Tactical Bacon Quiche

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan · Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:29 am

So I got a can of Tactical Bacon for Christmas, and after looking at it on my cupboard shelf every day for the past couple months -- beckoning to me with its bacon-y goodness -- I finally said "Fuck it. Why wait for the zombie uprising?" So I cracked that fucker open and made a quiche out of it. I think it turned out pretty good. Here's the recipe if you want to try it for yourself:

Ingredients
1 deep-dish frozen pie crust (9" diameter)
5 large eggs
1/2 cup heavy cream
6 oz. Swiss cheese, shredded
1/2 can Tactical Bacon (approx. 27 slices), finely chopped*
salt, pepper and nutmeg to taste

Preheat oven to 375˚. Combine the chopped up Tac Bac and the shredded Swiss in the pie shell and mix thoroughly. Combine eggs, cream, salt, pepper and nutmeg in a large measuring cup and whisk together. Pour custard mix evenly over bacon/cheese mix in the pie shell. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Enjoy.

*Tac Bac is cooked and ready to eat, but you can crisp it in the microwave or a skillet if you like crunchier bacon.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:10 pm

Haven't you heard that real men don't eat quiche?

I guess the Tac-Bac makes it OK, though.
I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
A lot easier than spending 20 minutes frying the shit up.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:46 pm

Mikey wrote:Haven't you heard that real men don't eat quiche?

I guess the Tac-Bac makes it OK, though.
I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
A lot easier than spending 20 minutes frying the shit up.

Seriously, Nancy? That what you use for bacon? Good God, I’m surprised your husband doesn’t divorce you.

Check this out. It will make his day:

http://www.nueskes.com/shop-by-departme ... bacon.aspx

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:26 pm

You seriously mail order bacon for, what, $15.00/lb?

I guess bacon just doesn't play as big a role in my life as it does in yours.
No wonder you're such a lardass.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:44 pm

Mikey wrote:You seriously mail order bacon for, what, $15.00/lb?

I guess bacon just doesn't play as big a role in my life as it does in yours.
No wonder you're such a lardass.

I buy it at my local meat counter at $8/lb. You don't have decent locally produced bacon?

It won't turn you into a lardass when you eat 3 or 4 strips of it every other week, dumbass.

Having a guy who microwaves pre-cooked Hormel bacon in charge of the Cooking Forum would be like having Screwball moderating the Music Forum.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:40 pm

Mikey wrote:
I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
A lot easier than spending 20 minutes frying the shit up.

:massivefacepalm:

Uhm... you know you can cook raw bacon in the wave, right?

Might take an extra 30 seconds over the precooked stuff, though.

Paper towels and a plate... or, if you're really crazy, there's about 100 different microwave bacon cookers out there (who knows, maybe Dollar Tree even has one).

I can't believe I just read that.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:25 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Mikey wrote:
I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
A lot easier than spending 20 minutes frying the shit up.

:massivefacepalm:

Uhm... you know you can cook raw bacon in the wave, right?

Might take an extra 30 seconds over the precooked stuff, though.

Paper towels and a plate... or, if you're really crazy, there's about 100 different microwave bacon cookers out there (who knows, maybe Dollar Tree even has one).

I can't believe I just read that.

The pre-cooked stuff has a lot less fat and, hence, a lot less fat to soak up in your paper towels. Plus you get a lot more of the final product for the money.

So,

Less time
Less waste (a lot fewer paper towels)
Easier cleanup
More for your money

Seems like a slam dunk to me.
I can't believe you went out of your way to write a response like that, just to make youself look like a dumbshit.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:32 pm

You could have just said, “Less time, less taste” and been done with it. From your picture it’s safe to assume that you haven’t been all that successful in avoiding fat. But you’ve gotten plenty of “final product”.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:33 pm

So, 30 seconds less time... woo boy

Nuke cooker uses zero paper towels... no waste

Still cleaning bacon fat off something

And the notion that a prepared food is more cost-effective than its raw counterpart, based on the notion that Hormel offers some mysterious "low fat" bacon... really?

