Things that piss me off, and few things that make me smile..

Left Seater · Post by **Left Seater** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:12 pm

So after a long long storm delay on Wed while trying to get home I overheard two people talking about things that really piss them off. It was kinda funny because some of the things they mentioned didn't piss me off at all. So I was thinking of my own list.

Things that piss me off:

People that hold up traffic in a parking lot while they wait for a space right near the front door. What the hell was wrong with the 37 spaces you just passed up you lazy fu@k?

Drivers who force their way between cars near an exit so they don't have to get in line like everyone else. Watching others block them or seeing them get a ticket is one of the things that brings a smile to my face.

People who don't fly often who go thru the black diamond or (expert) line at security. Hey family, if you have three kids and all of their shit, move over to the family or easy line so those that do know what they are doing can keep moving.

TSA agents who don't enforce the expert or easy lines. Why the hell have them if you don't?

TSA agents who lie and tell us that "____________" is federal law. So talking an iPad out is Federal law at Long Beach but not 25 other airports? Bullcrap!

People who have a seat in row 35 and then put their carry on bag in the overhead bin above row 10. Don't be surprised if your carry on bag gets gate checked you lazy fu@k. If I see that happen I will pull it out and let the waitress know where your bag belongs if there isn't room for other bags for those seated in that area.

Uncontrolled kids on planes. Just recently I had Jr standing up on his seat and turning around looking at our row. He had a fist full of goldfish and was shoveling them into his mouff as fast as he could. Of course when you are trying to fit 50 goldfish into your mouff at once a few are bound to spill out. Jr was no exception and his kept finding their way into the food of the lady next to me in the middle seat. When she was ready to explode I took her tray, stood up, and gave it to Jr's mom. She said, "what do you want me to do with it?" I told her to hold it until the waitress came by to collect them. She officially hates me now.

Things that make me smile:

Holding a door open for someone who thanks you.

Helping handout peanuts on Southwest when the wait staff asks.

Good Vodka.

College football.

On time operations.

The words "cleared direct __________"

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:25 pm

Wait a minute... are you a stewardess or a pilot? How the fuck are you handing out peanuts? Who is flying the plane?

And... I thought you bitches were called flight attendants. Now you want to be called waitresses?

Wait. You are the pilot, right?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:28 pm

Left Seater wrote:So after a long long storm delay on Wed while trying to get home I overheard two people talking about things that really piss them off. It was kinda funny because some of the things they mentioned didn't piss me off at all. So I was thinking of my own list

Things that piss me off:

People that hold up traffic in a parking lot while they wait for a space right near the front door. What the hell was wrong with the 37 spaces you just passed up you lazy fu@k?

Drivers who force their way between cars near an exit so they don't have to get in line like everyone else. Watching others block them or seeing them get a ticket is one of the things that brings a smile to my face.

I concur.It is amazing what people will go through to avoid walking 100 ft. My wife's good for this. When I pull into a parking lot, I will park 5 spots away from the closest one if it means I can pull through so I don't have to back up when leaving. She will give me that look and scowl. Then when she gets home, she'll go on an hour long walk. Go figure.

People who don't fly often who go thru the black diamond or (expert) line at security. Hey family, if you have three kids and all of their shit, move over to the family or easy line so those that do know what they are doing can keep moving.

TSA agents who don't enforce the expert or easy lines. Why the hell have them if you don't?

TSA agents who lie and tell us that "____________" is federal law. So talking an iPad out is Federal law at Long Beach but not 25 other airports? Bullcrap!

don't get me started on TSA agents. It should be legal to shoot them in the face

People who have a seat in row 35 and then put their carry on bag in the overhead bin above row 10. Don't be surprised if your carry on bag gets gate checked you lazy fu@k. If I see that happen I will pull it out and let the waitress know where your bag belongs if there isn't room for other bags for those seated in that area.

Uncontrolled kids on planes. Just recently I had Jr standing up on his seat and turning around looking at our row. He had a fist full of goldfish and was shoveling them into his mouff as fast as he could. Of course when you are trying to fit 50 goldfish into your mouff at once a few are bound to spill out. Jr was no exception and his kept finding their way into the food of the lady next to me in the middle seat. When she was ready to explode I took her tray, stood up, and gave it to Jr's mom. She said, "what do you want me to do with it?" I told her to hold it until the waitress came by to collect them. She officially hates me now.

