The SEC Myth

[The Seer]

It's unfortunate that we have a poster like Screwy who lives a life of misery, unhappiness, and a scabbed-up shit-chute

FT@NC

[Dinsdale]

And BTW -- For clarification, so we'all'zzes' is clear and whatnot...

I love SEC football. My go-to early, will split time on the later games. OK, I'm a remote-jockey, but usually err on the SEC side, if there isn't an intriguing PACer on.

I just hate the bias.

[Van]

And you know what? I'm the same way. Equal matchup to equal matchup I'll almost always watch the SEC game over the B1G, Big XII or ACC affair. It's not even about the football either. (Okay, where the B1G is concerned it's a little about the football since theirs is often so damn boring.) No, it's mainly about the spectacle. There's just something about 100,000 nutjob fans and this-many-months-away-from-their-first-porn-gig cheerleaders whooping it up in a barely controlled pagan rite. The B1G still dresses their cheerleaders up like it's Junior Varsity ball from the '50s (the 1850s), and everything is just...gray. The Big XII does do a good job of properly slutting up their cheerleaders but a lot of their stadiums and locales are just blah, plus I always get some exciting-as-mud guy like Barry Tompkins doing the games. The ACC is just a moving morgue, with only Va Tech and Florida St offering any atmosphere. Okay, okay, Clemson too. West Virginia was the only thing the Big East ever had to offer, and now they're gonzo.

Nah, it's all about those SEC night games for me. The only downside is those damn announcers with their mouths stuffed full of Dixie Sack as they slobber away in those ridiculous Hee-Haw drawls. They seriously just need to hire 'Spray to do their games. Get the guy totally shitfaced drunk, stick a mic in his grill, point him to yonder field, and let 'im rip.

[M Club]

And you know what? I'm the same way. Equal matchup to equal matchup I'll almost always watch the SEC game over the B1G, Big XII or ACC affair. It's not even about the football either. (Okay, where the B1G is concerned it's a little about the football since theirs is often so damn boring.) No, it's mainly about the spectacle. There's just something about 100,000 nutjob fans and this-many-months-away-from-their-first-porn-gig cheerleaders whooping it up in a barely controlled pagan rite. The B1G still dresses their cheerleaders up like it's Junior Varsity ball from the '50s (the 1850s), and everything is just...gray. The Big XII does do a good job of properly slutting up their cheerleaders but a lot of their stadiums and locales are just blah, plus I always get some exciting-as-mud guy like Barry Tompkins doing the games. The ACC is just a moving morgue, with only Va Tech and Florida St offering any atmosphere. Okay, okay, Clemson too. West Virginia was the only thing the Big East ever had to offer, and now they're gonzo.

Nah, it's all about those SEC night games for me. The only downside is those damn announcers with their mouths stuffed full of Dixie Sack as they slobber away in those ridiculous Hee-Haw drawls. They seriously just need to hire 'Spray to do their games. Get the guy totally shitfaced drunk, stick a mic in his grill, point him to yonder field, and let 'im rip.

Like that a guy complaining about perception governing the CFB landscape buys wholeheartedly into that perception. Iowa beats Nwestern 31-27 and you needed five cups of coffee and a red bull to stay awake but Tennessee beats Georgia 17-10 and OMG THE EXCITEMENT I HAVE A BONER!!! And that whole the south loves football more than anything is quaint bullshit as well. Sports psychology is uniform throughout the entire country, ie. the white trash who think they could call a better game than the coach even though the coach has a job and they have food stamps. The only differences between a rabid crowd and a Michigan Stadium crowd are acoustics and kickoff time AKA more time to get drunk. Well, that and the faint whiff of meth. Ever been to Iowa City after dark?

I'll grant you the bits about the cheerleaders, though.

[Van]

Those are some mighty important bits.

[M Club]

wird. my friend is the official umich sports photographer so occasionally gets me on the field as his "assistant." planted myself near the minnesota cheerleaders once but moved pretty quickly when i realized i couldn't see around her.

[SunCoastSooner]

It's unfortunate that we have a poster like butspray who makes all those northern stereotypes about people in the south being uneducated morons appear true. :?

It's unfortunate that we have a poster like SCS who lives a life of misery, unhappiness, and a scabbed-up shit-chute - and who only proves that faggot OU fans are what the rest of the country thinks they are.

Yes, tons of misery living on the beach in a community you never do anything but brag about but can barely afford to visit . . . let me tell ya, it's a rough life.

[Left Seater]

And you know what? I'm the same way. Equal matchup to equal matchup I'll almost always watch the SEC game over the B1G, Big XII or ACC affair. It's not even about the football either. (Okay, where the B1G is concerned it's a little about the football since theirs is often so damn boring.) No, it's mainly about the spectacle. There's just something about 100,000 nutjob fans and this-many-months-away-from-their-first-porn-gig cheerleaders whooping it up in a barely controlled pagan rite. The B1G still dresses their cheerleaders up like it's Junior Varsity ball from the '50s (the 1850s), and everything is just...gray. The Big XII does do a good job of properly slutting up their cheerleaders but a lot of their stadiums and locales are just blah, plus I always get some exciting-as-mud guy like Barry Tompkins doing the games. The ACC is just a moving morgue, with only Va Tech and Florida St offering any atmosphere. Okay, okay, Clemson too. West Virginia was the only thing the Big East ever had to offer, and now they're gonzo.

