"Malicious Fecal Distribution"

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Spray, I just found your dream woman.

[smackaholic]

I fertilized some farmers cornfield about a half mile away from my house once during a run. Got tired of attempting to waddle home. I guess some dude's driveway is a little different.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I fertilized some farmers cornfield about a half mile away from my house once during a run.

Sounds like a great way to improve your backyard.

[Bucmonkey]

Great find MGO...

[Cuda]

"pulls her shorts up, no wipe or anything..."

1. she must be related to PUSFAN

2. maybe she was planning to "get the rest later"

[BSmack]

I can't imagine running, or doing anything post-dump without wiping. That creamy, shit-lubed feeling is something I don't handle very well.

That's the Olestra talking.

[mvscal]

Here she is on a quick run to the grocery store.

[missjo]

OMG that woman in the grocery store still had poop coming out of her butt as she pulled her pants up!

[Screw_Michigan]

Of course MV has his fingers on random videos of women taking shits in stores.

[Smackie Chan]

Of course MV has his fingers on random videos of women taking shits in stores.

I'm guessing you've had to wring brownage from mops during your long & illustrious career.

[Screw_Michigan]

I'm guessing you've had to wring brownage from mops during your long & illustrious career.

No, only semen. Logs are for the interns.

[Derron]

I fertilized some farmers cornfield about a half mile away from my house once during a run. Got tired of attempting to waddle home. I guess some dude's driveway is a little different.

And you wonder why people give you shit when you offer up such smack inciting statements about your behavior.

You should join poptart over there in Gookland where they pretty much fertilize everything with human shit and dog and cat parts. Few of my buddies just loved going through those fields over in Nam.

[Smackie Chan]

have to rack Screwy for taking one for the team.

I'll see that rack & raise it a sig.

[smackaholic]

I fertilized some farmers cornfield about a half mile away from my house once during a run. Got tired of attempting to waddle home. I guess some dude's driveway is a little different.

And you wonder why people give you shit when you offer up such smack inciting statements about your behavior.

You should join poptart over there in Gookland where they pretty much fertilize everything with human shit and dog and cat parts. Few of my buddies just loved going through those fields over in Nam.

Taking a shit in a cornfield is smack fodder?

[Derron]

I fertilized some farmers cornfield about a half mile away from my house once during a run. Got tired of attempting to waddle home. I guess some dude's driveway is a little different.

And you wonder why people give you shit when you offer up such smack inciting statements about your behavior.

You should join poptart over there in Gookland where they pretty much fertilize everything with human shit and dog and cat parts. Few of my buddies just loved going through those fields over in Nam.

Taking a shit in a cornfield is smack fodder?

No it is not. Admitting it in this thread is though.

Did you use a corn leaf to wipe your ass ?

[Smackie Chan]

Did you use a corn leaf to wipe your ass ?

Of course not. That's what the cob is for.

[mvscal]

Did you use a corn leaf to wipe your ass ?

Of course not. That's what the cob is for.

Well, iffin yer gonna eat raw corn ya might ortta grab an extry cob'a two. Lees that's whad'I heer tell in theese parts.

Sin,

Fuck me, I really am in Nebraska.

[H4ever]

Did you use a corn leaf to wipe your ass ?

Of course not. That's what the cob is for.

Well, iffin yer gonna eat raw corn ya might ortta grab an extry cob'a two. Lees that's whad'I heer tell in theese parts.

Sin,

Fuck me, I really am in Nebraska.

We don't use big, fancy words like that in Nebraska. Nice try at geograffic nawledge, tho...

[Mikey]

For some academic discourse on the subject, see Scientific American.
Think I'll skip the ostraca.

Toilet Issue: Anthropologists Uncover All the Ways We've Wiped

The last time I visited Boston's Museum of Fine Arts was in 2004 to see a Rembrandt exhibition. But I might have wandered away from the works of the Dutch master in search of an ancient Greek artifact, had I known at the time that the object in question, a wine vessel, was in the museum's collection. According to the 2012 Christmas issue of the BMJ (preacronymically known as the British Medical Journal), the 2,500-year-old cup, created by one of the anonymous artisans who helped to shape Western culture, is adorned with the image of a man wiping his butt.

That revelation appears in an article entitled “Toilet Hygiene in the Classical Era,” by French anthropologist and forensic medicine researcher Philippe Charlier and his colleagues. Their report examines tidying techniques used way back—and the resultant medical issues. Such a study is in keeping with the BMJ's tradition of offbeat subject matter for its late December issue—as noted in this space five years ago: “Had the Puritans never left Britain for New England, they might later have fled the British Medical Journal to found the New England Journal of Medicine.”

The toilet hygiene piece reminds us that practices considered routine in one place or time may be unknown elsewhere or elsetime. The first known reference to toilet paper in the West does not appear until the 16th century, when satirist François Rabelais mentions that it doesn't work particularly well at its assigned task. Of course, the ready availability of paper of any kind is a relatively recent development. And so, the study's authors say, “anal cleaning can be carried out in various ways according to local customs and climate, including with water (using a bidet, for example), leaves, grass, stones, corn cobs, animal furs, sticks, snow, seashells, and, lastly, hands.” Sure, aesthetic sensibility insists on hands being the choice of last resort, but reason marks seashells as the choice to pull up the rear. “Squeezably soft” is the last thing to come to mind about, say, razor clams.

Charlier et al. cite no less an authority than philosopher Seneca to inform us that “during the Greco-Roman period, a sponge fixed to a stick (tersorium) was used to clean the buttocks after defecation; the sponge was then replaced in a bucket filled with salt water or vinegar water.” Talk about your low-flow toilets. The authors go on to note the use of rounded “fragments of ceramic known as ‘pessoi’ (meaning pebbles), a term also used to denote an ancient board game.” (The relieved man on the Museum of Fine Arts's wine cup is using a singular pessos for his finishing touches.) The ancient Greek game pessoi is not related to the ancient Asian game Go, despite how semantically satisfying it would be if one used stones from Go after one Went.

According to the BMJ piece, a Greek axiom about frugality cites the use of pessoi and their purpose: “Three stones are enough to wipe.” The modern equivalent is probably the purposefully self-contradictory “toilet paper doesn't grow on trees.”

Some pessoi may have originated as ostraca, pieces of broken ceramic on which the Greeks of old inscribed the names of enemies. The ostraca were used to vote for some pain-in-the-well-you-know to be thrown out of town—hence, “ostracized.” The creative employment of ostraca as pessoi allowed for “literally putting faecal matter on the name of hated individuals,” Charlier and company suggest. Ostraca have been found bearing the name of Socrates, which is not surprising considering they hemlocked him up and threw away the key. (Technically, he hemlocked himself, but we could spend hours in Socratic debate about who took ultimate responsibility.)

Putting shards of a hard substance, however polished, in one's delicate places has some obvious medical risks. “The abrasive characteristics of ceramic,” the authors write, “suggest that long term use of pessoi could have resulted in local irritation, skin or mucosal damage, or complications of external haemorrhoids.”

To quote Shakespeare, “There's a divinity that shapes our ends.” Sadly, for millennia the materials used to clean our divinely shaped ends were decidedly rough-hewn.

[Cuda]

Here she is on a quick run to the grocery store.

I can only imagine DMike's reaction to stumbling onto this at the G-Store, after smoking a bowl and slamming a Four-Loco and a 40 of malt liquor in the parking lot before going inside.