I wish the fukk some 4 year old would drop slightly drooled on goldfish in my lap during a 3 hour flight where I've been treated to half a can of sprite and a bag containing 7 pretzels. I'd scarf up every one I could.

Things that make me smile:

Holding a door open for someone who thanks you.

Helping handout peanuts on Southwest when the wait staff asks.

Good Vodka.

College football.

On time operations.

The words "cleared direct __________"

rack manners, good vodka and on time flights.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:29 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:Wait a minute... are you a stewardess or a pilot? How the fuck are you handing out peanuts? Who is flying the plane?

And... I thought you bitches were called flight attendants. Now you want to be called waitresses?

Wait. You are the pilot, right?

I think the correct term is bartender. Waitress implies they are actually feeding you some sort of food.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:33 pm

smackaholic wrote:When I pull into a parking lot, I will park 5 spots away from the closest one if it means I can pull through so I don't have to back up when leaving.

You're a total broad. Real men back into a spot so they can just pull out when leaving <<insert your gay/sexual joke here.>>

Let me guess... you can't parallel park either.

Left Seater · Post by **Left Seater** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:20 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:Wait a minute... are you a stewardess or a pilot? How the fuck are you handing out peanuts? Who is flying the plane?

And... I thought you bitches were called flight attendants. Now you want to be called waitresses?

Wait. You are the pilot, right?

Notice where I said on Southwest. Yes, I am a pilot, but not for Southwest. Only Southwest pilots are allowed to fly Southwest planes.

When I am flying as a pax to get to a job or home from a job I always identify myself to the crew when in uniform. On Southwest I often offer to help because these folks usually care about their jobs. They will always try to serve drinks to the full 737 even on a short 30 minute hop from Houston to Austin. Most of the other airlines just say the flight is too short and they give you nothing despite it being a regional jet. So since they are doing what they can to get drinks and a snack to everyone I try to help out.

I call all of the cabin crew waitstaff, since that is mainly what they do. They prefer flight attendants. Granted they have names for us up front too.

bradhusker · Post by **bradhusker** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:08 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
smackaholic wrote:When I pull into a parking lot, I will park 5 spots away from the closest one if it means I can pull through so I don't have to back up when leaving.
You're a total broad. Real men back into a spot so they can just pull out when leaving <<insert your gay/sexual joke here.>>

Let me guess... you can't parallel park either.

Why would I insert it? You're the REAL MAN here. When you pull out? Do you wash the shit off? You filthy animal.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:29 pm

Roach wrote:Watching my kids and g-kids grow up.

Grandkids? Tell the truth, you're just as old as I am.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:05 pm

Let's get one thing straight. If I get onto say a northbound 3 lane road and I'm going to make a left turn a few blocks ahead, I'm getting in that left hand lane as soon as I can and staying there to make my turn. Driving around here, a smart driver has to do those things. Now if you're out on I-75 and stay in the left hand lane doing 60, I'll be pissed too. That being said, not many things piss me off. One huge one is the current state of flying.
I refuse to be treated like a common criminal just because I want to fly. I'd shit can the whole TSA thing and let the airlines decide how they want to deal with potential terrorists. I bet you that Grandma and little 4 year kids would no longer have to be groped by perverted people wearing uniforms and badges under the guise of security if the airlines did the job. In other words they would use the information available to them and PROFILE people buying tickets. Till sensible security is implemented I will take any other form of transportation including my own car or a train to travel. At this time in my life, nothing is so important that I can't take a couple of days to get there.
One more on that list are seeing people drive into a handicapped parking space. Hook a handicapped tag on the rear view mirror and sprint off to the store.
Things that really make me smile: Families in a restaurant with young kids that are so well behaved you do not even know they are there. As I look back on my life I am content to know that I did all I could to give my 4 kids a leg up on life. They were all able to get a college education and get themselves (so far) into recession-proof jobs and a decent roof over their heads. I am most proud of MrsO. a high school drop out who went on to get her GED after our kids were older and then to a BS in Accounting at age 50. You're never too old to learn. We celebrate our 49th anniversary in August.
OK--everyone back to their usual sniping and such. Have a great weekend.
Life is good.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:12 pm

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
smackaholic wrote:When I pull into a parking lot, I will park 5 spots away from the closest one if it means I can pull through so I don't have to back up when leaving.
You're a total broad. Real men back into a spot so they can just pull out when leaving <<insert your gay/sexual joke here.>>

Let me guess... you can't parallel park either.

