The worst thing about Xmas

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:14 am

KC Scott wrote:Fuck me.

You never stop, do you?

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:15 am

Happy Holidays, Scott.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:54 am

KC Scott wrote:is buying presents

So don't. Get out of the commerical trap. Make something for gifts. Put some genuine effort into it that goes beyond putting up with crowds of assholes and a bit of coin.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:58 am

mvscal wrote:
So don't. Get out of the commerical trap. Make something for gifts. Put some genuine effort into it that goes beyond putting up with crowds of assholes and a bit of coin.

This is KC Scott, remember?

If it isn't tacky and overpriced, it's practically Leninist.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 6:52 pm

KC Scott wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Make something for gifts.
such as?

The last thing I can remember making for a gift was a jewlery box back in 8th grade wood shop

Really....?? Are you that lacking in imagination ?

We do a one gift family gift exchange, $ 25 limit. Draw names. We still get the grandkids things, and our cash outlay is minimal.

Kids and in laws, close friends get a gift basket. Basket's bought at Good will over the year. Canned jam, smoked salmon, canned tuna, dried apples, dried pears, dehydrated spice / seasoning mix, a packet of wild / garden flower seed, elk and buffalo jerky. All grown caught or killed by us.

Hicks and hillbilly's can actually make some shit like that. Flyover city dwellers not so much.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 7:18 pm

Rack Derron. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars to have a good Christmas. My wife and daughter are both into arts and crafts and have always made a lot of gifts (ceramics/jewelry/etc) for family, friends, and neighbors. My son looks forward to receiving his deer jerky every year and we get lots of jams, homemade candy, and baked items from our neighbors.

That said, we also try to buy things for our kids that they need for college or their future careers which includes laptops/computer accessories and camera lenses/accessories....none of which is inexpensive but will save them lots of money getting started in their young careers.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 7:29 pm

Just give the OL a pearl necklace.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 7:47 pm

smackaholic wrote:Just give the OL a pearl necklace.

You got screwed.

I bought my wife pink barn boots, some flannel night shirts, a carved owl figurine.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sun Dec 02, 2012 7:49 pm

I'd like to be a fly on the wall at Derron's family Christmas gathering.

"Here ya go, Johnny, from me and Auntie Derron."

~unwraps gift~

"Oh, gee, thanks Uncle Derron. Another doomsday prepper supply kit."

"That thar can of tuna is some top grade albacore. Reeled that sucker in myself, mm-hm."

"I'm sure it tastes real good, Uncle Derron."

"You never know when the Zombie Apocalypse is gonna hit, boy. You gotta be prepared."

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:24 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I'd like to be a fly on the wall at Derron's family Christmas gathering.

"Here ya go, Johnny, from me and Auntie Derron."

~unwraps gift~

"Oh, gee, thanks Uncle Derron. Another doomsday prepper supply kit."

"That thar can of tuna is some top grade albacore. Reeled that sucker in myself, mm-hm."

"I'm sure it tastes real good, Uncle Derron."

"You never know when the Zombie Apocalypse is gonna hit, boy. You gotta be prepared."

Not to far off the mark really. Maybe not a "doomsday prepper supply kit" because the pre made ones suck, but I do have some things related they will get. Damn right the tuna is top shelf. I did catch it myself this last summer about 12 miles off the coast. Canned it myself too.

Zombie Apocalypse ? Not really..have used a few of the targets this season, the boys brought them over. More like being prepared for major natural disaster (sup Cascadia suduction zone) and the shit that could follow. We will school those FEMA cocksuckers.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:38 pm

KC Scott wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Make something for gifts.
such as?

Such as using whatever useful talents or skills you might have?

Last year I made my step-sister and brother a bottle of 90ish proof cinnamon and peppermint schnapps respectively. They proved to be a big hit and in short order the cinnamon schnapps was killed, about 2/3rds of the peppermint and everybody was even more shithoused than usual at our holiday get togethers. I managed to set fire to the kitchen but the show went on and a memorable (if nothing else) time was had by all...except for my sister who passed out at about 4:30 and missed all the fun.

Cueball · Post by **Cueball** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:10 pm

KC Scott wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Make something for gifts.
such as?

