AP: Woods to Return at Masters

[Mr T]

But I do understand a bit about sports, having played lacrosse at TCU, and also having coached LSU's lacrosse team. The mental part of the game is huge, probably especially for golf.

Tiger was living 10+ different lives and winning big tournaments.

I think Tiger just having to focus on one life and golf is pretty fucking scary.

I think the only thing that will kill tiger is if everyone finds out he has been juicing.

[LTS TRN 2]

But I do understand a bit about sports, having played lacrosse at TCU, and also having coached LSU's lacrosse team. The mental part of the game is huge, probably especially for golf.

Tiger was living 10+ different lives and winning big tournaments.

I think Tiger just having to focus on one life and golf is pretty fucking scary.

I think the only thing that will kill tiger is if everyone finds out he has been juicing.

You've missed it. He was so successful because of his ability to avoid the usual constrictions of our distorted Western culture--you know, the monogamous robotic post -Victorian Ozzie and Harriet model of artificial consumer consciousness. Unfortunately, like Magic Johnson's when he returned--seemingly the same player--Tiger's game will suffer from the lack of major tantric energy to which he'd been accustomed.

[smackaholic]

You've missed it. He was so successful because of his ability to avoid the usual constrictions of our distorted Western culture--you know, the monogamous robotic post -Victorian Ozzie and Harriet model of artificial consumer consciousness. Unfortunately, like Magic Johnson's when he returned--seemingly the same player--Tiger's game will suffer from the lack of major tantric energy to which he'd been accustomed.

Have you ever made a political contribution to the Monster Raving Looney party?

Wait...you just did.

I figured there couldn't possibly be a subject that lets turd is more wrong about than politics, but I was wrong. He sucks at sports psychology even more.

Turd, do you really believe that multiple covert skank juggling is not a bit of a mental distraction?

[Dinsdale]

He climbed in a golf cart and rode off into the metaphorical sunset.

Odd -- I actually watched the tourney (unlike 99% of the newfound golf "experts"). I suppose if by "metaphorical sunset,"
the (uncredited) writer meant "rode off to the medical trailer with his right arm dangling at his side," then it's accurate.

Using an injury as an excuse? Ridiculous. Hey, remember that time 2 years ago when Tiger won the US Open on a broken fucking knee?


Dude obviously wasn't right this past weekend, and still managed to make the cut. But by the time he had played a few holes Sunday, he was spraying shots everywhere, and was rather obviously in physical distress.

But hack fucking sports writers don't get column space by saying nice things about Tiger these days, so they resort to wild speculation and outright falsehoods to try and get a little bit of Tiger's spotlight these days.

Frankly, he's got problems -- he swings the golf club way too freaking hard. While he's modified his game to mellow things out over the years, he's now reached the age where decades of badly abusing his body is catching up to him.

But since he's the greatest player of the generation, and possibly ever, and an absolutely freakish athlete too boot, he'll figure it out eventually. The timing of this latest injury couldn't have been any worse for his "image rebuilding" thingy he's got going right now -- and the hack that JSC quoted is a shining example of why.

Think otherwise? Get yourself a hip/neck/back/shoulder injury, then go see if you can walk 18. It's quite a testament to the player he is -- those types of injury, particularly when they're on the right side of the body, tend to make snap-hooking the ball nearly unavoidable.

Might take until next year, but TiGreat will be just fine. The big problem with his game is that he invariably comes back from his injuries way too soon.

[Dinsdale]

But since he was the greatest player of the generation

FTFY

The Tiger we once knew is gone and isn't coming back.

Ever consider citing... something to back up your opinions?

Since you have no idea WTF you're talking about, it's going to be tough for you, but please try.

This wasn't Tiger's first bout with the injury bug. Wasn't his second, nor his third. And all those episodes had one thing in common -- he went through a "down phase," then came roaring back to dominate once again.



See how that works? I have an opinion on the matter, and back it up with facts (which I can elaborate on to much greater lengths)... you should try it sometime.

