Church has changed

[Go Coogs']

Rarely do I attend Sunday service nowadays because of indifference I suppose.

Today Mrs. Rumps and I set out to go see our five year old niece sing at her church. I walk into this joint and notice damn near everyone is dawning those Starbuck-like to-go coffee cups. I walked by the kitchen and they are serving mocha lattes, whipped cream, caramel, and espressos, etc. Everyone was so hyped about the service and I understood why. It wasn't because of the almighty's presence, but because everyone was coked up on their third cup of Grande Cappuccinos.

Then we walk into the sanctuary where I see the power of Christ's message is being translated through 60" flat screen TVs, Bose surround sound, fancy mics, and a pastor relaxing on a stool with his notes and espresso sitting on a trendy pedestal table. For a minute there I thought we were going to get a movie preview with that voiceover guy who does all the action movies.

"One man on a mission from God....literally.
The odds stacked against him as he is betrayed
by one of his own. Now he faces death.
Coming to a theatre near you this Christmas.
Jesus Christ is.......JC." This film is not yet rated.


The power of the message was completely manifested through hi-tech Jesus. I honestly thought one of the stained glass portraits in the back drop of the sanctuary was the man himself nailed to the cross with an IPod strapped across his bicep as if it was a 30 minute workout just before his morning board meeting with twelve clingy jews.

My oh my, how suburbia church goers have turned this into a fad. What a fucking disgrace.

[Tom In VA]

For a minute there I thought we were going to get a movie preview with that voiceover guy who does all the action movies.

"One man on a mission from God....literally.
The odds stacked against him as he is betrayed
by one of his own. Now he faces death.
Coming to a theatre near you this Christmas.
Jesus Christ is.......JC." This film is not yet rated.


The power of the message was completely manifested through hi-tech Jesus. I honestly thought one of the stained glass portraits in the back drop of the sanctuary was the man himself nailed to the cross with an IPod strapped across his bicep as if it was a 30 minute workout just before his morning board meeting with twelve clingy jews.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha

Good writing.

[KC Scott]

I'll Be Bach

[Terry in Crapchester]

You want things to stay the same at Church? Go to a Catholic Church. Other than saying Mass in the vernacular, as opposed to Latin, I don't think a thing has changed in hundreds of years.

[poptart]

People try to hide it from others, but they are strongly oppressed by anxiety.
Despite their "level" or education, hardships undoubtedly come.
And very bad problems.
And failure.

It happens to people, but maybe even more troubling is when, despite best efforts, it comes to our children.

People are all covered by the darkness and there is NO way to block it.

God, knowing this, gave the only solution - The Light.


Rumps, the American Church has lost it's hold on The Light, and they are looking at other things, or mixing things with The Light.

It's rightful that The Church has gone into captivity.


The sheeple don't know much.
They go with what is placed in front of them.

Matthew 9:35,36
35: And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people.
36: But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.

Good shepherds are few and far between.

[Wolfman]

ummm Terry--I don't know about that. I went to a funeral in a Roman Catholic church outside of Rochester a few years back and my brother called it "The Hootenanny"--- guitars and folk-style singing galore.

[PSUFAN]

Religion, for most folks, is about doing exactly what you want to do and then getting a supernatural nod.

Right now, folks want to guzzle coffee drinks and gaze at flat panel TVs.

It seems to me that the role personal reflection is lost in all of this...and it is generally lost in our society. Yet, I am sure there are still many folks who use their brains, and they are just too clever to broadcast this publicly.

Most organized religion is happy to help folks lose sight of the important stuff. Livelihoods depend on distancing the sheeple from personal reflection.

[Tom In VA]

@ PSUFAN

Good Christ dude, aren't you a bit fucking presumptuous.

[Go Coogs']

Rumps, the American Church has lost it's hold on The Light, and they are looking at other things, or mixing things with The Light.

I agree with this, Pops. They have commercialized Jesus to the fullest. It disgusts me, but I guess it's understandable. But selling out to get the "message" across makes church uncomfortable for me.

I will say this about yesterday. The sermon itself was good. The pastor engaged us and was very clear as to what the lesson was about. It was the story of Jacob "The Deceiver" and his identity and struggle with God. I suppose if I can overcome all the bright lights, gadgets, gizmos, and the Starbucks, then church would be alright.

But I can't, so I guess I'll just keep teaching myself.

[Mikey]

ummm Terry--I don't know about that. I went to a funeral in a Roman Catholic church outside of Rochester a few years back and my brother called it "The Hootenanny"--- guitars and folk-style singing galore.

Ummm--you might want to look up the meaning of "vernacular" and then think for a few minutes how it might apply here.

[Tom In VA]

The only reason I go to Mass even once a year over Christmas with the folks is to see what the trim looks like now compared to what I remember from first through third grade. That's it. End of list.

One year I was being "impure" and noticed a very sexy hairdo. This was circa 1991 or so. My view was obstructed but I was having impure thoughts about what the subject of said hairdo - a female - would looke like and couldn't wait to "see".

