Not much of a craftsman, but....

[Dinsdale]

Not to be rude Rumps, but the "ends" of those boards look like the waiting room at an Alabama dentist's office.


Maybe next time, you should see if your HOA will approve using a chalk line and a circular saw to square them up.

[smackaholic]

Not to be rude Rumps, but the "ends" of those boards look like the waiting room at an Alabama dentist's office.


Maybe next time, you should see if your HOA will approve using a chalk line and a circular saw to square them up.

I count eleven. ain't nobody in a bama waitin' room packing that many chicklets.

ohhh, wait, you meant the whole room?

yeah, I guess that's about right then. you should have been more specific and said a crowded 'bama dentist waitin' room.

[Van]

Not to be rude...

[Go Coogs']

Maybe next time, you should see if your HOA will approve using a chalk line and a circular saw to square them up.

I saw that too, Dins. Again, my first one to ever do and I've learned from this. I'll slide the shed over and edge the boards off for a smooth finish. The ramp is temporary as well as I will build a better one with a walkway and it will match the shed color.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

The ramp is temporary as well as I will build a better one with a walkway and it will match the shed color.

Make sure it has the proper tensile strength to bear the weight of a Rumplepotamus...

[Dinsdale]

R-jack, There is a view believe it or not. Not a sierra nevada kind of view you're prolly used to.

Yeah, I believe East Bay is famous for its spectacular views of the Sierra.

Which BTW, I was a little slow returning a phone call, and missed out on an all-expense paid trip to Palo Alto next week... bummer.

I bet it's nicer than the flat over a liquor store dins rents.

Yeah, it really sucks -- living on a half acre with a vineyard in the yard, fruit trees galore, and a fully finished outbuilding with a stocked bar, dedicated to hosting poker games.

But I'd take a dumpy flat over a liquor store in Oregon over a mansion in CT, anyday.

I went to the big orange box again and found the one dude there that seems like he knows what he's talking about.

My thoughts on AP's coworkers -- the guy that seems like he knows what he's talking about is exactly the one to avoid.

It boils down to basic math, really...

HD grunt makes maybe $12hr. A journeyman actually doing the joc HDGrunt is giving you advice on makes twice that.

So, unless HDGrunt has an obvious physical defect that would prevent him from working in that field... do the math.

SYP is tougher than cinder's clitoris.

[/quote]

Don't know what the S stands for, but I'm assuming YP is yellow pine -- I've heard it makes deece PT.

And yes, U&L PT is douggy or spruce.

But something to bear in mind -- I really wasn't kidding -- I'm actually pretty familiar with treating/refinishing decks. And the companies that make deck stains with 5 yearwarranties or whatever... have a disclaimer about the warranty when used in certain regions -- the Willamette Valley being at the top of the list. It's probably a good thing it's the Lumber Capital of the World, since it's also the woodrot capital of the world. 4 months of nonstop wet, coupled with 4 months of Sahara doesn't do exterior wood any favors.

Wanna know how to get the most out of exterior wood? Ask a U&L construction guy.

[Go Coogs']

Dins, you're kinda broad brushing HD grunts there.

My stepdad is set to retire in 3 months and he and my mother are moving to Bastrop, TX shortly after. They own about 14 acres and he has been to the big orange box in town about 50 times for various projects he's started and finished on the property. The man can build anything. He and the grunts have gotten to known one another and they pretty much told my stepdad they will have a position waiting for him when he and my mother settle in. Alls I know is if he does take the offer, then anyone starting a project will be in good hands if he is the one helping them. Just sayin'.

This is their new digs...



View of the barn from the house....

[Dinsdale]

I should have excluded "retired part-timer" from my people to avoid at HD list.

[smackaholic]

Dins, next time I build a deck out of doug fir, I will fly your scrawny ass out here to supervise. Can't pay much other than to pump you full of as much fine thomas hooker micro brew as you can handle. I promise, you'll like the stuff and maybe even find it as good as some of your U&L micro swill.

As for the HD grunt, you are right. My first stop was in the wood preservative isle. LaShawn and Billy were stocking shelves but very nicely asked if I could help, my initial thought was to just give them a condescending look and walk away, but, i thought i'd be nice...

