Guess this is as good a reason as any...How would you react?

Filthy McNastie · Post by **Filthy McNastie** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:08 pm

Ran into one of my old buds a while back hanging out at the Lightning Lube.

Dudes name was Todd...we called him Fat Todd back in the day for reasons that you can figure out I'm sure...he had lost quite a bit of weight over the years...so now he was just "Todd" again.

I hadn't seen this dude for quite some time and we're going along catching up on things that have happenend in our lives the past few years, I asked him how his wife and kids was doing and he tells me that he had gotten a divorce..

I was a little bit shocked over this since this dude had married his high school sweetheart and they had always seemed to get along pretty good.

I asked him what had happened expecting an answer like..."I caught her in bed fucking my best friend"...or..."She was a sketched out dope fiend who ran us straight to the poor house with a $200 a day cola habit"...something bad...something that would cause a 25 year marriage to go down the shitter.

What I got was...

Todd: "Dude...I could smell her fucking butthole!"

Me: "Ummmmmmmmmm...ok...so you divorced your wife of 25 years...the mother of your 2 kids because...you could smell her fucking butthole?"

Todd: "Yea...I could smell her fucking butthole"

Me: "ok...are you saying that...she would just be walking by...or sitting next to you or something...and you could smell ass...and you knew for sure it was her ass that you were smelling"

Todd: "No...nothing like that...we were home one Friday night...just kicking it...watched a movie...drank a little...she gets up and gets in the shower...comes out about 30 minutes later wearing this nice red teddy...(Dudes OL had Huuuuuuge tits)...does the Ol' "come hither finger curl" at me...So...I hithered my ass to the bedroom.

I get in there and shuck all of my clothes off...hop onto the bed right between her legs and start munching down on her snatch...I get her all nice and juiced up...hop up and start nailing it...we're getting after it pretty good...I roll off the side of the bed...pull her into the doggy style position...slide it back in...and...

That's when it hit me.

Me: "The butthole smell?"

Todd: "Yea...the butthole smell...I mean fullblown ass starts wafting up and hits me full in the face!"

Me: "Are you sure it was coming from her?"

Todd: "Oh yea...no fucking doubt dude...it was coming right from her butthole...it was fucking reeking bad with that dirty ass smell...you know?...not a shit smell...or a fart smell...it was dirty ass...dirty, nasty butthole...nothing smells like that...it's not overpowering or anything...just dirty ass"

Me: "What about the shower?...I thought she had just taken a shower"

Todd: "That's pretty much what did me in...I knew she didn't wash her ass...you know some water had at least trickled down there...and if it smelled like that fresh out of the shower...it was have really been rocking underneath those jeans while I was sitting next to her"

Me: "Damn...what did you do...you know?...right then while you were fucking her?"

Todd: "Well...I instanly lost my boner...told her something like I had to pee or some shit like that...walked in the bathroom...I was staring in the mirror...and I had a little bit of the dirty butthole residue floating up into my face...made my desicion...I walked out of the bathroom and told her I wanted a divorce...right then...right there.

Of course she wanted to know why...so I told her...it's your butthole...it smells dirty...I could never fuck you again without thinking about it having that smell...she couldn't believe it...started freaking out and yelling that I was fucking someone else...told her that was not it at all...it boiled right down to her butthole...6 months later we were divorced...been divorced a couple of years now."

I didn't believe Ol' todd at first...but...he's told a few other people the exact same story...pretty wild shit...literally!

I don't know if I would divorce the O.L. over the dirty butthole smell...but damn...it would throw a freaking kink in there.

L8.

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:16 pm

Filthy McNastie wrote:Dudes name was Todd...we called him Fat Todd back in the day for reasons that you can figure out I'm sure.

You couldn't accomodate his shaft?

I'll get back to readin' the rest. I felt like I needed to pinpont what Todd's problem was immediately.

Moorese · Post by **Moorese** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:17 pm

Damn nice to see a Filthy post.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:17 pm

Is this the same Todd Python lunches with?

