"Worst night ever" texts from last night...

[Van]

Apologies if this is GD, but this is the rare website that actually made me laugh out loud, over and over.

Good luck even trying to choose a favorite...

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/worst-nights/1

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

"I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me."

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

(408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
(650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food

Sin, DTC

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

[BSmack]

(732): no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

Oh hell, this one is even better.

(904): He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".

[Jerkovich]

(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

:doh:

[Harvdog]

I have that app on my phone. It is great. Here are some of my favorites

434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
(1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

(917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

:doh:

(202): She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
(1-202): stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

(509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

Classic

[PSUFAN]

Good stuff...'course for sheer laffs, still nothing beats askimam.org:

My question is regarding body hair...can man/women remove there hair(hands,legs,chest,back) if your answer is no then please provide me a reason...should we remeove our hair before 40 days...
your explained answer would be appreciated.

Is it o.k. if I change my pants at the end of each day to remove doubts about impurities that might have been on them during the day. I cant change them every 5 minutes now can I. And In this case do I need to have a quick shower at night?

Is masah for wudhu valid if a person uses gel on his hair.

1)- Masah for wudhu will be valid if a person uses gel on his hair, as long as the effect of the gel is similar to that of oil upon the head .

2)- However , if the effect of the gel on the head is more thicker , similar to grease or lard [cooking fat] , then in this case the masah will not be valid .

[Katy]

(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad