U & L'ers: Portland Trip Advice

[smackaholic]

Well, we rode down the coast from frisco to where ever the hell it finally turns inland and hooks up with the 101. Stunningly beautiful ride, but, I wish the hell I could have turned inland to a straight road after 100 miles or so. Not that I mind driving it, but, with the OL and lil' miss bitchin to slow down because they aren't down with 1000 ft plunges over the side, gets old after a bit. I will drive this stretch again before I die, but, it will be solo on a motorcycle.

Stayed in a motel 6 in oxnard. Apparently a shithole judging by the ridiculous rentacop presence.

Drove into LA. Did the hollywood blvd walk, drove around a bit, drove through BH. Went to venice beach for a few hrs. That place was a wee bit uhhh, progressive for the OL. Too bad for her. That was enough of LA.

Drove up through the desert. Stayed at a camp ground on 14. Red rocks state park. Cool place. Really wish we brought our air matress. My back wasn't digging the hard very warm desert floor.

Next day drove up 395. Nice ride.

Drove into yosemite sam park through tioga pass. Nice.

Did a kinda boring hike and a little driving around the eastern park of the park.

My back didn't like yosemite's floor much either, btu, at least it was cool.

Next day drove down into the valley. Holy fukking shit. John Muir was right about this place. Did a few hikes and drove up to glacier point.

God/spaghetti monster did a nice job carving that place out. The scenery there was better that jellystone, but, jellystone fukking pwns yosemite sam if wildlife viewing is your gig.

Yesterday we headed up to the timeshare in tahoe. I made a mistake of letting the OL play navigator and a 2+ hour ride became more like 6. Route 89 is really, really fukking crooked. Great motorcycle road. Not so great if you just wanna get somewhere because your nutsack hasn't had a good cleaning in 3 days.

Today we did a clockwise lap around tahoe. Beautiful. Especially emerald cove. Gonna go back there for some swimming/hiking tomorrow. The Nevada side was pretty too. Not as built up and some nice looking beaches.

And that's about it. Plan on staying here through sat or sun. Then drive north into hell the U&L.

[Dinsdale]

Thursday - Mt. St. Helens unless it's so fuckin' hot we bail for the coast.

After working a looooong day (or two) outside here in Orafrica, I'm going with this one...


Of course, I'll likely be fellated while driving there.


Seattle had their hottest day ever recorded yesterday... yowza.

[Derron]

Of course, I'll likely be fellated while driving there.

Your going with Diego ???

Props to you.

[M Club]

Picked a hell of a week to come to the U & L....first stretch like this since 1981...

Bonus for socal... he gets a little slice of Africa on his U&L visit.

fuck that. i've lived in africa before, on the edge of a desert no less. yesterday was the first the heat's ever caused me to pray for death. part of it had to do with the burn i got tubing down the clackamas.

[Derron]

Picked a hell of a week to come to the U & L....first stretch like this since 1981...

Bonus for socal... he gets a little slice of Africa on his U&L visit.

fuck that. i've lived in africa before, on the edge of a desert no less. yesterday was the first the heat's ever caused me to pray for death. part of it had to do with the burn i got tubing down the clackamas.

108 degrees and your tubing on the Clack..brilliant. Consider yourself lucky to have lived.

[M Club]

108 degrees and your tubing on the Clack..brilliant. Consider yourself lucky to have lived.

i don't understand your fascination with death and the clackamas. i was also drinking beer.

[smackaholic]

We are headed north in a few days. Would like to visit Crater Lake, assuming the heat hasn't dried it up. Is it high enough that the temps won't be too brutal? Pretty fukkin shweet hear in tahoe, maybe I ought to just stay here and pass on Oredeath valley.

Recommendations on a route from tahoe to crater lake would be appreciated as well.

[Dinsdale]

Recommendations on a route from tahoe to crater lake would be appreciated as well.

Never driven it. A quick check of the map shows that 89 North eventually takes you to 97 (which goes all the way up the eastern base of the Cascades). Never been on 89 in california, could be a gravel road for all I know, but I know you can catch 62 which is the highway past Crater Lake from 97.


Or, just go up I5... spend the night in the blast furnace known as Medford... where it fuckin'A hot for much of the year.

M -- I've done a Clack Attack in 100+ on multiple occasions. I always take a raft rather than a tube, for numerous reasons -- A) much easier to hold large stockpiles of beer in a raft B) Much easier to keep from smashing legs and other important body parts in a raft after consuming aforementioned stockpiles of beer C) Gives me a place to store a teeshirt without losing it... putting on a soaking wet shirt cools you down, and I put it on occasionally to keep the sun from blasting me without at least some interruption, which seems to make a big difference in the time it takes to crisp up.

My trips down that river number well over 100 (aftyer 20-some years of doing it). Let me guess -- you did Barton to Carver? I'll bet there was a fine array of hardbodied honies to keep your eyes occupied.

[Dinsdale]

Would like to visit Crater Lake

BTW-I was asked this last week by a new transplant about Crater Lake...

One of the most spectacular sights you could ever wish to lay eyes on, truly. Absolutely breathtaking, and the pictures don't do it justice.

The catch is, you drive all the way up the mountain, get to the rim, get absolutely blown the fuck away by the wonder of nature that you're not seen the like...

Then, there ain't a whole hell of a lot else going on there.



If you're doing up Southern Oregon (aka Jefferson), you might consider a swing west and hitting the Oregon Caves.

[M Club]

[
M -- I've done a Clack Attack in 100+ on multiple occasions. I always take a raft rather than a tube, for numerous reasons -- A) much easier to hold large stockpiles of beer in a raft B) Much easier to keep from smashing legs and other important body parts in a raft after consuming aforementioned stockpiles of beer C) Gives me a place to store a teeshirt without losing it... putting on a soaking wet shirt cools you down, and I put it on occasionally to keep the sun from blasting me without at least some interruption, which seems to make a big difference in the time it takes to crisp up.

My trips down that river number well over 100 (aftyer 20-some years of doing it). Let me guess -- you did Barton to Carver? I'll bet there was a fine array of hardbodied honies to keep your eyes occupied.

i just went with the tube since that's what i grew up using in eugene for the mckenzie. dragged my arse on a few rocks but nothing to shed a tear over. tied by beer to a rope i was dragging, but, uh lost them through the first rapids. got them all back though. dealing with the sunburn but well worth the relaxation. also, pushed off at mciver and out at barton.

[smackaholic]

Would like to visit Crater Lake

BTW-I was asked this last week by a new transplant about Crater Lake...

One of the most spectacular sights you could ever wish to lay eyes on, truly. Absolutely breathtaking, and the pictures don't do it justice.

The catch is, you drive all the way up the mountain, get to the rim, get absolutely blown the fuck away by the wonder of nature that you're not seen the like...

Then, there ain't a whole hell of a lot else going on there.



If you're doing up Southern Oregon (aka Jefferson), you might consider a swing west and hitting the Oregon Caves.

Dins,

The 3 old dudes that cockblock and I hiked wif today said that we should take the short hike down to the boat that takes you out on crater lake. Said it was definitely worth it.

[smackaholic]

Well, today me and cockblock decided to ditch the womenfolk and do a hike.

Really, really good idea!!!!

We drove up to emerald bay (kinda surprised none of you cali fukks didn't call me out for calling it emerald cave). We Started from the eagle falls trailhead. Hooked up with three cool as fukk, nearly as old as wolfie dudes (mid 60s). Two of them were local. One was extremely well versed in the area as he had been hiking it for many years. Infact, dude's knowledge of the area was almost dinsdalian.

For those familiar with the west side of tahoe, we hiked up to eagle lake. Beautiful little swimming hole. Then we continued on to Dick's lake which is up somewhere north of 8000 ft right on the tahoe rim trail. There is not much that is better than hoping into a crystal clear swimming hole in the high sierra after a couple hour hike. Actually, selma hayek waiting for me there with some cold beer would have been better, but, ya can't have everything.

We really, really, really, really need to dump the bitches more often on vacation. It was about 8 miles and 5 hours of not once hearing anybody fight over anything. The hike up was a bit taxing on cockblock since his usual daily regimen consists of nintendo/internet crap. But, he didn't wine. Not one fukkin' bit. I was proud of him. The three old dudes also complemented him for his not being a whiny cunt.

Tomorrow we are off to crater lake. BTW, we will likely camp there. Is it high enough so that night time temps will be bearable?

[.m2]

You ought to check out PCH above San Fransico.

Fuckin' retard...

Good call on PCH... Marin and north....



Speaking of which... is part 3 of the m2 drive out to the coast on a hot (104 degree day in Novato... and 48 degrees out at the lighthouse).


Before we leave Pt. Reyes (the foggiest place on the planet).... a glimpse at the California Sea Lion's from over a half mile away with the zoom.

At 2 o'clock
...
Hopefully you can see the movement of the giant ass sea lions at 2 o'clock



Quick stop at North Beach...





Now back to PCH.... with a stop at one of my favorite bar and dinner's... Vlad's



... and reaching PCH from the coast..

... I'll be taking a right turn here and head for San Francisco...
.



Leaving Pt. Reyes.... and heading to Bolinas and Stinson Beach...




Into a small "Giant Eucalyptus Forest" on the way...



Giant Redwoods... on Shoreline... a.k.a Pacific Coast Highway








It doesn't get much better than this.

..





Entering the "Giant Eucalyptus Forest"










Heading out of the forest after a few miles.... and the next exit is Bolinas...





I guess a part 4 on "the truth " trail is needed for Bolinas and Stinson Beach...

...the ice in my vodka drink is beginning to melt.








the truth

[smackaholic]

Greetings from .lovely hillsboro, Or. Home of the midgets on TLC.

Yesterday we headed north from tahoe and got to crater lake that after noon......about 30 seconds behind the fukker that got the last campsite. So, we drove up to the lake as a thunderstorm was rolling in. Pretty awesome looking place, but, the incoming storm didn't help pic taking much. We stopped at the lodge as the lightning show started. It was pretty epcot. I think a lightning bolt lit off one of the staff buildings while we were there, but, it was hard to tell for sure. Could have been a bonfire.

So, we hopped in the car and headed up 97. Good road for making time as we headed north, but, not much for scenery. We stayed in a dump motel in lovely LaPine. Mississippi has nothing on this place in the run down little shit town category, all thought, I do have to say that it was nicer than Dorris, California.

If somebody dropped me onto 97 headed south just over the border and told you to drive south into this hole and try to guess what state you had entered, my first guess would have been maybe louisiana or arkansas. I wouldn't have guessed tennessee because I used to live there and drove through plenty of rural shitholes and none of them looked as run down as Dorris. What a depressing hole. You would think that cali might spruce the place up a little just to make a good impression on U&Lers invading from the north.

We drove all the way up 97 till we hit the gorge. The drive through the gorge was nice and all, but, I wasn't really that impressed. I guess that when you've spent the prior week driving through Big Sur, yosemite and tahoe, you get kind of spoiled. Drove to the top of mt. I forget it's name, but, it had a nice view of hood, jefferson, rainer and allegedly st helens, but, the haze was kinda thick.

I blame bush.

From there we headed into portland and to our hotel. Will probably do the downtown tour in the morning, then head for the coast and start heading south.

Any recommendations on what to see, what to skip on the ride south would be appreciated. Don't really have the time to drive the coast all the way down to SF.

Do wanna spend a while looking at the big trees in nocal.

[Dinsdale]

So, you're spending your vacation in Lapine and Hillsboro?

Once I get done laughing, I might come up with recommendations.