[smackaholic]

I'd be fine with tiger not winning another thing the rest of his life and going howard hughes, holded up in a vegas penthouse, living out his days on a diet of jack daniels and hookers, because he is a self centered biotch, but, i doubt that will be the case.

He'll take a bit of time off and get his swing and body unfukked. Then he'll be back.

Now that it's over with Elin, I wonder if he's back with the hoes. He should be. If I was him, I'd go on the mother of all whoremongering binges.

Maybe he has and that's how he jacked his neck.

[Goober McTuber]

But since he was the greatest player of the generation

FTFY

The Tiger we once knew is gone and isn't coming back.

Ever consider citing... something to back up your opinions?

Since you have no idea WTF you're talking about, it's going to be tough for you, but please try.

This wasn't Tiger's first bout with the injury bug. Wasn't his second, nor his third. And all those episodes had one thing in common -- he went through a "down phase," then came roaring back to dominate once again.



See how that works? I have an opinion on the matter, and back it up with facts (which I can elaborate on to much greater lengths)... you should try it sometime.

I don’t doubt that Tiger can eventually recover physically. He always has. But his psyche may never be the same.

He had a very carefully crafted image out there. Yes, he was a bit aloof and he didn’t exactly have the most entertaining personality. But a lot of golf fans respected him and revered him if only for his skills on the course. No one suspected that he was such a dirtball.

That has to weigh on him somewhat every time he goes out there, unless he’s a pure sociopath. Maybe, just maybe, in the back of his mind in the midst of his backswing, he worries about someone yelling out something untoward.

“He’s in the hole!”

“How’s that bulging dick disc?”

“Is that the first time you ever withdrew without spackling some skank’s peepers?”

That might explain some of his errant shots since he came back. The slight lack of focus. It’ll be at least another year before he’s any where near back to the top of his game, and that’s assuming that the divorce gets settled quickly. My guess is he’ll never get all the way back.


Dindickhead? That's pretty harsh.

[Dinsdale]

Hey Dindickhead, how many tourneys has Tiger won since this shit happened?

Since taking time off to properly rehab, and subsequently suffering another injury?

It's the exact number one would expect.

And what the fuck did he do this fucking weekend?

Aggravated an injury, which left him barely able to hold a golf club after swinging it (again, I watched it... you?).

You seem to have a lot of opinions on something you seem to not have had any interest in until Tiger's name hit the tabloids.

[LTS TRN 2]

You've missed it. He was so successful because of his ability to avoid the usual constrictions of our distorted Western culture--you know, the monogamous robotic post -Victorian Ozzie and Harriet model of artificial consumer consciousness. Unfortunately, like Magic Johnson's when he returned--seemingly the same player--Tiger's game will suffer from the lack of major tantric energy to which he'd been accustomed.

Have you ever made a political contribution to the Monster Raving Looney party?

Wait...you just did.

I figured there couldn't possibly be a subject that lets turd is more wrong about than politics, but I was wrong. He sucks at sports psychology even more.

Turd, do you really believe that multiple covert skank juggling is not a bit of a mental distraction?

As with Magic Johnson, obviously not. Just look at Tiger's results when maintaining his natural tantric level compared to his results since the Ozzie and Harriet commission got all huffy. Do you also suppose it hindered Wilt? How about Jordan?

As for Mike Tyson, case in point! He was bangin' like a tantric adept and unifying the title quite nicely, thank-you, until he got hooked by that mercifully forgotten harpy bitch--and then he was suddenly very vulnerable. However, it needs to be clarified that he in fact won that fight with Buster Douglass by a knockout (steamshovel uppercut) and was cheated of his proper victory by a long count. It was shameful, Douglass was allowed to get up, beat the bell and survive--and knock out Iron Mike. Look it up.

[Van]

Jsc, since you seem so fired up about Tiger being "done," how about you back it up?

When - not if -Tiger wins his next major, you swap your avatar to this...



...and leave it there for the remainder of your time on these boards.