Being impure I couldn't receive communion so that was out, but there was hope that SHE would be and I could catch HER in the line and on HER way back.

Blond, dirty blonde, the kind of hair the broads into metal bands had, not too "out there" but just enough to scream ... "I'm a HOT LITTLE FREAK, a TRACI LORDS LOOKALIKE".

As the communion line formed and things opened up a bit it was very clear I was duped. A dude, whose profile revealed weathered skin and an Adams Apple about the size of a golf ball took the place of this lovely vision and fantasy I had been concocting throughout mass.

"Christ, ya got me". Literally.

Bode Jesus. ---- (there's some vernacular)

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

The last time I went to church, I was around 16 or so. Some balding dude with a moustache got up in front of the podium and began to reflect on the inner demons he was able to overcome in his life, and has since found god. What were these demons, you ask? Internet porn. Yep, a dude got up in front of an audience of a couple thousand blue hairs and suburban goodie goodie church goers and told his tale about how he overcame his addiction to jerking his crank to internet porn. My dad and I were experiencing a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and then my family and I got up about 10 minutes later and went to Ihop.

[Cuda]

ummm Terry--I don't know about that. I went to a funeral in a Roman Catholic church outside of Rochester a few years back and my brother called it "The Hootenanny"--- guitars and folk-style singing galore.

Ummm--you might want to look up the meaning of "vernacular" and then think for a few minutes how it might apply here.

Vernacular = Hootenanny. Please say you knew

[Mikey]

Yep. That's probably vernacular in Wolfie's neck of the woods.

[Trampis]

Chocolate Jesus is good enough for me.

[PSUFAN]

@ PSUFAN

Good Christ dude, aren't you a bit fucking presumptuous.

What part of my post are you presuming is presumptuous?

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

The only reason I go to Mass even once a year over Christmas with the folks is to see what the trim looks like now compared to what I remember from first through third grade. That's it. End of list.

Novice. To pass the time, I analyze the congregation. While you're out there gawking, I am doing God's work based upon years of trim data extrapolation. First I then divide the hottest church sluts into 4 distinct categories. I make my best guess upon: shaved, landing strip, beard, and 70s fro. I then break this into 4 sub-categories: screamer, statue, freak, and mudshark. After identifying all shaved/freaks, I then start to send out The Vibe. Next thing ya know, Communism is being served and I'm standing in line behind my next victim offering up my own blessed Eucharist. "Hey, honey... you wanna taste the goods?"

Sin,
G Money

[Tom In VA]

As I've mentioned here before, I've had a near-death experience. Actually, I've almost died a few times, but only once did I get a glimpse of what's beyond. The experience raised more questions than it answered, but that which it answered was huge, to me at least. There is something after this. But exactly what it is, I don't know.

That's not much help to anyone else, which is one reason I don't try to convert anyone. I wouldn't even know what to try to convert them to. I don't think any of the religions have got it exactly right. Bah.

Nobody knows Jsc810. By design, IMHO, non of them have it all 100% right. Pretty difficult for finite minds to conceive of the infinite.

Heaven might not be where we all live happily everafter with Gram, Aunt Sue, etc.. It might be semi concious oblivion countless people seek daily through:

Sex, eating, drinking, drugging, sleeping, raging, exercises in pride and vanity, etc...

It might be total and complete conciousness on our death beds, which is nice.


Who knows. Nobody. Nobody at all. Well, the dead know. But they have issues communicating it back to us.

[Cuda]

Yep. That's probably vernacular in Wolfie's neck of the woods.

That's the vernacular in 90% of the Catholic churches in the country.

The music is even worse than it sounds

[Go Coogs']

I usually break the church sluts down by how easy it is for them to put an entire wafer in their mouth.

However, this study can only be done if I leave Mrs. Rumps at home because if she comes along, the sacramental brad tray is usually left with a few crumbs before we get to the communion portion of Sunday service.

[Tom In VA]

@ PSUFAN

Good Christ dude, aren't you a bit fucking presumptuous.

What part of my post are you presuming is presumptuous?

Wait a minute. I can see through 'dem der fancy words. IKYABWAI.




Seriously man, I took issue with your use of gross over generalization and base judgement of folks. Very presumptuous of me, agreed, but I fail to acknowledge your "gift" of being able to perceive into the hearts of all those folks and know exactly what they're about and why they're about it.

[Tom In VA]

I usually break the church sluts down by how easy it is for them to put an entire wafer in their mouth.

However, this study can only be done if I leave Mrs. Rumps at home because if she comes along, the sacramental brad tray is usually left with a few crumbs before we get to the communion portion of Sunday service.

If you're ever bored and want to watch a funny movie, you might have had to have been Catholic and gone to Catholic schools to fully appreciate it, watch "Heaven Help Us". Your post reminded me of a scene in it.

[Mikey]

That's the vernacular in 90% of the Catholic churches in the country.

The music is even worse than it sounds

You've been to 90% of the Catholic churches in the country?

Trying to figure out here what exactly you do for a living...