Maybe head west out of Hillsburrito (50,000 mexicans, very little good Mexican food) -- US26 runs along the north edge of Hillsboro (if you head north of 26 on Helvetia Road, you can visit the Roloff Farm). Just west of Hillsbodump, OR6 splits off US26 (well marked). Beautiful drive down the Wilson River to Tillamook. 6 ends at US101 (PCH... BTW, there's a liquor store at that intersection... because Dins knows every bottle store on the Coast). Don't take 101 yet... follow the signs through Tillamook, and take the Three Capes Scenic Route (don't tell anyone I told you... we keep certain parts of the Coast to ourselves). Enjoy the Three Capes -- when you get to the last one, Cape Kiwanda, stop and have a brew at Pelican Bay Brewpub, and check out all the hardbodied chicks surfing. At the end of Three Capes Hiway, you cut over to 101 (well marked). South from there, you get Lincoln City (where you'll drive over the World's Shortest River), Depoe Bay (World's Smallest Harbor, and easiest bar crossing on the North Pacific). From there, head south to Newport -- while I freaking HATE Rogue Ales with a passion, I sure love their digs -- when you cross the bridge in Newport, follow the signs to the Aquarium, and you'll see Rogue -- cool place.

You can cut back into the Willamette African Valley up OR34, which takes you to Corvallis. Or you can head south to Florence, and I forget the hiway number that goes to Eugene. Or you can get really crazy and go just a little farther south, and take a guided dune buggy trip through the Dunes -- there's freaking miles and miles and miles of huge sand dunes in that section of coast, which is kinda interesting to see.

[socal]

unless it's so fuckin' hot we bail for the coast.

Couldn't wait until then. Went to Newport last Wednesday. The 60ish temps were awesome compared to the blow furnace that was PDX.

Gorge was great. White Salmon rafting was worth the price although the fuckers did overcharge us fifty bucks. With triple digit temps in the Gorge I took the plunge at Horsetail Falls for some relief. Hiked up Multnomah for a great view of the parking lot. Wasn't equipped for a longer hike that day.

As a smogcal I just had to laugh when the highway road alert signs ask drivers to limit their driving because of smog. Ended up driving 888 miles on the rental for the week. (Shit, smackholic is probably logging that daily.) Sucks you couldn't see Mt. Hood unless you're flying above the din. BTW, Oregonian motorists are quite courteous except for the fucker that cut me off on Sandy getting on the freeway. Pull that shit down here you're lead toast.

Apparently U & L smog includes the windy days stirring up ash on Mt. St. Helens which is what I ended up doing on Thursday. Apes Cave was cool. Literally.

Some good brews to be had up there. Hit up Rock Bottom downtown only because we were desperate. Could do that down here in Long Beach but I caved listening to my chidrens bitch about having to walk around downtown another step. Decent porter and stout. Also did McMenamins Kennedy School. Good stout and grub. Laurelwood was a bit disappointing. Came in at tail end of happy hour after long day on the road. Shitty service. At least the waiter knew it and let us drink for free. Treated ourselves to Henry's Tavern. Good Rogue stout and excellent food to go with service. After I walked out of there I thought I was on the Vegas strip. Who knew that Portland, Oregon would be 97 degrees after 10 P.M. ('sup Dins).

Tram to OHSI was cool. So was Pittock Mansion and Forest Park.

Fuck you, U & L for cooling down NOW! ASSES!

Don't wait for the PET. Just give it to 88 already.

[Diego in Seattle]

BTW, Oregonian motorists are quite courteous

Not so much once they cross the northern state line. They're almost worse than the cali's.

[Derron]

The travel agent known as Dins hit it pretty spot on..but sounds like you did well anyway.

The OL and I had enough of the valley heat and hit the beach yesterday at Barview, just north of Tillamook. Got my folding chairs with leg rests ,put them on the beach at 68 degrees, and proceeded to sit there for 3 hours, reading and drinking beer. Saw a few semi hard bodies, and enjoyed a nice time.