The last thing I can remember making for a gift was a jewlery box back in 8th grade wood shop

Make them go to a Chiefs game, they'll think twice about a list next year

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:06 pm

Make them go to a Chiefs game, they'll think twice about a list next year

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:51 pm

KC Scott wrote:
Derron wrote: I bought my wife pink barn boots, some flannel night shirts, a carved owl figurine.

How come you didn't skin the deer tan the hide, dye it pink then stitch them boots together Squanto style?

and don't you have a loom at home to weave those flannel night shirts?

And WTF - you couldn't chainsaw carve a fucking owl (no shrubb)?

And you call yourself Country?

The day you can come up with gifts not bought at a store for your entire family, then we can talk about taking my procurement methods to a more elemental level. Until then, STFU.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:21 am

Every time you hear Scott's credit card snapping down on the counter of some "big box" store at a soulless strip mall, proving his value as a human being by virtue of his purchases...

...an angel gets it's wings.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:24 am

Good one, Marty.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:33 am

Mace wrote: Good one, Marty.

You know, I'd almost wish the experience of Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" upon Scott, but I'm convinced it wouldn't be the first time three dudes came to his bed in the middle of the night.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:38 am

Martyred wrote: I'm convinced it wouldn't be the first time three dudes came to his bed in the middle of the night.

...moaning and wrapped in chains.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:49 am

"Spirit...who is that solitary, wretched figure in the sauna...all alone with nobody to snap his towel at or pour water on the hot stones for?"

"It is YOU, Ebeneezer Scott...BEHOLD...your future."

"No Spirit! No! Make it stop! No more! I pray of thee!"

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 1:01 am

Away hence to the banya to thrash me vigorously with twigs of birch and plunderth not my anus too fiercely for I can see that thou can bench more than the average jack o' the gym!

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 1:35 am

mvscal wrote:Away hence to the banya to thrash me vigorously with twigs of birch and plunderth not my anus too fiercely for I can see that thou can bench more than the average jack o' the gym!

dickens/homo/whataya bench smack all rolled into one.

excellent.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:05 am

Jsc810 wrote:I've been in the kitchen making fudge...

Tightly packed no doubt.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:08 am

mvscal wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:I've been in the kitchen making fudge...
Tightly packed no doubt.

It's his second best recipe after marble cake*.

* (seriously, don't ask.... )

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:14 am

Martyred wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:I've been in the kitchen making fudge...
Tightly packed no doubt.

It's his second best recipe after marble cake*.

* (seriously, don't ask.... )

We truly have uncovered some of the worst things about Christmas...

missjo · Post by **missjo** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:15 am

Jsc810 wrote:

Aunt Teen's Creamy Chocolate Fudge, and as one of the reviewers suggested, I double the recipe and make it in a 9x13 pan. Good stuff.

I got excited for a min then saw that the first ingredient was "1 (7 ounce) jar marshmallow creme"
I have no Idea what this is & have never seen it on the shelf of any supermarket here in Oz so this recipe is a bust for me :(

trev · Post by **trev** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:28 pm

Do you have marshmellows? You can make the cream out of them.

atomicdad · Post by **atomicdad** » Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:24 am

KC Scott wrote: Buying for the wife is worse.

"It's easy to do just follow these steps

1, cut a hole in a box
2, put your junk in that box
3, make her open the box

And that's the way you do it"

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:27 pm

missjo wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:

Aunt Teen's Creamy Chocolate Fudge, and as one of the reviewers suggested, I double the recipe and make it in a 9x13 pan. Good stuff.

I got excited for a min then saw that the first ingredient was "1 (7 ounce) jar marshmallow creme"
I have no Idea what this is & have never seen it on the shelf of any supermarket here in Oz so this recipe is a bust for me :(

mvscal has been known to leave some behind on trev's curtains.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:37 pm

Derron wrote:
smackaholic wrote:Just give the OL a pearl necklace.
You got screwed.

no, he got blowed

I bought my wife pink barn boots, some flannel night shirts, a carved owl figurine.

you'll probably get hit on the head with a skillet

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:40 am

Cuda wrote:you'll probably get hit on the head with a skillet

I'd be willing to bet that is what DohRon calls foreplay...