Unleavened bread salesman?
Priest massager?
Sacramental wine sampler?
Vestment dry cleaner?
Knights of Columbus national coordinator?
CCD book sales?
Seller of candle lighting equipment?
Incense burner repair?
Pro-life speaker?

Come on, give us a good clue.

[Mikey]

I usually break the church sluts down by how easy it is for them to put an entire wafer in their mouth.

However, this study can only be done if I leave Mrs. Rumps at home because if she comes along, the sacramental brad tray is usually left with a few crumbs before we get to the communion portion of Sunday service.

Are you talking about a Catholic Church? Because I honestly doubt any Catholic Church would allow open drinking of coffee in the pews. That's just fucking sacrilegious.

At our church they might serve coffee after the Mass, but not before.

I'll have to admit I've found an occasional empty Capri-Sun in the pew, but that's because the Spanish language Mass comes just before ours.

[Tom In VA]

The Capri-Sun was probably for a kid who wouldn't shut up so Mom and Dad gave it to the child and child threw it on the floor.

Family legend has it an Angelic Aunt of mine was - I guess around 5-6 years old - and as the priest was giving his homily she said "Let's get out of here, this guy's full of shit".



In die-hard Irish Catholic Brooklyn no less.

[PSUFAN]

Your Aunt called out a priest for talking shit? Can't have been the first time nor the last...

[ChargerMike]

"I will say this about yesterday. The sermon itself was good. The pastor engaged us and was very clear as to what the lesson was about"


...a means to an end I say. In the end, the quest is for the lost to hear the Word. Churches vary tremendously, but most have the same goal. They run the gambit from extremely ritualistic to charismatic. Something for everyone ey? What I find spiritually beneficial on Sunday morning (Saturday night during the NFL season) another may be entirely uncomfortable with. I see it like music, some like the silky smooth refrains of Nat “King” Cole others prefer the trash er thrash of Megadeth. The bottom line in music is to receive enjoyment from what you listen to. The bottom line in church is to receive salvation. Both come in many different packages.

[Tom In VA]

You're jerking yourself off. Dead is dead. No celestial Disneyland for all the good. No lake of fire for the bad. You and your consciousness simply cease to be.

It might be that too. Somewhat implied by my nod to those seeking "oblivion" as they are alive.

Of course, if there really is some sort of 72 virgin thing happening, I want in. So I'm playing my hand and converting to Islam. Lot of perks. Liberals will kiss my ass, I can go on talk shows and get virtually felated by Christine Imananawhore on CNN, and just for fun I might go ahead and scream Alluah Akbar to see what people would do.

[Tom In VA]

You're jerking yourself off. Dead is dead. No celestial Disneyland for all the good. No lake of fire for the bad. You and your consciousness simply cease to be.

Wonder why that is so disconcerting to some people?

I don't know if "disconcerting" is the right word. More like unimaginable. You can't imagine it, because you're conscious while you're "imagining" it. You can "imagine" a heaven you can even "imagine there's no heaven". The latter would be the semi-conscious oblivion of which I spoke. Sort of trancelike, transcendental state ... you're there but you're not. Very Zen like.

[Cuda]

then what happened?

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

and then my fucking family and I got up about 10 minutes later and went to Ihop.

fixed that for me

[Go Coogs']

You really can't go wrong with IHOP.

[Bizzarofelice]

1) WAR GMONEY
2) If the sermon was anything beyond pastoral and contemplative I would leave. Not down with the new Jesus. Not that I'm religious at all, but I do like the calm and meditative calliope music and the deep baritone of an old dude wearing a JCPenny suit beneath his robes speaking before the same flock he's led for 35 years.

[War Wagon]

...an old dude wearing a JCPenny suit

Bless you.

~R-Jack

------------------------------------------

'fess up, bace. You're a disaffected Catholic.

Everybody from St. Louis is, was, or will be, Catholic.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[TheJON]

The last time I went to church, I was around 16 or so. Some balding dude with a moustache got up in front of the podium and began to reflect on the inner demons he was able to overcome in his life, and has since found god. What were these demons, you ask? Internet porn. Yep, a dude got up in front of an audience of a couple thousand blue hairs and suburban goodie goodie church goers and told his tale about how he overcame his addiction to jerking his crank to internet porn. My dad and I were experiencing a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and then my family and I got up about 10 minutes later and went to Ihop.

And you STOPPED going to church after that?? I haven't been to church since approximately the same age as you, but had I ever gone to church and witnessed this I would have made a point to go every week.

[TheJON]

You really can't go wrong with IHOP.

That place is fucking nasty. How do people eat that shit?

[Diego in Seattle]

You really can't go wrong with IHOP.

That place is fucking nasty. How do people eat that shit?

We're probably talking about the same people that eat at Waffle House.

[Sir Cumfrence]

IHOP and Waffle House and Shoney's are kinda like BK and McDs and Wendy's, they're sorta the same you just gotta decide what you're in the mood for.

Usually I go to Shoney's because it has a buffet. :)