Went to the docks at Garabaldi, looked up a fisher dude I know, and bought some of the freshest tuna loins your could find. Saw fresh sweet corn by the Tillamook Creamery, bought a dozen ears and then went and had a double scoop of marion berry pie ice cream in a dish with cone. coated with chocolate and nuts.

Water was pretty low on the Wilson, so I took some pictures to refer to this fall during fishing season, and then motored back to the valley and its 95 degree heat.

Sucks to live here sometimes.

[socal]

BTW, Oregonian motorists are quite courteous

Not so much once they cross the northern state line. They're almost worse than the cali's.

70 MPH speed limit will do that. Like mvscal on furlough in Rwanda or Darfur.

[socal]

The travel agent known as Dins hit it pretty spot on..but sounds like you did well anyway.

The OL and I had enough of the valley heat and hit the beach yesterday at Barview, just north of Tillamook. Got my folding chairs with leg rests ,put them on the beach at 68 degrees, and proceeded to sit there for 3 hours, reading and drinking beer. Saw a few semi hard bodies, and enjoyed a nice time.

Went to the docks at Garabaldi, looked up a fisher dude I know, and bought some of the freshest tuna loins your could find. Saw fresh sweet corn by the Tillamook Creamery, bought a dozen ears and then went and had a double scoop of marion berry pie ice cream in a dish with cone. coated with chocolate and nuts.

Water was pretty low on the Wilson, so I took some pictures to refer to this fall during fishing season, and then motored back to the valley and its 95 degree heat.

Sucks to live here sometimes.

Wish I had a little more time to spend on the coast. Went from Newport to Tillamook stopping at Agate Beach and Devil's Punchbowl. Beautiful route.

You need those 95's to forget the 15's come winter, I suppose.

[smackaholic]

dins,

we didn't exactly hang out in lapine and hillsburrito. Well, we spent a bit of time in hillsburrito as the OL just had to go stalk the midgets for awhile. lapine was just a place with a cheap motel for the night since the campground at crater lake was booked.

We did drive into downtown portland and walked around a bit. Lotta fukkin trees for a city. Seems like a decent anough place, but, not enough to spend more than a few hours in. We ended up shooting down 5 for a few hours and took 126 west in eugene out to the coast.

We did check out the dunes. Kinda cool, if you got a quad, I guess. Continued south and stayed at a campground in coos bay. Nice place. Lotsa very noisy sea lions.

Yesterday we continued down the coast and checked out the big trees in nocal. Pretty awesome. Stayed at a state park campground in humboldt area.

We headed down 101 this morning and drove out to the coast at point reyes. The 1 along there was kinda neat but has got to be the world's number one road for inducing car sickness. Real slow and real, real twisty. Almost had cockblock pukking up his lunch.

Hit massive fog bank just as we got to the golden gate, so I really couldn't tell which direction mt tam was as it in the clouds.

Checked into the same ramada we stayed in a few weeks back and drove down to fisherman's warf area tonight for a while.

Will spend tomorrow walking/driving around. Probably head over the bay bridge just to see if oaktown sucks as badly as is alleged.

good night.

[Derron]

Probably head over the bay bridge just to see if oaktown sucks as badly as is alleged.

After what seems to be a fairly good trip and a good accounting of it , you are going to fuck it all up by going to Oakland ?

What the fuck is wrong with you ?

If your going to Oakland, we can assume this will be your last post ever ?? Because you will be dead ?

[Derron]

Spend a night around a fire of burning eycalyptus singing Gene Autry songs or something like that.

Knotts Berry Farm back in the early 60's..my dad sang with the Sons of the Pioneers on occasion..did that a few times.

[Dinsdale]

You need those 95's to forget the 15's come winter, I suppose.

I think I remember 15... about 10-12 years ago.

Rarely does that, either.

I was in Newport Thursday... 56 fuggin degrees when I rolled in at about 5:00. Got a call from a friend... who said it was 100 in Portland.