Welcome Filthy, kick back, have some cold ones, burn some shit, whatever makes you feel at home.

Headhunter · Post by **Headhunter** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:20 pm

There's just nothing quite like a filthy post. Not really anyway to describe it, it just has a vibe all it's own.

Damn glad to see ya, Filth!

RACK IT!

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:23 pm

Vu jade.

DiT · Post by **DiT** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:27 pm

damn woman of my dreams!
what's her digits!
lol

Python · Post by **Python** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:27 pm

Filthy McNastie wrote: Lightning Lube

You hang out at a place called Lightning Lube? You've changed, Filth. Oh, how you've changed.

Rack him anyway.

Nixhex · Post by **Nixhex** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:29 pm

I would have just told her to wash her ass better. If that fails then I'd tell her how it is.

"I'm going to go find some fresh smelling strange. If you don't like it then wash your ass bitch!"

Pretty simple really. I'd prolly end up divorced too.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:29 pm

Ken wrote:
Filthy McNastie wrote:Dudes name was Todd...we called him Fat Todd back in the day for reasons that you can figure out I'm sure.
You couldn't accomodate his shaft?

I'll get back to readin' the rest. I felt like I needed to pinpont what Todd's problem was immediately.

sorry. the correct answer was "rack filthy" and nothing more.

The Police · Post by **The Police** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:37 pm

Todd wrote:"Well...I instanly lost my boner...

This part of the story I can verify. Saw it with my own two eyes.

- IRIE LAGOS

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:38 pm

Why didn’t he just lick said stink star clean?

ST

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:38 pm

Just give a warm honey enima and get crackin'.

WAR Sanford and Son Reclamation Projects.

Oh yeah, rack The Filthy Mc.

lovebuzz · Post by **lovebuzz** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:40 pm

i love filthy's stories.

2. i'm thinken that his pal todd's ass doesn't exactly smell like a bed o roses either. give the sister a break, for fucks sake !

C-Squared · Post by **C-Squared** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:41 pm

Filthy McNastie wrote: Todd: "Oh yea...no fucking doubt dude...it was coming right from her butthole...it was fucking reeking bad with that dirty ass smell...you know?...not a shit smell...or a fart smell...it was dirty ass...dirty, nasty butthole...nothing smells like that...it's not overpowering or anything...just dirty ass"

bwahahahahha!!

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:42 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:Why didn’t he just lick said stink star clean?

always funny. god bless ST.

funniest part of the whole story... we've all been there.
we've all thought "I should get this over with and go wash up afterwards lest the funk get stuck to me."

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:46 pm

Holy shit - RACK that one, FM!!!!!! :D

ElvisMonster · Post by **ElvisMonster** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:46 pm

I've got this one.

Sincerely,

PrimeX

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:51 pm

Bacefelice wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:Why didn’t he just lick said stink star clean?
always funny. god bless ST.

funniest part of the whole story... we've all been there.
we've all thought "I should get this over with and go wash up afterwards lest the funk get stuck to me."

No shit. True story here.

My girlfriend in high school has the nastiest tasting gash. I was really into partaking in the art of eating snatch , but I always had to fight through about 3 minutes of nasty before my tongue went numb where I couldn’t taste it anymore. After dating her for about a year, we take a shower together.

So, I start cleaning her off with a bar of soap and get my hands really lathered up. I take them to her honey hole and she flips out and jumps away. I was like, “What was that for?” She said, “Don’t you know? Soap in the vag can cause yeast infections.” I told her it was worth the risk. In any case, a major question I had was answered right then and there. I’m ashamed to say I stayed with her for another 3 years.

Alkie · Post by **Alkie** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:51 pm

RACK! EM

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:57 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:I was really into partaking in the art of fellatio

Bueller? Class? Anyone?

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:58 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:
Bacefelice wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:Why didn’t he just lick said stink star clean?
always funny. god bless ST.

funniest part of the whole story... we've all been there.
we've all thought "I should get this over with and go wash up afterwards lest the funk get stuck to me."
No shit. True story here.

