Went to church yesterday.

[smackaholic]

My wife's nephew's son, Jacob, was being baptised.

Haven't been to church in a number of years. My take on organized religion is, if it helps you, great. Religion does inspire some to do good. I am a bit jealous of devout religious types. It obviously does grease the skids of life for them. I would probably be better off in life if I had that sort of deal working for me, but, trouble is, I just don't fukkin' buy it. But, I am glad that our founding fathers set up a system where the free practice of it was assured. And the religion haytas who claim to be so fukking open minded, need to chill the fukk out and not get their panties in a knot when someone around them is practicing.

Anyhoo, as for the service itself, it was nice enough. They have a very good young pastor who obviously loves his job and Jesus. That, or he is a very good actor. This dude has that type of charisma that would make him a hell of a salesman or politician. If I was going to start attending a church regularly, I'd prolly pick this one.

I just have one little issue with it, regarding the sermon subject matter. I think it would help if perhaps Mr preacher dude could pull Jesus' cahk out of his piehole for a bit.

I mean, yeah, god's cool, we suck dead moose cahk. OK, I get it. Now move on and maybe talk a little more about how we can unfukk ourselves and maybe help out some of the equally worthless sinners around us.

What I am trying to say is sure, love God, but please stop sucking his dick non-stop.

I'm starting to think that maybe there is a God, but he's a little pissed off because we are just sucking up to him a little too hard. No body likes an ass kisser. Why should The Man be any different?

[Goober McTuber]

T.R.O.T.S.

[poptart]

What kind of Church was it, smackster?

[smackaholic]

Lutheran

[poptart]

I was raised as a Lutheran.

Me, too.

And I definitely didn't enjoy my particular Church experience.

[smackaholic]

I was raised as a Lutheran.

Me, too.

And I definitely didn't enjoy my particular Church experience.

Could you elaborate?

What makes it good or bad?

I found this particular service kinda lacking a bit in content. A good sermon is like a story. Standing up there and saying you suck, you're not worthy, G0d is awesome, for an hour really doesn't take that much imagination. This guys delivery and enthusiasm were excellent, but, a little light on content.

And another thing that annoys me is the section where he is just reading script and the congregation has it's part to read back. Sorry, but, that is lame as fukk.

[Goober McTuber]

I was raised in the Lutheran church, and I’ve been in dozens of them. I’ve also been in a number of other mainstream Christian churches. There’s good and not-so-good preachers in all of them. A good minister not only knows their scripture forwards and backwards, but is also intelligent, insightful and personable, with exceptional communication skills.

In other words, smackaholic, they are everything you’re not.

[poptart]

Could you elaborate?

What makes it good or bad?

I found this particular service kinda lacking a bit in content. A good sermon is like a story. Standing up there and saying you suck, you're not worthy, G0d is awesome, for an hour really doesn't take that much imagination. This guys delivery and enthusiasm were excellent, but, a little light on content.

With the Church my folks took me to as a kid, I found that it gave me no help at all with my life.
Certainly no answer, and I certainly found no reason why I needed to go there.

And I could think of a thousand reasons why I shouldn't go there.

Utterly boring, overly-rigid, religious, tedious, lifeless.
A 100% waste of my time to go there.


I think a 'correct' Church will continue to emphasis the core of what the Gospel is - and have people understand why Jesus came and why we must believe in Him.
God is majestic and awesome - and we are lowly, sinful pig slop isn't quite it.


Cliff Notes Content (and see Scripture, if interested):

Man is not a being who can live and function apart from the Creator - but we have become separated from God - Genesis 2:17, Genesis 3:1-20.
This situation has passed to all people - Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12.
Because of this, our hardship comes and only increases over time - until failure is complete. Unavoidable. Acts 10:38, Matthew 11:28, Hebrews 9:27.

God promised a solution for us, which is not from the person of Adam. God skipped right over that failure to save us. The seed of the woman - Genesis 3:15, Isaiah 7:14.

Just believe in Christ and receive Him. You are restored - John 1:12, John 5:24, 1 John 3:8.


Of course a non-believer needs to hear this and have restoration, but the believer also needs to continue to hear this and have healing.

[Goober McTuber]

With the Church my folks took me to as a kid, I found that it gave me no help at all with my life.

Therein lies so much of what I want to say about religion:

I need no "help" with my life.

Oh yeah, now that you’ve mastered Google, you’ve got it all figured out.

[Screw_Michigan]

The only times I go to church is for weddings, funerals, and when I'm home at the 'rents for Christmas so I can scope babes I went to elementary school with.

