Worst call in the history of MLB occured tonight in Detroit.

[Mace]

On that I would agree.

Still, god, you're one tedious little toad.

And you're one arrogant and boring piece of shit.

[Van]

Todd, excuse me, but need I remind you that you're among the very last people on this here board who ought to be giving emotional advice?

You're right there with Pikkkle on that totem pole, so kindly shut the fuck up, go away, and stay away.

Mace, you've always fairly well defined boring, so grab a mirror and rightfully cringe. The next compelling thing you post will be your first, and it'll doubtless be plagiarized from some Weeb Ewbank coaching clinic you fellated your way into attended in Dry Cunt, North Dakota. You're like a bowl of cold oatmeal after someone absconded with all the goddamn raisins. You make Estelle Getty yawn. You give euphoria a Todd's tequila bottle's worth of ennui. Christ, you suck at this. No wonder you're from Iowa. It's flat, featureless, irrelevant and easily forgotten, just like the most provocative thing you ever uttered.

[Dr_Phibes]

SRV, the significance of my avatar, and the song "Pride and Joy," which is what my first wife, Angelina, was listening to when she was killed by a drunk driver who passed out, crossed the center line and hit her car head-on as she was returning home from the market.

"Pride and Joy" was her favorite song, and it was the last thing she ever heard before some asshole took her from this world.

Well someone has to say it - that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Fabio-on-the-book-cover crap. I honestly couldn't stop laughing when I read that.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

SRV, the significance of my avatar, and the song "Pride and Joy," which is what my first wife, Angelina, was listening to when she was killed by a drunk driver who passed out, crossed the center line and hit her car head-on as she was returning home from the market.

"Pride and Joy" was her favorite song, and it was the last thing she ever heard before some asshole took her from this world.

Well someone has to say it - that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Fabio-on-the-book-cover crap. I honestly couldn't stop laughing when I read that.

Wait, are you saying Van's imaginary first wife wasn't listening to his favourite artist when she allegedly died in a
"TV Movie Of The Week" tragic-fairy tale accident?

[Dr_Phibes]

Sorry, sir. There's nothing left.

All we managed to find was this battered... copy of Ice Cube's greatest hits. *sniff*
We played it back at the station to find out what she was listening to... it was stopped at the 6:44 mark. The terrifying moment of impact.

The last words she ever heard was-

when I'm in your neighbourhood, you betta duck
cuz I'm as crazy as fuck!

:( :( :(

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Sorry, sir. There's nothing left.

All we managed to find was this battered... copy of Ice Cube's greatest hits. *sniff*
We played it back at the station to find out what she was listening to... it was stopped at the 6:44 mark. The terrifying moment of impact.

The last words she ever heard was-

when I'm in your neighbourhood, you betta duck
cuz I'm as crazy as fuck!

:( :( :(

So, in your imagination, Van's imaginary wife was cruising for black gangbanga dick?

That's quite an imagination you have.

She's flyin in the Blazer
Like "Go Speed Racer"
But I ain't gonna chase her
Like Racer X
But I won't flex
Til it's time to have sex

[Dr_Phibes]

Well I'll never forget the day I lost my love... my life... my beloved... Tractor Factory.

We were due to be married by the junta in Myanmar that afternoon when she suddenly insisted on stopping at the circus. She used to love those, the lights.. the clowns.

Anyhoo, we got on the ferris wheel and rode to the top - incredibly, the ferris wheel basket tipped over and she fell out. Apparently her tits were so big that they caused an imbalance.

Long story short:

She died and to this day I can't listen to 'Rubber Biscuit' by The Chips.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

That's remarkable!

Why, my twin brother drowned while diving into a fast moving river to rescue my Six Million Dollar Man action figure, which I tied to a chunk of styrafoam and threw in the water.

"Me So Horny" by 2LiveCrew was playing on my grandmother's Bosch radio/cordless tool battery charger.

I never thought I'd be able to listen to that song again after that day, but you know what? It's actually a pretty good song.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Oh yeah, my twin brother's name was Rex Stonedash and he was going to win the Olympic Gold Medal in the Decathlon that year...if he had lived...~sob~...

