Canadian Dumbfucks

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Yes...we have 'em.











That's 3.6 METRES, you shitdicks! Learn the Metric System, or go the fukk back home!

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Wait...a Ryder truck...not understanding Metric?


AP... Is that you bro?

:o

[War Wagon]

that decrepid "bridge", if that's what you call them in Canuckistan, should have been imploded long ago. When was it built, during the Roosevelt administration? Teddy Roosevelt's, that is.

3.6 meters is slightly less than 12'. What kind of third world shit hole has bridge clearance of less than 12 feet?

[ChargerMike]

..yeah, they can't even spell toast right up there.

[Wolfman]

There's a beauty outside of Syracuse on Onondaga Lake Parkway. It's a railroad overpass that no one seems able to change. They keep putting up all kinds of warning signs and devices to no avail. A couple years ago a tour bus hit it at night killing some of the passengers.




Typically it's a rig getting its top peeled back like a sardine can.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

that decrepid "bridge", if that's what you call them in Canuckistan, should have been imploded long ago.

Please...show some respect for the Smackaholic Memorial Overpass.

:x

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I wondered why Mega Bus was so cheap. They hire monkeys for drivers and pay them in bananas.

[War Wagon]

Please...show some respect for the Smackaholic Memorial Overpass.

I was going to but didn't see any random garden hoses or tangled extension cords lying about.

[Diego in Seattle]

3.6 meters is slightly less than 12'. What kind of third world shit hole has bridge clearance of less than 12 feet?

Don't forget that it is the land of Perk....

[Smackie Chan]

Canadian Dumbfucks

Dumbfucks, idiots...whatever.

[Screw_Michigan]

I wondered why Mega Bus was so cheap. They hire monkeys for drivers and pay them in bananas.

Have you ever rode in one?

[Left Seater]

I wondered why Mega Bus was so cheap. They hire monkeys for drivers and pay them in bananas.

Have you ever rode in one?

Negative. What's the need when you own your own car? plus if the trip would take more than 3 hours there are these things called planes, they cut to trip to less than an hour. Zand in some areas there are trains that cut the trip time in half.

[Smackie Chan]

I wondered why Mega Bus was so cheap. They hire monkeys for drivers and pay them in bananas.

Have you ever rode in one?

Negative. What's the need when you own your own car? plus if the trip would take more than 3 hours there are these things called planes, they cut to trip to less than an hour. Zand in some areas there are trains that cut the trip time in half.

Didn't realize LS was one of Mgo's trolls. Learn somethin' new every day.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Negative. What's the need when you own your own car? plus if the trip would take more than 3 hours there are these things called planes, they cut to trip to less than an hour.

Live a little. I've taken the Amtrak places when I could have just drove. Met some cool people including a chick I wound up dating for a few months.

[Screw_Michigan]

Negative. What's the need when you own your own car? plus if the trip would take more than 3 hours there are these things called planes, they cut to trip to less than an hour. Zand in some areas there are trains that cut the trip time in half.

1) Wasn't asking you, tardling. Holy fuck, you are on a roll embarrassing yourself lately.

2) Megabus isn't too bad. In fact, I'd rather ride a MegaBus than ride the "Chinatown" buses that run up and down the east coast. At least the Megabus drivers speak english and the buses are usually in good shape.

3) I live on the east coast, where driving up to NYC, where most people take the Megabus, is bumper to bumper plus getting pounded in the ass for tolls to the tune of at least $30 each way if you go into Manhattan. People who drive into NYC are usually stupid, selfish or a combination of both.

[Left Seater]

I may be on a roll as you claim, but at least I am not kicking my own ass.

2) Megabus isn't too bad. In fact, I'd rather ride a MegaBus than ride the "Chinatown" buses that run up and down the east coast. At least the Megabus drivers speak english and the buses are usually in good shape.

3) I live on the east coast, where driving up to NYC, where most people take the Megabus, is bumper to bumper plus getting pounded in the ass for tolls to the tune of at least $30 each way if you go into Manhattan. People who drive into NYC are usually stupid, selfish or a combination of both.

So the traffic is really bad, bumper to bumper even, yet you want to take the bus and sit in the same bumper to bumper traffic.

Clearly you missed this part of my post:

And in some areas there are trains that cut the trip time in half.

Hell, you could even avoid the "extra" cost of Amtrak and drive to Newark DE and jump on Septa all the way to Trenton and then change to NJ Transit for the trip to Penn Station.

Negative. What's the need when you own your own car? plus if the trip would take more than 3 hours there are these things called planes, they cut to trip to less than an hour.

Live a little. I've taken the Amtrak places when I could have just drove. Met some cool people including a chick I wound up dating for a few months.

Why cut my quote there? Had you included it all you would have seen the part where I mentioned the train. I use Amtrak quite a bit on the east cost.

[Left Seater]

But let's get back on the thread track.


So working for a professional hockey team I have to deal with my fair share of Canadian Dumbfucks. Sometimes they are players and sometimes staff. In this case it was a 24 year old assistant equipment manager from Buttlick Saskatchewan. The team was flying out from Houston to Grand Rapids MI with a change of planes in Chicago. We had games in Grand Rapids, Milwaukee and finally Chicago before returning home. As per usual I arrive with the equipment managers and the gear about 2 hours 15 minutes before departure. We get the gear checked in and pay all the luggage fees, get the boarding passes printed, etc. That way when the team arrives they just drop their shave kits in a bag and grab their boarding pass and are into a special security line within 30 seconds of stepping off the bus.