[DC Smackmaster]

Rack Sam. My sentiments exactly.

[Goober McTuber]

I need no "help" with my life.

Oh yeah, now that you’ve mastered Google, you’ve got it all figured out.

That was all that was lacking.

If there's anything you can't find with Google, you don't need it.

[Mikey]

My wife's nephew's son, Jacob, was being baptised.

Haven't been to church in a number of years. My take on organized religion is, if it helps you, great. Religion does inspire some to do good. I am a bit jealous of devout religious types. It obviously does grease the skids of life for them. I would probably be better off in life if I had that sort of deal working for me, but, trouble is, I just don't fukkin' buy it. But, I am glad that our founding fathers set up a system where the free practice of it was assured. And the religion haytas who claim to be so fukking open minded, need to chill the fukk out and not get their panties in a knot when someone around them is practicing.

Anyhoo, as for the service itself, it was nice enough. They have a very good young pastor who obviously loves his job and Jesus. That, or he is a very good actor. This dude has that type of charisma that would make him a hell of a salesman or politician. If I was going to start attending a church regularly, I'd prolly pick this one.

I just have one little issue with it, regarding the sermon subject matter. I think it would help if perhaps Mr preacher dude could pull Jesus' cahk out of his piehole for a bit.

I mean, yeah, god's cool, we suck dead moose cahk. OK, I get it. Now move on and maybe talk a little more about how we can unfukk ourselves and maybe help out some of the equally worthless sinners around us.

What I am trying to say is sure, love God, but please stop sucking his dick non-stop.

I'm starting to think that maybe there is a God, but he's a little pissed off because we are just sucking up to him a little too hard. No body likes an ass kisser. Why should The Man be any different?

You should try a Catholic Mass sometime. You get to drink wine.

And no sermons.

You do get a homily, though.

[Mikey]

I went to church last Sunday
So I could sing and pray
But something quite unusual
Happened on that day

Now church it started right on time
Just like it does without a doubt
And everything was all just fine
Except when it came time to let us out

You know the preacher he kept preaching
He told us I have one more thing to say
Children before you think of leaving
You better think about the Judgment Day

Now everyone got nervous
Because everyone was hungry too
And everyone was wondering
What was the next thing he would do

And the preacher he kept preaching
He said now I'll remind you if I may
You all better pay attention
Or I might decide to preach all day

And now everyone was getting so hungry
That the old ones started feeling ill
And the weak ones started passing out
And the young ones they could not sit still

And the preacher's voice rose higher
So I snuck up on the balcony
And I crept into the choir
And I begged them brothers, sisters, help me please

I said when I give you a signal
I said when I raise up my hand
Won't you please join with me together
And praise the Lord I have a plan

And the preacher he kept preaching
Long is the struggle, hard the fight
And I prayed, Father please forgive me
And then I stood up and with all my might
I sang

To the Lord let praises be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat
We've got some beans and some good cornbread
And I listened to what the preacher said
Now it's to the Lord let praised be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat

Yes and I did give a signal
Yes and I raised up my hands
And then joined with me the choir
Yes every woman, child, and man
They sang

To the Lord let praised be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat
We've got some beans and some good cornbread
And I've listened to what the preacher said
Now it's to the Lord let praised be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat

And the preacher he stopped preaching
And a hush the church did fill
And then a great white dove from up above
Landed on the window sill

And the dove flew down beside him
And a fork appeared right in his hand
And with everybody watching
The preacher ate that bird right there and then

And now everyone got really nervous
And the preacher he did start to glow
And as we watched in disbelief
These were the words he spoke

He said now Mama's in the kitchen
And she's been there all day
And I know she's cooking something good
So let's bow our heads and pray
And he sang

To the Lord let praises be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat
We've got some beans and some good cornbread
Now listen to what the preacher said
He said to the Lord let praised be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat

And the moral of this story
Children it is plain but true
God knows if a preacher preaches long enough
Even he'll get hungry too
And he'll sing

To the Lord let praises be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat
We've got some beans and some good cornbread
Now listen to what the preacher said
He said to the Lord let praised be
It's time for dinner now let's go eat

[BSmack]

You should try a Catholic Mass sometime. You get to drink wine.

And you might get laid.

[mvscal]

And you might get laid.

Your kids, too.

[mvscal]

And you might get laid.

Your kids, too.

Only if they're male.

I'm pretty sure it's a free for all orgy. If it has an anus, it's going to get plugged.