Me: Uh yeah, I need something to coat the tops of my deck joists, probably some tarlike kinda stuff...

LaShawn and Billy: [deer in the headlights clueless look]uhhhh, you might wanna talk to somebody at the contractor desk [/deer in the headlights clueless look]

me: you mean where the slightly older white dude works?

actually, I didn't say that, but i sure the fukk was thinin' * it.

*not a typo, just using 'el cabong' spelling rules.

so, I mosied over to the contractor desk where HD keeps most of their (mostly older white) somewhat knowledgable more than $12/hr talent.

without any leading at all, dude seemed to know that in other parts of the world they use doug fir and that if that was the case, further treatment beyond the pressurized factory variety might be a good idea. You can usually tell if a dude is actually somewhat knowledgable. after talking to him for a coupla minutes, i came to the realization that he was.

we even got to talking about square head deck screws. i specifically remember putting down composite decking on my deck pool about 7-8 years ago. the deckmate screws had a square head with a bit of a phillips look to it. basically, it was slotted in the corners and these fukkin' things were 'nails' as screws go. loved them. they would go right through the fukkin board if you asked them to.

these newfangled square head 'griptite' screws? not so much.

he was telling me how ever the last 5 years or so the combination of cheaper steel and crappy finish means that even the much feared square head will strip on occasion. and he is fukking right. I bought their best superhardened, prolly still made in the US bits and still 1 of every 5-10 will strip going in. got to fukking love made in china metal quality. actually, they might not be made in china, they might just be shoddily made to keep the price low so they won't be made in china. don't know for sure. all i do know is that with each screw, i have a fair bit of my 235 elll beees trying to coax that fukk to go in without slipping. i am gonna keep all the rounded out ones and take them back and bitch to see if i can get something back. if enough folks do this, maybe they'll stop making junk.

before you tell me you don't have this issue, remember, i am drilling into fukking meatgrinder yellow pine, not that faggity ass dougy howser fir stuff. If you want to know how fun this shit is, find a piece and drive a framing nail into it. Then try to pull it out. you will more than likely snap the head off. SOUTHERN yella pine is fukking stronger than steel.

[smackaholic]

The ramp is temporary as well as I will build a better one with a walkway and it will match the shed color.

Make sure it has the proper tensile strength to bear the weight of a Rumplepotamus...

Compressive strength there, einstein.

tensile strength will only come into play if cougs does a suspension bridge into his shed.

coogs, dig yerself about an 18" hole where the rumpleloading ramp is gonna go. put in about 4 inches of compressed gravel. then do the rest of the ramp in reinforced high COMPRESSIVE strenf concrete. I'd make it a lot longer too, as I don't think rumplebeast can handle much of a grade.

smackaholic,

structural, civil engineer and non HOA member (thank G0d)

[Dinsdale]

Dins, next time I build a deck out of doug fir

WTF are you talking about.

'Round these parts, which is the Flying Spaghetti Monster's gift to lumber, we use PT/ground contact fir for the posts and joists, and the decking is cedar... like every major diety worshipped on this planet intended.

Although every once in a while, you see mahogany -- which last I checked is what they make wooden boats out of... but it's so ridiculously cost-prohibitive, it's rare. Although I have worked on them -- in the big-dollar real estate parts of town.

[Van]

LaShawn and Billy were stocking shelves but very nicely asked if I could help

See, now my first thought would've been more along the lines of, "Fuck off, you lazy bastards. What are you doing asking customers to help you stock shelves? Am I wearing an orange apron? You two are French, aren't you?"

That is, unless I was the particularly rotund member of Team Nutsack who went around looking like a traffic barrel, in which case their mistake would've been entirely understandable. Thinking that my orange ouevre rocked, though, I still would've told them to fuck off.

[Atomic Punk]

My thoughts on AP's coworkers -- the guy that seems like he knows what he's talking about is exactly the one to avoid.

HD grunt makes maybe $12hr. A journeyman actually doing the joc HDGrunt is giving you advice on makes twice that.

