It is now open season for shitheads

[Dinsdale]

light up a blunt and Hawthorne on.

That's pretty damned funny, although I doubt anyone else besides maybe Derron will think so, since it's a

Rip City

thing.

When pop-culture refers to "Urban Bohemia," THAT'S where they're talking about.

Loves me some Hawthorne. And when I make my majestic fall from the wagon, bet you're ass the first thing I'm going to do is go find a hippie bitch who shaves her pits, and bang the hell out of her...mark my words.

[Dinsdale]

Also --mark my words that "Hawthorne On" will be used by Dins in an everyday conversation in the very near future.

Stick with me, and you may become a cultural icon yet.

[Luther]

who gives a fuck?

I miss the "I'll spread it across my lawn and watch it grow" line. hahaha

It only matters to the offenders brain matter. I'm not going to noggin' anybody, but I might "thigh 'em, or calf 'em"...Just some pain...hobbling pain. One of those pains that last for a week or so.

If shithead gets in my house, that is different. You are in my DOMICILE. Where my family lives. Dude, you will die in my house if you come visit. I've had to do it before, so don't EVEN think I won't pull the trigger. No jury anywhere will condone this. You need to sign up for Job Corp or something...maybe the Car Wash Place. Pumpin' gas is better than being a blood spot on my linoleum.

I hate shitheads.

Rip City

[ChargerMike]

who gives a fuck?

I miss the "I'll spread it across my lawn and watch it grow" line. hahaha

It only matters to the offenders brain matter. I'm not going to noggin' anybody, but I might "thigh 'em, or calf 'em"...Just some pain...hobbling pain. One of those pains that last for a week or so.

If shithead gets in my house, that is different. You are in my DOMICILE. Where my family lives. Dude, you will die in my house if you come visit. I've had to do it before, so don't EVEN think I won't pull the trigger. No jury anywhere will condone this. You need to sign up for Job Corp or something...maybe the Car Wash Place. Pumpin' gas is better than being a blood spot on my linoleum.

I hate shitheads.

Rip City

...well I guess you're not quite up to So Cal technology yet Luth. It was a good many years ago that we did away with the "perp or perv has to be in the house" thingy, we cap em as soon as they set foot on the property and then drag their a$$ inside the house.

[Bobby42]

Luth -

Kick ass; take names.

War 'stick time'

[Derron]

At least Lake Oswego is looking like they have the good sense to pass laws against fucking butchers like yourself...OK, they're really talking about banning all lawn products that contain phosphorus.

BBBwwaaahaaaaa.... let them pass a fucking law. The phosporus is coming from the farms and shit out in my hood. I walk down to the Tualatin River, unzip the jeans, get old Brutus out and piss in the fucking river.

Knowing full well some yuppie son of a bitch is going to hop in Lake O and water ski in my piss. That fuckin algae bloom in Lake O is awesome...

Do you know how many dead cows me and a couple of my homies have thrown in that fucking moving cess pool ?? How many elk and deer carcasses are heaved over bridges out here every fall ?? Bwwaaahhaa

The fucking sewer plant over flows out here and goes straight to the fucking Tualatin....

Oh and weed barrier only works until a weed seed lands in the mulch you put on top of it, and then its on again. War preemergent herbicides.

[Derron]

Dude, you will die in my house if you come visit.

Rack that... I don't have to move more than 10 feet ANYWHERE in my house or office before I can put my mitts on a loaded gun.

I fired a dude about 20 years ago. Real mental midget, came back about 10 pm that night, drunk with one of his equally stupid homies. I opened the door. He was going on about fucking me and my family up, I merely wiggled my fingers behind my leg and the wife drops a nickel plated .357 that was kept in a cabinet in the entry into my eager hand.

I put the working end of that S&W about 6 inches from his forehead with the hammer dropped back. Mother fucker pissed his pants and backed up and fell off the porch. His homie was screaming to get the fuck out of there, so I pointed it at homie and I think he pissed his fucking pants too.

End of problem.

War Home Defense.

[Luther]

Rack old Derron.

