Not much of a craftsman, but....

[Go Coogs']

I'm starting to expand my horizons as I just completed my first ever deck. Didn't have any help either and probably could've used some when sinking those posts.

I'll be placing my toolshed on this bad boy...







I still have to build a mini-ramp for pushing the lawnmower and wheelbarrow in the shed when it's finall placed on the deck, but that shouldn't be difficult to do.

Go ahead and insert all Mrs. Rumps jokes if you want. I'll just scroll through'em.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

5...4...3...

[Go Coogs']

Btw, can someone fill me in on the dins/square headed deck screw saga?

I don't recall ever hearing the story behind this.

[Trampis]

I heard that in parts of China they build their huts on stilts and the pigs live underneath the home, feeding on the human waste and garbage.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

I heard that in parts of China they build their huts on stilts and the pigs live underneath the home, feeding on the human waste and garbage.

I think that would be "Arkansas".

[Dr_Phibes]

there's a raft of the Medusa joke in there somewhere.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Your deck looks... tiny. You said a tool shed will sit on this thing, not a toy box... right?

[PSUFAN]

Your deck looks... tiny.

Clearly he's compensating.

[Goober McTuber]

Now when Rumplewife says he has a really small dick, he can tell himself she said deck.

[Screw_Michigan]

Now when Rumplewife says he has a really small dick, he can tell himself she said deck.

D+

[Goober McTuber]

Now when Rumplewife says he has a really small dick, he can tell himself she said deck.

D+

Oh fuck. There goes the Dean's list.

[War Wagon]

I just completed my first ever deck.

You call that a deck? That's not a deck, that's a platform. Decks have railings and steps and are more than 72 sq. ft.

And are those nails you used rather than screws? I suppose they may be ok for a shed to sit on, but if you ever do build a real deck that Rumplewife is going to be bouncing around on, you better use screws... along with more horizontal bracing.

Nice piece of work Rumps, though it might have been cheaper and easier to just pour a concrete slab for a shed.

[Dinsdale]

Btw, can someone fill me in on the dins/square headed deck screw saga?

I don't recall ever hearing the story behind this.

Yeah, why not.

There was some discussion of decks years ago by some complete dumbass... they might even have used nails or something equally stupid.

I simply pointed out that decks are assembles with screws, and if anyone has actually built a deck before, they use they square headed drives (fuck you, Upeer Mexicans), the reasons being obvious...

For one, they can be easily removed.

For another, if you go into a contractor supply house and look at bits for a drill (BTW, Dinstheory Round 2 -- if you use a cordless drill where 110 is avaliable, you're not very smart)... the phillips bits come in 5 pound boxes. The square drive bits come in packs of 3... do I need to outline the math here? They come in packs of 3, and you'll likely have at least one left over after building a small deck, whereas you might be running back to the hardware store for another 5 pound box of phillips bits.


And if you pony up for the Deckmate brand coated screws (probably not as big a deal where you live), you're golden.


I'm not sure if we ever even discussed the absolute monument to dumbassery that just about any DIYer makes, along with many a "professional" -- when you're building a deck, chances are you'll want to stain/coat/treat it to protect that big investment. And let's fucking see, if you're starting from scratch, you're faced with yet another math-dilemma...

You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or one. And it's absolutely mindboggling how many people go for the "one" option.

[Goober McTuber]

I’m not about to re-hash this entire discussion except to point out that I still have the same fully functional Phillips bit that I used on the entire deck, and I can still easily back out any screw that I sunk with it. Not that you’d ever exaggerate or anything.

[Go Coogs']

Ah....okay. Good information to have.

This "platform" for my toolshed was easy in the sense that it didn't involve a lot of cutting. It was sort of a trial run for when I build a real deck down the road. That is why I used nails and did not stain it, because it just needed to be a flat surface for an 8x6 shed.

Wags, the 2x4s for the support braces, I already had in my posession. Lowe's was running a deal on treated 2x6x8s for $5 a pop. I can't remember what the cement mix cost me, but it wasn't much. The slab thing, I'm not sure what that cost and what it entails. I'm sure it's a box frame with 2x6s with the ground dug about 6" deep and then you pour the concrete, right? Would that involve a compactor to get the dirt flat? I really don't know.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Wags could have hit you up with some pallets. Much cheaper.