When they fished his body out of the water, the Harbour Police said while under water, he had fashioned a crude writing device out of an old trout and scratched "Marty, you're my best friend" on a discarded KFC 15 piece bucket someone had thrown in the lake.

Luckily, my mom and dad had another brother for me, but he died too...but that's another story.

:(

[Screw_Michigan]

"Me So Horny" by 2LiveCrew

I never thought I'd be able to listen to that song again after that day, but you know what? It's actually a pretty good song.

Bwahahah

"Face Down Ass Up" is by far the best 2 Live Crew song.

[War Wagon]

SRV, the significance of my avatar, and the song "Pride and Joy," which is what my first wife, Angelina, was listening to when she was killed by a drunk driver who passed out, crossed the center line and hit her car head-on as she was returning home from the market.

"Pride and Joy" was her favorite song, and it was the last thing she ever heard before some asshole took her from this world.

Well someone has to say it - that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Fabio-on-the-book-cover crap. I honestly couldn't stop laughing when I read that.

yeah, sorta' weird.

I keep trying to tell myself that Van didn't, couldn't make that up and send it to me in a PM.

But his performance in this thread gives me pause. Not sure I've ever seen an agrieved widower mine the sympathy card so heavily.

Van, just how full of shit are you?

Nice inside troll job.

[Truman]

And you're one arrogant and boring piece of shit.

Mace, you've always fairly well defined boring...

Um... would you prefer beans or slaw to go with your burnt ends this evening, Van?

/s/

IKYABWAI

[R-Jack]

I keep trying to tell myself that Van didn't, couldn't make that up and send it to me in a PM.

But his performance in this thread gives me pause. Not sure I've ever seen an agrieved widower mine the sympathy card so heavily.

Van, just how full of shit are you?

Nice inside troll job.

So you've gone from "Don't blame me. Blame the pisswater" to "it's just a trolljob" with a heartfelt apology somewhere in between?

You have gone to some great lengths to justify you being a dickhead. Just admit you are a dickhead and move on.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Wags is a bipolar with an affection for beer that scientifically cannot get you drunk, negating his lame excuse.

[Screw_Michigan]

Well, Phibes is right. How does Van know she was listening to that song, nevertheless SRV, when she died that unfortunate night?

This is amongst the hard questions that have to be asked.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Witnesses? The cops?

[Tom In VA]

A troll job, 'eh.

[Van]

When I was dealing with the loose ends involving the car, I checked the cassette player in the wrecking yard where the car was towed. She only listened to two SRV songs, "Cold Shot" and "Pride and Joy," which are on different albums. Texas Flood was in the cassette player, with the cassette engaged and the stereo turned on.

Fuck off.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

...with the cassette engaged and the stereo turned on.

Yeah...uh-huh.



Van wasn't married then...and he isn't married now. It's an elaborate fantasy world he's created for himself to shield from the likely truth that he's:

A) An 700 lbs. shut-in
B) Deformed/crippled
C) Suffered a mental illness as a youth, most likely a "social anxiety disorder", probably between adolescence and high school graduation. That would explain his awkward presence among this board's women, past and present, his childlike view of morality and his seemingly stunted "adult experience".
Check it out for yourself. Search for any of his posts for any real life, grown up instances, such as "Some asshole keyed my car"..."My job sucks"..."I'm worried about retirement"...They don't exist.
No...what you get is the fawning of a teenage boy over guitars, motorcycles, popular events, fear of growing up in a harsh, adult world...rage against "loose women and low standards"...

But like the fanciful Mitty, he can spin a yarn about a beguiling first wife,
Angelina (was People magazine laying spread out at your shrink's office at some point, Van) taken so tragically from him, leaving only a bitter-sweet reminder of her love for him and the music they shared.
Oh, and his current wife is dying, too. Wow, some guys get all the worst breaks...
Van the "Merry Widow"...pray for him.
Someone call Aaron Spelling...I think we have a hit on our hands.

So, to fight back the tears, he come on strong in a really creepy, gameless advance to the ladies on this board...Yuhhh-huh...
Yeah Van, a real cocksman you are...