Backing into a parking spot is a waste of time or, at best, a wash. What makes backing into a space any easier or faster (or more manly) than backing out? To tell you the truth half the "real men" I see trying to back into a space look pretty fucking stupid trying to do it.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:56 pm

[img]http://images.wikia.com/simpsons/images/b/b1/Hi.jpg[/img] wrote:I refuse to be treated like a common criminal just because I want to fly. I'd shit can the whole TSA thing and let the airlines decide how they want to deal with potential terrorists. I bet you that Grandma and little 4 year kids would no longer have to be groped by perverted people wearing uniforms and badges under the guise of security if the airlines did the job. In other words they would use the information available to them and PROFILE people buying tickets. Till sensible security is implemented I will take any other form of transportation including my own car or a train to travel. At this time in my life, nothing is so important that I can't take a couple of days to get there.

Jesus, you are one miserable fuck. It's really not that big of a deal, especially if you fly so infrequently.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 10:42 pm

Mikey wrote:
ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
smackaholic wrote:When I pull into a parking lot, I will park 5 spots away from the closest one if it means I can pull through so I don't have to back up when leaving.
You're a total broad. Real men back into a spot so they can just pull out when leaving <<insert your gay/sexual joke here.>>

Let me guess... you can't parallel park either.
Backing into a parking spot is a waste of time or, at best, a wash. What makes backing into a space any easier or faster (or more manly) than backing out? To tell you the truth half the "real men" I see trying to back into a space look pretty fucking stupid trying to do it.

Backing into a spot to show off your mad steering skills when there is a spot 20 feet further away where you can pull through makes you an official dumbfukk. No matter how good a driver you are, parking lots are filled with texting zombies. It's difficult enough dodging the ones in front of you. If I can avoid having to back over one by just parking 20 feet further away, I will do it. And on a related note, that dude that runs into the store from his handicapped spot......it should be legal to make him earn that fukking spot by running him down.

atomicdad · Post by **atomicdad** » Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:17 pm

Things that piss me off,

Not much, life is too short to get pissed off about the constant barrage of dipshittedness from all the stupid people that seem to cross my path on a daily basis.

Things that make me smile,

Straddling a line in a parking space, effectively taking up two spaces then making eye contact and smiling at somebody as they are cussing me out inside their car as I go into the store to get some beer.

Going grocery shopping and getting a couple of pieces of fried chicken from the deli section and 24 ozer from the cooler and proceed to eat the chicken and drink the beer while shopping, then stashing the empties behind a jumbo pack of diapers before I go through the checkstand.

Not using my right hand turn signal when I approach the street I live on when I obviously see someone wanting to turn and they are waiting for me to pass by.

Telling lotto guy/gal holding up the line at the convenience that I appreciate there contribution to the idiot tax.

Pissing in the side yard outside my garage then occasionally hear the neighbors discussing why it always seems to smell foul in that one are of there flower garden.

Listening to Yankme fan whine about the unfariness of the interleague schedule "this" season.

Big titties trying to burst their way out of tops two sizes too small.

Getting kick-ass terms on my mortgage re-fi with rates at pretty much an all time low while lenders have tightened the reigns on giving out loans to any Tom, Ricardo, or LeQuesha

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:48 am

atomicdad wrote:Getting kick-ass terms on my mortgage re-fi with rates at pretty much an all time low while lenders have tightened the reigns on giving out loans to any Tom, Ricardo, or LeQuesha

2th that rack. Just applied for a 1.99% 5 year home equity loan on my place yesterday. Will use it to pay off my 1st mortgage and a small HELOC I currently have on the place. Will have enough left over to take care of most of lil' miss smack's next year of school. Sure glad I didn't mortgage the fukk out of the place on toys over the years as so many dumbfukks do.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:04 am

atomicdad wrote: Straddling a line in a parking space, effectively taking up two spaces then making eye contact and smiling at somebody as they are cussing me out inside their car as I go into the store to get some beer.