Sorry, no sale.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:08 pm

Dinsdale wrote:So, 30 seconds less time... woo boy

Microwaving raw bacon: about a minute per slice
Microwaving the pre-cooked stuff from Costco (thicker than the stuff you get in the supermarket): about 15 seconds per slice
So, more like 45 seconds per slice

Nuke cooker uses zero paper towels... no waste
Still cleaning bacon fat off something

Do you have a nuke cooker? Have you ever used one? Like you said you still have to do something with all that fat.
The pre-cooked version has about 90% of the fat already cooked out. The final product doesn't have any less, but the amount you have to get rid of is miniscule.
You can cook 6 to 8 pieces on three paper towels and all you have to do is throw away the paper towels. No cleanup at all.
Plus the "raw" version has a tendency to stick to the paper towels, if you're doing it that way.

And the notion that a prepared food is more cost-effective than its raw counterpart, based on the notion that Hormel offers some mysterious "low fat" bacon... really?

Dumbfuck, it's not "low fat", it's pre-cooked. Most of the fat is already disposed of.
And "raw" bacon isn't a "prepared" food?

Sorry, no sale.

Suit yourself. You obviously have very little experience with these things. I'm not trying to sell you anything.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:45 pm

Mikey wrote: Do you have a nuke cooker?

Could probably find multiple examples packed in boxes. In my desire to not be fat, I very rarely eat bacon, and never make it for myself.

And no, it does't take a minute per slice, unless maybe you're usuing a 5 watt microwave.

And the absurdity of the very idea of discussing fat content of food with the likes of you is amusing.

Gonna share your hair-care tips next?

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:04 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
I very rarely eat bacon, and never make it for myself.

Then you ovbviously have no actual experience to draw from, just a bunch of pre-conceived, if erroneous, assumptions.
So, why are you even in this discussion? Just bored and feel like being a prick?

And no, it does't take a minute per slice, unless maybe you're usuing a 5 watt microwave.

Thought you said you never "make" it. It takes pretty close to a minute per slice. Try looking it up.
Really, though, I don't know anybody who actually "makes" bacon.

And the absurdity of the very idea of discussing fat content of food with the likes of you is amusing.
Gonna share your hair-care tips next?

In other words you have nothing to add except for irrelevant personal insults.
I guess you're ready to back out of this exchange then, correct?

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:51 am

Mikey wrote:So,

Less time
Less waste (a lot fewer paper towels)

Less meat
Less flavor
No bacon grease

This is utterly appalling...and embarrassing, too.

Bacon (real, actual uncooked cured pork belly) gets cooked in a cast iron skillet. The grease (once it cools down a bit) gets filtered through a paper towel into a jar and reserved for future use as a cooking fat.

If you aren't doing this, you should probably be shot in the face with a large caliber handgun.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:13 am

mvscal wrote: Less meat
No bacon grease

This is a pretty amazing accomplishment. Less fat and less meat?
I assume you've heard of "conservation of mass?"

Good, then if there's less fat and less meat there must be more of something.
Care to educate us on what that might be?
Meaningless epithets, a la Dinsdale, that don't answer the question will not be considered acceptable.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:34 am

Mikey wrote:
mvscal wrote: Less meat
No bacon grease

This is a pretty amazing accomplishment. Less fat and less meat?
I assume you've heard of "conservation of mass?"

YOU get no bacon grease when you microwave your micron thin shavings of pre-cooked "bacon product," you granola crunching pillow biter.

Bacon grease is a valuable kitchen staple ingredient in its own right.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:32 am

How often to you really cook with bacon grease?
Do you actually keep a jar of that stuff sitting around your kitchen?

The Kirkland brand is not "paper thin" but a fairly thick cut, BTW. I'm not saying that it's the best bacon around, or even comparable to the "gourmet" versions that you probably eat three or four times a week, but it's quick and serves fine in a pinch.