[indyfrisco]

Would that involve a compactor to get the dirt flat?

That's what a good bed of rocks are for before you pour the concrete.

[indyfrisco]

By the way, why did you make your 6x8 "deck" 5.5x8?

[Goober McTuber]

By the way, why did you make your 6x8 "deck" 5.5x8?

He already said he's not much of a craftsman. Sheesh.

[War Wagon]

For another, if you go into a contractor supply house and look at bits for a drill (BTW, Dinstheory Round 2 -- if you use a cordless drill where 110 is avaliable, you're not very smart)... the phillips bits come in 5 pound boxes. The square drive bits come in packs of 3... do I need to outline the math here? They come in packs of 3, and you'll likely have at least one left over after building a small deck, whereas you might be running back to the hardware store for another 5 pound box of phillips bits.

Do they not sell heat treated phillips head bits in the U & L?

You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or one.

Wow, you can buy 6 sided boards?

[Smackie Chan]

Wow, you can buy 6 sided boards?

Yeah, but for those it's best to use hexagonal head deck screws to maintain symmetry.

[Goober McTuber]

You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or one.

Wow, you can buy 6 sided boards?

Sure. They sell them to the same people who buy 12-sided dice.

Seriously, I think he’s staining the ends, as well. As would I. He probably should have said, “You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or three.” Sometimes Dinsdale’s mouth goes into hyper-warp, and it takes a couple-few minutes for the brain to catch up.

[Smackie Chan]

He probably should have said, “You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or three.”

While Dins has seldom displayed any difficulty speaking for himself, I'll deign to jump in and say that he probably meant "one" when he said "one," at least as far as the inner boards of the deck are concerned if the ends are left untreated. If the deck is built, then treated on its top surface only (hence, "monument to dumbassery"), many and possibly all of the boards will be treated on only one side.

[Goober McTuber]

He probably should have said, “You've been given a choice of whether to stain 6 sides of the boards, or three.”

While Dins has seldom displayed any difficulty speaking for himself, I'll deign to jump in and say that he probably meant "one" when he said "one," at least as far as the inner boards of the deck are concerned if the ends are left untreated. If the deck is built, then treated on its top surface only (hence, "monument to dumbassery"), many and possibly all of the boards will be treated on only one side.

My decking boards are all exposed on both ends, and stained on both ends. No joints in the middle. The spindles and posts are stained on the bottom ends and covered by the rail on the top. Not sure of your point here, Mr. Dinsdale apologist.

[Dinsdale]

Damn, just when I think you're all fucking stupid, you go and prove me right, except The Chan Man.

Wow, you can buy 6 sided boards?

Next time you're in any sort of business that sells lumber, do your stupidity a favor and pick a board... any board they have in stock, any dimensions...

And count how many sides it has, you flaming fucking dumbass.


And apparently, they sell 25+ foot decking boards where Goobs lives... which seems rather odd, since the overwhelming majority of decking sold in this country comes from my neck of the woods, but for some reason they withhold these special lumber sizes from the locals... ponderous.


The Duelling Dumbasses are kind of entertaining, though -- Goobs and Whitey are in some weird competition to prove who the bigger dumbass is. It's like the fucking Dumbass Olympics being played right before our very eyes.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

[Screw_Michigan]

The Duelling Dumbasses are kind of entertaining, though -- Goobs and Whitey are in some weird competition to prove who the bigger dumbass is. It's like the fucking Dumbass Olympics being played right before our very eyes.

Bwahahahah.

[Dinsdale]

L to R: Whitey, taking one of those "spatial relationships" aptitude tests

[Goober McTuber]

And apparently, they sell 25+ foot decking boards where Goobs lives... which seems rather odd, since the overwhelming majority of decking sold in this country comes from my neck of the woods, but for some reason they withhold these special lumber sizes from the locals... ponderous.

