The Voices in Screwy’s Dome
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“Listen to me Screwy. Don’t let them hoodwink you. It wasn’t my fault. Everyone knows
I should’ve won. I did everything I could. Even Bill put his philandering on hold and pitched in, and
everybody loves Bill, don’t they? Everyone knows when he said he didn’t have sexual relations with that woman, he was talking about me. No, I didn’t let you down. Honest I didn’t. You
know I was robbed. And
I know I was robbed. We all know it was that Russian thing, right? It
had to be that Russian thing.”
“The white devil is
here, Screwy. He’s in the Oval Office. You know it, and I know it. Him and his Goddamn sexy white daughter. Have you seen that girl? All that blonde hair and those sexy legs. That killer, intelligent face. That bewitching smile.
Jeez. No, no, they
are the white devils, Screwy. And you know what you must do. You have to spread the word to everyone on the board. You must tell them that black unemployment isn’t
really down. It’s fake news, Screwy. It’s all fake news.”
“He must be stopped, Screwy. We’re depending on you to carry the torch. Trump and his ilk are destroying our once great cause. It wasn’t that long ago that we were all starving comrades reading quotes from the Little Red Book. Now we’re all wearing face masks and eating Big Macs and working our fingers to the bone in factories just so we can fill the capitalist shelves of every fucking Walmart north of Honduras This is
all thanks to Trump and his ilk, Screwy. The ilk must be stopped!”
“If there’s one thing I can’t…
burp…stand, it’s some smartass Republican AKA Donald Trump who…burp…tries to one up me in the fatso department. You must…
burp,,,stop him, Screwy. Next thing you know he’ll be in my kitchen eating all my…
burp…potato chips and French onion dip. Have you tried this French onion dip, Screwy? Jesus, I could…
burp…eat this shit until the cows come home. And then I’d eat the cows, ha, ha. Seriously, Screwy, come over some night…
burp…and we’ll share some grub.”
“Listen, Screwy, giving the orange man a little guff is one thing, but getting him out of office?
No way! This guy is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love this guy more than my own daughter (which I know isn’t saying much). What the hell am I going to do if your succeed in getting Trump removed from office? What am I going to do? Look for another TV game show gig? I’m telling you, man, Trump has got to stay. You know he’s a moron, and I know he’s a moron, but the guy is a fucking goldmine. I’ve got this role down pat.”
“Oh, sweetie. Dear little Screwy. How I miss you. Ever since Trump got elected you’ve been ignoring me. Here I sit on your bathroom counter with nothing to do and no one to open my pages. Don’t you remember all those nice things you used to say to me? Don’t you remember all the promises you made? Now it’s just Trump, Trump, Trump. There, now that’s a good boy. Have a seat. Open me up. You know who you remind me of? A young Warren Beatty. Yes, yes, that’s right. Be gentle with me, now. A little to the left.
Ahhh, now you’ve got it…