all intensive purposes, that was very well said, SchoalzieGO.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 4:12 pm

To the top, eh? Fuck it, I'm done with cliches.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 6:09 pm

Mgo, no, this last Smack-Off introduced widespread pairings of people who'd never even heard of each other. It was horrific, the way so many threads began with apologies, qualifiers and outright requests for smack fodder.

In Ye Olden Days you had guys who'd been killing each other every day. For the most part, people were very familiar with each other.

Also, no, the cream, umm, doesn't necessarily rise to wenst it came. Did Dins ever enter one? Did Moorese? Did Mike The Lab Rat? Did 88? (I'm not sure, but I don't think any of those guys ever entered one.)

Lotta really good posters simply couldn't be arsed into entering such a contrived contest; especially with the knowledge of how the judging would inevitably work.

Just a simple fact.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 6:54 pm

Van, the last SO was actually a big hit compared to some of the others in recent years that did pit nothing but regulars against each other.

Hell, in this year's SO even we had DC vs Jay in Phoenix in round 2. Doesn't get much more classic than that. What happened? Crickets. Take a look at the Final 4:

velo vs HH
DC vs myself

Those are some of the biggest names in the game. Those are guys that have shown they have no issues creating on their own; they don't need to be prompted. Beyond that, they've been posting together for years.

And what'd we get from that? TWO WHOLE POSTS!

On the other hand, some of the most active battles were T1B guys vs Mag7 and Stucknut guys. This whole Smackoff thing was new and fresh to them, and they were totally into it and energized as a result. Was the smack, in every instance, great? No, but that's not the point.

People just fizzle out and lose interest these days, or pass it off as "stuff came up." Sup R-Jack? That's what it comes down to, much moreso than what you're claiming.

Dins, 88, Mo, etc., those guys are great but we've had some really good Smackoffs without their participation.

The first Smackoff we ever had (which I don't think you were around for, though you somehow feel qualified to speak on it) pitted a lot of folks who didn't know a good goddamn thing about the other guy -- yet it was probably the most successful one we've ever had.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 7:21 pm

Mgo, was the first Smack-Off in the mid 90's? If not, I was around for it. I've been here since the late 90's.

I just have a hard time with your stance that Smack-Offs are proof of the cream rising to the top (sic), and your feeling of superiority there regarding the ability (really, just the desire and/or willingness) of Smack-Off contestants to enter, vs those who don't wish to bother. This simply holds no water, not when some of the very best posters we've ever had chose not to enter.

Do you seriously believe that those of us who never entered couldn't have come up with something, unprompted? We do so, every day.

Yeah, a lot of the biggest names in the game have entered. Well, a lot of the biggest names in the game didn't enter. The Smack-Off merely defines those entrants as people who were willing to do it. It doesn't define them as being better, merely because they chose to enter. There have been some horrible entries in various Smack-Offs. Guys like mvscal and Moorese and Dins, they would've killed, if they could've been bothered to give it a go.

I'm not knocking people for entering. Of course not. I'm just saying you're defining this a little too narrowly, and in an obviously self serving manner.

Otherwise, yes, the main reason the last one was such a failure, hell, the main reason most recent editions have been such failures, is simply due to lack of interest. The formats weren't the problem. The bloom has long been off that rose. People just don't give a fuck. The cross-board stuff in the last one created more interest, but only among the people from the other boards...who sucked, for the most part. The people who are could've made it great, they just didn't care.

Hell, you won the thing, and you sandbagged it like crazy. You did as little as possible, knowing nothing more would be necessary in a contest where one mediocre post was often all it took to win a round.

Near as I can tell, the concept began to die when Euro lost interest. Once he began mailing in his efforts, the thing began to lose steam. The thing's complete demise seems to coincide with when Euro finally up and bailed on it.

It was like a golf tounament, minus Tiger. No Moorese, either? It was like winning the Greater Hartford Open.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Thu May 14, 2009 7:35 pm

Van wrote:It was like a golf tounament, minus Tiger.

WTF is a "golf tounament?"

It's a softball Van....SWING!

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Thu May 14, 2009 8:15 pm

Moving Sale wrote:WTF is a "golf tounament?"!

When someone puts your fucking ass on a tee and drives it clear across the board. Someone else then tees up your carcass and the process repeats itself. The poster who's driven your punk ass the farthest for the week is declared the winner.