My mom used to save bacon grease, and I used to myself years ago but I always ended up just throwing it away. I've got plenty of stuff to cook that doesn't require that artery clogging crap. What's the point of keeping that shit around if you never use it?

Never thought I'd ever encounter a bacon snob. Ever slaughtered and cured your own? That would really be the ultimate, wouldn't it?

(

)

Dr_Phibes · Post by **Dr_Phibes** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:35 am

YOU get no bacon grease when you microwave your micron thin shavings of pre-cooked "bacon product," you granola crunching pillow biter.

And you haven't got anything to fry your eggs, mushrooms and bread in.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:38 am

Dr_Phibes wrote:

YOU get no bacon grease when you microwave your micron thin shavings of pre-cooked "bacon product," you granola crunching pillow biter.
And you haven't got anything to fry your eggs, mushrooms and bread in.

Well, if the choice is 1) not having anything to fry me eggs, mushrooms and bread in or; 2) smelling like mvscal with bacon fat leaking from my pores...I'll take the former.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:17 pm

Mikey wrote:Never thought I'd ever encounter a bacon snob.

I never thought I’d see someone who frequented the Cooking Forum and who really appeared to know his way around the kitchen pooh-poohing real bacon. BTW, what’s your favorite variety of Hamburger Helper? Do you make garlic bread with garlic powder? How many boxes of Minute Rice do you go through in a year?

Oh, and Tarddowen, preety funny you calling anyone else fat. You fat drunken pedophile.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:38 pm

Toddowen wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Oh, and Tarddowen, preety funny you calling anyone else fat. You fat drunken pedophile.
Then excuse me going all KC...but you are fat.

And most certainly I'd have to say that you're a pedophile too, which goes with the territory you're from. And even if you're not, you're some form of twisted sexual deviant. Possibly one here-to unmentioned or unknown by anyone outside of Wisconsin.

Nah, he's just a useless but mainly harmless old fuck with a reputation to maintain.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:47 pm

I may be older than you, Mikey, but I'm apparently in much better shape, with a full head of hair.

Sorry to burst your bubble, Tarddowen, but I’m neither fat nor a sexual deviant. If that ever changes, I’ll be sure to let you know.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:22 am

Mikey wrote:How often to you really cook with bacon grease?
Do you actually keep a jar of that stuff sitting around your kitchen?

I cook with it fairly regularly. Lard is better for you than butter. Yes, I have a jar of it and yes, I use it. It keeps forever. I just browned some hamburger in it last night. I saute with it frequently (potatoes, shrooms, beef, pork, etc.) and nothing makes better biscuits than buttermilk and bacon grease.

Stop being such a pussy.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 3:34 pm

mvscal wrote:
Mikey wrote:How often to you really cook with bacon grease?
Do you actually keep a jar of that stuff sitting around your kitchen?
I cook with it fairly regularly. Lard is better for you than butter.

That's really good to know. I'll have to start keeping a stick of lard next to the toaster. My wife will love spreading some nice lard on her toasted bagel.

Please remind me, if I ever forget, to stop giving credence to any of your future cooking posts.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:34 am

Mikey wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Mikey wrote:How often to you really cook with bacon grease?
Do you actually keep a jar of that stuff sitting around your kitchen?
I cook with it fairly regularly. Lard is better for you than butter.
That's really good to know. I'll have to start keeping a stick of lard next to the toaster. My wife will love spreading some nice lard on her toasted bagel.

Well, that was one of the traditional usages of lard. It would be more healthy than butter. Lard is much lower in saturated fats and higher in unsaturated fats. It is far superior in sofritos than butter or olive oil. Carnitas slow cooked in lard are unreal. Fried chicken is tastier. It is an excellent shortening for baking. French confits likewise use animal fats. I guess they don't measure up to your "culinary standards" either.

