Ubaldo Jimenez heads to DL with distended vulva.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Or so he wishes... as it would have been more manly:

Wed Apr 6
RHP Ubaldo Jimenez's cracked cuticle on his right thumb has landed him on the disabled list.

You don't grip the ball with your cuticle do you? What a homo... I can’t figure out who’s the bigger pussy, this guy or that chick (Matilda Latos?) from the Padres who sneezed her way onto the DL last year.

[War Wagon]

Just having the name Ubaldo ought to be worth a few stints on the DL from locker room wedgies and whatsuch.

Not having ever thrown a 100 mph fastball though, I'm not sure how a cracked cuticle would affect my pitching. I imagine it could be painful...

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Of course, I select this broad as my first SP in a Yahoo league. Good thing my offense is mashing "Week" 1:

R HR RBI SB OBP
35 12 37 4 .368

[R-Jack]

Think of it as "turf toe" for pitchers. Something that doesn't sound like a real injury but renders you unable to perform your basic duties.

[Shoalzie]

You don't grip the ball with your cuticle do you? What a homo...

In a way, you do. Depends on how he grips a pitch like his changeup if he holds it with the side of his thumb. Most pitches are held with the pad of that finger...your various fastballs for instance. Those guys are touchy about their finners...can't have a blister or cut or whatever because they don't feel the baseball the same way. All and all, it is pretty weak to be put on the DL with something like that.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

This isn't football. Pitching is such a precision thing, that if a damaged cuticle affects your release even slightly it can render you completely ineffective. The alleged pussification factor is irrelevant, imo.

[jiminphilly]

If a pitcher has even the slightest issue with his pitching hand, he's useless because of the different grips each pitch requires. Just ask Beckett who seems to have blister issues all the time.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Thanks for the serious answers, dorks. :?

[War Wagon]

We play fantasy baseball, of course we're dorks.

What did you expect?