Come gather round the T1B Thanksgiving table...

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:16 am

This is USC-UCLA Week in college football, and socalvansmack decided to change the terms of our annual sig bet. This time, the loser has to do fifty straight posts in haiku while wearing a haiku sig penned by the winner.

Having posted precious few haikus in my time here, I figured I'd better get in a little practice...just in case.

No need to RSVP, for there's a space reserved for each and every one of you. Simply put a name to the description, and away we go...

eyes bright as moonlight
her smile warms the blackest hearts
nah...it's still those tits

that is not ocher
no bleach will ever kill it
nambla lions coo

Screwball's nemesis
god's country a frozen turd
badgers always bite

taxis or pizzas
dank scent of old anchovies
owns Ditka Fathead

straight outta Saigon
hail to the victors, indeed
bitch, that's just a wart

saddled by The Jon
if you build it, they will come
nope. it's Iowa

mops up others' fucks
DC wants him to go home
Mgo's barnacle

not quite eighty-nine
has more moolah than Yahweh
bills by the minute

look, she's not that way
it was just a fucking game
'butt doctor' cousins

run, little dog, run
someone's dinner, a cruel fate
of course, a Duh fan

always mean and cruel
a nonsequitur legend
those cute kids ain't his

fool for the city
NASCAR, Walmart, Missouri
God fucking hates him

roots for gay Bruins
claims to be a soothsayer
Mexifornia...no!

you can't go in there
strippers rue her appearance
still the missus brays

damn 'coon runs amok
loves the food channel too much
one bald Cardinal

vodka is her meme
shithammered by mvs
empty trophy case

ride on down the road
college girls run for their lives
Saban unzips pants

owns all the Gulf Coast
cigs? check. tats? ditto. class? bwaaa.
really, she'll fuck you.

tenderloin district
zionists beneath his bed
flunked history class

held a general's crank
out-Forrested Gump himself
me, myself & I

commas forever
we shan't speak of wifey's heft
goddamn, the earth moved

au contraire, mon frère
do not deign to joust with me
Rip City means farts

its and it's suck balls
backyards are self-governing
civics scores, bitches

liberal to the core
has sex with Polamalu
spin another tune

Elvis was way gay
'smashmouth' with a whole new twist
ya like dem apples?

angry man on trike
lesbian weddings kick ass
you vapid fuckstain

cajun heart of gold
roots for his team, mine, and yours
will outlive us all

odder than glazed fuck
Charlie Daniels meets Ed Gein
Georgia on my mind

Sam Elliott looks
hot hooker splooge for 'stache wax
probably fucked you

calls 314 home
weird music, his life's sick bane
makes it ours, as well

'Domer' says his heart
'Sparty' says his diploma
Trojans own his ass

erudite and true
to Mizzou he gives his all
"why?" we must wonder

"unfair!" he doth cry
blown knees all over LoCal
self-loathing bastard

a chowd through and through
KC Scott desires his cock
lift, steam, gaze, impale

let's talk war, asshole
though worthless fucktard you be
trev, wipe your chin, whore

faux life of leisure
gallavanting to-and-fro
cum-filled jester tights

wins once per decade
ghosts of Pauley Pavilion
Mark Harmon has AIDS

cancer will kill me
no more guitars, women...fuck
least I'm not AP

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 3:45 am

Get a life.

Nice job though, really.

OK, I'll be the first to RACK it.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Thu Nov 24, 2011 11:56 am

Nice effort, Van. Bravo...

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:00 pm

Ditto.

It really sank in to me as I scrolle... read through that - how many losers post here.

Should honestly be ashamed of yourselves.

RACK Van!

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 3:56 pm

Jeeeesus Christ. Rack Van.

socal · Post by **socal** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:29 pm

What Chip said and rack the list.

Nambla lions coo...bwahhahaha!

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 8:46 pm

Great stuff Van.

Happy Thanksgiving folks.

P.S. Van, wishing you luck in your struggle. GIve it hell man.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:37 am

What ^^^^ said.

Get well, Van.

trev · Post by **trev** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 9:12 pm

What's going on? Does Van have cancer or something?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:30 pm

If so, I can't imagine it's gonna stay around for long.

I'm assuming even cancer has it's standards.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:19 am

Ana Ng wrote:If so, I can't imagine it's gonna stay around for long.

I'm assuming even cancer has it's standards.

I laughed.

If so, I'm going to invest heavily in verbosotherapy.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:09 am

am i the weird music one or erudite one?

M2 · Post by M2 » Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:32 am

Dinsdale wrote:
Ana Ng wrote:If so, I can't imagine it's gonna stay around for long.

I'm assuming even cancer has it's standards.

I laughed.

We all did...

The guy's a drama queen

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:11 pm

Masterful. RACK

Terry in Crapchester · Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:01 pm

Throw another rack on the pile. For most of it, anyway.

My spreadsheet is horribly out of date, so I did miss a few references, although not too many.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Nov 29, 2011 4:53 pm

Well, TiC, hopefully you located yours.