Wanna know how to get the most out of exterior wood? Ask a U&L construction guy.

5 years @ HD, I can say most don't know shit because they are one HR away from being hired at WalMart. However, if one works there and talks to the pro's daily and asks questions, then they may have a lot of knowledge sans experience. Valid. Even better if they do side jobs for fun. Most HD/BLowes/OSH associates don't know shit. However there are a lot of older timers that DO know WTF they are doing. Learn from them, put it into play, fuck up, and ask the pros more, then you get good at tasks.

I remember my days @ HD and it was all about sales, hiring dumbfucks for much lower than $12/hr, asking people like me to train them so I can get more hours in other departments... and petty BS from the children in charge. You learn who the true pro's are, and ask them questions. Don't ask the young idiots about how to do anything.

I think that's what Dins was saying.

[Van]

Although every once in a while, you see mahogany -- which last I checked is what they make wooden boats out of...

...as well as other cool things...



Mahogany = warm, chewy goodness

[PSUFAN]

a lot of knowledge sans experience

:blink

:blink

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

.../BLowes/...

Yeah, they just branched out here to our corner of the galaxy.

They seem to cater to ladies and soft-handed gentlemen. Not a very "rugged" clientèle, from the looks of it.

[smackaholic]

Dins, next time I build a deck out of doug fir

WTF are you talking about.

'Round these parts, which is the Flying Spaghetti Monster's gift to lumber, we use PT/ground contact fir for the posts and joists, and the decking is cedar... like every major diety worshipped on this planet intended.

Although every once in a while, you see mahogany -- which last I checked is what they make wooden boats out of... but it's so ridiculously cost-prohibitive, it's rare. Although I have worked on them -- in the big-dollar real estate parts of town.

'round these parts, the decking itself is often that same SYP. Not as pretty, but, a fair bit cheaper. I suspect western cedar is cheaper where you live as you are tripping over the stuff. I hear that brazilian stuff, forget the name is the cat's ass. I went with the HD brand of composite because they were running a pretty attractive sale on it. Having read up on it quite a bit since then, I may come to regret this decision, but I got a big pile of it sitting just off camera in that pic, so that's what's going down.

[smackaholic]

.../BLowes/...

Yeah, they just branched out here to our corner of the galaxy.

They seem to cater to ladies and soft-handed gentlemen. Not a very "rugged" clientèle, from the looks of it.

Yer pretty much spot on in that description. Blowes is like an HD that got a makeover buy that come chugging dude that used to be on TV. Maybe he's still around? Somebody has the keys to his troll, why don't you break him out.

Overall, I like blowes better and usually go there. I went with the depot on this project cause their composite sale was pretty fuggen nice.

[Dinsdale]

composite

Oh, dear.

Composite makes a nice decking... in a fucking trailer park. You gonna then cover the surface of the composite with bottle caps from Bud Light?


They opened a Lowe's near me several years ago. Went in there to buy a new door (a friend was moving out of his place, and managed to trash an interior door with furniture). Figured we needed one of those lumber-carts they have there to haul a door to the checkstand and truck. So we asked the two pimpled-up douchebags who were standing around doing absolutely nothing about the carts.

"I don't see one around, so I guess you'll have to walk out to the parking lot to see if you can find one."


Yeah, we walked out to the parking lot, alright. Visits to Lowe's since then have been somewhere between "few and far between" and "never." They make HD seem like a legit store.

[PSUFAN]

cover the surface of the composite with bottle caps from Bud Light?

Tell me more.

-BThwack

[Go Coogs']

HD is so much better when it comes to customer service and general knowledge of the employees in each department.

Lowes has better choices but absolute shit for employees. Not once has a Lowes empoyee asked if I needed help with something. And usually when I ask for someone's help, it's like I'm bothering them.

I hate BLowes for that reason. They sell troy-bilt B&S products though.

[indyfrisco]

Yeah, we walked out to the parking lot, alright. Visits to Lowe's since then have been somewhere between "few and far between" and "never." They make HD seem like a legit store.