So you're that asshole at Walmart.

I knew it.

I also know you're the guy too lazy to put your cart back in the corral properly, instead leaving it in an unoccupied parking space or worse yet, pushing it half heartedly into the corral skewed sideways.

Damn you. Damn you to an eternity of having to stop at every red light.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:07 am

War Wagon wrote:
So you're that asshole at Walmart.

I knew it.

I also know you're the guy too lazy to put your cart back in the corral properly, instead leaving it in an unoccupied parking space or worse yet, pushing it half heartedly into the corral skewed sideways.

Damn you. Damn you to an eternity of having to stop at every red light.

#lowesttaxbrcketproblems

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:09 am

Left Seater wrote:Yes, I am a pilot...

We know. You won't let us forget it.

Honestly, you're treading on Screw_Michigan/D.C. territory here.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:11 am

Bace

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:08 am

Is that Spray? I'd give him props for actually leaving his area code, but I think he does that just sitting in his house.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:20 am

smackaholic wrote:Backing into a spot to show off your mad steering skills when there is a spot 20 feet further away where you can pull through makes you an official dumbfukk.

No. It makes me capable. Unlike you bitches who need to pull through. I get it, bitch. My wife lacks the same skills as you.

Me? I take the first spot available I see that isn't next to an oversized vehicle/someone who can't center their car in the spot. You drive around like an old fart, looking for a spot that takes zero effort. Corner of 286 and 83 much? I smell your posts from here...

Cueball · Post by **Cueball** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:25 am

Rack the list, no complaints

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:28 am

War Wagon wrote:Bace

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

replace "beat" with "tickle" and then we'll talk.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:29 am

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:Corner of 286 and 83 much?

I have no idea what this means, not sure I want to know...

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:34 am

Things that piss me off:

Assholes.

Things that make me smile:

Watching assholes suffer.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:35 am

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:No. It makes me capable. Unlike you bitches who need to pull through.

If you're really capable, you worry about neither initially pulling through nor backing in. I just fucking park my car. Backing out, and generally negotiating parking lots, is not that complicated.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:35 am

mvscal wrote: Things that make me smile:

Watching assholes suffer.

one day you'll grow up. one day.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:36 am

Bizzarofelice wrote:replace "beat" with "tickle" and then we'll talk.

No sir, I have zero desire to tickle.

That's kinda' gay... but I remember you said you were married? If she's not fat, go suck her toes, see if that tickles her fancy.

If she's fat, woe is you.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:37 am

Bizzarofelice wrote:
mvscal wrote: Things that make me smile:

Watching assholes suffer.
one day you'll grow up. one day.

I'm a man. I'm forty....ish.

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:43 am

atomicdad wrote:Telling lotto guy/gal holding up the line at the convenience that I appreciate there contribution to the idiot tax.

haha

Nice.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:47 am

War Wagon wrote: go suck her toes

not my scene. and she has strep. so no play for me next couple of days. and i'll get strep tomorrow. so i'm doing all my weekend chores now. so i'm sitting and watching radiohead live on the bonnaroo feed and internetting. important stuff that can't be done when you're wincing with each swallow*

*'sup Raydah James' getting money for hair product?

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:48 am

mvscal wrote:ish.

I understand.

R-Jack · Post by **R-Jack** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:57 am

At first I was going to say getting blown makes me smile. I decided not to since it's only the thought of getting blown that makes me smile. I tend to make other faces while getting blown.

atomicdad · Post by **atomicdad** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:55 am

War Wagon wrote:
So you're that asshole at Walmart.

I knew it.

I also know you're the guy too lazy to put your cart back in the corral properly, instead leaving it in an unoccupied parking space or worse yet, pushing it half heartedly into the corral skewed sideways.

Damn you. Damn you to an eternity of having to stop at every red light.

Nope not me, don't shop at the WalMart, not one in my city. I try to do most of my shopping within the limits of the city I live in with the naive thought that most of the sales taxes stay within my city for the local politicos to squander.

