JSC, let's do this...

[OCmike]

You've got the nod in the life-hreatening injuries category, but let's talk quantity. I'll put my resume against anyone's.

I'll be having major surgery #6 shortly, so...

It's GO TIME!!

- Torn left ankle tendons after drunken tomfoolery
- Left ankle reconstructive surgery after 50+ sprains. This included holes drilled in bones, tendons snipped, etc.
- Left ankle nerve release surgery to correct tarsal tunnel syndrome (permanently swollen nerve)
- Inability to stand on my left ankle for more than 5 minutes before previously mentioned nerve swells and throbs to the point that it makes me want to vomit after 30min.
- Repair torn pelvic muscle caused when I hung upside down in the bilge in the Navy to tighten a leaking flexible coupling. Still occasionally causes me pain if I so much as raise my arm.
- Had an osteochondroma (calcified cartilage) removed on my right knee caused by years of skiing and weightlifting. It had become razor sharp and was shredding one of my quads. To do this they had to slice through the injured quad like it was a medium-rare fat ribeye. According to the doc he then took a hammer and chisel to it all medieval-style.
- Had a golfball-sized abcess sliced just above my tailbone.
- Cracked skull resulting from jumping into a steel pipe while doing a fake elbow drop on a co-worker
- Reduced vision in left eye after having a freak splash of industrial grade floor stripper splash into my eye
- Broken right metacarpal while wrecking on my huffy at age 11.
- Broken left toe at age 12 by having a cafeteria table collapse on it
- Broken left arm just below wrist in freak event in pickup tackle football game
- Said arm didn't heal straight, so it was rebroken by an orthopedist by pulling on it repeatedly (editor's note: Ouch)
- Just found out that said arm somehow broke again in the past 13 years, leaving me with (effectively) two ulnas where there's suppose to be one.
- Ulna bone(s) now currently shredding main arm nerve resulting in a constant burning feeling in my lower arm as if Mike Backer GHB'ed it and date raped it on a Saturday night.
- Hyperextended left elbow that is still jacked up after two years.
- Persistent left knee weakness left from sparring with a karate black belt during sophomore year of HS who thought it would be funny to "sweep the leg".
- Grade 1 shoulder separation in both shoulders and high ankle sprain senior year of HS football.
- Torn foot muscle during raquetball even though ankle was taped.
- Cholesterol of 280 due to jacked up family history
- Triglycerides of 850 due to jacked up family history. According to my doctor, this is normally seen only in end stage type II diabetics.
- Blood pressure measured as high as 220/105 due to jacked up family history
- Slipped disc in my back that is so sensitive that it once went out after a strong sneeze

BRING IT!!!

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

You left out the mental injuries.

[OCmike]

You left out the mental injuries.

Thanks, ass. That was my trump card.

[Wolfman]

I think "drunken tomfoolery" kind of covers that.

[Jsc's Deathbed]

You DON'T want to go down this road. It will end badly for you.

And probably for me too...

[OCmike]

I guess the only way for me to pull even is to throw myself down a 1000ft stairway. If you need anything, I'll be on top of the Aztec temple at Tehochetlan.

My upcoming surgery is a plate and screws to reunite the two ulna bones at my left wrist.

[smackaholic]

You left out the mental injuries.

fukk you marty for beating me to that one.

As for myself, I would probably come in dead last thanks to a bit of good luck and being a pussy having a well fuctioning self preservation dealio, I am amazingly intact for a 46 year old dude.

My life long list of busted stuff includes...

sprained wrist (approx. age 10) I have had other sprains, but, this is the only one to warant a doc visit.

hairline fracture, left arm, age 12. First and only cast, to this point. Resulted from landing on my ass while juming (poorly) from one of those geodesic dome type monkey bar thingies. A nice bed of woodchips as they now have probably would have spared me this. Hard baked ground didn't. It flexes just slightly more than reinforced concrete.

couple of abcesses removed from arm/finger over the years.

some minor cartilage damage in both knees. left knee caused by asshole who didn't know how to play first base. He stood right on the bag to take the throw and I, in an attempt to instruct him on the proper way to lean off the bag, did my best pete rose steamroller impersonation. We were both hurting afterwards, but, i think i got the worst of it as that knee has on again and off again bothered me since which is about 30 years. no particular event i can point to on the right knee other than a lifetime of pounding on it with 200+ pounds for over half of it.

I still don't know what it feels like to get a stitch and I'm in no fukking hurry to find out.

[Katy]

I guess the only way for me to pull even is to throw myself down a 1000ft stairway. If you need anything, I'll be on top of the Aztec temple at Tehochetlan.

My upcoming surgery is a plate and screws to reunite the two ulna bones at my left wrist.

Godspeed, my friend.

Why isn't Shrubber in this contest? I'm fairly certain he's 3/4 titanium now.

[Katy]

Shrubber is a diverse guy. He's been 1/16th Jew and now he's black. RACK him for covering all his bases. :D

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

My life long list of busted stuff includes...

sprained wrist (approx. age 10)

"Spraining" a little young, eh? Usually it's the girls that "sprain" early, leaving the boys to catch up.
I guess you got a head start.

[PSUFAN]

RACK you Mike, BEATINGS OUCH and all. Well-placed Mike Backer reset

[Trampis]

couple of abcesses removed from arm/finger over the years.

Huh? Whats the dealio?

[OCmike]

You left out the mental injuries.

fukk you marty for beating me to that one.

I knew Marty would be giddy to add "batshit crazy" to the list. Considering he posted 2min after I made the thread, he did not disappoint.

[pron]

couple of abcesses removed from arm/finger over the years.

Huh? Whats the dealio?

Can't you figure that one out? Hint: repetitive motion, again and again and again.