I worked at a mom & pop hardware store from age 11-18. I stocked shelves for the first 3 years and then at 14 I was able to help customers. The owner had a "test" you had to go through to be allowed to help customers. I just learned over the years listening to other salespeople how to fix shit, where shit was located, etc.

That being said, I know what it means to "know your shit" vs. "not knowing shit." What you say here about Lowes is absolutely true. Lowes does not employ "salespeople". They hire stock boys.

Home Depot USED to hire a lot of good helpers. Now, not so much, but still a shitload better than Lowes. I know who to go find if I need help on something I know little about (such as gardening shit). However, I usually know how to do what it is I need to do from my years working at this place:



Oh, and this is the new store that I helped build from 17-18. THAT was fun. Much moreso than working the aisles.

[smackaholic]

composite

Oh, dear.

Composite makes a nice decking... in a fucking trailer park. You gonna then cover the surface of the composite with bottle caps from Bud Light?


They opened a Lowe's near me several years ago. Went in there to buy a new door (a friend was moving out of his place, and managed to trash an interior door with furniture). Figured we needed one of those lumber-carts they have there to haul a door to the checkstand and truck. So we asked the two pimpled-up douchebags who were standing around doing absolutely nothing about the carts.

"I don't see one around, so I guess you'll have to walk out to the parking lot to see if you can find one."


Yeah, we walked out to the parking lot, alright. Visits to Lowe's since then have been somewhere between "few and far between" and "never." They make HD seem like a legit store.

Nothing less than thomas hooker bud caps will be driven into my decking, thank you very much.

[Dinsdale]

I can see going with composite -- since mankind's track record making things out of plastic that hold up well to UV exposure is so solid.


Although in its defense, I've yet to see one that powdered due to sun exposure.

[Goober McTuber]

Just by coinkydink the neighbor behind me is having a deck built by a professional. Looks like he does pretty nice work, and I stopped over to speak with him. I told him that I was chatting with someone on the internet about building decks and that this certain Mr. Know-It-All insisted that you should stain all sides of the wood before assembling the deck.

Dude gave me a funny look, smiled, and said, "That would be nice if you had a place handy to dry all of that wood. What the fuck?!? You been talking to Dinsdale?" Upon further questioning, he said that he used square-head, Phillips and star-drive screws when building a deck. Fair enough.

As he turned and walked away, he mumbled something under his breath. I can't be certain about this, but it sure sounded like, "Fuck the fucking U & fucking L."

[smackaholic]

Just by coinkydink the neighbor behind me is having a deck built by a professional. Looks like he does pretty nice work, and I stopped over to speak with him. I told him that I was chatting with someone on the internet about building decks and that this certain Mr. Know-It-All insisted that you should stain all sides of the wood before assembling the deck.

Dude gave me a funny look, smiled, and said, "That would be nice if you had a place handy to dry all of that wood. What the fuck?!? You been talking to Dinsdale?" Upon further questioning, he said that he used square-head, Phillips and star-drive screws when building a deck. Fair enough.

As he turned and walked away, he mumbled something under his breath. I can't be certain about this, but it sure sounded like, "Fuck the fucking U & fucking L."

hey, if you had to use that flimsy shit doug fir, you'd wanna put an extra coat on all 9 sides too. what do you use in the U&M anyhoo? I suspect the same SYP we use. they seem to have a pretty good supply in it in the SEC.

[R-Jack]

I went with composite on my deck, but let mother nature take care of the posts and railing.

If anyone is considering spending the huge jack on composite rails and endcaps, consider that they will need to be replaced (at about the same time as actuall wood) and composite does oxidate. As just flooring, no issues.

[Atomic Punk]

Memo to anybody wanting to do DIY work:

Don't go to HD, BLowes, OSH, etc. to ask for help. Chances are you'll run into a 19 y/o tatted up idiot that will look for the expert that is on break or lunch. It you are trying to do something you aren't qualified for, then there is a reason those contractors get paid. I can't tell you how many times I get asked about angle stops when I'm not a plumber, what type of wire they need for 15 amps or even 20 amps. I've even had some stupid fucks pull down a 100 amp breaker because it looks like it fits the 15 amp slot.

