AFC EAST
Miami - They served notice to the rest of the division by signing Marshall, and they drafted defense. Strong running game. I like them here
New England- Not a playoff team, but formidable enough at times to put up big scores against shitty teams. That's how they roll. Unfortunately for them, the other teams in this division don't suck as much anymore. Their D is young and easy to exploit, and they have zero ground game. The only time they won SBs was when the defense was solid and they had reliable running backs. Now they have neither, so now they're fucked.
NY Jets - I take a steamy dump all over this overrated team. I'm not buying the hype and I hope they crash and burn. I've never seen the media suck so much dick over a team that got two gimme wins at the end of the year to reach the playoffs. And shut up about how great the defense is. They got rolled up in the playoffs by SD and IND. Shonn Greene's durability is unproven too. 7-9.
Buffalo They suck ass. Look for 2-14.
AFC North
Baltimore- Best team in the AFC by far. They are loaded this year and everything Ozzie Newsome touches turns to gold. They have all the ingredients of a SUper Bowl team.
Pittsburgh they rarely miss the playoffs two years in a row. As long as they can break even in the games that Ben misses, they will be well on their way. Troy is back and even though the o-line still blows ass, they got Pouncy in the draft and that'll help.
Cincinnati- Bwahahaha! Like the Jets, the took the AFC by surprise, but they won't do that this year since things are expected of them. They ALWAYS fukk up in years like this when people are picking them to do something big. And hwo come Carson Palmer doesn't have to answer the "why can't you win a playoff game" question. He's a choker.
Cleveland- They could be a spoiler late in the year, but I think Mangini is sucking some dick to keep his job there. Their leading WR had 34 catches this year. Ooooo look out for the Browns! 4-12.
AFC South
Indianapolis- I don't think the Super Bowl hangover thing will happen, but I DO think that if Caldwell gets exposed it will be this year. Still, they have gonzalez and Sanders back so watching them go 10-0 to start the season would be the norm. But, none of that matters if they don't win it all. Seriously ...they need to win it all or it's a failure of a year.
Houston- This team has really arrived and I'm buying into it. Who cares if they are average on the ground, they can light up the scoreboard and I really like them to win the wild card. First ever playoff appearance for the Texans!
Tennessee- This is the kind of team that the Colts hate having in the division because they pound you in the cock and make life miserable for everyone. Chuck Cecil better get his shit together because the Tits were 28th ranked on D last year. The Titans need to figure a way to be more than a one-man show on offense
Jacksonville- No matter how they start, it doesn't matter, because Jack Del Rio smokes cock in December. Can his ass.
AFC West
Denver- They beefed up the d-line with some key free agent signings, plus Orton is now eased into the system on offense. i just like the feel of this team. Put Tebow in some Wildcat formations and you've got an exciting offense.
San Diego- This is the year that things unravel. They have lots of talent and Pro Bowlers, but too many whiny little pussies on this team and a douchebag for a head coach. Plus, Rivera has his hands full with that weak defensive front.
Oakland- I saw them look scary in a couple wins last year, but for some reason they just can't ever stay consistant. Horrible offensive line and a bullshit running game. They will probably barely stay out of the cellar just because KC sucks even worse.
Kansas City- Haley has that clueless look on his face all the time, and I know they can run the ball and shit but Scott Mitchell is average at best and that defense sucks hairy elephant balls. Look for them to be a joke this year, even at Arrowhead. And those two fat fuck coaches they hired are worthless too.
NFC EAST
Dallas- They added more young talent in the draft to an already-stifling defense. The offense boasts the best RB trio in the NFL as well as the best TE trio in the NFL. And even if you try to cover those players, Romo just goes downfield to Dez before you can scratch your balls. Far and away the best team in the East.
Philadelphia- The eagles defense is going to be awesome this year and there should be some good battles between them and the Cowboys . The only thing that is a huge question mark is how they will do at the RB position. Lots of pressure on McCoy. But the offensive philosophy stays the same and they will be solid all around.
New York Giants- every OTHER year the Giants surprise people, and Coughlin stomps around and somehow gets these bitches to play up. I don't know how he does it. But this year they will do it again and make the playoffs.
Washington- They add to many random big name players that don't fit instead of focusing on drafting linemen to give them depth and youth. Once McNabb misses 4-5 games, they are truly fucked.
NFC North
MinnesotaThis is essentially the same team. Yeah, Childress blows but even without Harvin, they probably will sign TJ or maybe Javon Walker and Favre makes guys like that look like Hall of Famers. They shouldn't miss a beat this year.
Green Bay Disappointing team of the year. Everyone is blowing thick loads all over them and putting them in the SB, but remember- 4 of their 10 wins came at the hands of the two bottom-feeders in the North. And they also beat the Rams, Browns, and Seahawks. Kind of a fraud team. 8-8 this year and they will get swept again by Favre
Detroit The Nate Burleson signing was great, as was Julian Peterson last year, and they had maybe the best draft in the NFL. Any coincidence that these moves are happening right after fuckbag Millen leaves? Look for the Lions to make some noise.
Chicago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yd4XiNKGew
NFC South
Carolina- Every year, a different team wins this division. This year will be no different. The Panthers have an improved D and the best running back tandem in NFL history.
Atlanta- a soft, pussy defense but a pretty nice attacking offense. They will go 9-7 or 8-8 and miss the playoffs because they are too soft and faggoty and don't belong there.
New Orleans- the NFL's 25th ranked defense won't get a bunch of lucky turnovers this year and refs who were licking Tom Benson's ballsack like last year. Hopefully the Madden curse takes place Thursday night and Brees can talk about "karma" and how "we deserve" to win every Super Bowl until him and Vicoden-peddling Sean Payton retire just because a Hurricane assfucked N.O. about five years ago. And be sure to sit out the last couple games to preserve your 70% completion percentage, dick drip.
Tampa Bay- I see no reason for them to finish greater than last place
NFC West
San Francisco- that's right, I'm buying into it. All they need to do is finish 8-8 or even 7-9 and the division is theirs. If not, FIRE SINGLETARY. No excuse not to win this shit division. I don't care if you have injuries.
Seattle- The addition of Okung will help for the future, but they lack running backs and the defense is inconsistent. 5-11 or so.
Arizona - These guys are going to fucking blow. Joey Porter will melt down and it will end badly. 4-12
St Louis Just when you think that the West can't suck any more, then you remember that the RAMS are here
God, what a shitbag division. More proof that Singletary needs to go back to Gold's Gym and coach people there if his team chokes away this golden opportunity to make the playoffs. The Rams suck ass. AFC wild cards- Texans, Steelers
NFC wild cards- Giants, Eagles (NFC East is simply the best division in football)
AFC title game- Ravens over Dolphins
NFC title game- Cowboys over Panthers
Super Bowl XLV- Dallas over Baltimore in Big D
and feel free to criticize my picks but at least have the balls to make your own picks first.