My girlfriend in high school has the nastiest tasting gash. I was really into partaking in the art of fellatio, but I always had to fight through about 3 minutes of nasty before my tongue went numb where I couldn’t taste it anymore. After dating her for about a year, we take a shower together.

So, I start cleaning her off with a bar of soap and get my hands really lathered up. I take them to her honey hole and she flips out and jumps away. I was like, “What was that for?” She said, “Don’t you know? Soap in the vag can cause yeast infections.” I told her it was worth the risk. In any case, a major question I had was answered right then and there. I’m ashamed to say I stayed with her for another 3 years.

ElvisMonster · Post by **ElvisMonster** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:59 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:I was really into partaking in the art of fellatio
Bueller? Class? Anyone?

Rackrackrackrack. This one is probably going to follow you around for a little while, Frisco.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:00 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:I was really into partaking in the art of fellatio
Bueller? Class? Anyone?

Oh shit.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:01 pm

Being the new Kinder, Gentler Dinsdale, I even gave him a couplefew minutes to edit.

Filthy's story was beyond epic, as per usual, but I have a hunch this thread is about to take a different turn......

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:03 pm

Doesn't matter that I meant cunnilingus. I'm in deep shit.

I think my posting career here has ended. I can't call an audible. No falst start. No illegal procedure. It's over.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:04 pm

Rip City

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:04 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Being the new Kinder, Gentler Dinsdale, I even gave him a couplefew minutes to edit.

Filthy's story was beyond epic, as per usual, but I have a hunch this thread is about to take a different turn......

Somebody gave you a word? :D

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:04 pm

IndyFrisco,

Is this you?

Alkie · Post by **Alkie** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:05 pm

Hell yeah Dins, I noticed that too, even googled it to make sure there was no way it meant both.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:06 pm

Fat Bones wrote:IndyFrisco,

Is this you?

I'd take that over the insuing pile-on.

Python · Post by **Python** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:06 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:I meant cunnilingus. I'm in deep shit.

Wrong hole.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:06 pm

Alkie wrote:Hell yeah Dins, I noticed that too, even googled it to make sure there was no way it meant both.

As did I...after I got busted with it. Too late now.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:07 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:Doesn't matter that I meant cunnilingus. I'm in deep shit.

I think my posting career here has ended. I can't call an audible. No falst start. No illegal procedure. It's over.

Sorry, bro. Don't shoot the messenger. I merely pointed it out.

It's not like I was the one sucking dick in high school, or anything. Should have posted that with your Guy_Fawkes troll.

Filthy McNastie · Post by **Filthy McNastie** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:09 pm

Rack PY...!

L8.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:10 pm

No "wrong choice of words" smack?

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:10 pm

imposter
that was wrong.
wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

bonfire of the aggies... I dug your brunette. I knew what you meant because I was thinking of feeling out the alphabet with my tongue on that brunette's button.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:15 pm

IndyFrisco wrote:No "wrong choice of words" smack?

If I know these boards, I'm guessing we're just going to skip that part, and dive straight into the "IndyFrisco smokes pole" smack.

This too shall pass. You'll get past it......sometime around 2011, but you'll get past it. If I were in your shoes, I'd compose a long story about a day in the life of IL2, or something. Any way to divert the attention. Then again, if I were in your shoes, I'd be bitching about how hard it was to walk in high heels.

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:15 pm

Filthy, I'm in awe...but I'm trying to figure out exactly how clueless somebody has to be to take 25 years to realize his old lady doesn't wash her bunghole.

:?

Python · Post by **Python** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:17 pm

Dinsdale wrote: Then again, if I were in your shoes, I'd be bitching about how hard it was to walk in high heels.

BBBWWWAAAHHHAAA!!!

T1B

Guess this is as good a reason as any...How would you react?

Guess this is as good a reason as any...How would you react?

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Re: Guess this is as good a reason as any...How would you re

Re: Guess this is as good a reason as any...How would you re