Deal?

[Van]

Jsc, when he's ranked #1 in the world again and he's won a major, he's officially "back." You said he's "done," and you said he would never win another major.

Sack up. Agree to wear the avatar when you're proven wrong.

[Dinsdale]

Jsc, when he's ranked #1 in the world again.

Jeebuz christ, dude... JUST STOP.


See if you can't figure out why I'm laughing at yet another Vannie KHOA?


I've got a better idea for you and JSC -- you should both shut the living fuck up, since BOTH of you have demonstrated such complete cluelessness, it's laughable.

We have JSC, who maybe moreso than anyone here, should understand the impact injuries have (and have already had on Tiger) on a professional athlete.

Then we have you, commenting on the #1 player ranking, when it's beyond obvious that you have no idea who the #1 player in the world rankings is.


Funny shit.

[Van]

Dins, that wasn't even worth posting. That was pathetically pissy even for you. We both know that I'm referring to when he loses his #1 ranking, which he's likely to do should this neck injury keep him out of action for any period of time in the middle of the season.

[Dinsdale]

period of time

BTW...



ELIMINATED

[Van]

Jsc, now you're backpedaling something fierce. Your original stance was that he'd never win another major; now it's "he won't dominate the same way again," which of course will be something you'll interpret in such a way as to never have to admit you were wrong.

Tiger's going to get his nineteen majors. He's young enough that this current episode in his life will simply end up being little more than a speedbump.

Unless injuries take him down, he's going to get there.

[Van]

period of time

BTW...

ELIMINATED

Nope. The fact that a phrase is debatably redundant doesn't make it grammatically incorrect. Besides, we were both ELIMINATED long ago...or, if you'd prefer, in keeping with the redundancy theme...a long time ago.

[Dinsdale]

You're a stupid idiot, at this point in time, you are.

[Van]

That kinda sounds like U&L Yoda.

[Dinsdale]

The fact that a phrase is debatably redundant doesn't make it grammatically incorrect.

Actually... it does. Just because we generally turn a blind eye to all the stupid redundancies we hear daily, it doesn't make it correct.

It's time to stop being accepting of this butchery. I for one refuse to accept "amuck" as a real word, just because so many dolts misspelled it for so long. It's like it was abused for so long, Webster's just threw their hands up, and accepted it as a Screwyism.

[Dinsdale]

That kinda sounds like U&L Yoda.

When eleventeen beers you have drank, sound funny you will too.

[Van]

I for one

[Dinsdale]

Props.

I figured I'd eventually have to point that one out myself.

[Van]

"...and I never slice!"

[Dinsdale]

Back on semitopic...

Tiger slices.

One of the most amazing things I've seen in golf -- Pretty sure it was at Torrey Pines several years ago, Tiger let one rip off the tee on a par 5. Sucker sliced way into the next fairway. To recover, he tried to take a wedge over the trees... and whiffed. Now sitting 2 in the pinestraw, under a bunch of branches, about 240 out. Pulls out a 4, blades it out under the branches, has so much backspin (on a bladed shot no less) that it climbs after going under the branches, then fades back and hits the kidney-green, near the whole.

Knocks it down for bird.

Unfuckingbelievable.

[Van]

True, yet it's not half as unfuckingbelievable as the fact that a guy who looks like him actually got to cheat on this...

[Dinsdale]

Oh, totally believable.

Once you bank the first mil or so, you suddenly become both good-looking and funny.

[Van]

Yep. I love money. - Ric Ocasek

[War Wagon]

Rack Jsc. I've never seen such stern words from the man.

Dins and Van taking turns having Eldricks ballsack slapping off their chin... priceless.

umm, you amazingly inept dorks look up to this guy? Too funny.

[Van]

A near-billionaire who will likely go down as the greatest golfer of all time? Along the way, he's had himself quite the excellent time with women far beyond your pay grade, plus he has a couple of kids he supposedly loves?