You're welcome.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 9:24 pm

Mgo, was the first Smack-Off in the mid 90's? If not, I was around for it. I've been here since the late 90's.

Late 90’s. I thought you came on later than that, but if I’m wrong, I apologize.

I just have a hard time with your stance that Smack-Offs are proof of the cream rising to the top (sic), and your feeling of superiority there regarding the ability (really, just the desire and/or willingness) of Smack-Off contestants to enter, vs those who don't wish to bother. This simply holds no water, not when some of the very best posters we've ever had chose not to enter.

I don’t care about those who didn’t enter. I was only speaking in terms of those who DID enter. The ones who bitched and moaned about the format generally bombed, and admitted to such. The ones who kept their yaps shut and created on a whim and posted funny shit, those were the ones who advanced. What’s so hard to believe about that?

Do you seriously believe that those of us who never entered couldn't have come up with something, unprompted?

Of course not. But, who cares? They didn’t enter.

Yeah, a lot of the biggest names in the game have entered. Well, a lot of the biggest names in the game didn't enter. The Smack-Off merely defines those entrants as people who were willing to do it. It doesn't define them as being better, merely because they chose to enter.

You’re really veering off track.

Where did I define entrants as “better” than non-entrants? What I’m saying is this -- those who entered and held the “I’m not going to smack without a subject” attitude didn’t do very well. Those who entered and didn’t have any qualms with the format generally DID do well. Do you really want to argue against that? My point is clear and defined and I’m not making any implications or generalizations as it relates to non-entrants.

There have been some horrible entries in various Smack-Offs. Guys like mvscal and Moorese and Dins, they would've killed, if they could've been bothered to give it a go.

Mo was in a Smackoff and he DID kill, vs Tom in Va. Mo didn’t know a damn thing about him and it was still one of the funniest SO submissions I’ve ever seen. Again, the issue with Smackoffs isn’t about lack of ammo, it’s about lack of desire in the Smackoffs themselves. People either enter and pull a no-show, blow their wad after one round and fizzle away, or just don't enter at all.

I'm not knocking people for entering. Of course not. I'm just saying you're defining this a little too narrowly, and in an obviously self serving manner.

Self serving? This from the guy who’s clamoring to be heard from the I’m-to-good-to-enter-a-Smackoff point of view? Nice.

Otherwise, yes, the main reason the last one was such a failure, hell, the main reason most recent editions have been such failures, is simply due to lack of interest.

Which was my whole point to begin with. So remind me, why are we even having this debate? :?

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 9:40 pm

We're not. You've cleared it up for me, with this...

I don’t care about those who didn’t enter. I was only speaking in terms of those who DID enter. The ones who bitched and moaned about the format generally bombed, and admitted to such. The ones who kept their yaps shut and created on a whim and posted funny shit, those were the ones who advanced. What’s so hard to believe about that?

Btw, I never said I was too good to enter, nor did I even come close to implying it. I merely said I've never been interested in being in one, and I spelled out my reasons, none of which had to do with being "too good" for the contest.

Hey, do you have any ability to dig up Moorese's match with Tom? Or, can you at least refresh my memory of what happened there? I'd love to see (or remmber) what he did.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 14, 2009 9:45 pm

Tom made the mistake of revealing some personal info about himself, about his career at the time, within the SO thread itself, and Mo ran wild with it. It was one of the most hilarious beatdowns I've ever seen.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:01 pm

Katy wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I've got no Smackoffs on my radar right now, sorry.

And Kid Gashville still needs time to get over the last one, apparently.

Damn. I was hoping to throw my hat in the arena.

Until then, I guess there's still the PET off.

Your last vs. thread ended up in the TROTS. And you wanna be in the smackoff? Stick those fucking udders back in the milking machine and stick w what you do best, Lulu.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:14 pm

Kid Nashville wrote:
Katy wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I've got no Smackoffs on my radar right now, sorry.

And Kid Gashville still needs time to get over the last one, apparently.

Damn. I was hoping to throw my hat in the arena.

Until then, I guess there's still the PET off.
Your last vs. thread ended up in the TROTS. And you wanna be in the smackoff? Stick those fucking udders back in the milking machine and stick w what you do best, Lulu.

It ended up in the trots because you're a shitty poster. You ended getting your colon pummeled by War Wagon and pretty much anyone who addressed your dumbass.