Nah, it's all about those SEC night games for me. The only downside is those damn announcers with their mouths stuffed full of Dixie Sack as they slobber away in those ridiculous Hee-Haw drawls. They seriously just need to hire 'Spray to do their games. Get the guy totally shitfaced drunk, stick a mic in his grill, point him to yonder field, and let 'im rip.

I'm afraid I'd drop about 30 "fucks" in about 4 sentences. My career would be brief.

And yes - I've been a big fan of watching late night Pac games since they started showing them on SportsSouth/Fox SportsSouth in about the early-mid 90's.

I would bet that the Fucks wouldn't be the problem. Most people can turn it off, the bigger issue is can you talk nonstop and paint the picture without going off into stuff that would make the rest of us change the channel?

Also can you memorize 50 names and numbers so you can give the names of the players without a pause while describing the action. I always ask people who think they want to get into play by play to record themselves for a full quarter with the tv sound down and then to listen to it. If you want to continue after that I will be happy to help.

[Van]

When all else failed, 'Spray would be the first TV play-by-play guy ever to whip out the Dregs during the second quarter of the World's Largest Cocktail Party, and that would be fine by me. He'd probably also focus most of his comments on the cheerleaders and the hotties in the stands. I'd rather hear a college football version of his radio show than eight thousand 'neckified bumpkins yammering on about Billy Joe Cleatface's "SEC speed."

[Left Seater]

Valid points, but that is hardly limited to SEC announcers.

The great thing about TV play by play guys is you can mute them. Plus now with DVR and the Internet you can always get the Westwood One broadcast and match them up. Hell, Keith Jackson was the biggest homer and he did games around the country. Thankfully the mute button worked.

[Goober McTuber]

Whoa, Nelly. Loved hearing Keith Jackson do a game.

[Dinsdale]

I'll be watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" during game broadcasts.

They joined the Big East, right?

[Van]

Y'all have me so depressed about the SEC bias, our shitty quarterbacks, and BSHs that I've decided to forego football this year. I'll be watching "Toddlers Toddowen and Tiaras" during game broadcasts.

I see you're all caught up on the latest Chat shenanigans.

[Van]

Why you don't pursue a career in radio or as a sports announcer is beyond me. You're fantastic at it, and I'm sure you could rein in the f-bombs if you needed to.

[R-Jack]

Why you don't pursue a career in radio or as a sports announcer is beyond me. You're fantastic at it, and I'm sure you could rein in the f-bombs if you needed to.

I'm too much of an opinionated asshole. I think everybody here would agree with that! :)

You sure? Some would say radio, sports radio in particular, does not seem to have enough bombastic blowhards on the airways.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Re your other mention: I don't see Indiana beating Ohio State often. Nor do I see Washington State knocking off USC or Oregon.

Just like you rarely see Kentucky, Mississippi St or Vandy knock off Bama or LSU. What about it?

Btw, Washington St is 33-43-6 vs Oregon and 8-58-4 vs USC.

Kentucky is 2-35-1 vs Bama and 16-39-1 vs LSU.

Vandy is 18-61-4 vs Bama and 7-22-1 vs LSU.

Mississippi St is 16-73-3 vs Bama and 34-65-3 vs LSU.

Indiana is 12-68-5 vs Michigan and 9-52 vs Michigan.

So of all of those, Kentucky is the worst. They beat the better SEC teams less often than the dregs from other conferences beat their better teams.

Comparing Washington State's all-time record vs. Oregon is not really a fair comparison to all the others. After all, Oregon's rise to the top of the college football heap is extremely recent by comparison to all the other schools you mention. There were plenty of bad Oregon teams as recently as the 80's. Hell, even Dins admits that.

[Van]

Of course it's a fair comparison. It's the one Sam specifically made.

[R-Jack]

Right. That's why southerners talk slow. The drugs.

[SunCoastSooner]

Right. That's why southerners talk slow. The drugs.

I thought it was the inbreeding

Really, because the five states with highest rates of inbreeding are all non-southern states.

[R-Jack]

Go ahead and link it up then idiot.

[King Crimson]

i rarely listen to announcers and usually then maybe 1. when Oklahoma is playing and 2. i forgot #2.

mute all way. listen to tunes, watch the game.

part of the problem is mention above by Lefty if you have to talk all the fuggin time you are say some dumb stuff (heck, i taught college for a decade i did it all the time).....but why do the guys need to talk ALL the time. that's how they teach in broadcasting programs like all the Syracuse honks on ESPN. let the plays happen then give us down and distance and tell us about the play design or what the D did that was right to adjust.

now, on the other hand....i like radio games so it's not animosity to the spoken word or painting a picture for the listener.

edit: i listen to the clowns during Oklahoma-Texas since....you just want to hear all the familiar hate stadium sounds and the bands and whatnot.
just part of it.

[Van]

How the hell do they come up with this?!

http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=6749

Hey, Dins! Welcome to the SEC!

Okay, everyone from the South always says that Florida really isn't "the South," and what with all the northerner retirees and Cubans I can understand that. Otherwise, though, looking at that map, how on earth did Mississippi manage to be the lone holdout amid the SEC's Axis of Incest?

[SunCoastSooner]

How the hell do they come up with this?!

http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=6749

Hey, Dins! Welcome to the SEC!

Okay, everyone from the South always says that Florida really isn't "the South," and what with all the northerner retirees and Cubans I can understand that. Otherwise, though, looking at that map, how on earth did Mississippi manage to be the lone holdout amid the SEC's Axis of Incest?

West of Tallahassee is definitely southern territory.