We didn't become a nation of fatasses until after we stopped using lard.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/food ... /lard.html

http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/lar ... ealth-food

trev · Post by **trev** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:50 am

If you're going to have bacon, have the real stuff. I just microwave it crisp. One time I bought some turkey bacon because someone said, it tastes pretty much the same. I could not get past the look of it. I put it on the plate and microwaved it, it looked the same. Very odd and unatural looking. I threw it in the trash.

missjo · Post by **missjo** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:30 pm

American style bacon is weird & icky to handle when you pull it out of the packet
& bacon in a can is just wrong in so many ways!
I much prefer Aussie style bacon

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 8:31 pm

I fry up 12 slices of this most every Saturday morning in two separate pans and then use the grease to fry 4 eggs, over easy. And the bacon has to be thick sliced, I can't stand peeling apart that thin stuff. I'm not much of a cook but can make a mean breakfast.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:07 am

missjo wrote:American style bacon is weird & icky to handle when you pull it out of the packet
& bacon in a can is just wrong in so many ways!
I much prefer Aussie style bacon

That is a different cut of meat cured in a completely different manner.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:23 am

Mikey wrote:I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.

The Deciders are seriously considering stripping you of your modship for this bullshit.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:33 am

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Mikey wrote:I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
The Deciders are seriously considering stripping you of your modship for this bullshit.

If I go I'm taking this whole sordid clambake with me.

trev · Post by **trev** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:18 am

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Mikey wrote:I regularly pick up the pre-cooked Hormel stuff at Costco and toss a few pieces at a time in the microwave.
The Deciders are seriously considering stripping you of your modship for this bullshit.

I know, right? Mikey, take it back. Please.

I once bought that stuff when my son was in 6th grade and decided he would eat it. Twice. Then his picky palete no longer wanted it. Come on now. For the good of T1B humanity, stop the madness. At least lie to us and say you don't do this anymore.

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan · Sat Mar 17, 2012 6:50 pm

For the record, since I started the thread, I'm not a proponent of canned/pre-cooked bacon. Like I said, it was a gag gift for Xmas and I thought it'd be funny to make a quiche out of it. If I was trying to impress a chick (or a bunch of anonymous message board denizens) I'd fry up some real bacon and swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:35 pm

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote: swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...

Well la-di-da, that changes everything. Now you're sounding a lot more like Goobs' type of metrosexual.
Do you shave your pubes on a regular basis?

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:14 am

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote:swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...

But Gruyere is Swiss cheese.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:14 am

mvscal wrote:
MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote:swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...
But Gruyere is Swiss cheese.

How can it be Swiss...it doesn't have any holes.

:?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:18 am

Mikey wrote:
MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote: swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...
Well la-di-da, that changes everything. Now you're sounding a lot more like Goobs' type of metrosexual.
Do you shave your pubes on a regular basis?

I am so far into your dome, I'm dumping my clippings all over your obdulla oblongata.

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan · Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:21 pm

mvscal wrote:
MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote:swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...
But Gruyere is Swiss cheese.

You know what I meant. Champagne is sparkling wine, too, but the opposite isn't necessarily true...

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan · Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:32 pm

Mikey wrote:
MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote: swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...
Well la-di-da, that changes everything. Now you're sounding a lot more like Goobs' type of metrosexual.
Do you shave your pubes on a regular basis?

Shave? No. But I give 'em a good once over with a trimmer every couple weeks. It's just the polite thing to do. Are you implying that your boyfriend actually prefers you with a big, hairy manbush? Different strokes, I guess...

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:28 pm

MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote:
Mikey wrote:
MiketheangrydrunkenCUfan wrote: swap out the Swiss cheese for Gruyère...
Well la-di-da, that changes everything. Now you're sounding a lot more like Goobs' type of metrosexual.
Do you shave your pubes on a regular basis?
Shave? No. But I give 'em a good once over with a trimmer every couple weeks. It's just the polite thing to do. Are you implying that your boyfriend actually prefers you with a big, hairy manbush? Different strokes, I guess...

It's probably the only place Mikey can grow hair.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:19 pm

Awww...what's the matter? Scrotum get a little chafed this morning?