My money's on "C", but I'll throw in a pinch of "B" to hedge my bets.


You know I'm right.

[Goober McTuber]

I think it’s time we all move on

You do, huh? I think the time may come when I move on you like a White Freightliner on a chipmonk.

I've tackled a colored VietNam vet at a former workplace for making disparaging remarks about my mother. I was OK with him in the past. We conversed about music, race relations, motorcycles...many things.


One day he made on of those trademark negro "mama" comments, and that was all it took. I could care less about anything else in his past. Mother fucker knows I was holding his life in my grip.

I lost that job, of course.


Really, I'd do the same again under those same cricumstances. I have my reasons. And I'll drop them for you all here...

I didn't make it home in time from CA. when my mother passed away back in 1995. I was less than a day late. I found out on the fligth home that she had passed on. And I've always carried a sense of guilt for not leaving sooner.

So you're sorry you weren't there in time to tap that one last time? Sucks to be you.

[indyfrisco]

I didn't make it home in time from CA. when my mother passed away back in 1995. I was less than a day late. I found out on the fligth home that she had passed on. And I've always carried a sense of guilt for not leaving sooner. I'm always really somber on flights too, because I realize that some people may be travelling in bereavement.

ltr: "mom", Todd

[smackaholic]

Just certain shitstains being despicable, Sam, from the safety of their internet connection.

Pretty fukking sad.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

What are you talking about? Todd's tough guy routine lately has got me all worried. He's gonna pound a hole in his keyboard AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO!!!1

[Tom In VA]

AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO!!!1

Go to Wal-Mart dude, seems to work for you to get your self of steam at a functional level.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

You're still hung up on a little Wal-Mart smack? I'd say you should start drinking again, but it might strain right through your tissue paper thin skin.

[Tom In VA]

You're still hung up on a little Wal-Mart smack? I'd say you should start drinking again, but it might strain right through your tissue paper thin skin.

Dude I was fucking with you silly. Feel free to say "you should start drinking again", it does nothing to, for, against, or about me. It's akin to you saying "Just kill yourself".

Who has the "thin skin" here ?

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

It's all good, Tom. It's all good.

[Tom In VA]

It's all good, Tom. It's all good.

I agree man. I didn't think you'd get that upset to really wish death on me over something so silly.

[Goober McTuber]

Magoo upset? I'd pay to see that.

[Mikey]

Magoo upset? I'd pay to see that.

Please submit payment via money order.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Look, that was a ROUGH time in my life. OK?

[Mikey]

Look, that was a ROUGH time in my life. OK?

I understand. Really.

Tom...LEAVE MGO ALONE! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE, OK?

[Tom In VA]

I was wrong. To say such things, to cause a person to wish for the death of someone they don't even know.

I deserved it. I'll go ahead and die, sober. Voluntarily and willingly.


I'm dead now.

[Goober McTuber]

He didn't wish for your death, he just wanted you to lighten up a bit. Cause that Wal-Mart thing really had you wound up. That's the way I read it.

[Tom In VA]

He didn't wish for your death, he just wanted you to lighten up a bit. Cause that Wal-Mart thing really had you wound up. That's the way I read it.

Being that much of my history on these boards is one of a "knee jerk reactionary", I don't blame you or find fault with YOU for your faulty observation in this case.

[Goober McTuber]

He didn't wish for your death, he just wanted you to lighten up a bit. Cause that Wal-Mart thing really had you wound up. That's the way I read it.

Being that much of my history on these boards is one of a "knee jerk reactionary",

Don't forget your history of "can dish it out but can't take it." Dinsdale's not going to like where you put that comma, BTW.

[Tom In VA]

Don't forget your history of "can dish it out but can't take it."

Impossible to forget what didn't exist.

[Goober McTuber]

Right.

[Tom In VA]

Right.

I was all like ....



When I said that. Shit worked too.

[Goober McTuber]

It's not like you haven't been called on it before. Mgo had it right in this very thread, you are a bit thin-skinned. Not to worry, we'll eventually toughen you up.