Anyways, on the contrary, I actually am quite mindful of returning shopping carts to there proper place, on the other hand if some dipwad leaves one in a spot I mash that fucker as I pull in, be damned if there is car parked in the opposing spot, one less cart for fucknuts to leave randomly about the lot.

Forgot something off my smile list.
I rarely go to see movies in a theater, wont bore you all with the specifics as to why, but when I do I enjoy the feeling of mining a big grungy booger deep from my nose and flinging it off in a random direction.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:56 am

Pisses me off: No T1B radio

Makes me smile: Producing more electricity every day than I use.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:03 am

Adad is really starting to inspire me now.

Things that make me smile:
Scratching the fuck out of my balls while watching TV in the living room
Farting under the sheets and then airing it out by waving the them up and down
A really good dump before my morning shower
X Art
Getting my timecard done on Friday afternoon

Pisses me off:
Not being able to scratch my balls because it might gross somebody out
Not being able to fart because the wife is in bed
Not being able to empty my bowels before leaving for work in the morning
National Review Online
Scrambling on Monday morning to fill out my fucking timecard

atomicdad · Post by **atomicdad** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:21 am

Mikey wrote:Adad is really starting to inspire me now.

You can do it

Mikey wrote:Not being able to fart because the wife is in bed

Never stops me.

Mikey wrote:Not being able to empty my bowels before leaving for work in the morning

Yea that sucks.

Mikey wrote:Scrambling on Monday morning to fill out my fucking timecard

Try it when you get paid monthly.

I came up with couple things that piss me off contrary to my initial post:

The IRS
NY DOT
SDG&E Baseline Allowances - So Mikey do you think that it is fair that baseline allowances are lower for those on the coast than those that live 15 - 30 - 60 miles inland. Anyways props to your PV system.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:37 am

Sorry, I no longer have an opinion on baseline allowances. Yesterday I produced 12 kWh more than I used.

Making me smile right now:
Warren Haynes Band's tribute to Levon Helm on YouTube - Makes No Difference and The Weight.
Funny, if I remember right Rick Danko sang Makes No Difference. Whatever, it sounds great.

Ya got a stick of Beeman's?

bradhusker · Post by **bradhusker** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:39 pm

piss me off, people who think they are intelligent, most everyone who works at msnbc.

when some asshole opens their car door into your brand new vehicle, giving you a nice scratch and dent!! I actually had the GREAT LUCK to witness this happenning! I basically told the jerk to give me his insurance info. He said, "are you serious"? I said, FUCK YES. He refused and said, "Go to hell", and drove off, I promptly got his tag, called the cops, and he was pulled over a few blocks away. FUCK YESSSS!!!!!

piss me off, some asshole takes a dump at a restaurant, and leaves the shit like a filthy animal. doesnt bother to flush like a civilized human being. I actually had the good luck to witness this!
I said, "You're not goona leave that for every paying customer to have to look at and smell"? are you?

He said, "Go to hell" and proceeded to walk off. I grabbed him by the neck and pushed his face into the toilet, so he could experience up close what he was leaving for decent human beings!! THEN, I walked off thinking that I was indeed a good citizen.

piss me off, fuckin filthy bums asking for spare change at a local 7 11. As I sip my hot coffee, walking away, the bum gets aggressive, seems he wont let me go on my way? He says, "Fuck you", A black guy joins in, "Give me some money man", I said, "Why dont you guys suck each other off", fuckin faggotts, As I walk away, I throw a penny over my shoulder and rip off a dank smelly loud fart.

Im proud to be an american!!!

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:42 pm

bradhusker wrote:I grabbed him by the neck and pushed his face into the toilet, so he could experience up close what he was leaving for decent human beings!! THEN, I walked off thinking that I was indeed a good citizen.

You lie out your fucking ass. You need to be involuntarily committed.

bradhusker · Post by **bradhusker** » Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:53 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote:
bradhusker wrote:I grabbed him by the neck and pushed his face into the toilet, so he could experience up close what he was leaving for decent human beings!! THEN, I walked off thinking that I was indeed a good citizen.
You lie out your fucking ass. You need to be involuntarily committed.

Screw, I KNEW YOU would be offended by this life story, its YOUR people who dont flush and leave dumps for civilized decent people to smell.

You disgust me.