Yeah, I'd say he's led a fairly enviable life. I mean, fine, he's no Randy Bachman or Ernie Irvan, but what the fuck, dude.

[PSUFAN]

Excuse me - but who gives a Harvey Milk assfucking motherfuck?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Excuse me - but who gives a Harvey Milk assfucking motherfuck?

Shhhhh....

Van just judo flipped Dins...just stay in the bushes and keep the camera rolling...I wanna see how this turns out.

[War Wagon]

A near-billionaire who will likely go down as the greatest golfer of all time?

You equate money and nailing skanks with success. I don't.

If that's your role model, well... you could do better. Tom Watson, for instance.

Think Eldrick will be competing for a British Open at age 59? Think he'll have near the respect and impact on the game? Think he'll ever come out of his shell and become an icon who serves both his family and his community?

Think again.

[Goober McTuber]

What do you expect, Whitey? His guitar hero is some faggot named Stevie Vai.

[Van]

A near-billionaire who will likely go down as the greatest golfer of all time?

You equate money and nailing skanks with success. I don't.

...and being the greatest golfer of all time. How convenient that you omitted that part, since we're talking about success and whatsuch.

If that's your role model, well... you could do better. Tom Watson, for instance.

Think Eldrick will be competing for a British Open at age 59? Think he'll have near the respect and impact on the game?

In Watson's wildest dreams he's never had near the imapct on the game that Tiger Woods has had all over the globe. Not only is it not even close, you're practically insane for even bringing it up.

Think he'll ever come out of his shell and become an icon who serves both his family and his community?

Think again.

Who gives a fuck? Tiger does plenty of charitable work anyway, not that it matters. He's Tiger. You're not. I'm not. Dins isn't. To try to say that Tiger hasn't led an enviable life is simply asinine. To try to compare your family life with his is equally asinine. Let someone hand you a billion dollars as a thirty-year-old man...let them make you the single most recognizable athlete on the planet...then let's see how faithful you'd be to your little wife.

Don't even try to tell me how much better behaved you'd be, because you haven't a clue.

[Van]

What do you expect, Whitey? His guitar hero is some faggot named Stevie Vai.

Huh?

[War Wagon]

In Watson's wildest dreams he's never had near the imapct on the game that Tiger Woods has had all over the globe. Not only is it not even close, you're practically insane for even bringing it up.

Insane?

Life is a game. Whether it's 4 qtrs, 9 innings, 18 holes, or three score and ten, Eldricks time is not on his side.

You scoff at terms like character like they were meaningless when in the end they are the only thing that matters.

Tiger is a disgrace.

Just like you scrabbling on to Rothlisbergers sad sack, you do it again with Eldrick. This seems to be a pattern.

[War Wagon]

Tiger does plenty of charitable work anyway...

Link?

not that it matters.

Nevermind.

[Van]

Wags, the pattern here is your habit for misdirection and obfuscation. I never said shit about Ben other than no one has any proof whatsoever that he's done anything wrong. He's merely been accused of things; he's never been charged with anything.

I like to wait for proof before I label people. You don't. You're content to let the National Enquirer tell you what to believe, and you always want to believe the worst in pure kneejerk fashion.

You're kinda like a stupid housewife, that way.

As for the game and time not being on Tiger's side? He's already won. He's already done more in golf than Watson, and he's nowhere near being done.

You say Tiger is a disgrace when you know - or at least you ought to - that he's hardly alone in his philandering. Many of the athletes you've worshipped over the years are guilty of the same thing, whether they ended up in the papers over it or not.

You really do think purely on the level of bumper sticker slogans, don't you?

[Van]

Tiger does plenty of charitable work anyway...

Link?

http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.c ... orgid=8100

Wanna show me where either you or Tom Watson have done more charity work?

not that it matters.

Nevermind.

Good call. You really don't know what you're talking about, so it'd be better for you to just tap out.

[Goober McTuber]

What do you expect, Whitey? His guitar hero is some faggot named Stevie Vai.

Huh?

I'm sorry. One of your guitar heroes.