So on this particular morning I drove myself to the airport instead of cabbing it because we had a home game the day we returned and I would need my car. I asked the assistant equipment manager to pick me up out on the street in front of the remote parking lot that we had an agreement with, Parking Spot too. The "too" is important because this company had multiple lots around Bush airport. Now that you have the background here is our conversation that morning.

Canadian Dumbfuck: (Calls me on phone) Hey, I am just turning off of 59, be there in no more than four minutes.

Lefty: Ok, I am out on the curb, no need to turn into the lot.

Canadian Dumbfuck: Ok, see you shortly.

Lefty: (To self about 10 minutes later) Where the hell is he?

Canadian Dumbfuck: (Calls me on phone again) Uhhhh, slight problem. I got the equipment truck stuck.

Lefty: (Thinking it is stuck in the mud, grass, etc.) Well get it unstuck! Now. You are late and therefore we are now late.

Canadian Dumbfuck: Are you sure?

Lefty: Yes, I am sure. Come get me ASAP.

Canadian Dumbfuck: Uhhh...Ok? (Followed by a horrible screeching noise and what might be wood snapping.)

Lefty: What the hell was that?

Canadian Dumbfuck: The truck getting unstuck. But it might have done a little damage to the truck and it knocked part of the awning down on the the driveway.

Lefty: What is all that yelling?

Canadian Dumbfuck: Some worker here at the parking spot saying he is calling the cops.

Lefty: Where the hell are you? I am still standing at the curb and don't see you.

Canadian Dumbfuck: Well you must be fucking blind cause this is a pretty good mess.

Lefty: You went to the wrong Parking Spot didn't you?

Canadian Dumbfuck: Guess so. I also made this truck an open top when it got stuck under the awning.


So I hung up and hailed an empty cab that was driving by. Had dude drive me to the Parking Spot about a half mile back. Told him to wait and I would be back. Walked up the driveway and saw this:









Shortly thereafter the cops arrive and start doing there report. At this point we are about 2 hours before the flight. 1 hour 15 minutes before the players arrive. I ask the cops how long until we can drive the truck up to the terminal to unload. He says an hour or so. I run back to the cab and tell Samir to call 5 of his cabbie friends and then to back up the driveway. We start throwing the player bags into Samir's car and as soon as it is full he and I head off to the terminal. I grab our usual skycap and explain what happened and tell him that bags will be arriving via cab every few minutes. He is cool with it since he knows he will get a $100 tip once all the bags are tagged anyway. I ride back to the parking spot with Samir and by this time Sanji, Punjab and Haji are waiting for us as well. I start loading Samir's car again and then see all the cabbies just watching. To hell with that. I offer each a $1 a bag to load them and a $50 bonus to the guy who moves the most bags to the terminal. Now they are moving at warp speed.

All the bags made it to the terminal with a few minutes to spare and Continental was very cool and helped out a ton. They let me pay the bag fees upon arrival in GRR so I wouldn't miss the flight. I even got driven to the plane airside on a tug with the last bag (after clearing security) by the groups coordinator.

[Killian]

^^^^^^^

So you took a cab to go half a mile?

[Left Seater]

Good to see you were following along.

Yes, I would possibly need one to get to the terminal as well. Plus I was wearing a suit, had a roll aboard, computer bag and an overcoat. Most of all though time was short.

[Screw_Michigan]

^^^^^^^

So you took a cab to go half a mile?

Of course. This is the same idiot who can't comprehend letting someone else drive for you in bumper to bumper traffic.

[Screw_Michigan]

Hell, you could even avoid the "extra" cost of Amtrak and drive to Newark DE and jump on Septa all the way to Trenton and then change to NJ Transit for the trip to Penn Station.

Sounds pretty stupid and quite the waste of time. Why would you do that?

[Killian]

Good to see you were following along.

Yes, I would possibly need one to get to the terminal as well. Plus I was wearing a suit, had a roll aboard, computer bag and an overcoat. Most of all though time was short.

In all honesty, did Caillou have to pay for the truck damage?

[Left Seater]

Strange the way that worked. We had a trade deal with a moving company. They gave us a truck each month and we gave them free ads on our web site and broadcasts.

Turns out moving co had told Enterprise that only his employees were driving the trucks, but the Police ended up calling Enterprise to verify the rental agreement in the glove box was valid. Enterprise showed it out to the moving company, not a hockey team. So they came and took it from the parking spot. Mover dude was on the hook for all damages and last we heard his insurance company was not paying since it wasn't his employee.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

...the Police...

Do we do this sort of thing here?
:?

[mvscal]

...the Police...

Do we do this sort of thing here?
:?

I believe you have to register as an NFL kicker first. I don't know. Could be a punter or a return specialist.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

I believe you have to register as an NFL kicker first. I don't know. Could be a punter or a return specialist.

I don't have any kicker troll nics...

Would a well crafted bath salts story suffice?

Anything to get poptart traffic back on this board, I imagine.

[Derron]

^^^^^^^

So you took a cab to go half a mile?

Of course. This is the same idiot who can't comprehend letting someone else drive for you in bumper to bumper traffic.

When you cannot even put together a short skill set to drive a car, you would need someone else to do it for you. You should understand.

[mvscal]

I believe you have to register as an NFL kicker first. I don't know. Could be a punter or a return specialist.

I don't have any kicker troll nics...

Dude...they have kickers in the CFL. C'mon...get with the program. If anyone posted anything mentioning Canadian culinary contributions you could excerpt it and post a semi-related picture. Say if somebody ever happened to mention poutine you could swing in to action and:

...poutine...

Sin,

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Fuck...where's my head at these days! THANK YOU!

I owe you one.