You can resume your obsession. I look forward to reading your 9,999 other rants that involve the following words:

Kentucky, baby mill, fatherless, coquette, and sniz

Seriously--that's some good, wacky, wild, funny stuff.

Sin,
1999

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:17 pm

I dig the way Van always tries to come across as if he's speaking for everybody. Fuck off. If people want to do it, then just STFU and watch the festivities and eat your peanuts. Or don't watch. Whatever. Marty Schottenheimer used to say about his players that it was all about availabilty.

Speaking for myself only, I thought it was a hoot. I won the first round and then got blitzed by TWIS in round two. There are worse fates, I suppose.

I get a kick out of Jsc's title - "I won a smackoff round!"

That about sums it up.

Viper from Top Gun · Post by **Viper from Top Gun** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:19 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Kid Gashville still needs time to get over the last one, apparently.

Gashville is willing to participate in this year's Smackoff, but only if he's allowed to have his wingman sitting on his lap while typing.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:28 pm

Katy wrote:
It ended up in the trots because you're a shitty poster. You ended getting your colon pummeled by War Wagon and pretty much anyone who addressed your dumbass.

You can resume your obsession. I look forward to reading your 9,999 other rants that involve the following words:

Kentucky, baby mill, fatherless, coquette, and sniz

Seriously--that's some good, wacky, wild, funny stuff.

Sin,
1999

Yeah, because it's always good to throw your best beat downs in the TROTS. You sucked, had your ass handed to you, you fled, and hid it. Then you came bouncing back like a fucking retard "When's the smackoff?"

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:39 pm

Since I'm not an Admin or a mod, I didn't move it.

None of your shitty smack made a single mark on me. You only qualify as stupid, creepy, obsessive and annoying to the rest of us. Hardcore? Not even close.

I will now resume ignoring you again.

Enjoy your role, bitch. That time on your knees really paid off.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Thu May 14, 2009 10:55 pm

Katy wrote:Since I'm not an Admin or a mod, I didn't move it.

None of your shitty smack made a single mark on me. You only qualify as stupid, creepy, obsessive and annoying to the rest of us. Hardcore? Not even close.

I will now resume ignoring you again.

Enjoy your role, bitch. That time on your knees really paid off.

Tsk, tsk, and you wanted to be a smacker. Anyway, I'm sure if I had made a mark on you, it would be indistiguishable amongst the profusion of ghastly stretch marks on that baby birthing ravaged body.

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu May 14, 2009 11:46 pm

WW, I love the way you get so bent out of shape, and your tender pussy weeps like a home made fajita.

Care to link me to where I claim to speak for everybody?

Man, it's a good thing Missouri is back to hiding beneath their usual irrelevant rock. At least with their being out of the picture again the BTPCF board probably won't have to bear as much frequent witness to your overripe sensibilities always nudging you towards premature menopause.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Fri May 15, 2009 12:28 am

Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Fri May 15, 2009 1:45 am

The slam dunk contest and the home run hitting contest were da bomb for a couple of years.

Board smackoffs?

No knock on the participants and no knock on Mgo, who was excellent and well deserving of the crown.

Two obstacles:

- it's not fresh any more
- posters seldom have genuine angst for an opponent -- it's contrived

Possible solutions:

- a whole new format -- smart people, put your heads together
- find a way to get people to smack upon someone who they want to smack upon

Or, leave it as it is.
No biggie, it is what it is.
Still some good laffs.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Fri May 15, 2009 1:53 am

poptart wrote:find a way to get people to smack upon someone who they want to smack upon

Kid Gashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?

Maybe the blind squirrel stumbled upon something.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Fri May 15, 2009 2:18 am

Van wrote:WW, I love the way you get so bent out of shape, and your tender pussy weeps like a home made fajita.

Care to link me to where I claim to speak for everybody?

Man, it's a good thing Missouri is back to hiding beneath their usual irrelevant rock. At least with their being out of the picture again the BTPCF board probably won't have to bear as much frequent witness to your overripe sensibilities always nudging you towards premature menopause.

I can clearly see why you avoid smackoffs. Too much pressure to perform instantly, like right the fuck now. Viagara may or may not be your friend. No wonder you get in pages long rope pissing contests with whomever is currently holding the rope... that would be me, as we speak, just so you know.

No matter Van, I still like your contributions. We're here to keep each other humble... like that's ever going to happen.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 15, 2009 2:25 am

Having a little bit of an issue keeping the sexual homefires burning there, Shadowfax?

:)