Next riding lawnmower, I might just name the Derronator. During the day the Derronator makes for beautiful lawns. At night, he makes for fertilizers.

Rip City

[ChargerMike]

Rack old Derron.

Next riding lawnmower, I might just name the Derronator. During the day the Derronator makes for beautiful lawns. At night, he makes for fertilizers.

Rip City

...lmao..what more beautiful thing could be said?

[War Wagon]

War Home Defense.

Yes, that Scotts Turf Builder Plus weed control is some wicked shit against invaders like gasp, dandelions. Chickweed and broadleaf doesn't stand a chance, either. It's like carpet bombing your lawn. Those thuggish weeds had best be looking elsewhere before fucking with Casa de Wagons yard...

Wait, this topic was about capping unfriendlies with the wrong color of skin, wasn't it? Not much I can say about that, other than the few unwelcome cats who get in my trash now and then. I've got this handy little air gun that shoots BBs that dissuade those rodents. Ima bad motherfucker that way.

Now, before you accuse me of being a barney, just realize, that's the way I roll.

What? Still not convinced?

Well, these filthy Mexicans moved in right next door about six months ago and I was all like..."hey bud, my name is Dave...welcome."

And this filthy Mexican was all like..."hey, my name is Armando...thanks".

Now, I'm out the door every day at 5.30 am sharp heading to work, and Armando is already gone. I usually make it home by 4 pm, Armando usually makes it home after 6 pm. He run's a drywall business, and I'm sure he needs to work all those hours just to make his obscenely high rent payment on this newer house his family is calling home.

Dude keeps his grass cut, and I don't see much in the way of trash in his yard or hear any loud behavior. Invited us over for BBQ Sunday before last, he did. Not bad, although I seriously doubted that any filthy Messican knew a damn thing about grilling.

This is the point where I cue the Elvis Costello reset:

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding.

[Derron]

Got some asshole running where he should not, this kind of thing will send him home limping and hurting like a mofo, and not wanting to come back.

Worked for me.....I had a spot by the road where some cretins kept burning out in the mud with their cars.

So I get the old backhoe out, dig a fucking hole about 3 feet deep, put a piece of 1/4 inch plywood over it, barkdust it, plant some shrubs , make it look presentable.

So this chimp comes by about 2 in the morning, runs up in the old bark, hits the gas and drives this fucking Olds right into the pit. Rips the fucking wheel and shit off right at the A frame. Dude takes off and runs before I can show him my gun collection. I call the cops, tell them to get this piece of shit out of the street. They track dude down in the swamp down the road. I just fucking laffed at this idiot...

[Dinsdale]

let them pass a fucking law. The phosporus is coming from the farms and shit out in my hood. I walk down to the Tualatin River, unzip the jeans, get old Brutus out and piss in the fucking river.

Knowing full well some yuppie son of a bitch is going to hop in Lake O and water ski in my piss. That fuckin algae bloom in Lake O is awesome...

It's a good thing I'm not an internet stalker, since in about a 24 hour period, I have a bead on where both Luth and Derron live...then again, even if I was an internet stalker, I also know of two well-armed households to avoid...there is that.

But I don't really give two poops where any of you live.


Last summer, I spent some time at a lakefront house in Lake Nonegro. They actually pay a couple of teenaagers to run around in a tricked-out pontoon boat, spraying and skimming algae, all day long. I laughed.

That shit-pond with the multi-million dollar houses is greener than Luth's lawn after an all-night fertilizing binge....kind funny, since Lake O has one of the most effecient wastewater systems in the country (which I've had the misfortune of working on).

[Cicero]

[
Last summer, I spent some time at a lakefront house in Lake Nonegro. They actually pay a couple of teenaagers to run around in a tricked-out pontoon boat, spraying and skimming algae, all day long. I laughed.

Gonna take a guess that no black people live around that area.

[Dinsdale]

Gonna take a guess that no black people live around that area.

Unless they play for the Trailblazers.

