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File photo of "Moving Sale," copyright 2012 Don Martin
One Fine Evening at the Doctor's Office
This script transcribed from a recording made September 10, 2017 in the office of the esteemed Dr. Vinnie Boombatz PhD
Chief psychologist at the Institute of Crackpot Internet Addicts
Dr. Boombatz: Good to to see you MS. How are we doing this evening?
Moving Sale: Not so good, Doc.
Dr, Boombatz: Have you been on that message board again?
Moving Sale: No one takes me seriously, Doc. Honestly, I don't know what the problem is.
Dr. Boombatz: Let's try something different this time. Are you familiar with Rorschach?
Moving Sale: Isn't that Trump's secret Nazi fucktard anti-immigration hatchet man?
Dr. Boombatz: No, actually it's a little test. I'm going to have you look at some ink blots.
Moving Sale: (unintelligible)
Dr. Boombatz: Here's the first one. What do you see?
Moving Sale: That's easy. It's a big black cock.
Dr. Boombatz: And this one?
Moving Sale: It's another black cock.
Dr. Boombatz: And how about this one?
Moving Sale: Another black cock. Say, what's with all the pictures of black cocks?
Dr. Boombatz: Let's try this one. What do you see?
Moving Sale: That's a false dichotomy. I can tell because there's a question mark in it.
Dr. Boombatz: Not all questions are false dichotomies.
Moving Sale: Oh yes they are. You're not pulling the wool over my eyes.
Dr. Boombatz: How about this inkblot. Do you see anything different?
Moving Sale: I see a drug dealer in front of a school, being pulled over by the police for speeding.
Dr. Boombatz: How does that make you feel.
Moving Sale: I feel sorry for the drug dealer. His rights are obviously being violated.
Dr. Boombatz: What about the children? What do you feel for them?
Moving Sale: Do you see any children paying me by the hour? I know which side my bread is buttered on.
Dr. Boombatz: How about this inkblot. What do you see here?
Moving Sale: A vague law. There are too many vague laws.
Dr. Boombatz: Do you want to do anything about it?
Moving Sale: Yes, the first thing I'd do is allow drug dealers to speed in front of schools.
Dr. Boombatz: That doesn't make any sense.
Moving Sale: Can we look at the black cock pictures again?
Dr. Boombatz: I don't think we're getting anywhere with this.
Moving Sale: You're a cumstain!
Dr. Boombatz: Pardon me?
Moving Sale: Nice white flag, you idiot.
Dr. Boombatz: White flag?
Moving Sale: Ha, ha! Hee, hee, ho, ho! Bwahahahaha!
End of recording.