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:50 am

Cuda wrote:
Derron wrote:
smackaholic wrote:Just give the OL a pearl necklace.
You got screwed.
no, he got blowed

I bought my wife pink barn boots, some flannel night shirts, a carved owl figurine.
you'll probably get hit on the head with a skillet

If he is lucky he got blowed. But unlike most of you losers, I don't need to buy the wife a pearl fucking necklace to get a little action. Things she actually wants and uses makes her happy.

If she did hit me with a skillet, hope it would be one of those cast iron heavy bastards...hard to find and expensive.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:02 am

Derron wrote:
smackaholic wrote:Just give the OL a pearl necklace.

But unlike most of you losers, I don't need to buy the wife a pearl fucking necklace to get a little action.

:|

This is a joke, right? Derron...you're joking...right?

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:13 am

Mace wrote:Rack Derron. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars to have a good Christmas. My wife and daughter are both into arts and crafts and have always made a lot of gifts (ceramics/jewelry/etc) for family, friends, and neighbors. My son looks forward to receiving his deer jerky every year and we get lots of jams, homemade candy, and baked items from our neighbors.

That said, we also try to buy things for our kids that they need for college or their future careers which includes laptops/computer accessories and camera lenses/accessories....none of which is inexpensive but will save them lots of money getting started in their young careers.

no doubt a second rack for Derron....homemade gifts, baskets, canned jams and jellies (huckleberry being a particular favorite) etc. are the bomb and show not only ingenuity by that it's personal....when I do have to get gifts for the younger kids, I always get them something educational but fun....

the best part of christmas for me is gathering old coats, sweaters, etc and heading down to the poor areas of town and handing them out to the homeless and down on their luck types....that's the spirit of christmas, not how much you spend on a fucking argyle cashmere sweater....

atomicdad · Post by **atomicdad** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 4:14 pm

Yeah, and you are probably The Guy who hands out pencils on Halloween. :grin:

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:31 pm

atomicdad wrote:Yeah, and you are probably The Guy who hands out pencils on Halloween. :grin:

no, I typically go with

Go Coogs' · Post by **Go Coogs'** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:57 pm

I'm with mv on this one. Mrs. Rumps and forego gifts to each other every year and we decide to do something for each other that takes a little effort. We also benefit from the deal because it adds value to our home. I just finished a project by turning our study into Mrs. Rumps supply room for her small business. I'm going to did myself into another hole here, but Mrs. Rumps bakes cupcakes and sells them for a small profit.

Anyways, I ripped the carpet out, put hardwood floors in, crown molding, new baseboards, and a fresh coat of paint. This is her new supply room.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 6:19 pm

Go Coogs' wrote:Anyways, I ripped the carpet out

It's the only way to go.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Fri Dec 07, 2012 6:19 pm

Felix wrote:
atomicdad wrote:Yeah, and you are probably The Guy who hands out pencils on Halloween. :grin:
no, I typically go with

Rack you Felix. Another good way to go. When we had our larger business, we sent our clients and vendors a Christmas e mail. We then donated $ 500 to
$ 1000 to the local food bank in their name via our company. Quit the kiss ass cheap cookie tins and patronizing bullshit quite a number of years ago.

I provide business services to several non profits like Habitat for Humanity. This time of the year, a lot of donations come in from people donating instead of gifts. People really don't need about 75% of the bullshit that gets purchased as gifts

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:35 pm

I guess my ignorance about television shows featuring bald headed and wimpy jews comes through. Not caring about such garbage on tv, I never watched it.

So I guess I can take back my rack of Feelsdick, and assume that his Christmas gift giving is much like his political views.

KC Scrote of course continues his Christmas shopping at the mall until his credit card maxes out.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Sat Dec 08, 2012 9:46 pm

Derron wrote:assume that his Christmas gift giving is much like his political views.

if buying used coats and sweaters from the local Salvation Army, Deseret Industries, and Saint Paul's thrift stores and handing them out at various homeless shelters constitutes a political view, then yes my christmas giving is exactly like my political views.....

sorry you missed the "Human Fund" joke, but it was directed at adad