BTW -- we can't afford to be courteous drivers in the Shithole to the North... it becomes a matter of life and death. Mix in a fucking turn signal on an aoccasion... yeah, I realize that's actually an optional extra on cars sold in Warshington (and learn how to pronounce the name of your state already). Us poor Oregonians -- we've got the two worst bunches of drivers in the country for neighbors (and remember, we've been named "best drivers in the country," so STFU).

Socal -- when I get cut off like you did, I do the usual, and stick my head out the window and yell "GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA!!!!!"


BTW-Don't think it even hit 70 degrees today... go figure. Made it through the blast furnace, and now the hottest month comes and it's 67 and hazy/overcast. I even saw a couple of mist drops on my winshield this afternoon. I'll bet that don't last.

[smackaholic]

Back home. Finally. 2 weeks was a bit much. A week or 10 days would have been better.

Overall impression of our lap around cali/oregon is kinda what tod was sayin'. We spent too much time driving, not enough time chilling and actually enjoying one place. If I had it to do again, I would fly into frisco, spend a few days in the area, head up to tahoe for 4 or 5 days, down to yosemite sam park for 4 or 5 days and then head back to frisco and fly home.

Driving down to LA and up to Portland is a lot of time for not that much of a return. LA pretty much sucked, but, the kids wanted to see it. The columbia river gorge was nice, but, not worth driving that far to see. I guess after big sur and yosemite, pretty much any scenery is gonna lose some of it's appeal.

We put over 2200 miles on our trusty altima rental. As rental cars go, it was a pretty good rig. Handles the twisties way nicer than my sonata. And that's a good thing on the drive through monterrey/big sur. Only thing I didn't like about it was the cvt. It worked pretty good in manual mode, but that accelerating at a set rpm thing just feels weird. Also don't like it deciding to engine break when it wanted to in drive. It has a manual mode for that.

Our last day back in frisco we drove north over the GG. Parked on the other side and walked halfway back across. That was kinda cool. We then drove through sausalito and around the north bay and back over the bay bridge. Couldn't fully appreciate oakland's suckiness, from 80, but, I guess I will just have to take you fukker's word for it.

Walked around a bit in north beach and had a very nice dinner at mona lisa's. Outstanding meatballs.

Then hopped on the big metal bird to cleveland. SF to Cleveland is about 40 minutes quicker than Cleveland to SF. Further proof that C-town really does suck.

I will see if I can throw together a PET.

[socal]

We spent too much time driving, not enough time chilling and actually enjoying one place.

It's not like we didn't warn you.

[smackaholic]

yeah, yeah. I know.

Actually, there was one thing in LA that made the drive almost worth it. It was sunday morning, after breakfast at the ihop in, uhhhh, ventura, I think we headed down 101. We had just went over a hill (santa monica mts?) saw a sign announcing we had just entered LA. Hopped off the 101 and drove into a strip mall for a piss break just to find that the strip mall was hosting a little car get together.

Holly fukking shit!!!!!!!

I have paid to go to car show that weren't a tenth of this strip mall get together. First I see a ferrari. Forget what model, but, something recent. I was like, cool, a ferrari. Then I saw another, and another.....and so on. Had to be 200+ cars there coming and going all the time. Easily 30+ ferrarris, countless porches, including a carrera gt. A handful of lambos, a few maseratis, lots of classic american stuff including 2 very bad ass and very orange slammed '59 caddies. Damn those things are long. The single most valuable rig there was probably a silver ferrari race car. I think it was a 250, early 60s, maybe late 50s. When that thing took off, shrieking away as he hopped on the 101, it was pretty amazing.

[socal]

I will see if I can throw together a PET.

There damn well better be a shot of you atop Mt. Tam with a GPS display.

[smackaholic]

Thursday evening as a going away present to show their appreciation for me spending plenty of $$$$$ in their fair city, the SFPD slapped a $48 parking ticket on my rental car.