None of these fucking idiots do any research before they come in. P-Traps and the simplicity of replacing them tells me Darwin flooded many a Mexican and Hmong bathrooms back in the day. It's unbelievable how many fucking idiots come into a home improvement store and are willing to destroy their homes, rentals, or whatever. The absolute worst customer is one that needs help finding a screw. It's the most insulting thing to help these chimps to find one. After 3 seconds of finding the right one, then getting asked if it's the right one makes you give up hope for humanity.

[Dinsdale]

"That would be nice if you had a place handy to dry all of that wood. What the fuck?!?

WTF?

It's cedar (Western Red Cedar, similar to Coastal Redwood). One pass through the kiln and it's good to go.

Dude, it's the U&L -- we don't stand for that half-wet warped shit (OK, we get our fair share, especially if it comes from Blowes).

he said that he used square-head, Phillips and star-drive screws when building a deck. Fair enough.

Fair enough.

they seem to have a pretty good supply in it in the SEC.

I heard a stat not too long ago -- that at any given moment, over 10% of all lumber in the US is sitting on a dock in Oregon waiting to be shipped. That struck me as a mind-boggling number. I know in a good year, Oregon can outnumber the #2 state (usually Washington) by a 2-1 margin, but still... 10% of all of it sitting waiting to be loaded on a train is a big number. (One of these days, I'll break out a digicam and take some rather unimpressive pics of the mill I drive by several times a week. Was pretty much outside the OL's bedroom window, which helped drown out her howling. Little tiny mill, but had their own rail spur.)


I've also been told (more than once) that there's a "secret warehouse" around here somewhere, that if all production of toilet paper stopped, could singlehandedly supply the entire country for over two years. Considering how full of shit Goobs is, that's one impressively huge warehouse.

[Dinsdale]

oxidate

Eliminated.

[Dinsdale]

Damn, this previously-opened pinot gris I'm guzzling like Missjo was doling out mother's milk sure is oxidated.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Damn, this previously-opened pinot gris I'm guzzling like Missjo was doling out mother's milk sure is oxidated.

You've done your share of language mangling in this thread, Dins.

Wait, you're going to claim:

"I was using the 9th Century Celtic spellyng."
"I did it on purpose. NO ONE PICKED IT UP! YOU'RE ALL ELIMINATED!"
"I'm drunk."

[Dinsdale]

Wait, you're going to claim:

"I was using the 9th Century Celtic spellyng."
"I did it on purpose. NO ONE PICKED IT UP! YOU'RE ALL ELIMINATED!"
"I'm drunk."

Am I allowed to choose more than 1?

[Dinsdale]

And BTW, Marty -- the "location" field of your birth certificate ELIMINATED you from the get-go. There's two main dialects of English... you fuckers should pick one and stick to it.


Interesting fact -- of all people on Earth who speak English as their primary language, over half of them live in the USA.

[R-Jack]

oxidate

Eliminated.

oxidate. oxidize. tomato. tostatda. Who gives a fuck?

[Dinsdale]

Who gives a fuck?

Anyone drinking wine that was opened last week.

[smackaholic]

went and grabbed the economy sized bucket of griprite screws and gave it a look over.

"hencho en taiwan"

fukkin' lovely. that 'splains it, I guess.

on the bright side, now that I have enough deck down to stand comfortably on, rather than sit comfortably on, I'm actually having a little better luck driving them home. I'd say I'm well below 1 in 20 mangled now. I can live with that, I 'spose, but, for the next deck, I'll go elsewhere for fastening devices.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Interesting fact -- of all people on Earth who speak English as their primary language, over half of them live in the USA.

Give it 5 years or so.

[Goober McTuber]

"That would be nice if you had a place handy to dry all of that wood. What the fuck?!?

WTF?

It's cedar (Western Red Cedar, similar to Coastal Redwood). One pass through the kiln and it's good to go.

You put it through a kiln with fresh stain on it? I'm sorry, who's full of shit?

[smackaholic]

what he's saying is that it's cedar, dumbfukk. it don't need to have man put any shit on it. some imaginary deity made it that way.