XXXL wrote:Didn't you win the GP poster of the year, a couple of years ago?
Rock n' roll if you diad...
Fukken yep! ST won
2003 Poster of the year. That was a compilation of his posts at thetrolls.com which is no longer functioning.
here is how the system works. It keeps track of every post that you make, and each word in that post. It takes a weekly sum, and, calculates the following formula for each person to generate a total number of quality points:
A(# of total posts) divided by B(# of total responses to your posts) = C
C is now multiplied by the sum of D (which is the total amount of boobs posted divided by 2, MULTIPLIED by the number of hottie posted IN RESPONSE to your post)
This total, which we will call E, is now divided by the sum of the number of "Bwhahahaha!"'s and "WAR (anything relating to your post on a positive manner)." This total we will call F.
The computer then will take the total number of responses to any NON-thread-starting posts of yours and add it to the average responses-per-thread-you-started. This total is known as G. Added to G will be the square root of the TOTAL number of responses to EVERY post you put up that week. THIS particular total, after being multiplied by 1.45, is known as H.
This is where is gets tricky and this is where we thank modern technology. The system adds "F" to (number of responses to ANY of your posts by a 500+ poster DIVIDED by the tard-to-mod response ratio. This number will be called J
J is then added to H, and is this total, L, remains the integer by which M (total "Fuck you's" plus Any Sirfindafold "get fukked"'s and "you're a fukken jerkoff"'s and Morten Andersen references to "big fat fukken rat cock"'s) is subtracted, but only after that total of f-bombs is divided by 1.67. *as the one who created this accurate ranking system, I reserve the right to police any intentional spamming f-bombs (posting "F YOU" 600 times) and factoring them out of the equation.
This total is now added to F, and this total becomes K.
The computer takes the total grammatical ratings points (L) and multipies by 0.33. This total, M, will be added to the sum of K and and J.
This total becomes your number of quality points on the week, which determines your rankings.
Tie breakers within the top ten will be broken with:
1) Sum of "C"
2) Sum of "E"
3) your total career posts (this is where veteran status helps)
4) I hold a cracker in each hand with the name of the poster on each cracker. Whichever one my pet otter Oswald eats first will be eliminated, and the other wins the tie-breaker.
Note: it has never come to this.
5) in the event that Oswald doesn't eat either cracker, I will flip a coin UNLESS the tie-breaker is for the number one spot. In this case, I will e-mail both of your motherfukkers and ask for a 2,000 word essay on the topic (probably related to Smackchat, sports, or Rush) of my choice. I will then grade your papers on content, grammar, and insight, and the highest grade will win. And yes, it is a 10-point scale.
6. If this ends in a tie (ex. an 84 on both papers), I will then think of a tit size and have you guess which tit size I'm thinking off. The person who comes closest will be # 1 poster of the week.
7. If both people guess the exact same tit size that I am thinking of (this is conducted via e-mail), I will have you pic-wytch some Winnie Cooper porn (soft or hard, your choice, and then give that a rating from 0-100. The person with the highest score wins #1 poster of the damn week.
8. If somehow this ends in a tie, I will have both of you FedEx a six-pack of the finest imports you can think of. Fed Ex that six pack to my crib (I'll give you the address via e-mail), and I will do an extensive taste test to determine the total rating for it. (0-100 scale). Finally, we will be able to determine the # 1 poster of the week.
Thanks for reading and good luck on your posts this week. I'll list the top ten on Friday.
Out.
-GAP
oh yeah....
9. But if the imported beer taste test ends in a tie, it will come down me meeting both of you at a playground TBA where I will referee you two playing a game of one on one soccer. Two periods, 10 minutes each. No overtimes.
10. If that winds up a tie, I will drive the both of you to the mountains of the Shenendoah Valley near C-Ville. There we will have a hike, and you will be given a map and one lunchbox for a lunch break. Whoever finishes the hike first wins #1 poster of the week.
OUT.
one more thing....
11. If this hike ends in a tie, I will take you to a rock-climbing expedition. When you get to the top, you must jump down and plummet your way to the bottom. Whoever escapes this rock climb with the fewest broken bones and scratches will win the #1 poster of the week. The judging of injuries from this will be determined by me.
If it is indecisive and you both have hardly any scratches (or basically the same amount), looks like we got another damn tie. We move on to tie-breaker number 12
12. As you recover, I will go jack off behind a secluded cluster of trees. When I am done, I will come back and ask you which celebrity or model I was thinking of as I whacked off. THe person closest wins (i.e. if I was thinking of Rene Russo and one of you says "The Mom on Growing Pains" and the other says "Pricella Presley," the one who said "Pricella Presley" will win, because she's a brunette and looks closest like Rene Russo.
However, if you both respond with "Rene Russo," put on your earmuffs and camo gear. We're going skeet shooting.
13. Ten clay discs will be fired into the air for each person, and there will be 5 rounds. THe person with the most TOTAL hits will win. If you get the same amount of hits, then FUKK! We got another tie
14. At this point I will stand at home plate at a baseball field with a stopwatch and have you both run around the bases. When you touch each base, you'll yell "Boobs!" Whoever rounds the bases in the quickest time will be the #1 poster of the fukkin week. And my stopwatch goes up to 100ths of a second, so this should end it.
15. But if it doesn't and you both tie on that RIGHT DOWN to the final 100th of a second, we go to the 15th fukkin tie-breaker. No, NOT a coin flip just yet. I will take you outside the crib of Tommie the Banker that night and have you each fire one round of ten grade A extra large eggs at the top right window of his crib. Ye who has the most hits on that window wins. If it's a tie,
16. A quick game of tic-tac-toe in the dirt. Since 50% of those end in a damn tie, we'll probably be going on to tie-breaker #17
17. A game of musical chairs between the both of you pole-smokers, with my choice of music. If by the time I lift the needle from the THompson Twins record, you both sit in the final chair at the same time and split the son of a bitch, we'll go to another tie-breaker. Note: one of you MIGHT want to throw this tie-breaker.
18. I will ask you to bring me your hottest female relative (even if it's your mother) and I'll pay them 100 dollars each for a three-way. Whichever relative is the best, you'll win. If it's just too damn close to call, we'll have to go to another tie-breaker
19. this is where we will try to end this fukking thing, and this is where is might get a bit fukked up. I will dress up in my Civil War suit plus a hockey mask and have you both hog-tied, fully clothed, and on your knees, with the red ball strapped to your mouth ala Pulp Fiction I will paddle your asses at the same time with a bigass oar, and after 60 seconds I'll remove the red ball. Whoever screams "Mercy!" or "Stop!" will be eliminated. If you say "thank you sir, may I have another?," you win. If you both say that, then I continue to paddle your asses. If this continues on for 5 minutes with nobody saying "Mercy," we will go to #20
20. Coin flip.
Never question the damn rankings, bitch.