:)

Terry in Crapchester · Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:09 pm

Van wrote:Well, TiC, hopefully you located yours.

:)

Yeah, but here's my huge question. Was mvscal the trev-splooging, war talker cum grade-school insults, or the self-loathing LoCal? Or perhaps he was both?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:14 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:
Van wrote:Well, TiC, hopefully you located yours.

:)
Yeah, but here's my huge question. Was mvscal the trev-splooging, war talker cum grade-school insults, or the self-loathing LoCal? Or perhaps he was both?

self-loathing LoCal = Toejam

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:26 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:or the self-loathing LoCal?

Wrong....

jungle love loser
kfc bones everywhere
silverback pwns you

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:41 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:or the self-loathing LoCal?
Wrong....

jungle love loser
kfc bones everywhere
silverback pwns you

KC Scott's mancrush
UConn womens' basketball rules
He will pump you up.

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:42 pm

Another . . .

Mancrushing Elvis
I've done extensive research
Blackshirts dryfuck ya.

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:59 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:
Van wrote:Well, TiC, hopefully you located yours.

:)
Yeah, but here's my huge question. Was mvscal the trev-splooging, war talker cum grade-school insults, or the self-loathing LoCal? Or perhaps he was both?

Clearly, mvscal was the trev splooger. SoCalTrjn's should be equally obvious.

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:00 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:or the self-loathing LoCal?
Wrong....

jungle love loser
kfc bones everywhere
silverback pwns you

ucan't is going to the "silverback" card?

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:03 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Another . . .

Mancrushing Elvis
I've done extensive research
Blackshirts dryfuck ya.

Already covered him...

Elvis was way gay
'smashmouth' with a whole new twist
ya like dem apples?

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:31 pm

Van wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:
Van wrote:Well, TiC, hopefully you located yours.

:)
Yeah, but here's my huge question. Was mvscal the trev-splooging, war talker cum grade-school insults, or the self-loathing LoCal? Or perhaps he was both?
Clearly, mvscal was the trev splooger. SoCalTrjn's should be equally obvious.

mvscal is also a self-loathing LoCal, so I thought that fit him as well. After re-reading it, I saw the reference to Schmick's constant whining about USC probation.

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:32 pm

Van wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:Another . . .

Mancrushing Elvis
I've done extensive research
Blackshirts dryfuck ya.
Already covered him...

Elvis was way gay
'smashmouth' with a whole new twist
ya like dem apples?

True, I was going off memory and didn't review yours before posting. But mine is better, anyway.

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:59 pm

That's only because my real one for him was already used elsewhere...

blood on Trojan swords
Huskers suffer usual fate
Pinkshirts choked by cock

socal · Post by **socal** » Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:42 pm

Chipotle's bonus
Fudge packin' Tommy Trojan
when fog makes me pee

:P

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:34 pm

'when fog makes me pee'?!

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Dec 18, 2011 12:23 am

Toddowen wrote:Ya left one out, Van.

my vagina
it aches so much
"Van, I need your help."

Terry in Crapchester · Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:18 pm

Toddowen wrote:Ya left one out, Van.

an inferior
canadian cocksucker
"someone rack me, please?"

Here's a better effort . . .

Communist Canuck
Made us think he banged Cinder
But it was Otis.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:15 pm

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Here's a better effort.

You do realize you're the most unfunny person to ever register here, yes?

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:35 pm

Maybe he means Marty banged Otis?

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:23 pm

Sudden Sam wrote:
Terry in Crapchester wrote:
Communist Canuck
Made us think he banged Cinder
Based on the 2 pics I've seen of Cinder, why would anyone want anyone else to think they'd been within miles of her vagina?!?!

Allow me to explain . . .

We all know that Perk banged Cinder. Marty had the board thinking, for quite some time, that he was Perk. We later found out that Otis was Perk.

Terry in Crapchester · Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:49 pm

The Perk/Cinder debacle was sometime in 2000 or 2001. Cinder split up with her husband, she and Perk hooked up for a weekend in Niagara Falls, then she dumped him at the end of the weekend. If you remember the "Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk" pic, it was from that weekend.

When this board came into existence, most of us came to believe that Marty was Perk. When Katy later crashed the board, with Otis' (one of the original admins on this board) help, only then did it come to light that Otis was Perk.

I'm done talking about board drama now. But sheez, I thought that reference was pretty straightforward, at least as straightforward as you could make it in haiku format.

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:14 pm

You're about half right with all that, Terry.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:02 pm

no more clean undies
fukk me, I'm out of quarters
gotta get a house

The Whistle Is Screaming · Thu Dec 29, 2011 3:55 am

Words like Uma's sword
T1B flesh is sliced off
Van the haiku man.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Dec 29, 2011 4:00 am

What do we have here?
The train has put its brakes on
Whistle is scraeming

Van · Post by **Van** » Thu Dec 29, 2011 4:16 am

Holy shit, a TWIS sighting!

sixteen-sixteenths Jew
rye sammich to choke a horse
Nick Frisco's nightmare