My deck is 19’ 4” long. I special-ordered 20’ deck boards. By the time they got done double dipping my 10% discount (once when I ordered them, once when they came in and I paid for them), they were probably cheaper than using 12-footers. If you’ve never seen 20’ deck boards, you should check them out. Once again, engage brain – run mouth.

[Dinsdale]

If you’ve never seen 20’ deck boards, you should check them out.

Nice try, Dumbass.

My "home away from home" is a couplefew blocks from a sawmill. Whatever lumber you've cumulatively seen in your entire Dumbass existence, I saw yesterday.

Kinda comes with the territory.

Ever seen a deck more than 20 feet long, Dumbass? I've worked on one recently... and I'm sure will again very soon.

[Goober McTuber]

If you’ve never seen 20’ deck boards, you should check them out.

Nice try, Dumbass.

My "home away from home" is a couplefew blocks from a sawmill. Whatever lumber you've cumulatively seen in your entire Dumbass existence, I saw yesterday.

Kinda comes with the territory.

Ever seen a deck more than 20 feet long, Dumbass? I've worked on one recently... and I'm sure will again very soon.

Well, dumbass, I was just trying to address your dumbass point that I must have bought 25’ deck boards. I didn't, I bought 20’ deck boards, dumbass. Because that's all I needed for a deck slight less than 20’ feet in length. And I have no joints in the decking. Dumbass.

[Dinsdale]

And the Logic Fairy left a note under your pillow last night that said "Since YOUR deck is less than 20', it stands to reason that ALL decks are less than 20 feet"?


Since you're a fucking Dumbass, I'll help you out... that's EXACTLY the point you're trying to make here, even if your Dumbass ass can't figure out what it is you just said.

[War Wagon]

Next time you're in any sort of business that sells lumber, do your stupidity a favor and pick a board... any board they have in stock, any dimensions...

And count how many sides it has, you flaming fucking dumbass.

A board has 4 sides and 2 ends, you insufferable jerkoff. In the flyover we don't refer to the end of the board as a side, must be a dipshit U & L reference.

I noticed you didn't address heat treated phillips head bits, construction guru. I used one phillips bit on both my front and back deck that I built 20 years ago and that one will still be good the next time I decide to build a replacement, you dumb bitch.

[Goober McTuber]

And the Logic Fairy left a note under your pillow last night that said "Since YOUR deck is less than 20', it stands to reason that ALL decks are less than 20 feet"?


Since you're a fucking Dumbass, I'll help you out... that's EXACTLY the point you're trying to make here, even if your Dumbass ass can't figure out what it is you just said.

I never said anything about all decks, dumbass. I said mine had no joints in the decking, you fucking dumbass. Then you jumped in with your dumbass comment "And apparently, they sell 25+ foot decking boards where Goobs lives... ". Do you see now why, despite your efforts to spin this away, you are looking like a dumbass, dumbass?

[Smackie Chan]

Not sure of your point here

Shit, where to start? My point is trifold:

1) I completely understand that when a term like “monument to dumbassery” is used, you instinctively assume it’s referring to you. No harm, no foul there, really – it’s an assumption many of us make. However, the topic of discussion is NOT your deck.

2) The word “if” is not a big word and its definition is not difficult to understand, to most of us, anyway. I’ll help you grasp the concept if you ask nicely.

3) 1 ≠ 3

Hope this helps.

[PSUFAN]

I'm starting to expand my horizons

Thank fucking GOD, Rumps. I've got square yards of labia you've never even SEEN, much less nibbled.

sin,
Mt. RumpleTerror

[Goober McTuber]

Not sure of your point here

Shit, where to start? My point is trifold:

1) I completely understand that when a term like “monument to dumbassery” is used, you instinctively assume it’s referring to you. No harm, no foul there, really – it’s an assumption many of us make. However, the topic of discussion is NOT your deck.

2) The word “if” is not a big word and its definition is not difficult to understand, to most of us, anyway. I’ll help you grasp the concept if you ask nicely.

3) 1 ≠ 3

Hope this helps.