It's where JR Rider got busted for burning herb in a pop-can pipe. That in and of itself is pretty funny....but unless you're familiar with the area, you really don't get the full effect. A black man under the age of 40 has NO CHANCE of making it through Lake O at night unaccosted by the cops (the municipality has BY FAR the most cops per capita in the state, even though the crime rate in Lake O is somewhere right around zero). Hell, I'm a white-boy who lives in the next town over, and I generally don't drive through there at night....just far too much chance of getting pulled over, for the sole reason that the cops have nothing better to do. But not ol' JR....he pulls over on to the side of the road, and sparks one...in front of a cop (since everywhere in public in Lake O is "in front of a cop").

I guess what I'm saying, is that words really can't describe what a freaking stupid idea stopping roadside to indulge is in that burb. By far the most ritzy, upscale place in the state.

[Derron]

I also know of two well-armed households to avoid...there is that.

My point has been well taken.

But really Dins, I would give you the chance to yell out " S'up Derron" before I put one in the center of your dome...

he pulls over on to the side of the road, and sparks one

Dude was so smart....he pulled over on a railroad grade, right where a street meets Iron Mt Blvd. You cannot see approaching traffic for more than about oh.... 50 feet in either direction.

Even the the most pimple faced high school kid blowing a bowl knows enought to at least see who's coming up on you before you burn it...

Of course those kids scooping algae can't do a damn thing when myself and an employee walked behind the boat house and pissed right in the lake.

even though the crime rate in Lake O is somewhere right around zero)

Just don't jay walk on A Street and Lake O Blvd.

Last summer, I spent some time at a lakefront house in Lake Nonegro.

Servant or gigolo ??

[Jeff in SD]

Damn Luth, Im sorry the scum has also moved up North. I guess we need to make the wall ASAP!

[Dinsdale]

when myself and an employee walked behind the boat house and I showed him my dark secret.

Or something...

Just don't jay walk on A Street and State Street

Fixed again.

Servant or gigolo ??

Friend...fixing a deck...since nobody else seemed to be able to figure it out...but don't tell Kevnic, mkay?

[Goober McTuber]

Friend...fixing a deck...since nobody else seemed to be able to figure it out...but don't tell Kevnic, mkay?

I do hope you had all of the proper permits.

[Luther]

On another problem front, the Clackamas County Dog Control Officer just left my driveway. Officer Wallace (a nice young lady) picked up my written statement regarding the shithole dogs from the other side of the fence. Between me and 3 other neighbors, we have kept up our complaints and finally...the fat bitch gets a citation.

Brody's Revenge is still working its magic. I'm so happy now that I'm going out to buy some whiskey.

Rip City

[Dinsdale]

Officer Wallace (a nice young lady)

Was she hot?

If so, I can go borrow a dog in Milwaukie, and go work my magic while singing some crude rendition of Who Lets The Dogs Out.

Show the freehooker what Animal-Out-Of-Control means.

[Derron]

I do hope you had all of the proper permits.

Bwwaaahaaaaa..... the fucking hammer in your hand is all the permit you need in Oregon... if your a spic giving great deals to cheap home owners.

Otherwise, if you a legal citizen, white male trying to make a living or run a company your just plain fucked.

There's gonna be a lot of white boys working for Pedro soon.

Rack my dirt nap before the white man becomes a minority in the US.

[Dinsdale]

There's gonna be a lot of white boys working for Pedro soon.

Rack my dirt nap before the white man becomes a minority in the US.

Yeah, RACK THAT!!! Pedro is soooooo going to get over on Whitey!

Sin,
Native Americans


P.S.: We wouldn't suggest playing "Cowboys and Mexicans" with Whitey.

[YD]

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA.
light up a blunt and Hawthorne on.

I'm so gonna use that one soon


Rack the Derronator as well.

When I was a strapping 22 yr old estimator for a large local painting contractor, one of the dudes I had to fire came over with a buddy that night lookin for trouble. I never even opened the door.

sound of the 12 guage cocking had em runnin like hell

[quacker backer]

this whole thread is making me a little weepy...
A shout out to all my Portland home frys

[Dinsdale]

A shout out to all my Portland home frys

Hawthorne on, brother!