I was rolling though chinktown within spitting distance of the PD precinct and saw a rare open spot on the street which I quickly slipped into....facing against traffic. I have parked like this numerous times in CT and never had any issues. Apparently, they frown upon it in SF. Is this a statewide law? An occasional street sign saying you can't do it would have been nice. Also, one of the handful of cops lingering in front of the precinct just a few feet away telling me to turn it around, would have been nice too.

So, I have a ticket with my Oregon tagged rental car plate number on it. I am guessing that I can just throw the damn thing away as I doubt anyone is going to go through the trouble of tracing the car back to me. It says they can impound the car if I don't pay up. Sux for the guy renting it at the time, I guess. Anyone else have experience with rental car parking tickets? Did you pay them?

[socal]

It's statewide.

Toss it. Then when you're on your next Cannonball Run in Montana or somethin' they'll getcha then.

[Diego in Seattle]

In Cali one can't park with their right wheels more than 18" away from the curb.

[smackaholic]

In Cali one can't park with their right wheels more than 18" away from the curb.

so, what you're telling me is, I can park facing the wrong way.....if I have a really skinny car?

I just asked a guy here at work about it. He says it's illegal here as well. I guess I just been lucky the last 30 years.

What's the ruling on motorcycles? Can they park sideways so as to allow multiple bikes to share a single spot?

[Moving Sale]

Well, we rode down the coast from frisco to where ever the hell it finally turns inland and hooks up with the 101.

Glad I missed you.

[smackaholic]

Well, we rode down the coast from frisco to where ever the hell it finally turns inland and hooks up with the 101.

Glad I missed you.

Likewise. The only midgets the OL was interested in seeing were about 800 miles north of you.

[Dinsdale]

Those midgets you speak of are generally detested by the greater Helvetia community-btw.

[smackaholic]

Those midgets you speak of are generally detested by the greater Helvetia community-btw.

Can't say as I blame them since it has probably caused a ten fold increase in out of towner midget stalker traffic. If I lived on that street, I'd capitalize on it with a lemonade stand and some tasteless midget souvenir gear.

[Dinsdale]

Those midgets you speak of are generally detested by the greater Helvetia community-btw.

Can't say as I blame them since it has probably caused a ten fold increase in out of towner midget stalker traffic. If I lived on that street, I'd capitalize on it with a lemonade stand and some tasteless midget souvenir gear.

Let me guess -- you weren't well-informed enough to get one of the legendary burgers from the tavern in front of their farm?

But fortunately, you probably weren't well-informed enough to make the mistake of going to the winery up the street (where Dins may or may not have spent a lot of time in recent years, but not no more).

[smackaholic]

Didn't go into the tavern right there. I'll bet the owner doesn't mind having his place right up the street from midgetville. I'm sure he's seen a nice increase in bidness.

Was that place even there before the midgets went bigtime? It seems kind of out of place on a road that is mostly small farms/residential.

[Dinsdale]

Was that place even there before the midgets went bigtime? It seems kind of out of place on a road that is mostly small farms/residential.

Oh, brother.

Helvetia Tavern was legenday looooooong before the midgets had their longer-than-fifteen minutes.

Locally, no one gives a fuck about the midgets.

The tavern has been serving their legendary burgers since the dawn of time. They tout their however-many "millions served"... which getting into the millions is actually pretty impressive for a semi-rural bar. But Helvetia has stuff going on, mostly on weekends (including, but not limited to, all the yellow lycra wearing Lance Armsrong Wannabe DBs that think Helvetia Road is their private racetrack), and there's lots of locals going out there.


The world's largest alpaca ranch is right up the street... not sure the fascination with those beasts -- can't ride them, can't let them in the house, can't play fetch with them, and can't shove them in your bed to warm it up in winter... so apart from the wool, they seem useless.


I hear the deer poaching hunting is good there, too... or so I've heard.

[smackaholic]

I'll bet somebody, somewhere has figured out how to stuff one under the covers. Probably for purposes other than bedwarming, though.

I think they also use them as pack animals.

I heard of someplace recently that is using llamas as caddies.