I used my deck to illustrate that I stained the ends of the boards. Most people would stain the ends of exposed boards, unless they are “monuments to dumbassery”. It doesn’t matter if you stained the boards before you built or not, the ends would still be stained. Which kind of makes point #3 kinda stupid.

Hope this helps.

[Dinsdale]

Most people would stain the ends of exposed boards, unless they are “monuments to dumbassery”.

You've slowed down in your charge to the finish line of the Dumbass Olympics, so I guess you've got that going for you.

Your not-too-terribly-clever addition of the qualifier saves you from being an even bigger dumbass than your last post shows.

Here's the deal -- I've refinished a shitload of decks in the last 12 years or so, and seen a double-shitload. While I was typing this paragraph, I forgot more about decks then you'll ever know.

And thank goodness for your saving qualifier (which would have served you well several posts back.... not nearly as well as just shutting the fuck up would have).


Since it's actually a very small percentage of people who take the "6 sides" option...

Dumbass.


And BTW -- 'round these parts, lumber is (relatively) cheap, and we use a thing called a "fascia," since leaving the ends of the boards exposed looks like ass. It also all-but-eliminates UV exposure, which breaks down finishes very quickly, particularly on exposed end-grains.


Then again, the average DIYer (or in your case, "below average DIYer, Mr "Permits? We don't need no stinking permits!") has no fucking idea what they're doing, and probably shouldn't be allowed to purchase any sort of tools.

[Smackie Chan]

Hope this helps.

Thanks, Gobbles...it does help, but not in the way you had likely intended. What it does help do is reinforce that reading comprehension, and generally keeping up, are not your strong suits. I'll try to work through this slowly for you.

Most people would stain the ends of exposed boards, unless they are “monuments to dumbassery”.

And it is EXACTLY those monuments we're talking about here, given that

I'm not sure if we ever even discussed the absolute monument to dumbassery that just about any DIYer makes, along with many a "professional"

So we're NOT talking about how it should be done, but rather how it is often unwisely done. Understand the subtle difference here? It gets tougher going forward, though, since we now will introduce the concept of mutual exclusiveness. In this case, the "if" condition I cited appeared when

If the deck is built, then treated on its top surface only (hence, "monument to dumbassery"), many and possibly all of the boards will be treated on only one side.

To which

I used my deck to illustrate that I stained the ends of the boards.

See where the problem here is? Your response was outside the bounds of my given "if" condition. If only the top surface is treated, that means the ends are not. It can't be both ways. That is what is meant by conditions being mutually exclusive. So you were trying, admittedly lamely, to refute a point I never tried to make. Then, to top it off,

Which kind of makes point #3 kinda stupid.

I can understand why you might think this, given your fallacious arguments and your inability to comprehend mutual exclusiveness. I know this is tough, but just focus, and it may become clear to you, though I'm honestly not optimistic. But let's put a positive spin on this. If you continue to believe that point #3 is kinda stupid, then you and that point share some commonality - in your feeble mind, anyway. So at least you're not alone. Silver lining, if you will.

[War Wagon]

Wags, the 2x4s for the support braces, I already had in my posession. Lowe's was running a deal on treated 2x6x8s for $5 a pop. I can't remember what the cement mix cost me, but it wasn't much. The slab thing, I'm not sure what that cost and what it entails. I'm sure it's a box frame with 2x6s with the ground dug about 6" deep and then you pour the concrete, right? Would that involve a compactor to get the dirt flat? I really don't know.

I'm sure Dins knows all about concrete forming as well, so at the risk of restarting that churning asshole of an mouthy keyboard...

A 4" thick slab would've been quite sufficient for a toolshed. You could've used those 2 x 4's as forms by pounding a few stakes in the ground behind them, and no, the ground wouldn't have needed any special preparation for a small shed. No rebar, no sand, no gravel and the slope of the ground matters little.

Scott just had a 12' x 12' slab poured for about $250, about 2 yards of concrete delivered by a ready mix company. That slab of concrete will be there long after every deck Dins ever built crumbles or his mouth implodes in on itself. Not sure which of those events will occur first.